3 Yo Doesn't Want to Say "Good Night" to Dad

That is perfectly normal for her age, he needs to go to her if he wants his huge, and he needs to try to act like an adult, not bring himself down to a child's level by saying mean things.

Put dad in charge of getting her ready and putting her to bed....and you might ask HIM, "whose acting more like a three year old"?

What would he do if you weren't around?

Blessings....

My almost 4 y/o goes through phases like this, but if given time after he refuses hugs, he'll always change his mind. The few times he hasn't, my husband has left for work, and he gets really upset that he didn't get to hug and say goodbye. Convince your husband that things will change back and forth, but he always needs to tell and show her he loves her no matter what- even if she's being difficult that day. Besides, remind him that this won't last; when she's a teenager, she'll want nothing to do with Mom, and she'll be leaning on Dad!

If she doesn't say good night or good bye, it doesn't happen? My DD was/is like that and tonight she said, "I'm not sleepy!" and refused to hug her dad....but after prayers she jumped out of bed, gave hugs and came back. She just had to realize that she was going to bed anyway.

If your DD needs a nudge, then he should take the opportunity to say good night to HER. It's up to him the be the bigger person (emotionally) and realize his child is not being spiteful, just being 3.

There will be many times in your daughter's life where you need to get past the prickles for your relationship's sakes, or her sake. This is a good place to start.

Punish her for what? Not hugging him? Ask him to please consider from her POV that she doesn't want to go to bed and he needs to just be her loving father, even if she's being weird.

Our little one went through this stage as well. We kind of figured out that she wouldn't say good bye/goodnight because she hoped that the person wouldn't leave/she wouldn't have to go to bed. She is not quite three yet, but has figured out that what was going to happen still will even if she chooses not to give kisses/say good night. It was a couple of sad nights for hubs, but now she is just as loving as ever. We do always make it her choice and tell her we love hugs and kisses, but we never force her to give them. Sometimes a girl just has to assert her power. We just want her to know her feelings and opinions are valid and we will listen. We will always give her kisses as we go up to bed.

Husband and I both tuck the girls in to bed together each night, I don't know what to tell you to tell him, but I would probably go to her. Start that routine. :) If he wants kisses, go get him.

Yeah I agree with the others. Your husband needs to "man up" here. My daughter is 2.5 and does this to my husband on occasion. At bedtime, I will tell her to go say goodnight to Dad and she will say no. My husband lets it roll off with a shrug and by the time she is all tucked into bed, she is all upset that she didn't give her dad a goodnight kiss and hug. Your daughter is not doing this to spite your husband or to be unkind and disobedient. It just happens for who knows whatever reason. ( As I am assuming you don't suspect any odd/inappropriate behavior between your daughter and her father to cause this reaction from her.) However, if he keeps acting so childish, he will wreck this relationship as she grows up. I would suggest he be in charge of putting her to bed or carve out some daddy/daughter bonding time on a regular basis, if he isn't already doing so.
HTH,
A.

Your hubby wants to punish her for being squirrely about nite-nite kisses and hugs? He needs to get a grip and grow up!

I think that its cute that he wants his hug and kiss every night and i also think he needs to understand its not that she doesn't love him because obviously that his little girl and he feels like she is pushing him away. So i can understand the hurt feelings but me and him would have to talk about the sarcasm.

he just wants his baby to be his baby

Little ones thrive on routines so I don't think it needs to change. She's 3, and Dad is how old? Hurt and pouty, huh? Children learn by modeling, and if he wants her to say goodnight to him and give him a hug he needs to go to her and do it first. Have him tuck her in on alternate nights so he'll be there to hug and kiss her, and if she still refuses he can say something like, "I know YOU don't want to say goodnight or hug me, but I want to say goodnight and hug YOU." Then start having her go to him on alternate nights, give and take, fair is fair and all that. Punishment won't help, I believe the problem lies with the both of them.

Also, since you don't know what precipitated this, do consider that she may have been frightened in some way and doesn't want to say goodnight to him because she's afraid of something. This happened to someone I know who's daughter's best friend's dad was killed in a car accident. All the little girl could say was "I said Good night" (meaning the last time she spoke to him) and that's what my friend's daughter picked up on so thought if she said goodnight to her dad he would die.

Hope it all works out soon.

You just can't demand love from anybody, especially a child. Your husband's behavior, though understandable, is childish, so it's two kids in a tug-of-war here.

