Do You Go to Bed Angry or Upset?

Hell yes I go to bed mad sometimes, or I would never sleep.

Seriously, though. Most times it just makes things worse to stay up and "discuss" the issue. I have never gone to bed after being irritated with my husband and woken up the same. It is like walking away from the situation when angry. It is a cooling off point for both of us. Wake up refreshed and start anew.

=)

Nope, I have to sleep it off. If I'm tired and you want to keep poking me about a subject I'm angry about, I'll snap and something really mean will come out. If you leave me alone, let me sleep, by morning, I'm a whole new person. This drives my hubby crazy as he has to resolve issues right away, he can't stand that this is how I work. He deals with it though, he knows I can get pretty mean if you keep annoying me when I'm tired.

Depends. Usually a bit of resolution but often just go to bed bc typically in the morning, none of it seems like that big a deal anymore... I don't really understand the "don't go to bed angry" thing bc often it's when I'm tired that I get most angry so it's a vicious cycle. So if I sleep, I have a whole new perspective. Seems to be the same for my husband.

Heck yes, almost every night of my life. If I stayed up long enough to hash things out with DH we'd both die from exhaustion.

I have tried that many times in the past, stay up and work it out. My husband is not very receptive and it usually turns out uglier than it was before. I think the sayig "don't go to bed mad" is a terrible idea. Sometimes people need some time to cool off, recharge and wake up with a fresh perspective. I try not to push stuff too much anymore.

i think there's a level of comfort with each other that allows my husband and i to do this - don't laugh, i'm serious! we both know we will be there in the morning, it's not like one is going to take off or anything. and i sleep like a baby. we have had many years of loving and fighting and it's not a big deal. i get that "you don't know what could happen", but "you don't know" could happen at any time, not especially at night. so then no one should ever get mad at all! and yet it happens. the only time i fought till dawn with him or stayed up all night freaking out and obsessing was at the beginning of our relationship when i wasn't as secure, thinking everything was a huge drama that had to be fixed asap. now i am used to "us" - we fight sometimes. then we get over it. (and yes, i have a kid and a job and i DON'T do well on little sleep!) lol...

Honestly this is why I have two guest rooms- One for when we fight and one for guests. My husband will go sleep in the guest room but seriously good fight in our house can last for days.

Of course I have! I don't think it's realistic to make-up and go to bed at peace every night. I don't thing the complicated issues of a marriage are able to be neatly tied up in a bow each day.

p.s. - Telling someone to "never go to bed angry" is the worst marital advise ever! Talk about setting unrealistic expectations.

We just go to bed. Sometimes the solution to our problem is crystal clear after a night's sleep.

When you're angry, you're using your primitive brain. It's almost impossible to get anything productive worked out when you're in that state of mind. If it's something that's going to make you mad for HOURS, I think it's better to go to bed, let your emotions cool down, get rest so your in a rested state of mind, and then make sure to talk about it again when you're both calmer.

I know a lot of people say never to go to bed angry. I used to subscribe to that point of view too..but I think that can create more problems before it resolves it. Problems that don't NEED to be created before working it out. If you're using your angry/sleep-deprived brain to try to deal with a big problem, it seems like a difficult set up.

Everyone needs a calm down space sometimes. There is NOTHING wrong with saying, "Okay, I think we're both too angry about this. We definitely need to work it out, but how about we go to bed, cool down, get well rested, and talk about it tomorrow when we're more rational." There's nothing weak in doing that at all. I think it's a very healthy way to deal with problems. I do think you need to make sure to follow through and resolve the problem, though!

just go to bed. we're not college kids anymore! gotta wake up bright and early to take care of the kid ;p

I try not to go to bed angry with my husband. It kills my sleep, because I will just lay there and seethe, and then be more mad at his snoring.

Instead, it's better if we go to bed with a vague plan of "how we'll work on it" in the coming days. Then we don't wake up feeling badly about each other, either.

Yes we go to bed mad at each other. I don't like to but it usually gets worse when we try to talk when we are both tired and mad. There is NO kissing, hugging, or I love you's either!! He goes to his side of the bed and I go to mine.

It would have to be pretty serious for me to stay up all night talking it out.

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I try not to. Lifes too short and you never know. I don't consider myself a religious person but I thank god everyday before bed for allowing us another day together. On hugs and kisses before bed. Period!

We do go to bed with unresolved issues at times - but we ALWAYS kiss each other good night and tell each other "I Love You" before we go to bed. Just because I am mad at him doesn't mean that I don't love him.

I just go to bed. Staying up and arguing all night tends to make an issue bigger than it really is. I am a fan of "call it & night" and revisit it with some sleep & some perspective!

You go to bed. Staying up til dawn talking serves no one. Think about it....you're up til dawn, finally sleep for an hour and then you are a zombie all day. I find that going to bed is best. In the heat of the moment one tends to over discuss issues at hand. Going to sleep gives you a new clarity in the morning, that sometimes allows you to discuss things better and sometimes it even blows over on it's own.

Well I am so human. I do sometimes go to bed, irked.
I try not to. Don't we all?

Me and Hubby do talk about things. But sometimes, talking about it right away, is not the best time, because nerves/tolerance is still high keeled.
So, we wait... until we are calmer and can talk, not in an angry mode.

hehehe! Good question! My hubby and I will stay up and talk through things. We've stayed up til 2a.m. a couple of times fighting it out. Luckily we don't fight much! Going to bed angry means you wake up angry and it can just ruin the next day. What's the use? Settle things so it doesn't keep carrying over.

