Help, Empty Nest Ideas!

Hi S.!
Congrats on raising such wonderful children---you must be so proud! I know when I moved out (I'm the baby in my family), my mom was a lost, after all, she'd been "so-and-so's mom" for a really long time. She started volunteering st her local pre-school and elementary school...she realized she loved working with the very young, got her credential, and is now very much in demand!
Good luck!

Hi S.,

You sound like a really great lady! We are currently looking for a part-time nanny for our two AMAZING little girls, ages 6 and 3. If you are interested and don't mind driving to Granada Hills, we are looking for someone from 4pm - 8pm Monday through Friday. The pay is OK ($12/hour) but it doesn't sound like money is really an issue for you. Lucky duck! :-)

If you are interested, please let me know asap as we need to hire someone by next week. If not, then I wish you all the luck in finding something personally fulfiling to help you fill your "empty nest."

Take care!!

I see the date on this post and am checking in to see how you are doing. My daughter moved out around the same time (a year earlier) and it does take your breath away! Just wondering if you are doing better? It is always good to hear success stories!
Di

http://fan1fan1mamma.onsugar.com/

You talk a lot about your kids and your husband and what your life used to be like. There is no mention of friends (yours, not "couple" friends), job, or volunteer work. No wonder you are depressed. Your husband and children seem perfectly fine taking care of themselves and seem to be leading full lives. Take a page from their book and get involved with something that moves you. Volunteer at a local school. Take some classes at a local college. Call up a girlfriend and go for a hike. Do not let another 24 hour period go by without taking some action towards the next chapter of your life. I'm sure you found motherhood daunting at first but then learned to love it. It is the same thing now. Your life is changed but it is not over. Good luck to you!!

Hi S., Its funny many of us cant wait until our kids our grown and independant and then when they are gone we are sad and dont know what to do with ourselves. I see you have already received some great suggestions but I will give you mine as well.

I have my own home based business which allows me to work with a great group of women, many moms with children of all ages. My son will be 21 this year. We have a great time and I have seen this opportunity help many women with empty nest issues, personal developement issues and much more. Just being around a group of positive women is mood lifter.

There is a short 30 minute call tonight that gives you a short overview of what we do. You just call in from where ever you are and listen so there is no pressure at all. The number is ###-###-#### then enter code 651961. If you like what you hear then give me a call and I can give you more details. We also get together on Saturdays in Van Nuys at noon for a outdoor luncheon, business overview & training. I wish you luck in finding something to fill that void..Sounds like you have a great marriage and thats a good start!

Dear S.,

I think, it's a very good idea to move on with your life.

First of all move to a smaller place, and if it's possible change everything including home style. If you use to have a traditional big house, look for a small, contemporary place.
Easy to maintain and easy to rent, in case you would like to take a long trip to Europe or someplace else.
Start doing things that you really enjoyed. It seems like there are many things that you love to do!
Restart playing tennis! Sign up in a tennis club (if your budget permits)
You can go back to school, It is never too late to study!
Finish a career! Or start mentoring another child if you really wants to do that.
I hope this can help!
Mi children, are grown ups. They left home, but don't worry, they always come back!! So have a guess room in your new home.
We are rethinking our life style and we are planning to move to the beach! We are still young and working full time the, I went back to work when my younger son was still in HS and now I'm very happy with my new job that I started 5 years ago!
Good luck!!

I am just a couple of years behind you. My two are getting ready to finish high school, but are already very independent. I, too, have been mostly stay-at-home. I did end up going to law school, and I keep up my license just in case I decide to practice again. I agree with you that the beach is nice, we live in Santa Monica.

What do I do to fill my life? Well, I really enjoy my book club. I was lucky to find such a great group of women to meet with once a month (our website is bookclub.squarespace.com if you want to check it out). Also, once a month I go out to the desert and volunteer at an achaeological dig (calicodig.squarespace.com). I end up doing a lot of hiking so I get some exercise. And to fill up my momma urge, I just got a female canary for my prize singer canary, and I think that maybe (since grandkids are so far in the future) baby birdies can keep me busy.

I hope that my experience helps you and I wish you all the best in the future.

S.:

It sounds as though you are very nurturing and enjoyed helping your kids thrive and become great adults. Since you're still very interested in law, why not do some volunteer or pro bono work with an organization geared specifically in assisting children and/or struggling mothers? It sounds as though it would be perfect for you. You can check with the local bar association for contact info.

Hey S.,
You sound like you have SO many things that you enjoy and had devoted your life to seeing to it that your children always came first; good for you! Now take all of those areas that you enjoy - working with kids, law, investigation, etc....and BEGIN VOLUNTEERING! There are low-cost law agencies that would LOVE someone like you to give them a hand. Look in your neighborhood and see what opportunities are around. Go back to the kids elementary school (or the one closest to your home) and pick a grade to work with. They always need people to assist those having a tough time reading, or with math (easy stuff for us). The wonderful thing about volunteering is that you can make your own hours. They do expect committment (especially if you are working with kids who depend and come to adore you), but if you know that you are going on a trip, you can tell them and arrange the time away. You sound so awesome - give a little of that excess time to help someone. It is so rewarding; it will be the best for someone with so much energy, like you. Go for it girl! J.