Toddlers have a whole lot of demands placed on them from morning till evening, and the smart ones figure out eartly that they are not trained ponies. They are people who need, crave, and deserve respect, just like every human being does. Your husband also needs, craves, and deserves respect, but he's expecting a very young child to get a rather adult concept.

She will only gradually learn what respect is, and the real value of it will dawn on her as she receives respectful treatment herself. Until she gets many experiences with that over the next couple of years, it will only be a word with very little emotional meaning. I hope your husband will be open to hearing that explanation. Punishing his child for not "loving him" enough would not help her love him better.

I agree, I think the problem lies with your husband. Kids at that age go through all kinds of quirky phases and behaviors and God knows why she's acting the way she is, but he's the adult here, and he should just be able to roll with it. Maybe he's taking it personally, or maybe he thinks she is being rude, and he's not willing to tolerate rude behavior. Or maybe he feels a 3 year old doesn't get to dictate what an adult does. I would try to talk to him and try to get down of the bottom of why he feels the way he does, since hopefully he'll be able to better explain what is going through his head than the 3 year old will. But he does not need to get snippy with her - he needs to act like a grown-up and show a little more maturity. He does need to be willing to compromise sometimes, but also, when my daughter has sometimes snubbed Dad for whatever reason, I remind her that that's not nice and it hurts Daddy's feelings. She might just be trying to see how much she can control you guys but at some point kids also have to learn that other people have feelings too and their actions and choices can affect others. Maybe Dad can do something else, like read her a bedtime story, and then the hug and kiss night-night will naturally happen at the end.

He;s being as childish as your daughter. More so. Time for him to put the big boy pants on and grow up. His love for his child is supposed to be unconditional. Is there a reason he can't get off his keister and go to her? Bedtime is supposed to include mom AND dad.
He's punishing her already and it's for his behavior not hers. Her reaction is just that, a reaction. If he isn't there for her, she is feeling no need to show her affection. She doesn't understand conditional relationships. Or unconditional.
You're right. The problem does not lie with her. He's old enough to be able to make changes and stick to them. If he wants a certain 'end', then he has to change the 'means'. I.e., the end justifies the means. It's the same as if he wanted to lose weight; is he determined and willing to make changes to attain his heart's desire? Or expect he can continue as is and the weight will miraculously disappear?
Parenthood takes consistency and work. Kids are not here to serve us. We put them here in our lives. We create them, and we need to mold them. In a good way.

I remember having to do the same thing as kids. My dad sat there and expected a kiss good night. I have a twin sister and my sister stopped doing it before I did. I remember feeling bad for my dad, so I continued to kiss him good night even though my sister did not and I wasn't really comfortable with it (I would have rather skipped it). I think we were a little older than 3 though. Maybe he could take her up to bed, snuggle with her and kiss her good night. I bet she would reciprocate. If she doesn't, maybe she isn't comfortable with him for some reason. I definitely don't think he should be mean to her. He should try to do all he can to improve the relationship with her! Good luck!

She is being a typical 3 year old testing her power and he is being the baby. I hope he can see it and stop letting her manipulate him sooner rather than later. In the meantime, all you can do it not make a big deal out of either one of their behaviors.

Tell your husband that if he punishes her because she doesn't give him hugs/kisses or say goodnight to him, that he will sleep HIS sarcastic behind on the couch for a month. Something is wrong with your husband's behavior. He is supposed to act like a grown man, not a pouty baby, and he is supposed to act like a father, not bully who punishes a small child for not wanting to show affection for a bully.

If he wants to have a good relationship with his child long term, he had better figure out what a father is for. I am not being nice here, I know, but there are some huge red flags here, and you need to get this man to a counselor to help him figure out how to act like a father before he screws this child up.

Good luck - I have a feeling you will really need it.

Dawn

Sometimes my son doesn't want to say goodnight or give kisses cause it means he has to go to bed, so I'll suggest he do something else.

He is taking something personally that he shouldn't. Kids go through this.

Is your husband a big baby all the time, or is it just this one thing? If it's just this, you need to help him "get it" and stop being childish and overly sensitive. If he's like this about other stuff, that's a whole other issue.

Your husband is being unreasonable. This is a power struggle for sure between him and your daughter, and he is letting her win by allowing her to get him all upset. He wants her to go to him instead of him going to her, and that proves what? That she does love him or that he's the boss? Will punishing her to make her to do what he wants prove that either is the case? I don't think so.

I know that my kids go through phases where they won't kiss me goodbye or good night because they think that withholding kisses will delay or prevent the separation. When that happens, I just tell them good night/goodbye anyway and leave.