ok so, i have this friend that i have been friends with for almost 13 years now. she is one of my only close girl friends, i'm usually friends with guys because i have trouble keeping up with women or i guess meeting women that are low maintenance enough to be friends with. anyway-she is super low maintenance and i don't have to call her all the time and ya da ya da. but right now i am worried that we may be growing apart. she does not have kids and is in college still. she does the party thing and recently got a job, also i should mention that she lives about 3 hrs away, so we don't see each other all that much. i am a SAHM so i do not work and my son is pretty much my life, aside from my art which i try to do as much as possible. so every time i talk to her she tells me about school and i listen and offer advice, but if i talk about my son she acts really uninterested and if i complain she says something like, "well that's what happens when you have kids." and is completely unsympathetic. she also treats me like i've made a bad decision by staying home and having kids...i feel like she thinks that i missed out on something. i am happy and feel content with my life, so i don't understand why she is constantly being snide about my choices. i am not like this toward her. i am very encouraging of everything she does, and sympathetic about her problems, (though i don't relate as well any more). so my question is, are we just growing apart or do we have some major issues. i don't know how to talk to her about this as we don't normally have problems, and the last time i tried to talk to her about it i got mad and flustered. i just feel like if she had a kid i'd want to be a lot more involved in their lives than she is in ours. what do i do?
I've had the same experience with the same type of friend. You don't think it will, but when one has kids and the other doesn't it really does end up making a difference in some cases.
My advice is to either put it out there nicely and tell her how you are feeling or lay low for a bit and see if she finds her way back to you.
It hurts, but some friendships serve a purpose in your life, but don't always last forever.
She isn't that interested in hearing about your child because she isn't a mom yet and doesn't understand the all-consuming love a parent has for their child. When she has one of her own, she will understand. And I bet she'll think back on all the times you tried to tell her about your child and she blew you off. She'll feel bad, because then she'll understand.
I think you should try to continue your friendship, just know that she cannot understand what you feel for your child. Don't take it personally. Some things you have to actually experience to truly understand to the fullest extent.
I encourage you to find mom friends. I had the exact same thing happen to me many years ago before I had kids. My two best friends got married and had kids and I was single. When they became parents, it was a whole different dynamic and I found that we just couldn't hang out and have fun like we did when we were all single. We didn't even have much to talk about since all they talked about was their husbands and kids. After I had married and had kids, I understood where they were coming from. I reconnected and it was great to have them back in my life since we all had families. They are great at giving out advice too.
I would cool it with her for now and leave the door open. I'm sure she will reconnect with you again one day.
My BFF (of 47 years) is married--but no kids.
We are lifelong friends but I really DO think that there are things other (childless people) don't "get".
We were all probably like that before kids--you *think* you get it, then after delivery, it's like "Ooooohhhh yeah....now I GET IT!"
So, don't take it personally....
Keep the friendship if it makes you smile more than frown, but I think you got some really good advice to find a few "mom" friends as well. They will "get" it!
Keep trying to talk with her about your concerns about the distance you feel growing between you. Let her know how you feel and find out how she feels.
Blessinngs!
You can still have her as your BFF...my BFF does not have kids, we have been friends since Jr. High. Over 20 years of friendship. It was not always easy, especially when I had kids.
You have to make it work. Sometimes I listen, sometimes she listens...and sometimes neither of us listens to the other one.
When I was pregnant with my first and I would call her and complain about morning sickness she once said "I think that is all in your head, women who have morning sickness only think they have it, it's not real"...WTH? I had to remember she has never experienced this. She's ignorant of what really happens.
She would see old friends and people would ask about me and she says "oh she's a breeder now"...but because I know her (better than her sisters do) I know she was slightly jealous and slightly pissed as someone else was going to get my attention.
In the last few years we've talked and it's come to light she can't have kids we are in our mid 30s and she won't ever get to have kids (unless she adopts but right now that is not something she wants to do)...
People without kids don't get it as someone said below.
Don't give up...Sometimes we don't talk about the single life or the married/kids life...we just talk about books, movies...things that take our minds off of our everyday lives. Try talking about something other than kids/single life.