If you don't feel like talking at that moment, kiss each other, say I love you and goodnight, and talk in the morning. :-) That's what we do when we are too wiped to deal with an issue. The next day we either just let it go, or we talk briefly about it. The next day seems more refreshing and a new light on things and you're bound to be a lot calmer....but always say I love you to your honey before bed...even if you don't discuss the problem right then. :-D

I wish I could just go to bed but my husband has to overanalyze EVERYTHING. it drives me crazy.

I usually can't sleep if I am really good and mad. If it is just regular frustration, I can probably blow it off. If I am really bent out of shape, somebody will be talking with me :D

Yes, I'm a better listener after a good nights rest. So we actually tend to talk about it in the morning. With that said, we have never gone to bed not saying "Good night" & "I love you"...no matter how PO'd I am, I can manage to squeeze out those few words.

Now that I think about it, maybe we haven't been in that big of a disagreement yet? I sure hope there's never a night I won't want to say those words even if I'm a lil' mif! Then again my hubby never argues, I think that's his only down fault. It takes a lot to get us going, generally I'm the only one going to bed angry--probably why I can still say those important few words :)

We try our best to work it out before going to bed.But if its something that is not going to be solved in one day, we decide to "table it" for the next day and we both try not to think about it til we talk again.

M

Often. And he will often approach me the next day as if no argument has occurred. I tell him I need some resolution from the previous night's conversation, and things are often handled in a much calmer manner after some decent sleep. Well, that was when we were able to get a decent night's sleep. You know. Before Babies.

It is a rule in our marriage... we don't go to bed angry.

BUT... that doesn't mean we have to be "perfectly happy" either when we go to bed. We know we love each other, and say it before bed... but in all marriages there are disagreements... and not all of them can be 100% resolved before bedtime.

For me I cannot sleep if I am fuming anyways... and if I am that angry, he won't be asleep for long anyways LOL!

Thankfully, it has been a while since we have had a problem so big that it was an issue... knock on wood!

-M.

I need to talk it out and the Man needs to sleep...so we have come up w/a compromise, if one of us wants to talk but the other one does not we agree AND promise to pick it up in the morning, from the same spot and hash it all out!

~If I do not get some kind of nice closure, I can not sleep, I just sit and stew and it ends uglier than it needed too...this compromise has worked well for us and probably saved us both A LOT of heartache!

I HATE going to bed angry, but the older I get the more it happens (not too often thank God!)
I NEED my sleep and we both usually feel better and talk it out (by phone, he's at work) around 11 the next day :)

I just asked my husband this. He said 'we never fight, and when we do we don't. Be quiet, I am watching sport.'. Hmmmmm..... Usually, we just go to bed and in the morning carry on as if nothing happened. Unless he's committed a really bad sin. Then he'll have to apologise. It's always his fault. :). Seriously, it is!

It depends on the situation. I normally would like to talk about it, but my DH isn't the same way. He usually has to be ready to talk about it. So if he isn't ready, then there is no point in me pushing him because he will just either get mad or not talk to me the way I want and I end up getting mad. We don't fight that often though, so not too many nights going to bed mad.

Oh yeah!Most of the things I get mad about are things that happen over and over. The way I see it, I'm already mad and I would be ten times more pissed off if I knew it wasn't going to be resolved AND got no sleep!!!

Oooh there are days when I'd really wish hard for my own remote control to control DH!!
On such days, nothing that I'd do or say will have an effect. So, I've recently developed this habit of not really talking (make the necessary polite talk, but no actual talking), and I simply go to bed shutting off my mind. I force myself to sleep, wake up in the morning, and continue the game. He does the same thing, and it becomes a war of wills. Usually, he gives in first. :)

A lot of times if it is that bad, I kick him to the couch and when I'm ready, we stay up late talking about it and figure it out. But normally I have no problem to go to bed mad. Even if it makes the next day bad, sometimes the issues need to have time to work themselves out.

I try not to. If I do find myself in bed angry, I try think to myself "Am I choosing to be angry?" Usually, I answer no and take a deep breath and let it go. Occasionally, I say Yes, and still stay angry. Often, I'll get up out of bed and talk to DH (who stays up much later than I do) about it, after taking a deep breath and trying (trying being the operative word) to be more objective, and that also helps.

I hate going to bed angry. It usually only hurts me and does nothing to him whatsoever (he rarely notices unless I'm walking around with a horrid scowl on my face).

Unfortunately, yes....there are periods it happened more than I care to admit.

But somehow I woke up the next morning with the ability to forgive and see it from his perspective. And life went on....

We have stayed up many nights discussing things. Its usually me that has the problem, and if I'm really pissed or hurt about something, I wouldn't be sleeping anyway. I would just get more and more irritated and things are very tense between us. When I say 'we need to talk' he is usually very good and willing to sit, listen, discuss anything until we've resolved the problem. even if that means all night. Actually, we usually find ourselves much closer and have learned a lot from each other every time this happens. Boy does he piss me off sometimes! But it usually ends way better than before the problem. I really do love him, sometimes I just forget and need reminding I guess.

I stay up till dawn weeping, glaring, watching movies, baking, aching... until I'm too exhausted to fret any longer, and finally fall asleep. Typically about an hour after dawn. Then I get up a few hours later (usually 3) and put on my game face and go about my life.

But I stay up by myself. My husband goes to bed.

ut.

I go to bed-somehow the dust settles overnight

Sometimes we go to bed frustrated and disagreeing, but not very often. Usually, I'll get up and go read or watch tv in the playroom until he is asleep. If I'm upset, I can't lay there and go to sleep until I've distracted myself.

We generally try not to go to bed angry or upset. This does not mean staying up till down though. For the really tough situations, it may mean to agree to disagree and to agree to table a conversation till later when we are both more clear headed and alert.

~C.