Always Being Last

Did you ask him for what you needed from him? These situations are usually easily solved by simply telling him what you need from him and if what you need his for him to take a day or a half day to help you then ask.

My husband becomes a baby when he is sick also. I think most of them do. It actually makes me laugh. Men would never be able to handle pregnancy or labor! My kids are older now. They help take care of me when i am sick. They bring me a cup of tea or a heating pad. It is heaven :)

It does suck... Right or wrong us women seem to get this role.. you are NOT alone. My only suggestion is that you don't go to work tonight and have your husband take the kids so you can rest and get better this evening. Is that possible?

Oh, K., I am sorry you are sick.

Men are babies when they are ill and I think most just don't get it when we are ill. Did you ask him to stay home? Nudge him awake at feeding time and tell him it was his turn? Please make sure to express your needs to him...he may just not realize how much you need his help. I think they just get blinders on sometimes and forget to reciprocate. I also think that they just don't know what to do when we get sick.

Can you take the night off from work tonight? If you can, call him and tell him he is on duty tonight so that you can rest and recuperate. Do you have a relative or close friends that come over and help out? If I lived anywhere near you I promise I would come over and swoop up your children.

Try and rest when the children nap. Can you curl up on the sofa while they play? Please try and drink some fluids so you don't dehydrate. Maybe later some clear broth or something soothing like Cream of Wheat. I also drink jasmine tea with a touch of honey when I have a stomach bug - it just seems to soothe me.

Good luck dear. You'll feel better I promise.

Sweeping generalization of course but....

Men cannot handle pain, discomfort, illness, etc, like we can...

Which might explain why WE have the babies, not them!

Feel better!

Added: Also they will not just KNOW that you need help. You have to specifically ask for it EACH time you need it!

:)

If I told you to join the crowd, you might not be able to fit in that room, what with all the other mamas in there already.

But after forty years of marriage, I've quit griping about things. Life isn't a storybook, and it isn't "fair." I wish you had the luxury of resting all day, too, but most moms don't.

Now that you've vented, what can you do to work out your situation? Do you have a friend or neighbor who will take your kids for an hour so you can get some rest? Be sure to return the favor when it's needed. Order dinner out tonight so you won't have to cook. If you have a mountain of laundry, run just one load through (assuming you have a washer and drier at home) just to keep things going; otherwise, it'll wait for you. See if you can take tonight off from your job - they may not want you around! If you can stay home, plan things that don't take a lot of your energy, like reading to your children or letting them watch a special dvd (TV can really come in handy when you're sick!).

The unhappy fact is that men measure their worth more by their jobs than by their families. It's not that they DON'T love their families, but when somebody says, "Who are you?" their immediate answer is in terms of their outside work.

That's not something you can change, so send him off and see what other resources you have. Be like a pioneer woman who has to work things out on her own because her husband is miles away hunting. Practically speaking, the less you whine - and you don't like your husband complaining either - the better response you may get when it's an emergency and you can turn to no one else but him. (That's one thing Mamapedia is good for - we can growl at one another instead of at our spouses.) If you can talk about this whole thing with your husband later, go for it; however, move ahead on your own and make contingency plans B and C that don't involve him.

Just be happy that you don't get sick often. I think what you are experiencing is fairly common. Women almost always do more work, and men are usually wusses about getting sick.

Try not to be resentful about it, hang in there and be proud that you are the stronger one. And if there is anything you really want/need from your husband, you are probably, sadly, going to have to ask for it. "Honey, I'm really feeling sick right now, can you watch the kids for a couple of hours."

men, in my experience, are the biggest babies when they are sick... They also require (in my experience) very clear communication... they don't read between the lines very well and us women may have a hard time saying "I can't do it... you are going to have to... blah blah". Soooo.... we suck it up since they don't step up and just do what we need to do! Hang in there. I'm sure he didn't mean to be such a jerk... empathy may not be his strong suit! lol! And... he may have stayed home if you said "I can't and won't do this, you are going to have to..." Sorry for the generalizations, as not all women or all men are like this... but as they say... men are from Mars, women are from Venus! lol

men suffer from "being a baby syndrome". they get sick and seriously just dont know what to do and revert back to being babies and want mommy to take care of them. My husband acts every bit as bad as my 2 year old when he is sick. But if i get sick, there is no sympathy. At the very most i get to go take a nap on the weekend, and after a couple hours he is in with the kids waking me up. I often tell him that i could be dying of cancer and getting chemo-therapy and would still be expected to clean the house and put dinner on the table!

Don't men act like they are on their death bed when they get a cold or virus?!?!?!? Good Lord - I hear ya on that one. I personally would call in sick to work. Especially since it's your stomach...if you are throwing up even more so to call in. There is no reason why you should go to work in that condition. That is my personal rule when I'm sick and when to call into work - either for a migraine that I can't shake or throwing up. My whole world will stop for those two things so I can sleep. If you call into work and stay home...when hubby gets home - You go straight to bed and have him take care of the kids....YOU my dear need your rest to be able to carry on the responsibilities of a mom, maid, cook, day planner, wife and income duties. Good luck hun....I would do grilled cheese sandwiches and chicken noodle soup for the menu tonight.....

