Dating Etiquette Survey.

Sounds like he deserves to know what is going on. If the shoe were on the other foot, won't you want to know so you could make an informed decision?

She should tell.

Personally, I wouldn't even be in a casual relationship if the other person was seeing other people. I think that if you are dating, then the relationship should be exclusive. All casual dating means to me is that you don't get too emotionally invested in each other. (Though, that is just my own personal preference. I know a lot of people who are fine with dating lots of people at the same time, but I don't like it for me.)

Especially if they have a physical relationship.

Hypothetically, the woman should say to the man, "I repeat: I'm not in love with you even though you say you're in love with me, I'm not interested in you, I'm only dating you because you're the only one around, and I'm looking around for other options." Then, hypothetically, he would say goodbye to her. After that, hypothetically, there wouldn't be any question about what to say about one's activities.

If he is in love with her, has actually said those words, then she needs to be completely honest and let the man know she's interested in dating other people.
Maybe that makes me old fashioned, but I don't think so. I think that's just good manners. I'm pretty sure most men who are in love aren't interested in sharing that love with others. Really, she should probably break it off with the poor shmuck before he gets hurt.
I know I wouldn't want to waste my time loving a man who just saw me as one of many. Dating, or casual sex, sure, but LOVE? No way.

When the man first declared his love (or strong feelings) towards her, she should have broken it off. With or without a new potential date in the picture, that needs to happen now. Once his heart became involved it changed from casual dating to a user situation. She needs to cut him loose.

When someone throws the L word out there and wants to be in a committed relationship, and the other person doesn't have the same feelings, then the mature thing to do is break things off.

Sorry, A.. The minute this guy said "I love you, A. - I want more from you" you should have put the brakes on it and put him back in his place.

If you are sleeping with him as well? Sorry. He needs to know that you are NOT exclusive.

He NEEDS to be told. Put yourself in HIS shoes. Would you want to know? Don't lie to yourself and say "No, we're not committed" - you have told the guy you love him...you EXPECT him to be "faithful".

Tell him. Break it off. He's serious. You are not. Doesn't matter if you told him "I'm not looking for serious right now" - he might have heard it - he's telling you he LOVES YOU. He's all about you....you're not all about him. TELL HIM.

I've never been okay with casual - I can't multitask like that and try as I might, I'd still be jealous. But if I could get past that, I'd rather want to know and keep it honest. I don't think I'd make it the first thing I say to the guy - kind of in your face - but I wouldn't hide it either.

she's not being technically dishonest, but i'm a cards-on-the-table kind of gal. why risk hurt feelings and crossed wires and confusion?
i vote tell.
khairete
S.

When one person is in love with the other, but the feelings are not mutual, there is a problem. This situation you've described sounds more like dating than a relationship. Do you need to tell a person who is in love with you that you are dating others? Yes. But honestly, what I think what you need is to break up with him. He is in love with you, and wants to take this relationship further, and you are looking to move in the opposite direction. The kind thing to do would be to set him free.

She needs to tell. He has said he loves her.

Mamazita took the words out of my mouth.

The mature thing to do is to tell the guy if she choosing to see other people. Especially if he has spoken of deeper feelings and making commitments like marriage. Their heads are in very different places. If it were me, personally, even if I didn't have any other offers, if the level of desired commitment wasn't something I was interested in pursuing with that person, the *right* thing to do would be to treat that person like I would want to be treated and be honest. It would hurt like hell, and I've been on both sides of this situation, but frankly, even having been the recipient-- I'd rather know than find out later, and usually, badly (right?).

I can also tell you that if I'm dating someone regularly, it would be someone I would have enough respect for that I wouldn't want them to be surprised or publicly embarrassed if they 'stumbled upon' myself on a date with someone else. Having that sensitive conversation in private may be uncomfortable, but it's better than someone being potentially humiliated in public.

Tell him.
She is not ready for an exclusive relationship - there's nothing wrong with that.
She can see who ever she wants when ever she wants and he should know and accept this.
He can see others too but he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to.