Hi S.,

Ugh, I'm a few years away from that, but I dread the kids leaving, too. You seem like a real people person. I have a wonderful option if you are looking for something fun to do and earn good income at the same time, in your own time. You can check out my link, and if you want to meet over the phone or over coffee, I'll be happy to share more with you. I am part of a wonderful group of women woring together to help each other be successful and to support each other. The other thing, is get yourself involved in some sort of community or charitable cause. It's very worth it. I look forward to hearing from you and would love to talk or chat further--even if you aren't involved in a business opportunity. My husband and I have been married for 17 years (18 in June), and have two kids. So, I would like to learn from you, too. Best wishes!

Hi S. -

I know I'll be there myself someday and I've wondered how I'll handle it when my time comes. However, I do know about grieving (my father died nearly 5 years ago and I'm still not over it because my daughter was a toddler at the time and I couldn't afford to dive in the way I needed to). I think I can share a bit of advise that may help you. I am a firm believer in honoring powerful emotions. Men who are busy with their careers see it as a luxury and an indulgence; but it's really very important to fully embrace what you're going through. If you don't have to force yourself to go out and do things, don't. That said, I don't mean wallowing and not taking care of your health, your home, etc.

I just became aware of a book by a wonderful psychotherapist and author named Miriam Greenspan, "Healing through the Dark Emotions: The Wisdom of Grief, Fear, and Despair." I'm not actually reading the book yet; I'm reading an interview with her in the January issue of "The Sun" magazine. Perhaps your library would have it, or you may even be able to access it online.

But in a nutshell, she believes (as do I, and I feel so validated) that unless one allows oneself to go into their grieving, they will become depressed and thus prolong their suffering. I'm going to take a little risk and quote part of the article: " ... there are certain experiences that slam us with emotion. ... We need to learn how to tolerate the emotions that accompany such experiences. We can't - nor should we try to - simply eliminate these feelings, because this will just entrench them further."

In my case, though I'm functioning, I look around my home and know that had I been able to go into and through my feelings of grief, I wouldn't have become so depressed and left so much unattended. Now I have messes that are hidden away that I don't have time to clean up, because life is so full and busy. I believe the same thing happens inside, so we cannot afford to ignore our feelings.

You are going through an enormous life change. You can't possibly know what you'd like to do with yourself now because you aren't completely the person you were before you became a stay at home mom. You are that person, but so much more (just some of the purpose of that is out right now). If you relax into it, breathe into it, and most of all be gentle with yourself, you can trust that it won't last forever. You say it's already been a few months, but my guess is that you've been giving yourself a hard time for feeling and behaving the way you have. Sleeping a lot is a sign of depression, and depression is a sign of denial of feelings. Depression isn't sadness, it's numbness, caused by that denial.

Another thing I suggest -- you don't say if you've sought therapy, but I'm a big believer in that as well. I went through some miscarriages several years ago, and I searched for a therapist would be at least an MFCC as well as a hypnotherapist. I found someone whose practice has a strong spiritual base and I was helped tremendously.

I think just writing your letter to MamaSource was a big step and I applaud you. I wish you all the best and I hope you felt better just by having done that, and even better by reading all the loving responses you'll no doubt be receiving. I hope my input is helpful.

Peace and blessings,
Colleen

I would suggest volunteering with children it sounds like you have a heart for kids. I'm not sure where you live but there is a great organiztion called Mending Kids international they bring children from all over the world who need life savinf surgery. Most of these kids come alone and need "foster" moms to take care of them while they are here and have there surgeries then get better and are returned to their families. I have done this 3 times and it is the GREATEST reward. I warn you you will fall in love with the children but knowing you had a part and saving their life makes it worth it. The children range from babies to 18 years. Please look into this it is wonderful. Good luck. If you want anymore information let me know.
M.

Hi S.,
I can definately relate with you. Your life is just starting-over-once more! I am also an empty nest mom. And though i've raised my daughter to be a beautiful,proper, level headed, responsible young adult..i miss her. I can't believe she'l be 20 yrs old on Saturday and she has been away for over a year now. I'm a 'Gilmore mom'. raised her on my own, it was hard but a true blessing in disguise.
It was hard at first when my daughter decided to go out on her own (all the way to S. Carolina), yes it hurts. all a mom wants is for her child to be happy and well taken care of. What i did to start over was go back to school(only one class for now). I also have 2 jobs 1 full time & 1 part time, am very active, do yoga & meditation-this i truly recomend as it gives you a sense of well being and is very healing. I have a wonderful yoga teacher. See your friends-go out for coffee/tea or just catch up with them, movies, hiking, even mini getaways are fun. Mainly keep busy, go back to playing tennis, do all the things, that you said to yourself, while your raising you daughters that you were going to do,once they were all grown up. I know, i miss my baby girl when she was little, but time just goes by too quickly and we need to cherish the times that we spend with them.
I speak with my daughter practically ever other day, to keep up with how she's doing. I love our talks and sometimes its as though she is here. Our children will always be a part of us-no matter what. Your too young to be a grandma yet..let time take its course and get to know yourself again. Hope this helps.

