Am I Being Too Sensitive?

Don't settle! You are about to be a professional and he is about to be a professional loser! Get rid of him!!!!!!
I know plenty of friends who have been patient with husbands and boys friends doing things like that only to get cheated on again and again. They won't leave them because of LOVE or CHILDREN. You can get out. Do it! Have a lot of self esteem. You are worth it.
B.

No, it is a sign that he is willig to be unfaithful. If it makes you uncomfortable, it is a problem.

Been there. I think you need to understand why he's doing this now. Have you been dating long? If so, and this is new, that's pretty bad and I would be terribly worried. However, if you guys are "new" to each other, maybe it's not as bad as it looks on the surface. Babe-surfing can be a rather addictive habit, somewhat hard to break. Here's my story:

We met online and got pretty close pretty fast. We enjoyed each other and got together a number of times a week. I doubt seriously he had time to be dating anyone else. After awhile we were obviously exclusive (obvious to me) and we became intimate. Yet, apparently doing those searches was a hard habit to break. For probably the first year we were dating, I would occasionally discover that he was hunting around online, sometimes even engaging in communication. It totally blew my mind and made me question everything we had. Yes, after I first discovered it, I ferreted out his password and checked on it regularly. Say what you will, but I felt I had to protect me, since he wasn't.

I know his excuse at the time was that it was habit, just something to do. I know there are other things he could have done to appease boredom, and I still don't understand why he didn't think this was such a bad thing to do, or how I would feel about it. And, I think I was surprised that he didn't automatically stop after the first time caught. I can't say that all our conversations about this were adult. I cried or yelled. On the other hand, those services make it hard to stop, because once you've signed up, they send you pics of "your matches" every day or every few days.

He didn't really quit until I finally said that I could not continue to commit myself to him if I believed he was not committed enough to "us" to give up this habit. And I helped him quit (without his knowledge) by going into all the services he'd signed up for (most not paying, but looking) before we met and changing his email options so that the temptations stopped coming.

Was it wrong for me to do this? I don't know. Years later we're still together and he's not looking.

So, if this is a recent phenomenon in a long relationship, I'd be really upset. If it is an old habit in a new relationship, I'd still be upset but not quite as badly. But I'd figure out a way to put my foot down fast.

Yes! I would also be extremely hurt by this and would find it difficult to really trust what's going on here. I assume you have a "commited" relationship where you are not seeing other people since you call him your boyfriend. He should NOT be looking on a dating site when he is seeing you and you've agreed not to see others. Yahoo personals is a dating site. Period, end of story.

What reason did he give you for "looking?" I can't imagine there would be any accpetable reason for that. Don't let him make you think you're "making too much of it" or are being too sensitive.

No, you are not being too sensitive! He may be "just looking/playing around" right now, but it doesn't take much for it to turn into something much more. My ex-boyfriend started talking with someone he met online and after a few weeks decided to meet her and then he cheated on me. I didn't find out until after the fact, but he told me it started with just talking.

I would definitely confront your boyfriend, ask him what he was doing, and then decide whether or not you want to continue with the relationship. He could have had a perfectly good explanation, or he could not have an excuse at all. I'm all for giving someone a second chance, but that doesn't mean you should stop watching out for them. It takes a while for trust to be earned back, and he should have to work for it. Good luck!

I don't think you're being too sensitive at all. The older I get, the less likely I am to give men an easy out. If he's looking at personals, then he's probably at least remotely interested in seeing what's out there. Sorry if that is hurtful. I'm hoping that you'll feel empowered by another voice that doubts his behavior. But as always, you know the situation better than anyone else so if you believe whatever reason he gave for perusing personals, then you owe it to yourself to listen to that too. Good luck

Though I would agree with you about the devastation part. I'm going to throw a couple of things out at you. You ponder and that should help you with your answer as to why you feel the way you do.

First, let me begin with this. I personally have ADHD and OCD. I choose to not take medication due to other health reasons. Anyway, I have to be doing something, anything, all the time. I went through a time when all I wanted to do is look at personals. There was NO reason other than it gave me great pleasure reading what the people would have to say about themselves, and then I would only look at the ones with pictures as to when I was out and about I would search for their faces. I know crazy! My point is I had no intentions of EVER meeting a man or anything. Did it really for no apparent reason. Maybe you should search them... they are quite funny what some men say about themselves to attract a woman.

