Problems with Exposing Privates

My cousin had this problem while he was in kindergarden. My aunt asked him why he was doing it and he looked at her smiled and said, " I yasked the yadies and the yadies said yes!" he's a normal healthy 12yo now.
However- I do agree that the *I have suprise for you* comment makes me inclined to agree that something more then little kid exploring is going on.

B.,
I lived right by my pediatrician when my son at age 4 was exposing himself to her little girls. I was sooo embarassed. But My kids doctor siad it was a faze and he'd grow out of it, which he did. My suggestion would be to ignore this behavior as much as possible. He gets attention every time he does it, so stop giving him attention. He will decide sooner or later to keep his pants in place.

Dear B.,

Your step-son needs to learn some boundaries. All kids at his age do the show me yours and I will show you mine........BUT WHAT HE DID TO GRANDMA WAS CAUSE FOR ALARM! I am a clinical therapist and work with kids. What he did to his grandma is a symptom of being sexually abused or exposed to movies that he does not need to see. I know that it is hard for us to keep our kids from seeing things because even regular TV shows way too much. Check out where he learned the phrase of..."Close your eyes and I will show you a surprise!" Please check it out. Punishing him will not help. He needs to be told that his behavior is unacceptable and that he cannot show his privates to anyone except maybe a doctor or if he needs help in the bath room.

Try contacting his doctor or your about this. They can give you options. It sounds like he has been sexually assaulted/abused somewhere along the way and he needs help
immediately! My daughter was assaulted like that as a child and it has taken years to work through it. She is now married with a
wonderful husband and has a 2 yr old son and a 3 month old daughter. God Bless you and good luck!

K. - Arvada, CO

Oh dear! this can certainly be a tough topic. I think you should try ignoring it and see what happens. Right now everyone is making such a big deal about it (has to tell dad exacting what he did etc) that it has become an attention getting device. I know it is gross and your natural reaction is to freak (I screamed the first time I saw my daughter wearing a dress and no underware being swung around at a party) but how about ignoring his nudity or being completely unimpressed? He will probably quit showing his privates to everyone once he stops getting attention for it. If that does not work I am sure you will get a lot of good advice here. Good luck.

Without going into too much detail, I've had experience in this area with a memeber of my family. The only advice I can give you is to not panic, make sure he knows you love him, and get him into counseling as soon as possilbe (probably for the little girl too).

IT seems to me that this is normal behavior, many little children do this and although it may not be socially appropriate it is completely normal - and it is clear that he is getting the attention he wants - albeit negative attention. I would ask you to look within yourself to your views about it being disgusting - the judgement is getting in the way of seeking an effective solution.

I agree with points in the other posts about your stepson's simply being four and trying it out for a reaction.
I am concerned that the little boy telling his dad is supposed to "humiliate" him...seems as if that's setting up a system of shame and guilt about nudity, NOT teaching humility.

It is easier to build a child than fix an adult.

My question is who taught him this? 4 year olds don't just do this without encouragement. talk to his mom. She doesn't seem to understand what is going on.
I would talk to him about who is aloud to see and touch his private parts. Apparently it is not disgusting to him. I would make sure he is not being molested and don't over react because he thinks it is a great way to get attention.
I think there is more here than anyone realizes.
C. B

I'm a little curious which part you find disgusting-- was it Jacob's response to his dad or the actual exposure to grandma? (Are you really modest or does the talking back bug you more)? I think this sort of thing is a little like swearing-- the bigger deal you make of it, the more they want to try it out for the sheer reaction from adults. Other than continuting to tell him that's inappropriate, I'd try to find out why he's doing it? Did an older child show him first? Does he live in a house where modesty is of the upmost concern so something like that would cause a huge reaction? He's very young, so I doubt this should be a really big concern for you-- but I'd definately keep saying it's inappropriate. I think you may laugh about all this in a few years...

I sympathize with you. This exact same thing is going on at my daughter's daycare. ALL the 4 year olds are doing this...including my daughter. I have talked to other parents and the director about it and we don't think there is anything sexual about it. Kids are curious. Lot's of the kids, including mine, have babies at home and with diaper changing their privates are always out in the open. My husband and I have talked to our daughter about how this is not appropriate behavior and she is old enought to keep her privates covered. This also transitioned to a quick, not scarry briefing on how no one is supposed to touch her there (exept when bathing). The school director is also going to reinforce this. I guess all kids go through this phase. Discoverning your body is just another part of development. I guess I don't have a solution for you, but know that you aren't the only one! All I know to do is keep telling him that it is not appropriate. It is such fine line because you don't want him to think he is dirty or it is wrong to be naked. You hear stories of how this can scar them to have negative associations with sex in the future. Good luck!

Why are you trying to humiliate him, is my question? He is 4 and still trying to make sense of his world. Why create embarrassment and humiliation for the REST of his life about his body. It seems to me the bigger deal you all (all involved) make of this the bigger problem it will continue to be and a battle of the wills. Now that doesn't mean you don't teach him about his body (using the correct terminology) and that his body is private and that only he should touch his body (besides a parent and a doctor).