I'm not sure about the etiquette of discussing your other dates with other dates.
It's not a secret, but it's none of their business either.
You say things like "I saw that new Godzilla movie with a friend and we thought it was pretty good" and then discuss the movie and not who you were with - whether it was a guy friend or girl friend is irrelevant.

A relationship should never assume to be exclusive unless both people declare it is to/with each other and then that is the agreement not to see other people.

Because the man has expressed that he is in love and would commit to the woman, I believe he does desire the relationship to be exclusive and likely regards the fact that she hasn't been seeing other people to be indicative of her desire to be exclusive with him, regardless of what she may have previously said or hinted at. It would be reasonable for him to draw this conclusion under the circumstances described, especially since people often say/think one thing at the beginning of a relationship and come to feel differently as it progresses, particularly in thinking that they have no intention of being serious when they accept a first date and then ending up falling in love.

Due to this aspect of your scenario, in order to be honest and fair to the guy, the woman should tell him that she has accepted a dinner invitation with someone else and that she is letting him know out of respect for his feelings. It really shows a lack of respect to someone who is in love to conceal information that might help them decide whether to continue investing emotional energy into a relationship rather than seeking love and commitment somewhere else where it will be willingly given.

I vote to tell. It sounds like he likes her more than she likes him.

Tell, it is just respectful and I am sure she would want to know.

She made it clear the relationship is casual.
Which he accepts.
But the word "casual" can mean:
1) I am not taking you/this dating seriously, or
2) I am not committing anything to you. Or,
3) I am going to date other people and this is not, exclusive. Hence "casual."

So, unless the person ACTUALLY says "I am dating you no strings attached, and I am going to see other people"... the person they are dating, would not know FOR SURE, what "casual" means.
It can mean in terms of commitment, or, in terms of I ain't only dating you.

If that guy chooses not to date anyone else besides her, that is HIS choice. And if she chooses to date others, that is HER choice.
But, I think either party, should tell the other.
Just out of courtesy.

To me, they are not "monogamous" due to circumstance. Sure they are busy. But that does not mean that the other person is the ONLY person they can manage to see/date. And if she is so busy, then how come she can make time to see another guy?
Again, they are not "monogamous" due to circumstance.

To me, she should have said, bluntly "This is a casual relationship to me. I don't want any commitments. I want no strings attached. You are free to see other people, and I am too. This is not exclusive."
She should have said something, clearly... instead of just saying that she's not looking for a serious relationship. Because, saying that... does NOT infer, that this is a non-exclusive relationship. All she is saying is that she does not want, a "serious" relationship.
Its all a matter of what "casual" means to her... and what it means to him.. and they both obviously do not have the same idea, about it.

Before I was married. I dated. Sometimes for a long time. BUT I made it CLEAR AS DAY, to the guy, that it is not exclusive, and I am not his "girlfriend." He can date others. And I can too. And then, it was up to the guy to either back out, or say okay that's fine.
One guy, said fine. BUT then, he got REAL upset, when I went out with someone else.
Feelings, are not always logical nor objective.

To me, she should have said a long time ago, to him, clearly, what "casual" meant to her. ie: no strings attached.
And then the guy could have backed out because he doesn't want to waste his time, or he could have continued to see her.

Either way, if someone is dating and it is no strings attached, and they are seeing others, you SHOULD say something.
Because, there is such a thing as STD's.

And if she does not mind if he dates other women, then she SHOULD TELL HIM. Why waste his time????
TELL him.
And if she wants to see other guys, then she should be able to handle it, IF HE tells her that then, he does NOT want to see her anymore.
That's only fair.
If he dumps her, then that is his freedom to do so, too.

If someone does not want exclusive committed dating, and wants to play the field or date others. That should be said, upfront.

She's been seeing him for awhile... you said.
So yes she should tell him she is seeing others. It not like she was just dating him for 2 weeks and then is seeing others.

In the end... this is a thing about someone getting dumped.
Turned down.
Even if is so called "casual" between them.
Because, either person has the right and the choice to say "I don't want to see you anymore."

She should have told him from the beginning, that she was going to date others. And is not just dating him out of convenience.

