Anyone Attend a Co-Dependency Support Group?

Morning
I have... Alanon, which if you are familiar with the program, well.... there are many co-dependents and enablers in it... :) Namely, myself.. I come from a family of drinkers and because of it and how I was raised, I became a HUGE co-dependent and enabler.. so much so, that I didn't even know how it was affecting my life. some call it denial, but whether it's truly denial or just oblivion, I really didn't know.. that is until I attended Alanon................. was it helpful?? YES!!! but also difficult and painful because in order for me to work the program, I have had to take a good long look at my life and self..
however, if you are willing to do the work, then it IS rewarding.. so far, for me.. it's allowed me to stop being a doormat in friendships.. for years, I put up with ill behavior, in particular from a former best friend. I won't get into all the details so as not to bore you.. but even when I look back, it sickens me to think I allowed myself to be used and worse, ugh.. for so long. After Alanon, well there's never an after as it's something I think I will do throughout my life... I have learned that I don't have to be a doormat.. I can say NO and not feel guilty.. for years, I thought I was saying YES to this or that because I wanted to say yes, but deep down......... my heart was shouting NO........ NO.. don't do this or that.. so in my friendships or former as many have dropped away like leaves........ although not quite as elegantly :) .... and as my own behavior has changed and I now have more self-respect... well.. like does attract like... and I was no longer willing to be around , let's put it nicely, aholes :) so I do believe that as we change from the inside out, our world around us changes too.. now in terms of my marriage. I think I am definitely a better wife and friend.. I apologize right away if I was wrong, in fact I admit when I was wrong :) and too... I don't get as bothered by the little stuff... (mediation has also helped this) ... and being in Alanon is helping me to break the cycle of addiction in that although I don't drink... I was a huge over-spender.. (not even for me) but on others... gosh, I would spend like crazy.. and often be disappointed because I'd buy some really nice gift for someone and barely get a thank you.. this went on for years... however, being in program.. has showed me my compulsion and while I am not a cheapskate .. what has changed is that I am not nearly as compulsive.. example.. IF I saw something in a store I liked, I 'd buy it asap.. now, there have been MANY times where I have walked away and IF I didn't think about it again, which often happens, I didn't buy it. that is new for me..
anyway.. Alanon helped and continues to help me... it's tough like I said in that you go in thinking, I need to get this or that person out my life or change them and in turn, you are the one who ends up changing and by virtue of that and depending upon the change, those negative people fall away.. I believe that where there is a positivity, negativity can't live... I consider those former friendships like a drunk who stops drinking and going to the bar... the other drunks wonder where you 've been and why you don't hang out anymore... you wonder why you didn't have an epiphany sooner and enter a self-help program.. instead, you stayed at the bar, drinking your life away and hanging out with others whom like you at the time were/are stuck in life... then one day, you wake up and say to yourself, gosh, I deserve better.... and hopefully, you begin the journey..
which based on your question you have...
so yes....... a support group has helped me... go for it..
good luck

No.

But there was a book I read called 'co dependent no more' (I think that was the title).

BUT...having read some of your questions, I think you might be wanting a magic wand of some kind.

In *MY* experience, there isn't one.

Whether one plans to stay in a marriage...or get out of a marriage...there is 'work to be done'.

Particularly when there are children involved.

I suggest the 'cliche' of counseling. Sorry, but I do. Counseling for YOU that will assist in gaining some perspective, and some strategies to help you move forward (whatever direction that may be).

I wish you well...but it seems to me there is 'work' to be done.

And only YOU can do it.

Best!

no, but i should. back when my dad sponsored my husband into AA i attended open meetings with them both, but never did go to al-anon. although i should have.
i certainly think you should. and/or therapy.
khairete
S.

I myself have only attended 12-Step groups for adult children of alcoholics and Al-Anon, however they were extremely helpful to me in terms of how I deal with the world and therefore my relationships. Based on your past posts, it seems to me that you might benefit a great deal from those groups because you yourself trace many of your current struggles back to those childhood situations. Just noticing that pattern...

Anyway, your question is pretty broad, so I will be happy to dialogue with you by PM.

Yes.
And here's the biggest part of enabling: you do things because you think it's helping. But it's actually hurting.

Simple Example: if you always make your kid a sandwich for lunch every single day, you're actually hurting him because he's not learning to do it for himself. Then you're stuck doing it forever. And getting resentful that he can't make a sandwich!

Yes. I have a very small group. It's so helpful to be able to support one another and talk through scenarios and situations to understand our own impact.

I do suggest reading the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. Part of recovery is recognizing how you are contributing and making changes to your way of being.