Take care,
D

hey S.
why dont you go back to school? its never too late-when i was in nursing school in the '80's there were 2 women there in their 60's in the same situation as yourself. One of them did not even go on to practice but she did enjoy school. another option is volunteering-be a big sister or find a group that shares your interests (try meetup.com)--hope this helps and good luck to you
D.

Ok, this is probably of no help to you but I just wanted to share it:

I'm a relatively 'new' mom to a 3 year old and about 2 years ago I saw a blurb on the television about empty nest syndrome, and I shook my head in disbelief as I found it difficult to relate to the idea that people could really not know what to do with themselves just because their kids had left home; almost as if their entire identity was tied to being parents. I thought a person could simply start doing all of the things they'd never had much time for during the hustle and bustle of raising a family.

I became a mom at the ripe age of 36, and it has been such a struggle to give up all of my free time and every hobbie and interest that I have nurtured over the years. But I have come to understand that it really is difficult to try to have it all and so I have started embracing motherhood more fully and slowly giving up my own interests and now I can comprehend how people can arrive at the place of not knowing what to do with themselves when children leave the home. And the more deeply the loss felt, probably the more deeply you threw yourself into your role.

So, while I can still remember, maybe I should take a moment to capture all of my interests and hobbies so I can rediscover those things that brought me such pleasure before, unless by the end of the process I've become an entirely different person.

Hi S.,

You sound so much like my own mom, with four daughters now all out of the house. When the last of my sisters moved out and got married I remember BOTH my parents being very down and lonely. But with all of us telling them that we would always be there, that we loved them and that once the grandchildren came we would surely need them so much.
And sure enough, now three of us have children, little ones, and they are the center of my parents' lives. They can't imagine loving anyone as they love their grandchildren and they are thrilled.

But, before they became grandparents they took the time to re-kindle their relationship.
My dad giving in to doing the more simple things my mom enjoyed, and my mom doing all the "guy" stuff my dad enjoyed.

My advise is to do the same. Learn to enjoy, and really pay attention and pamper your relationship. You'll see soon enough that when your daughters get married and have children they'll come running for help, just like they always do.

Enjoy every minute of your life. It's too short!

Have youu thought about becoming a nannie for other people's children. The world always needs GOOD caregivers and if you love your children so much why not give some of that to other families that maybe can't provide such dedication to their children and get such the REWARD out of it. I can almost anticipate feeling like you feel. My daughter is only 4 months old and the only thing that I see making me sooo happy forever is caring for her and maybe another child. No job is as rewarding and it depresses me to think about working and being away from her. Luckily I can be home with her for now but I may have to work someday. Please share with me your thoughts about being a stay at home mom. Our society seems to frown on that nowadays. Women are more respected if they work and not care for their children...WHY...PLEASE SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS? The best of luck to you. Just think someday in the future you will have grandchildren to care for! In the meantime care for other children if you like.

Oh S.! My heart goes out to you! We have a lot in common - same name, same spelling and same stage of life!!! I have two daughters and the youngest is now in college so we are empty nesters too.

I began giving this 'empty nester' thing some thought a few years ago in anticipation and began to invision what my life would look like. Like you, I have many interests and hobbies and have been an active volunteer in our community, as well as a very busy husband. This is all great and I love it all, but I did all that while raising the girls, so even with the activities I forsaw my life slowing to a crawl - ugh! I also want to be an example to my daughter's that you can raise a family and have a vital fulfilling life that blesses others no matter what stage of life you're in.

So...I was talking to a friend a few years ago, just chatting, and she told me about a new business she was starting up. Frankly, I thought - nice for her, but it certainly doesn't sound like something I'd like to do! I tried her product and immediately fell in love with it. In fact I loved it so much I called my close friends, and my mom!, to tell them about it and everyone had the "me too" attitude! They all loved it! It struck me how interesting this phenomenon was. That led me to take a deeper look into the products and the company. I realized this business fit exactly what I was looking for:
1) Work from home and set my own schedule (very important to me) 2) work with a company of the highest ethical standards (again very important to me)and, 3)Have unlimited income potential (perfect for building up our retirement package!)

Of course, this may or may not be what you're looking for, but it is a pleasure of mine to help others see if this might be a fit for them. Who knows?! To that end I would welcome the chance to chat with you, give you more information and see if this may be something that will fill your goals for the future and create a life you'd love.
At the very least we will have had a fun chat and maybe made a new friend! Please check my link and get in touch. We'll see if I can be of help to you.

Have you thought of maybe you and your girl friends maybe having like a cooking club or having girls nights out's those are usually fun.