Always Kiss Me Good Night!!!!!!

Well, unfortunately my marriage is pretty rocky right now and has been for a long time. What I would suggest to you is not to make the same mistake we did. When things got difficult for us we really started to withdraw from each other.
It's a really slippery slope first you skip a goodnight kiss here or there and one day you wake up and haven't hugged or kissed (or had sex) in months...
If I could go back in time I would swallow my anger and pride and kiss him goodnight and tell him that I love him.

PS we're working on it, but it's hard to get that wagon out of the ditch once it's in.

LOL no. Hardly ever lately. I've read in many different books, articles etc. that the "never go to bed angry" is bad advice. It doesn't do a couple any good to argue when they're tired just so that they can say that they're not angry when they got to bed - being tired will probably make the argument worse! Better to get a good night's sleep and regroup at a better time to continue the "discussion" (argument, war, etc.).

The advice of never go to bed angry is bad advice. What it should be is never go to sleep without reaffirming your commitment. Especially to the relationship. "I am angry with you and frustrated we can't get past this right now, but I love you and we will figure this out when we've both gotten some sleep."
I never ever let my DH leave without telling him I love him. Never. I know way too many times and ways I could lose him for good. (His job is dangerous.) I never lose sight of that.

I don't think it's realistic to never go to bed angry at each other. It's not realistic to just squash your feelings for the sake of following some arbitrary rule. Sometimes hubby and I DO go the bed angry, but after a night's sleep, we are in a better position to talk to each other and work things out and compromise. Sometimes you need that "space" apart from each other in order to calm down, sort things out in your own head and then be able to come back together again.

However, I will still kiss him good night and tell him I love him if I am just mildly annoyed.

Hello!

Almost every night my husband scratches my back before I go to bed...we say prayers with the boys - and I'm USUALLY in bed as well...then we go to our room and he scratches my back for me - I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!!

When we are having a difficult time - I try to focus on the good in him and not what is making me totally nuts right now...is it hard? heck yeah!! but we don't go to bed mad...however, we also step away from conversations that start degrading as we learned from our first marriages that things said in anger can never be taken back...once it's said - it's out there...and no amount of I'm sorry's can erase it..

GOOD LUCK!!

We try to. It bugs the heck out of me if he goes to bed without saying goodnight. I always feel more connected when we share at least one or two daily kisses.

M

My counselor said the 'never go to bed angry' thing is bad mojo. It leads to overtired, cranky people not being rational. She said it's much better to get a good nights sleep and table a disagreement for the next day after everyone's had time to cool off and reflect.
On the kissing part - I try. But I don't always. I'm trying to make an effort to always kiss him goodbye and goodnight and always tell him I love him. I do that for my kids, not sure why I have to remind myself to do it for him.

This might sound "puppy love" like, but my husband and I do kiss and say I love you before we go to sleep (it doesn't necessarily mean we're not angry or upset, but it refocuses us on what's important). And we kiss before we eat a meal. And we kiss and say I love you before we go to work in the morning and immediately hug when we get home. Sounds like a lot of kissy face now that I think of it, but we love each other, and that's one of the ways we show it!

this is going to sound awful but sometimes when my husband and I are fighting, before bed or before we leave the house, one of us will say something like "I love you even though you suck", or "I love you a little". It has become kind of an inside joke for us and even though I may still be pissed at him, it usually still makes me smile when we do this.

Nope. Just because you LOVE someone, doesn't mean you necessarily LIKE them all the time. Just as long as you like them more often than not.

And sometimes, being tired makes everything look worse. If it's the sort of thing that can wait, just go to bed. Make up in the morning.

You don't have to kiss, just say you love him, and go to bed. This is to remind yourself sometimes, too. Whatever the annoying habit DH is engaging in at the moment, well, no one else does it quite the same way, do they? (This doesn't always work, but it sometimes takes the edge off.)

Hang in there, lady.

We always kiss and say I love you and good night to each other before we fall asleep. And if I'm taking longer to get to bed and he's already in there asleep I will wake him up to tell him I love him! (Its ok, he literally can fall asleep in 3 seconds!!).

Its not realistic to go to bed every night completely in love and happy with each other. We *try* to not talk in bed about anything that we can get heated up about. We usually do that when the kids all go to bed at 8. Then we have enough time to sort of *get over it* before we actually go to bed.

I had a relative that went to sleep and didn't wake up so I know it happens so I tell the kids and hubby every night I love them so much. I don't want their possible last memory of me being any of us fighting or saying harsh words!!!

No matter what we always kiss good night unless we aren't in the same house. This happens even if we are mad and no words are spoken.

You are funny! Slip in a slap. LOL. No. We do not always kiss goodnight. I'd say it's a Hollywood scene we've been fed.

Not good night, but he ALWAYS kisses me before he leaves for work, even if we've had a big fight the night before, it's become a part of our daily ritual.
We've been (mostly happily) married for almost 20 years :)

If we're super tired or super annoyed at each other (it happens), we might not be making out and french kissing, but we always stop even if aggravated and hug, give a peck kiss at least, and say "I love you". I HAVE done like Melanie S said with the "I love you even if you suck" comment. It's good for a roll of the eye and a smile. We feel the need to remember that we love each other with all our hearts, no matter what, forever and ever (as we tell our boys). If we're NOT mad at each other, then we kiss A LOT. Good morning kisses, you smell good after your shower kisses, 2 or 3 goodbye kisses, etc, etc. I also punch him (not hard, but yes. I don't know why....it's just some weird show of affection I have). If I'm mad though, the punch isn't quick, it's a slow motion linger on the gut kind of punch. We try to work things out before bed. Sometimes it's not the right time. But we will stop and call a truce and stop the "anger" before bed. We might have an issue, but we put it on pause and say "I love you, no matter what." and kiss before bed. We won't cuddle on bad nights, but we'll at least touch (kinda reminds me of being a teen at the movie theater with a guy, doing that pinky touch thing....not quite holding hands yet, but thinking about it). I've noticed a long hug really helps. And we can talk about it at a better time in the next day or so. We've had our issues, but things work out so much better when we vent a little and then calmly talk about it a little later. But just because something isn't resolved doesn't mean we're ANGRY. I do not believe in going to bed angry. For one thing, we have tried it our first few months of marriage and WOW that was terrible for all involved. No sleep, no peace, much worse. So yeah---get rid of the active anger and remember to love each other, and just put the situation on hold and come back later.

No there are certainly times when some space is needed. Some people use that philosophy (always kiss goodnight) to just capitulate to their spouses issues.

However, the goal is to SOLVE the problem before going to bed so that you WANT to kiss them goodnight. If you can't get to the bottom of the issue and need some sleep, then set a time and date to continue the conversation and then reassure them of your love and commitment to the marriage.

I would only say you needed space if your spouse refuses to discuss/work out the issue.

Best wishes!

my husband and i always stay up until we work through things. this is more on his side than mine. he always gets more mad if he waits until the morning and doesn't want to be that way. i always wake up in a better mood. so we just stay up. work it out, and kiss good night.