When my husband is sick, he just beelines for a bed/bedroom (usually the spare room) and sacks out. All day. No care given to what my son & I are doing. As a mother, I know it's "different" for us and we're not really "allowed" to be sick, but I honestly cannot remember a time when I hit the bed for HOURS ON END of uninterrupted sleep.
For example, he stayed home from work yesterday (sick) and NEVER left the bedroom. At all. He went to work this morning at 5:00 A.M. (HS NORMAL START TIME) was home by 2 (normal, no-OT work day), announced that he should have not gone to work, showered and hit the bedroom and is still there and will most likely be sacked out til tomorrow morning. I took my son to my mom's for a visit b/c I could not stand the thought of being in the house tip-toeing around all evening.
Last week, when it was ME, I went to lay down (he was fine at the time) and my son was in my bedroom within 45 minutes asking me if I wanted to play Wii. ???!!! So much for "let mom rest"!
Oh yeah....he's sick all right. We've all had this bout with the fever and upper respiratory thing. No hookey-playing going on here, so I know he's sick, but I can only remember one time in our married lives (14 years) that I was "IN BED" for an entire day, and I was puking my guts out into my wicker garbage can--long story!
Don't get me wrong--my husband RARELY misses a day of work. He's missed maybe 4 days in the last 2 years. He has a very physical job and busts his hump about 50-55 hrs per week.
Normally my husband is very involved and hands-on but when he's "SICK" -- forget it. He can't see past the end of his own nose!
Am I alone?
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LOL, are you married to my husband??? A month ago he had a COLD and, no joke, locked himself in the bedroom for 3 days. I got a stomach virus and was in the bathroom every minute, when I asked him to help me out with the kids he says "Why are you so dramatic when you are sick".
MEN ARE WORSE THEN BABIES WHEN THEY ARE SICK!!!!
My husband is really good about if I am sick he lets me sleep all day (he gets up with the kids on the weekend too so I can sleep in) but I also take care of him when he is sick. We are partners and take care of each other. I want my husband to sleep when he is sick.
I am old fashion, I am a 28yr SAHM and I love to care for my family. Not saying other moms don't am just speaking for myself. Be patient with him.
Man, this forum makes me feel so lucky! My husband is NOT like this! He goes to work sick. He only stays home if he can get everyone else sick, but would rather go. He still plays with my son if he's sick. He behaves as if he's healthy. I have to force him to rest!! If I'm not feeling well, he lets me rest and takes care of everything. I'm sorry you had to deal with this :(
Wow! My husband should have a long, man-to-man chat with your hubby. If I'm sick, my husband takes over, I'm bundled off to bed and waited on hand and foot. It's been this way since my teenagers were babies. When my husband actually ADMITS he's sick enough to stay in bed, I do the same for him.
The O. thing neither of us ever demanded, however, was tip-toeing around the house. We both tried to keep things calmer around the house, but that was never an expectation when our sons were younger.
I will say this, though. Be careful what you ask for! If you want your hubby to take over when you're sick, you can't micromanage from the bedroom. He must be allowed to do things in his own way. If the children aren't neglected, hungry or overly dirty, then you need to stay in bed and not fuss at him because he's not doing things your way. I know an awful lot of moms who refused to rest when they were sick because they couldn't handle how their husbands managed the children. Food for thought...
Hope he gets better soon!
Typical Man.
They are the other "kid" in the home.
You are not alone.
Condensed version...
My husband was home from overseas for a 6 month R&R. He is a contractor and it was his choice to take that job, not mine, so I am not too sympathetic to his woes when it comes to work as I was against the job in the first place. At any rate, he had nowhere to be at any time of the day, except on the couch in front of the television according to him. I got very ill about 6 weeks after my daughter was born and my son had just turned 4. I let it go thinking I could kick it, but nursing all night and chasing a 4 year old left me little time for rest. Any decent man would have said, "why don't you sleep while the baby is asleep?" Sounds resonable. Not in my house. Eventually I went to the doctor to find out I had full blown pneumonia and was to be admitted to the hospital immediately. I had to sign a waiver stating that I refuse hospital care b/c my husband could not handle the kids. I drove my self home and fell right back into the routine. We have horses as well, and not once did he offer to take over any chores or take care of the kids. My daughter was no longer nursing due to the antibiotics, so there was no reason for him not to help feed her throughout the night. So, here I am, recovering from a c-section that felt like it was going to blow wide open every time I coughed, lungs that refused to let me breathe with any ease, a 4 year old and a newborn that needed constant attention, and a husband that wouldn't even take out the trash. It took me 2 months to recover. This was the precursor of what was to follow. This was not a young father, but a 32 year old man that should have had more sense. Now, the only thing he has is divorce papers!