Maybe I'm in the minority here but I think the lady HAS told.

"And pretend the lady has been honest that though she admires him, she is not looking for a serious relationship right after a divorce. She needs to be free after so many years of being in a "couple". She has made it clear the relationship is casual, which he accepts."

You're asking about a dinner invitation, so I'm sure no STD issues on the table..

Personally, I say accept the invitation, go, enjoy THEN if you feel something after an initial date? Be very frank with Mr. Original Guy and either end it OR the ball will be in his court.

There is so much more to this than 'tell - don't tell'. These two people are in very different places. If he continues to date her hoping she will change her mind and she simply doesn't see she him as a lifetime mate she needs to break it off. I see a lot of red flags here. I have met and dated men who said 'I love you' or 'we could live together' when I didn't feel the same about them and it always became messy -- sometimes dangerous for me. He became he creepy stalker dude. Sometimes men such as these are simply lonely and sick of coming home to an empty house. Sometimes they are abusive control freaks.
She needs to tell him 'This isn't working for me, I want to date others'.

As women we are programed to be nuturing many times we set aside our true wants, needs, and feelings so we don't hurt another person. As a single woman we need to learn to stand up for ourselves and seek only what makes us happy.

She must tell. She could be having sex with the new guy and be putting her guy friend in danger of catching an std. She should break it off with the first guy since she knows he wants more and she does not .

I would be completely open about my feelings. I would think that the friend has opened his heart to this woman and it could easily be broken in pieces.

Let him know so he will be prepared. Tell him that you were so limited by all that happened in your marriage and you want to live it up some.

A lot of women who divorced after a long marriage tend to go wild for a while once they get some freedom. It's been a while since you were out there and things have changed. People are a lot more fake than they used to be. They want so they can use you and get every thing out of you they can.

Be careful. Many people lie and just want to hurt others nowadays.

It sounds like you have a nice guy there. Don't burn bridges and don't play with his heart. Let him know what you want. He may even understand. He might want to wait while you get this all out of your system.

I am currently seeing three guys. I made it clear from the first date that I was not interested in a commitment, and that I neither offered nor expected monogamy.
If I make plans with Guy A, I see no reason to notify Guys B and C of the fact. If Guy B or C asks for a date on the same night I already have plans with Guy A, then I simply say, "No can do. I already have plans." No further explanation needed.

I'm like Suz T. Put the cards on the table. it makes life less messy in the long run.

Sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it, too. Tell the guy. He deserves a woman who loves him and is ready to settle. He is some mother's son. Wouldn't you want a woman to be honest with your son?

I'm not sure why they are still dating when they are clearly in such different places. If I was the woman, I don't think I could date the man once he professed his love for me if I didn't think my feeling would grow for him. You know he is dating her hoping she will change her mind.

My friend wasted over 10 years of her life with a man that told her on one of their first dates he would never marry. She thought he would change...he did not. I think she is a little bitter now that she gave up much of her 20's and 30's for him although he was honest with her.

I would not explicitly tell him that you are dating anyone else, but just occasionally reiterate that your relationship with him is casual and non-exclusive so he doesn't get the wrong idea.

Pretend lady should just be up front, again, so that there aren't hurt feelings if pretend man has gotten the wrong idea about the de facto exclusive nature of the relationship. That is, if she at least cares even a little bit about pretend man's feelings.

A., I'm late coming on here, but I just want to say that Ms. Divorcee doesn't owe Hypothetical Man notice that she's going out with someone. The truth of the matter is, she may never see the fellow again, and it makes no sense to me to discuss it with Mr. Casual Date. If all of a sudden she REALLY likes someone else or wants to see him a lot, THAT'S when Mr. Casual Date needs to know.

I will add after going back and reading your post a second time, that if he's in love with you, it would be better to see him less. He might just feel like he needs to be "patient". It could be that no amount of "patient" will make you fall in love with him, and I DO think you should tell him that. I still don't think it's his business if you're dating anyone else. But he needs to understand that you're just passing time with him, and I don't think he really knows this, given your description...