I Need Advice About a Boyfriend

My husband and I both have passwords on everything and we trust each other completely. I don't see what the problem is.

Maybe he read one of the million posts you can find online about the girlfriend who snooped on the boyfriends computer, found something innocent and blew it wayyyyy out of perportion.

Sorta like this post and the passwords themselves. Everyone has passwords on their computers, especially portables.

I might be in the monority here, but, when you think about it--LIFE pretty much requires a password, doesn't it? Banking sites, email, FB, school district site, work email, etc, etc, so I don't see what the big deal is really?

You're "living together" you're not married, why does his life have to be an open book? (Or yours for that matter?)

If this incident makes you not trust him, then you don't. So why stay?

You stated how long you've been cohabitating, but not how long you've been dating. You also didn't state how open that relationship is. My suggestion is to A) get your own computer and not use his; B) examine your relationship closely; C) talk about trust, honesty, and transparency in the relationship with your boyfriend. Based on what you find, you'll be able to make a better decision on how to handle this.

You keep asking him if the web cam was up and he keeps denying it? You know what you saw and he continues to lie. That means he has something to hide. Who cares if he thinks you're controlling? He's LYING to you and he's hiding something from you and frankly it sounds like he's cheating. People don't hide something if it's innocent.

If you're afraid of hearing honesty and forcing the issue and forcing him to be honest then what kind of relationship is that? End it now before you're really invested and committed. You've only been together a year and you're not married, so get out NOW while you have the chance and it's still easy.

This isn't about passwords. I don't know my husband's passwords and he doesn't know mine. We trust each other. You don't. And you have reason not to trust him because he's LYING.

Are there any other reasons you don't trust him?

Is he a personal person? I mean does he like to have his own personal space and personal things? Some people are like that and it doesn't mean they are hiding anything wrong, just that they are private people.

Personally I believe the key to any relationship is communication. You should just ask him what is going on and ask if there is a reason he keeps his computer protected with passwords on everything. Listen to what he says and go from there.

Well, what is his job? My husband has passwords on everything but he is a doctor and brings work home. Do you want your doctor's partner to know about how YOUR pap smear went? No? I am fine with the passwords.

Have you asked him about it? Have you asked to have all files shared? I know we have it so that anything unwork related is in shared files for both users. I can't modify it, but I can look. Work stuff has it's own special passwords and his hospitals insignia on the login, so I know he isn't hiding anything there!

I agree with Jubee and MommyCakes....I don't really see what the issue is. He created an account for YOU on HIS computer. He should be allowed to do it as he pleases. Often, computers require the administrator to have a password. Since it is HIS computer and he made a sepearate account for you, that makes HIM the administrator and therefore, needs a password.
Or, maybe he made it without a password so that it would be easier for you, not so that he can snoop.
Have you tried asking him to put a password on your account or asking why he didn't rather than jumping to conclusions and questioning his trust?

My husband and I have been together for 13 years and I don't know all his account passords and he doesn't know mine, that doesn't mean we don't trust each other...that's just the way it is.

Besides the password thing, do you have any other reasons to NOT trust him?

Your relationship is still new. Maybe he doesn't want all of his information out there for you to see just yet. It doesn't always mean a problem.
My husband, before we were officially dating had passwords on everything.
Now we both know each others passwords to everything.
It is possible that he has had problems with people snooping through his info in the past and is now more cautious. Or maybe he set it up with passwords so other people in his home; roomates and such can't go through and change his settings or mess up his work.
When I lived with a few friends, I was the only one with a computer. I had my own profile that was password protected, and let them create their own profiles. It wasn't a privacy issue, it was more so that I could have my info arranged and organized the way I wanted without anyone messing with it.
My husband is a computer tech. He would be so annoyed if I added, removed, changed any programs on his computer.

Also, why do you feel the need to have his passwords? You just need to go right to him and ask, NOT in a accusing way, why he has it password protected. It really doesn't mean he is doing something bad.
Figure out why you don't trust him 1st. If it has anything to do with your past relationships, you need to try NOT to let it ruin this one.
Communication is Key.

