An Eternal Tragedy (LONG!!!)

First I will say that yes, it is much harder to get a break in Mexico. I lived there for about four years and wow, it is so much harder for the people there. Then if you get a man with a mentality that if he just keeps doing what he is doing one day it will just work out.....disaster. I was close to a family there and the father was like this. He had a paint shop and at one time business was awesome. But you know things changed, the peso fell, life happened, but he didn't adjust. His family went from being pretty well off to the mom trying to sell real estate to make ends meet, living in an unfinished house and just having no money. And in the business he is in I bet he has people not paying, he doesn't pressure them, and it just gets worse and worse. So, no, I wouldn't keep putting money into a bottomless pit, if the business is failing, it is time to jump ship. But he does need work and it is hard to come by there. Is there a shop doing better he could work for? What part of Mexico is he in? Is there a Gigante around that needs a manager, I know it may seem low, but steady income is important. He needs to be confronted with the fact that it is time to think out of the box and make a plan so his family doesn't go under. And always, when you talk to your family over there just remember that we have grown accustomed to a can do attitude, the American way is to make your life happen and we are taught that anything and everything is possible. Over there they still have a strong class system and people don't often just break out and do their own thing. If your mom is a maid, you are maid, if you parents have more resources things are better for you...that is just how it goes there. So don't be too hard on him for not doing better it really is different. But I would try and talk to him about other options. Does he speak English? I made a pretty good little salary teaching English when I was there, enough to live Ok. Who does he know that has a business that is making it? Could he talk to them about a job? So I said ALL that to say, if it were me I would be understanding, stop giving money and try to help with any ideas I could. I would not want to come off judgmental. Good luck, hope things turn around for the family!

Why should they make any changes when everyone is giving them money? If they truly had it so bad, they would be making different career choices and moving towards better things. This is not your responsibility. At age 44 if he hasn't gotten a clue by now on how to handle his life and what HE needs to do to make it better, than that's on him. Sorry that's so harsh, but it's reality. You can sit him down and tell him he needs to get it together. If what he's doing now is not making him enough money to live off, then he clearly needs to do something else, without handouts from evereyone else. That's a tough one. Good luck!

Please don't take this the wrong way, but you have responsibility to handle your money in the right way. Giving money to someone who handles money poorly is like giving a drunk a drink. It seems you have tried to help but doesn't it seem like you are throwing money into a pit with no positive results? Good luck to your family.

I live 10 miles from mx and know that times are hard there. I have an illegal maid once a week and pay her more than minimum wage plus extras. Her only child will become an elementary teacher next year. I will not abandon her after 10 years. She recently abandoned her city home to go to live with a relative because the zetas demanded 200$ for each of them. There were at least 4of them in the house. Then you know that that would not have been the only demand.
(Before you hang me for employing an illegal, demand that every US company use EVERIFY to check IDs. Many don't. Check the term in the Internet.)

I could not support them if I wanted to. I do donate all clothes to her since the family is large and can use all sizes. I give her anything usable that I don't want or need. I suggest you you send them whatever you can. (I try to buy school supplies.) They can even sell anything not usable to them.
If there is some way you can check with someone else who might know about the family's situation, try that. We are all told not to travel I in MX.
Anyway it is a difficult situation. You must be clear that you cannot spare money and maybe donate only on special days if at all. It is rough but they are expecting too much from you, and you only know what what they are telling you.
Good luck to them and all of us.

Ditto what Faith said, but I want to add that, it is not bad luck, it is bad choices they are making.

Your family has become like the welfare system. They are giving them just enough to get them by, so they don't "need" to go out and find more work, because they are getting what they need, but still have people feeling badly for them. If you stop giving them money, then they have an incentive to go work somewhere, where they are actually making some money. If they don't work, they don't eat.

I tend to be skeptical about a lot of things, and this "situation" raises an eyebrow with me. I'm thinking they are making more money then they want you all to know about, and perhaps are spending it unwisely.

And why do you feel bad for the uncle who is stealing from the shop? This is why they have their hands out, because of kind people like you, feeling sorry for them. You're not looking at the whole picture, just the sob story they are leading you to believe.

You all need to look at the poor choices they are making and stop feeling badly for them. It's time for them to own their choices and mistakes. As long as you keep "helping" them, then they don't need to change now, do they?

Your uncle with the business might do a little better if he fired the uncle who does nothing but steals from the business. Sometimes I wish I could wave a magic wand and fix everything for everybody, but I can't and I have my husband and child to take care of and they have to come first. I don't think there's anything you can do.

Sometimes when you help people on a regular basis you are actually hurting them. I felt the need to help a family member in the past and the more I helped the more help she seemed to need, I finally just started to say I didn't have the money, and she finally began to stand on her own two feet financially. Now she does well enough on her own that she doesn't ask for family help anymore.

It sounds as if there are bad choices being made regarding money. Bad choices are the root of all evil. Youc ould send him 100k and it would not "fix" his problems. You cannot keeping sending money because it does not help someone learn to make the right choices. You are not obligated....He is your Uncle...not your Dad or Mom. Tough love is hardest on the one having to be tough. Good luck to you. cb

This is the way these folks are. I would not give them money. If you feel obligated to give them something I would send prayer cards or some sort of biblical type of thing. They arent starving (if they are you can send them some food). I am the tough love type. I would help these people by not sending money and letting them realize if they want better for themselves they need to make better for themselves.

Adults are responsible for themselves. I wouldn't help anyone who has the capability of helping themselves. Perhaps they've made poor decisions that have put them in this mess? Such as hiring your other uncle. You're not there to be sure that your money is being used appropriately. You are not responsible for them. You don't have extra money that you won't miss.

I understand being sympathetic. You love him. But you don't owe him money as he thought when you did give him some money. And you are responsible for yourself and your immediate family living with you here. That is your first priority.

Also, his situation is one of long standing. You giving him money will not change his situation. He's getting money from others and he still needs money. Because he has a business, I suspect that even tho the economy is poor, he does have a way to earn enough money to take care of himself. I suggest he may not be a good money manager. He may spend money on tobacco and alcohol or other non-essentials. He has the shop but he may not try to work. You don't know what the cause is or if he actually benefits from the money he receives.

My philosophy is that if I have some money that I won't miss I will share it with someone that I love if my doing so makes their situation better. More often, I will buy groceries or clothes; something that they need. I will also help with tuition or classes so that they can be better prepared to care for themselves.

Don't send anymore money, your enabling him to do whatever it is he is doing. I would try to find out what is really going on with his business. Maybe take a trip there, hang out a few days.

It's a tough situation. How can you help everyone all the time? There's no such thing as "tough love" when people are poverty stricken and begging on streat corners. How about those, like my cousin, that work a 40 hour job to bring home a mere $50.00 a week paycheck. I don't know what to tell you, I have the same situation w/my family b/c in Mexico there is so much dispair and they see the American relatives as "rich" even though some times we have our own stack of bills. Some time back, I would try and send groceries when I could but because of my current finances, I haven't been able to do that. I say give when you can, you'll be rewarded in other ways. Good luck to you.