Answers to Lonely Feelings!

Volunteering or getting involved in a group kind of activity is a good idea, may be I will apply this to myself too.

Hey there,
offer to help another mom who needs help, on this forum.
there is also big brothers and big sisters, volunteer at the ymca, or foster( if you can).There are programs to, I saw this on Oprah 5 years ago, holding babies born to addicted mothers.
When my babies are all grown, I am going to do one of these kind things with my lonliness.
Basically look for someone in need and help, nothing fills the void better, good luck! J

Hi K.,

Even though your children are adults, they still need you. In fact, when I was single and living on my own, I yearned for time with my mom. Just because you aren't wiping dirty mouths or driving them around, it doesn't mean you are not wanted by them. I am speaking from a daughters' point of view....try to be in your children's lives even as adults. What a difference it would've made if my mom stopped by to "take" me shopping or even just to rent a DVD and make popcorn. I went to school and worked full-time but I would've made time for her. Memories can still be made.
Don't let two jobs fill your void. Life is too short. I'm sure your kids miss you and still want personal one on one time.
Best of luck!
G.

K. B,

Don't you think it is time for you to find another soulmate?

You sound like a really nice person, full of love. What your full-time and part-time jobs are not providing you is an outlet for mothering! You obviously loved it and are good at it. So, find a school where you can volunteer! Offer to babysit for a friend. Become a coach of something. Find a way to share all your mothering wisdom with others. Teach a class. Start a scout troop. Figure out the age you prefer to be around, find activities they do, and the rewards for you will be as great as those you are helping.

My children are grown also and I really miss them being small sometimes, I still get together with my kids my son went to a cook out with my new husband of three years last night and and my daughter and granddaughter are coming over today It's also a time to get involed do things you didn't have time for when your kids were small!!!!!!!!!!!!1
D.

Volunteer if you can- a local animal shelter, big brothers/sisters, the battered womens shelter, or your local boyscout/girl scout organization (they are always needing pack leaders and assistants). ALso, check with your local school system or PTA- they are always looking for assistant to help during school time or after school activites like ball games etc. Or you could start a babysitting serivce in the evenings/weekends- I bet you could find some leads from this board from parents who need an hour or two just to catch a movie without the kids! Good luck!

Hello!
Just because her children have left the nest doesn't mean they are no longer her children....She should find somethings to do to keep her self busy, but she should be careful not to make herself too busy. She should not be so busy that she is no longer available to her children. God says that children are a gift from him and a blessing. That gift/blessing doesn't have an exporation date of the Age 18, it is everlasting, just like his love. The job of being a mother dosen't mean that we are "just a mother", it means that we are to be "nuturing, compassionate, wise, warm, responsible examples and friends" to our children, when the time and age are appropritate.
When a mothers children grow to be adults and start to lead there own lives, the she should try to make friend with other women who are going through the same thing. A local gardening group, book club, Bible Study and the Red Hat Society are just a few great ways to get out there and re'discover life. If she wants she could always invite her children to come along with her once in a while.
These are just my thoughts and ideas, I hope they help!
Hugs,
A.

K.,
You obviously must have been a good mom because you worked yourself right out of a job! If your own kids are doing well and don't need you as much, look around and find another mom who is maybe struggling with not enough of her to go around for her kids. You probably have lots of tips for a single mom especially.
I know I am sort of single, because my DH works out of state, and I just have a hard time coping with the needs of three children. Especially now that school has started, each one needs some personal attention and help with homework and someone just to talk to. There is just not enough of me to go around! I have a 16 year old who really needs an adult to talk to. get involved with a youth group. It would be good for you and great for the youth.
for what its worth.....

K., I have 5 children almost grown 3 gone and two still at home that are busy all the time with friends,, I know the feeling. I found some interests and talents I did not know I had, so I went ahead with it and started my own business, No start of just buz cards, I have met some interesteing people out there and enjoy what I am doing..And it keeps me busy enough plus still a full time mom and grandma to be soon.. DId you ever think maybe you are not interested in your jobs, and maybe looking for something better that would enjoy . Maybe changing the house around alittle, If you would like to talk more email me at ____@____.com L. and we can talk further. Hope everything gets better..

Some day I may be in your shoes. I have an almost 17 yr old and a 13 yr old. The time flies by at warp-speed. I also work a full time and a part time job, but I know once they start moving out I will feel so empty...and bored! One way I am gearing up for that time is to be thinking about new plans for my future...What would I like to do for fun in my free time? (For me that would be writing / getting published and also some home improvements, and I would be willing to take classes at Home Depot or someplace. I hope that if my kids are in college that there might be some parents' groups or something...maybe form one of my own for empty nest parents. Also if I had enough money, I would like to travel....depends there on finances and the state of the world. I think a key is to find some sort of hobby / social thing you can do...work doesn't count...It has to be for fun and not because you are doing what the boss says. P.

Hi K.-
When I was single and longed for a family I volunteered in the Church Nursery on Sundays. Another idea might be to do the same at a hospital or perhaps think about becoming a big sister.

K.,

If you still have the need to Mother, please use your skills to volunteer at nursing homes, local "Y"'s etc. Also don't forget that their are young families in most neighborhoods that would love a night out.