Passwords you don't know that are kept from you are red flags.

I allowed my boyfriend (now husband) complete privacy with his computer and internet profiles and he returned that trust by chatting and web camming sexually explicit activities with many women online. His thing was "I never met them and never physically touched them" - but it was still cheating. We've been working on it (since my trust for him was gone shortly after I found out - which was 2 months after we married) and he's shared every single password and profile. He 'could' make up new accounts... but for the moment I am giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Tell your boyfriend he needs to have an open policy about passwords for his accounts and computer.

No trust = no relationship.

I have a laptop and my husband has a desktop. We both have passwords on our computers.

We both have touch screen phones too. They also have passwords on them.

Mostly to keep our two young kids from messing anything up.

He has never given me a reason not to trust him- so why make a big deal out of nothing. Everyone deserves a little privacy.

Passwords ok...what i the real issue? Is there been some suspect behavior? Secrecy about "stuff" if so that would create a trust issue not having passwords.

some people are very private.and you never know what he has been through in the past with other women(snooping,going through his phone,looking through his phone,etc.). now my boyfriend has passwords on everything( laptop, tv,phone) because just in case someone steals our things they won't be just getting a free ride. when my mom bought her new laptop the first thing he told her was "make sure you put a start up password on it. also with olur laptop or kids sometimes uses it and there are certain things on here that are none of their business! so they can only use certain programs on it.
If your boyfriend has not given you any other reason not to trust him then leave it alone.

Always trust your gut instinct. I can understand passwords on sensitive information like bank accounts and the like.

When I was dating, there was one guy I got serious with for a while who was very guarded about everything he did and he had passwords on everything as well. Turned out that he was sneaking around. Now, I'm not the type who would go around snooping on anyone -- if I don't trust someone, I'd rather just talk about it or get out of the relationship than resort to fishing through the guy's e-mail -- but one of the reasons why I like my current husband is that he appeared to be open and honest, and didn't have anything to hide. To this day, I have complete access to all of his e-mails and texts if I want to look them over but I know I don't have to. We've been together for nearly 14-years now and it has been a pretty relationship to be in for me. This is the kind of guy that you want to have in your life.

Just my own opinion.

In relationships, there should be a sense of transparency... you can see what I do and I can see what you do. If there isn't transparency, then there is something to hide.

I find it strange, my husband and I share an email account. I know his other email password, because I set up the account for him. He knows my fb password because he doesnt have one and he plays games on my account. I hide or lock nothing from my husband. Nothing to hide.

so is the problem with the password because he has one on his account & won't give it to you? if yes this is a hard one because you guys are not married BUT if you have any suspicions that he is hiding things, lying about anything then LEAVE now, you will regret not leaving when you get pregnant & have had enough of the cheating or being suspicious

also if you are *naturally* suspicious then maybe it's you that needs to change things

If he isn't an open book for you after living together - it won't change in the future.

While I respect his right to privacy for checking account(s) and such - e-mails, if they are personal and not work - shouldn't be an exclusion....all depends upon your relationship.

Ask him what he has to hide...ask him why you can't be privy to this information he keeps under lock and key....you won't know anything if you don't start communicating.

however, if your gut is talking to you - i would listen to it!!

This is sooo like my relationship in the beginning. I wish I would have gotten out then. It's 2 years later. Nothing is better. I have "caught" him 3 times "talking" to other women on dating sites. We have a kid together now, so I don't kick him out. I soo wish I would have ended it back then, before things got complicated and we became enmeshed financially and with a kid. I know you don't want to hear this but END IT NOW!

I agree with Denise P. We are a password based society. We all need a little privacy and security at times. Since nothing is forever in most cases, I wouldnt want a boyfriend having access to all my "stuff" since it would be a pain in the neck to change it all if we ever broke up. My husband doesnt know my passwords either, but I'm not trying to hide anything from him.
If you don't trust the guy or he doesnt trust you, there's way more going on than having the computer be an open book. Otherwise it wouldnt even be an issue. Maybe he wants you to have your own account so when he's at work or somewhere else he can log in and talk to you, you cant do that if you both share the same email address and such.