I'M SO STRESSED OUT!! I work full-time, go to school part-time, run my own business, and have an energetic toddler at home. I got a job working at a college, so I could get the free tuition. I'm doing great--I'm getting straight A's for the first time in my life, and I love my business. In a decade, when all my schooling is done, and I'll be able to do my own business full-time, I'll have a job I love, wonderful hours, and quality time with my family. But for now, money's always tight, I have constant homework/laundry/errands to take care of, & immense guilt over not spending enough time with my daughter. It'd be nice to hear that I'm doing the right thing, that my daughter will have a great role model, and I'll feel better about myself, and I'm creating more family time for us later on. But no one says anything. And lately I've gotten a few comments about me working too much, and polite suggestions that I should focus on my family now and put my education on hold. These comments are incredibly discouraging, and infuriating in a feminist sense. Does anyone else go through this? How do you handle it?
To the critics say, "I appreciate your comments, but what I really need is your support." or "I'm just venting, I don't need a 'solution'."
I hope your husband is supportive and is doing his fair share around the house and with your daughter. You've got a full plate. Maybe you can take a break on the classes over the summer, just to give yourself a little extra time and ease some of the stress.
DaVinci,
I had a whole post ready to go and then I re-read your post. What concerns me is that you said:
"I AM SO STRESSED"
"immense guilt over not spending enough time with my daughter"
"In a decade..."
I'm all for women being independent and having a life of their own. I choose to work full-time. I keep my money separate from my husband's. I, too, have my own mini-business on the side and stay at my current job with a good chance to own the company within a few years. That being said, I'm not stressed (as a rule) and I don't have guilt about not spending time with my sons (2.5 yrs and 6 months).
If you feel the things that you do, perhaps the people telling you to "slow down" can sense that. Are they people that really care about you (Mom, sister, best friend) or are they casual friends? If it's the latter, I fully agree with Julie C's response ideas to them. If it's someone close - maybe they are truly concerned?
A stressed Mom is hard on the kid(s) and on the marriage. It sounds like you ARE trying to "do it all" right now and it sounds like it's too much. Is there a way to scale back on the classes? Does your hubby help out with the errands and such? I realized recently that although I spend my lunch hour usually running an errand or two, by DH doesn't. In the year he's been at his job within walking distance to a Target, he's NEVER gone there! He does now. Lol. If DH supports your choice to pursue your education, he should show it around the house. If he does already, that's great.
I don't think that women need to give up all of their wants, needs, dreams. Not a chance. But, as a Mom some things naturally get put on hold. Before kids there were MANY things I did that I don't do now. I used to play softball four nights a week, jetted off to Vegas on a whim, bought a used Jeep for fun, had wave runners. Yea, I'm lucky if I'll get one team together this year to play ball. The Jeep was sold, same with the wave runners and I haven't been to Vegas in almost two years. But, the time spent with my boys is worth 100 times all that.
I wish you the best and hope you can find a way to balance everything - without the guilt and stress. You sound like a very hard-working and ambitious woman and I admire that. Your daughter will, too, but for now -at 21 months- I think she'd benefit more from Mommy.
How I manage....(I work full time have 2.5 year old twins, go to school part time)
I work 6:30 to 3 so that when I get home, I can get some stuff done before the kids get up from their nap. I go to school online (is that possible at your work) so that I don't have to miss any time away from the kids while they are awake.
Its tough but work it. Maybe cut back on how many classes you are taking...but keep going. Good Luck
I am not in school. but I work f/t, and I have 3 girls ( 9, 5 and 5). So I can commiserate with you. I have work, errands, laundry, kids homework, and trying to fit in me time, and couple time with the hubby. I am constantly overwhelmed and stressed. Since I work I try to help with my daughters girl scout meetings and events so I can spend time with them.
Most days at work I work through lunch ( eat at my desk),so I can get out of work earlier. If I do take a lunch I usually do my errands then(easier alone then w/ 3 kids in tow).
I understand the your need to get finished with school as soon as possible, but maybe slow down a bit and take 1 less class, or take the summer off this year. The time goes so fast with kids. I keep thinking how in a few more years my 9 yr old will not want to spend as much time with mom, so I am doing as much as possible with her while I can.
Just remember as moms the guilt will ALWAYS be there.
L.
I know some mother's in your situation, you are lucky though. You are not doing it all alone. The mothers I know, have help to come in and do household cleaning and cooking about twice a month.
Women & especially moms in our society are expected to 'do it all' & to perfection. It seems there is always someone ready to criticize our choices.
Watch your thoughts~what you tell yourself. If you have a habit of self-criticism or buying into other's criticism you can catch yourself & replace the negative thought with an affirmation. Louise Hay's YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE is full of wonderful affirmations. Find ways to uplift yourself daily, through what you read, music & what you watch on TV especially before bedtime.
If you are in or near NWside Chicago you might check out our moms support group that meets every first Thursday at 7pm at Heathers Cafecouture 4352 N. Cicero.
I started the group specifically to encourage other moms to feel good about themselves cause 'if mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy'.
It is verrry difficult and it is fantastic that you're doing these things. You will be a great role model for your daughter! That being said, your daughter will only be this young once. Are you spending so much time with everything else that you are missing some time with her? Maybe cut back on something. You do't want to regret missing some time with her.
I think it's great you are so ambitious and want to provide a good future for your child, but you need to embrace the here and now because if you are never around in the decade it takes you to get where you want to be (or you spend that decade being stressed out), once you get there, you and your daughter might be strangers. Sorry to sound harsh, but toddlers and ten year old daughters are very different people.
I work full time and going though the initial stages of starting my own business. When I am at my full time job I try to take paperwork from my business with me that I can work on while I'm taking my lunch break. I try not to cut into family time too much at home. I wait until the kids (ages 6 & 3) are in bed and then I try to do some additional work. Sometimes it feels like it's alot too handle but I believe I'll get my routine down and everything will flow better. Don't oget to take some time out or yourself and schedule time for just family activities. Good luck to you.
I have been going to school for over 20 years. I decied to cut back as needed when my children were born. Sometimes I was able to take 2 classes, other times I was not able to take any classes. You have to decide for yourself how important your education is. How will it help out your family? What are the pros and cons? Then don't worry about what other people say. On the other hand if you are SO STRESSED OUT you may need to cut back on school/work until your daughter is older. As a parent there is always somethig else to do and there are very few moments where you feel everything is done. I have 2 teenagers and I am grateful for all the time I spent with them when they were younger. Now with their school work and schedules it is hard just to find time to spend together. As you have probaly been told many times they do grow up way too fast. Remember everyone's lives are different and you need to do what works for your life and family.
