How Do You Deal with Being Lonely Other Then Shopping

Do you have a community center that offers classes? Take something just for fun.

I wish I lived closer, I'd hang out with you.

Aaaaw, but WE care L.!

Take a class? Join a church group? Hang out with US more?

You need to buck up girl. If you're a MOM, then you're SOMEONE, you're important!

:)

I've learned how to enjoy time to myself, of which I get a ton. I have turned myself into a pretty good cook because of it. I also am a huge reader so I'm usually busy with that as well. I have no friends or family nearby aside from hubby and the kids. Personally I don't try to connect with others any longer on purpose, if it happens great if not no biggie. I am happy with who I am. I am not a shopper. I find that I enjoy working out and do that daily. I've also found that random convos with my daughter(8)are fun and I always focus my energy on my family when they're all home.

1. Toastmasters. You can learn and be with people who are go getters in things that are important.
2. Join a bookclub at the library.
3. Join a church and connect with seniors. They cherish friendships more than any other group
4. Don't limit yourself to same-race or same-age friendships.

Prayer and wine. Why don't you join your local Lion's Club? You might meet someone there with your same interests! voluteer at a hospital or animal shelter-you'd be amazed at how you will be cared about-and needed!

Get a good book. There are so many great stories out there that can distract you from how you're feeling.

Also, I've found if I make the effort and reach out to others, I'm better able to make connections. If I waited to get invites, I'd be very lonely, too. If there are moms you talk to at school, for instance, say, "Hey, we should meet up for coffee and catch up more about xyz." Then, follow up and make plans.

Are you working? I think from reading your other questions you have one child who is over 7 now so he's likely in school. To be honest, while I always planned on staying home and part of me really wants to, I do wonder if I stayed home now while my kids are in school if I'd get really lonely. Only so much cleaning and all to do. I'm very quick about things so can see having that type of stuff done and then focusing on making my house nicer or shopping... I guess working out too. So I start to think maybe I'd start to wander around a bit aimlessly and get depressed. So maybe you just need more to do? Do you belong to a gym and take classes? I know moms who meet other moms that way and it apparently does a lot for you psychologically to work out as well. If you do work now, mabye it's not the place for you and you could find something different? I love many people I work with and would really miss the daily interaction. I also recommend reading. Books like "Unbreakable" are so inspirational. As well, I kind of recognize now when I'm feeling lonely it's more an internal depression type of thing. So you may be mildly depressed. If none of this helps, maybe sit down and just think what you want to do. You say you're doing nothing. Well - do you like animals? Do you volunteer at school? Do you like art? Finding sometihng even if you're not thrilled will give you more to talk about as well as filling some of the void. It's your life and you have to take charge or it becomes a downward spiral. You feel like you have nothing to say bc you're doing nothing which makes you feel worse and starts to become apparent to people so they're not going to be as enthusiastic to talk to you which makes you feel even worse etc.

Well, you have asked a few questions about friends....you need to get where people are. Odds are you WILL meet someone there that you might hit it off with. As for mom of your child's friends....meh....most are what I would call trusted acquaintances. I wouldn't hesitate to have my child at their houses...I trust them...they are (for the most part) "good" people....but "friends" -- would I want to "hang out" with them? No, not really. Now among those, I have been lucky enough to REALLY click with O. or two that I WOULD LIKE to and DO hang out with socially....O. happens to be the mom of O. of my son's good buds (chicken or egg--idk).
Anyway, I think what you're needing is a way to be around people, meet people and contribute. Do you volunteer? There are SO many opportunities for that out there. What's your passion? Animals? People? Elderly people? Kids? You could do Meals on Wheels, help at the school, walk dogs at a shelter....Target that & find a good volunteering opportunity. Nothing takes our minds off of ourselves like helping someone else.
Now IF you feel like this is something more...like depression, I think you should talk to your doctor about it. There is help out there for you if you're depressed.
Good luck!

L., I looked at your other posts: Feeling you put a lot into friendships and get nothing back; lack of interest in sex; and now this one about loneliness.

First -- Have you been checked out for possible depression? I know folks here rush to that idea a lot, but in your case, it really does sound like you may be depressed. Your posts show some possible symptoms because lack of interest in sex, feeling rejected by friends, feeling the people in your "life don't care about me," feeling you are in a "slump" all the time, and so on are things I have heard from a friend who has major depression. Please get to a doctor now and get screened. You may just have the blues; you may just need more going on in your life; but you also may have depression which is a medical condition and requires medical help we can't give here.

With that said: Do you volunteer? At your child's school, or anywhere else? That is something very positive to do; you help others and get the benefit of seeing that help change things for the better. Volunteering at school is also a great way to be plugged in to what is really going on in your child's world. If you think "all the volunteer jobs at school are filled and I don't want to be a PTA officer," think again -- most school librarians would love help with shelving books and doing many other tasks (ask if you can be the one to check out the books to your kid's class when it's their library time each week or whenever they go); also the main office may need help with copying or other tasks; there may be a group of parents that maintains the flower beds, etc. Other volunteering can include food banks (which are desperate for donations and for help to collect donations and sort them), the Red Cross, local literacy organizations that need people to teach reading (usually you get free training from the organization) and so on. It's a start. But meanwhile-- please do get to a doctor and describe all the feelings you've been describing in all your posts, so you can be checked for depression. You do NOT have to live like this if you take action and pursue help.

Do you have a husband, boyfriend, significant other? Are you getting emotional support there? I am guessing you are not feeling connected to the man in your life if there is one right now. He needs to know what you are feeling and that you need help getting out of this.

Hello, check out Oprah.Com.. she did one of life classes with Iyanla Vanzant and I found it to be very helpful. Iyanla discusses how we get addicted to "our story" and how to get UNSTUCK.... I found the information to be uplifting and empowering and came away thinking even more so than ever that we do have the power to change ourselves for the better..

wishing you the best

If you look for people who will be interested in you, you'll never find enough interest. If you look for people in order to be interested in them, then, um, interesting things can happen. (Now I've overused that word "interest" so I'll quit. No, I won't. Read on.)

What are you interested in doing? Why don't you go ahead and do one of those things whether you find friends or not? I don't care what the interest is; if you like to knit, go ahead and do it. Learn everything you can. Try something new. Find a knitting shop and see if there are classes. You might find some interesting people; they may not become your best friends, but you will have the fellowship for a little while. If you understand computers, you have my admiration, but you can also find like-minded people at the community college, maybe. If you like working out, go to classes and be the first to say hello to everyone else. If you are curious about what it's like to volunteer at your hospital, go, not with the idea of what you can get out of it, but with the idea of what you can do to help. You might just meet people with similar ideas. There might be a potential friend around every corner.

Deep friendships, however, develop *only* with time and effort. You have to start smaller. I've had times in my life when I felt I didn't have a friend in the world (except God); I've had times when my cup ran over with people who cared. It comes and goes.

This makes me think of that Dr. Seuss book, Oh the Places You'll Go, which talks about un-slumping yourself.

Find some activities, groups, or hobbies that you might be interested in, and then set a goal of doing one of them each week. Things like playgroups, volunteering, or yoga that have a positive benefit even without making connections. Then fake it for awhile- put on a smile and pretend you are interested in what someone else is doing.

I second the volunteering idea. Consider going to an old age home. Seniors have a lot to say, and many feel lonesome too. Look into "meetup" you'll find groups which might have similar interests.

Lastly, as an aside, how does shopping help address your loneliness? Am I missing something? In NYC, shopping is another job that must be done. It doesn't beget much conversation, and it certainly doesn't stave loneliness.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.