I would imagine that it is more about curiosity -- and very normal for a little boy and little girl to want to see and understand what parts the other had.

Find some books on how to teach your stepston about his body (and a girls body too). The more of a secret it is, the more he'll want to explore and how you set the stage now could cause a lifetime of embarrassment of his body that really shouldn't be.

Good luck

This situation sounds to me like it needs to be investigated a bit further. I would start with a family doctor to either eliminate or confirm the fact that this little boy may have been molested in some way. The incident with the grandma made me instantly think that someone has told this little guy the same thing. Maybe he has seen some sort of pornagraphic material somewhere and needs to be talked to about it. I may be (hope) I am absolutely wrong but in this day and age you never know how or where people can get to your children.

Interest in his own private parts is very natural at his age. Instead of just telling him to stop, you need to tell him what is appropriate. Teach him that people who aren't in his family shouldn't ever see or touch his private places. Tell him that it's ok for him to touch his private places, but if he wants to do that, it should be when he's alone or going potty.

Either tell him it's to protect him from bad guys or tell him that's just the way it is - and mommy and daddy have to follow the same rule.

tell him it's not OK for her to see or touch his private places. They should find a different game to play like....etc. Tell him he's not in trouble - he just didn't know...but now he knows..and you expect him to follow the rule...just like mom and dad follow the rule.

i am sorry I got a little chuckle out of it, I happen to agree with Tanya. W. It is SSSOOOOO very normal, especailly with boys. From the moment they discover they have the it curiosity with it never ends. It has a great purpose and function, nothing to be embaressed about.

I know that all kids go thru curiosity about their private parts and some situations are much worse than others. Because this little boy has taken it to the level of exposing himself to others, I would also consider that a problem. I'm sure since this is not the first time this has occurred, you and your husband have talked to him about how wrong this is. Maybe you can explain to him that he is violating the other person's space by doing such a thing, and that if he takes it a step further by touching someone else, there will be very big consequences. Maybe explain that people get in trouble with the law for exposing themselves or touching other people that do not want to be touched, and there is nothing funny about it.

I had a situation happen last year between my stepson and my friend's two girls - all ages 6-8. I caught them talking about touching eachother and thankfully no one had taken it there. But I had to explain to them that our private parts are our personal property, and not for anyone else to look at or touch. I explained that there will come a time when they are much older to explore, and that they should always feel ok to tell a parent or other grown up if someone has touched them in any way. I also added that if I heard or saw any type of that behavior again that they would all be in trouble. I called the girls' mother right away to let her know what happened. I wanted her to be aware.

I hope that this is helpful and you can resolve this issue. I know you must be frustrated! Good luck to you. God bless!

Sometimes kids do things for the negative attention and the shock factor. That is why I think the punishments aren't working. I think it might work to discipline him by calmly saying it's not appropriate to show people his privates. But you have to do it without any anger. Telling him things like "that's disgusting" might have a detrimental effect on his self esteem.

Even though this is disturbing to you it is normal for children to do this. I would try not to get so upset and just remind him that our privites are just that....privite. I would try not to make him feel bad aabout his body. Body image can be though enough for kids later in life. And remember he a little boy and curious about his body and shouldn't feel bad about it. Good luck

First of all...the LAST thing you should be doing is trying to shame him. He is 4 and this is VERY NORMAL for them to be exploring their parts and their friends. I'm not saying you should idly stand by and let them play "doctor" if you will, but you could totally damage him by making it a shameful thing. Things like talking about boy and girl parts and telling him that it's not polite to show them in public...and remember, HE'S 4!!!!... you may have to tell him things more than once. It sounds to me like you have some unrealistic expectations of this young boy.

It sounds to me like he has been molested. Also, he may be watching suggestive movies, and believe that is what he is supposed to do with females. The child needs some heavy-duty help so he can understand that what he is doing is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO inappropriate, and that no one wants to see his privates. Some exploration with little girls is normal curiosity, but he has gone beyond curiosity.
Does his mother have a boyfriend? Is there a chance inappropriate things are happening there? I would explore all avenues in this area. Unfortunately, I am speaking from experience. Let us know how things go.

From the ages of 3-6 (generally)children have a fascination with their bodies. Think about it privates are quite silly looking and children learn at a young age that adults and others react to the presentation of nudity. Every time you over react to his exposure he's getting reinforcement. He's getting your attention and he probably just thinks it's funny. It's normal. Not all, but most kids go through this. Talk to him calmly and don't over react. Explain to him that people aren't comfortable seeing his privates. Give him time, because like all stages this one will end as well. Mother of a 51/2 year old who thinks body parts are quite funny. Been through and over reacting feeds the fire. We are slowly coming out of this stage. Keep in mind it has nothing to do with sex, because he hopefully has no idea of what that even is. It's just silly and gets a reaction. Little girls do it too.