Have you tried volunteering? I know you work two jobs, but if you have the time maybe you can see what you can do. Maybe being a Big Sister or some kind of mentoring would help you fill that void of not having your kids around. And don't forget about grandchildren! Once they come along you won't even remember what void you were talking about. Good luck!

K.,

There are so many children in need. A lot of the other Mom's had great advice-- but I have a few things to add. Have you considered tutoring? Their are libraries and community groups that are always looking for tutors. I tutored at the Detroit Public Library while in law school. Also, Beaumont Hospital runs a parent group--are they are always looking for volunteers to lead the groups. They meet once a week for I think 12 weeks or so for a couple hours in the evening. It sounds like something that would be right up your alley. They may also have groups for empty-nesters like your self. There are also lots of groups looking for adult mentors.

Good luck...

K. B,

You need a support system of women. I did not have many true friends before I became a Mary Kay Consultant. The Pink Bubble Really fills a void.
Plus, we meet once a week, and get lifted up and praised. ANd the money is good too!!!

Call me and come to a Free Pamper Session!!
No Obligation to buy!!!
Have fun meet new and fun women.

Or find something you enjoy and have always wanted to do!

C.
###-###-#### home
###-###-#### cell
###-###-#### #2 Salon
I am a Licensed Managing Cosmetologist, Licensed Cosmetology Instructor, Independent Contractor, Independent Beauty Consultant & Future Director Mary Kay Cosmetics

I loved Gina M's advice. Your children are newly independent, and they're probably not going to admit that they miss you or need you. But they would probably love nothing more than for you to take the initiative on spending "adult" time with them. I'm 39, and I would still welcome the opportunity for some quality time with each of my parents.

Do you share any interests with them? (I suspect the answer is "yes".) If so, plan individual outings with them once a month or so. If they're girls, make an appt to get a manicure/pedicure with them...go shopping...have lunch...make pottery...whatever you both enjoy. If they're boys, get tickets for a baseball game...go out for a burger or wings...go to a driving range or mini-golf...see a movie, etc.

I'm a single mom, too, so I would love to hear what works for you.

What about volunteering with children?

The foster care system has a huge need for foster parents. Maybe you can check into that.

L.

Being a mom is a never-ending job- it just changes when your kids leave the house. If/when you have grandkids, you could offer to babysit so your kids can have a night out- or even have a sleep over at grandma's house! That would be fun! If they are out of town, make sure you take the time to go see them sometimes. Getting together with a group of women who share a similar interest would be great. I think that would help with the loneliness, and so will keeping in contact with your kids- e-mailing, or calling a couple times a week. Ideas for "mothering" activities you could do: get involved in a church-like volunteering in the nursery, helping with Sunday School or children's church, rocking babies at the local hospital's nursery (sign up to be a volunteer), hook up with Big Brothers, Big Sisters to mentor a child, consider being a foster parent to an older child, or babysit for people you know.

I find that I absolutely need to be a part of a community of women or like-minded people to not feel that lonely pang--it doesn't have to be every day--even twice a month or so will do the trick. But I do need time to just be myself, and talk or think about things that I care about. Work doesn't do it.
When I moved to Detroit a couple of years ago, I did things like join a book club, or I took a creative writing class--it was tough at first, because everyone is a stranger and it feels a little forced--like you're being so deliberate about "getting out of the house." But it was just the meeting people and talking about something interesting--getting out of my own head and little bubble that was so crucial.

I too am an empty nester. I keep my kids an active part of my life by sharing it with them. I take digital photos and share them with them either by email or letter. I mail them postcards. I do the old fashioned thing of writing letters to my kids and simply telling them how my day went and how much I love them and the grandkids. It means the world to them. They LOVE the things I send because they are from MOM. Sometimes taking the time to do something special for them when they are on your mind can help fill that void.

B.

K.,

When my first born, now 27, left home, I was okay because I still had two left. When the second one left, now 22, I was heartbroken and cried often for over a year. Now, as my third and last child, 17 3/4 plans her departure, I am feeling sick and panicky about it. I will be lonely, too.(I have been a single parent for ten years-no boyfriends, datings, or live ins, etc. by choice, so my kids were everything to me.)

Unfortunately, I don't think there's much you can do except pass the time and accept the feelings.

I work full time in a job I love, so this helps..a little. I am trying to make new friends by joining a church, but this is very slow going and requires much effort at 49. It seems more of a chore than a help right now, but it should be worth it in the long run.

Since you're working two jobs, and it hasn't seemed to help, I would suggest that you try something else, another activity, and only work one job if you can. Also, are your expectations realistic? Are you really lonely or just missing your kids?

I am often happy and distracted from missing my kids, but I always miss my kids. No matter what you do, you can't replace your kids, so missing them can't be fixed by bringing other people into your life. However, of course it's a good "distraction" and support, and you might make one good friend. Is there no one at either of your jobs that is a good match for friendship?

It's not much, but I would be happy to be an email buddy. You can tell me all about your kids!

Have you thought about getting grandkids? :) I had my first one! (The 27 yr old got married a year ago.)