Secondly, WHY are you devastated? Is there something that you are hiding? If so, that something you are hiding is really getting to you. You need to stop and / or let it out. Did you confront this BF of what you realized he was doing? And what was his reaction? OR were you checking up on him to see what he was doing on the computer and you figured it out. If you have trust with him..... there is your answer, trust what he says. If no trust is there, due to other reasons he has given you to not trust him, there is your answer, send him on his way.

heck no i would feel the same way

I'm not sure if you are living together or not. If not, he can do whatever he wants, but at least you know he is not committed to the relationship and are forewarned before carrying the relationship further.

If you live together, I would consider it a gross transgression because he should be committed to you and not "out looking." In which case I'd kick him to the curb. There are too many great, dependable guys out there with integrity for you to put up with a player. Trust me, I dated a lot of toads before I found my prince and he was well worth the wait! You're worth a prince!

Hi there R.,

I'm so sorry honey. I would be just as upset as you are. Did you get a chance to talk with him about it? I, for one, don't think you are being over sensitive. You deserve a really good explanation.

Good luck to you.

C.
www.EnhanceYourWayOfLife.com

No, you are not, but did you talk to him about it? Maybe he was trying to find someone for a friend. I have done that. Either way sounds like you guys need to have a talk.

I think it depends on why he was doing it, I will admit that I have looked out of curiousity but not really wanting anything. It is funny to read some of the posts and it can be harmless if that is his reason...but on the other hand if I caught my bf doing this I would probably be upset. So talk it out and set some boundaries...If he continues to do it I say join singles.net or something and start shopping! See how he likes it when your the one looking...

I think that you know you are not being too sensitive, you are being smart. Why would he be doing this especially if the two of you are living together, you didn't say. And if he will do this now he will continue it. Why would you put yourself through this. You also need to check the history on your computer and if it has been deleted you know he is doing it to cover himself. Think about where you met this guy.

You have a son that doesn't need this type of man in his life. You must use your head in this and not your heart to protect both of you.

You are right to be concerned. My husband is a wonderful, devoted husband and father, but even he has struggled with this temptation in the past. He denied it multiple times when I confronted him with "evidence." But one night he finally broke down and admitted that he had been looking at those sites - even some he had paid for. I don't think he ever would have contacted any of the girls, but then again, the internet makes it so easy that it's hard for men to resist once they get hooked. Since we are both Christians, we decided to pray about it together AND take action. We installed parental control software that I have the password to. Since our relationship is based on trust in God and each other, this system works great for us.

Hello!! I have been married to my husband for 2 1/2 years. We have been together for 5 years all together and I caught him doing the same...I confronted him about it and he claims it is innocent, but it still breaks my heart! He claims he is just seeing what people wrote on the bio?? I don't think you are being too sensitive...if he caught you doing that, he would probably throw a fit? I hate to say this, but I would just watch it for awhile and be cautious...You never know...I hope things work out ok!! Good Luck!

I don't think you're being sensitive, but I do think you might want to bring it up to your boyfriend if it's been on your mind. It may be just that he's curious to what's going on out there in the online dating scene. Personally, I would casually bring up the subject. Keep it on a light note with no sort of accusation tone. Then, listen with an open mind to what and how he says it. It may be totally innocent.

I'd be concerned. After all, what is he looking for? I don't want you to be overly worried, but I'd definitely have a discussion about things. I wish you the best of luck!

I think you have every right to be upset!! I would definitely question him about it and find out if he is not fully committed to you. You caught him this time but how many times has he done it without being caught?

I don't know if I would be devastated but disappointed for sure. He obviously isn't sure about the permanance of the relationship and thats not a crime. He's still looking. I think you should too. It may be that you both continue to look around and then decide that the best is right in front of you (and him). At least it may get rid of doubts later.

Ouch! My feelings would be hurt as well and I would take it as a serisous red flag about his character. Assuming you are in an exclusive relationship this is way out of line! To me it shows boredom with his relationship. If he's doing this already I would really really consider your future with this guys.

Are you in a committed relationship with this guy? If so then I don't think you are overreacting. You need to sit down and have an open honest conversation with him. See exactly where you both stand in this relationship. Honesty is the best policy!