No additional advice, you've already gotten some really good posts. Just my support and a hug. Stay home tonight and get some rest! Feel better soon.....

No, you aren't ridiculous, yes you have a right to be upset... you are SICK!
But, as many more moms on here will probably write, men are babies and their world stops when they get sick...women "man up" and push through being sick b/c who else is going to feed the baby and get up with the preschooler? (not the lump of man snoozing in bed!) I am (kind of) being sarcastic about this but know you aren't the only mom to have this happen...but I definately think you need to have a nice calm chat with hubby and explain how his sickness and recovery were so very different from yours (obviously he hasn't picked up on it by himself) and that a little equality next time would be appreciated and expected. My husband bends over backwards if I am sick to help around the house and with the kids, but he doesn't call into to work...fortunately if I really need help then I have family close to help, but I have had those sick days where I lay on the couch and park the kids in front of the tv and let them eat whatever they want just to get some rest! I hope you feel better.

The only thing you are being ridiculous about is going into work while you are sick with a stomach virus, please stay home and use that time to rest while your husband takes care of the kids and the house (like he would be doing if you were at work). You wouldn't want to get anyone else sick, and how productive can you be, anyway, being as sick as you are? Being a sick mom is no fun, but you have a responsibility to take care of yourself so you can take care of your family. I hope you feel better soon. Please get some rest.

Sounds to me like the average husband/wife parenting responsibilty roll out, to me.
It works the same way in my house. I can sympathize.

Do you have sick time available? Take the day off and sleep.

In our house, if I do everything, everyone will let me, if I don't do it, someone else will kick in and get it done. Yesterday I didn't feel well, so I took a nap for about an hour and the husband had to entertain the little one.

Doing everything is kind of the gift you have when you have full control of the house. Let someone else do it.

Ugh I hear you! Something similar happened to me recently. I have stomach bug and I called my husband at work and asked him to come home around 10am and he did not come home until close to 5. I was furious! Meanwhile, like you, if he's slightly under the weather, he rolls over in bed and shuts the door, sleeping for the day. One very important thing is to talk to your husband when you're feeling patient and let him know how you feel. I found myself stewing about my situation and feeling resentful for several days, but felt a lot better once I told him how I felt. Warning though, it did not really change anything except some underlying understanding.

Welcome to world of wives/moms. You are not alone unfortunately!
Men are big babies and we all know it.
I'm glad you have this place to come and vent to.

Now... stomach bug. I am just getting over this. I came down with it on Friday and taking work off today to fully recover before I go back to work tomorrow.
This stomach bug is the norovirus. It is highly contagious (recall how fast it came on???) You are contagious up to 3 days after your symptoms abate. You may feel okay, not quite back to yourself..but you are still a ticking germ bomb. My advice? CALL IN SICK tonight. The second your dear husband walks in the door, hand him the apron, crawl into bed and stay put.
Put the babygate in your door way so the kids don't come in disturbing you if you have to.
When you are well again, come up with a 'sick plan' with your husband for the next time... face it, you have small ones and they bring home every bug and germ from school as they grow up and you will be sick again.

The only thing I can ad to the already excellent advice you've already gotten, is to try sipping warm and if possible flat ginger ale for your stomach. It's the only thing that ever gets me through any type of upset stomach. Something about the ginger. Oh, and I also vote for stay out of work if at all possible. Feel better.

Your post made me laugh. So typical for us all. My husband went to work the day I was in early labor with my second. Leaving me home, in labor, to care for my 2 1/2 yr old. Men are idiots lol. You need to blatently tell them to call out of work & stay home. Then you need to lock yourself in your room & ignore them & the kids. That's the only time they seem to realize that you're serious. The problem is, when women get sick we do "it" anyway. Men see this and figure we're just not that sick. They're babies and think it's always worse for them. You need to force the rest you need. Glad to hear you called in sick. Most of us are in the same boat. Feel better!

i have had a different experience. i, too, got that nasty stomach virus-- i haven't felt that sick in a long time-- and my husband went to work instead of staying home to care for our toddler (i'm a SAHM). luckily i have family nearby who came over to help (there was no way i could function for 1.5 days). my husband is the type that never gets sick, and when he does, he just brushes it off. so he doesn't understand what it means to be truly sick, and he has no patience for me when i am not feeling good and ask for help (he feels it is self-pitying). it is something we are working on. that, and the concept of sick time at work also equals taking time to care for a sick member of the family. so i guess what i have to add is that even if you do explicitly ask for what you need from your husband, you may not always get it when you need it, and it sucks.

just please don't feel bad about needing help and rest when you're sick. maybe when you're both feeling healthy, the two of you can sit down and come up with a "sick plan." that's what my husband and i will be doing in the next few weeks; i am hopeful that my husband will have a better understanding of what the family needs and that i will gain more insight into where he is coming from.

good luck!