When my hubby is sick he sleeps and doesn't do anything around the house either. Personally, I don't see anything with that. I'd rather him sleep and get the healing rest he needs than want me to take care of him. I feel bad for him when he's sick, but I can't do all I do in a day and take care of him too. And I tell my husband to stay away from me and our son when he's sick. I don't have time to be sick, and don't want to my son sick either. Staying in the bedroom is best for him because it's quiet and comfortable, and best for us because we don't catch whatever he has.
Your not alone! Lol, that reminds me of the time my fiance got the stomach bug and even after he was done with the puking and diarrhea he laid around. Then when I got it, The only time I really had rest was after our daughter was put to bed.
LOL Men.
Nope. Not alone.
Although, my hubby does try to let me rest when I am really sick, at least for a few hours, if he is home at the time. He has actually even called in sick before so that I could stay in the bed and he took over with the kids. It's rare, but it is even more rare that I am that sick, lol.
But, yeah... the amount of down time I get vs. what he takes is like a 1 to 35 ratio, lol.
My husband stayed home for the FIRST TIME EVER when I was sick to care for our 8yo son last year. I was about to file for divorce (he didn't know that), and because of it I stayed.
This fall I hurt my back so badly I couldn't move at all (and was drugged up). I didn't have to call my mum, I didn't have him trying to have people over and volunteering me to watch a friend's child for a week (can ya tell the man has done that to me before???). He took 2 days off of work, and worked from home for another 2, and then it was the weekend.
I swear to god, this simple little thing (being able to sleep when sick) is better than sex, anniversaries, new cars. I mean, 9 times out of 10 now... I just suffer through. Kiddo gets to zonk out on electronics (and he is SO sweet "taking care of me" -like pouring water down my front while napping "Mom, you need to stay hydrated" to REAL schtuff, like playing quietly/ helping around the house) for a couple hours in the afternoon so I can sleep, or I'll come down in PJs and we'll both zone out on a movie in the morning... and then it's "soldier on" sick or not. BUT OH MY GOD.... When I'm really sick, I can actually SAY SO AND HAVE HIM STAY HOME.
I cannot express how much this means to me.
Hi, Denise:
Men and women are different. Men can and women don't.
End of story. D.
you are so not alone...this happens all the time in our house too. Yet, I can be puking my guts out and he heads off to work leaving me with my daughter. yep-not alone.
My husband will often to do that. There are times that he'll come home, say hi, disappear for a bit so I go to check out what's going on and yeah, he's sacked out. He often doesn't even tell me he's feeling bad! However, on the flip side, if I'm feeling bad and need a rest he's right there supporting me and making sure the horde leaves me alone.
when my boyfriend is sick i normally pick up the slack a little bit and let him rest so he can get to feeling better, normally i am the O. with the "man cold" as people like to call it. The last time i was sick i stayed in bed pretty much all weekend to get over my sinus infection and he took care of audrey and picked up the extra slack
My husband wouldn't dare. If I'm not allowed to rest, he's not either. He works out of the home, and I work from home. Regardless of my 'gender' role, I don't allow him the luxury of being an old school 'man'. If I were a simple SAHM that didn't worry about anything other than my kids and housework, I'd probably be more lax.
As far as you getting down-time when you're sick- lock your bedroom door. =D The kids will get the point and leave you alone. Even mommies need rest sometimes.
Nope, not alone. My husband does the same exact thing. His symptoms always seem near death and exaggerated! So annoying. When I'm sick and really sick, he will take off from work to help me. I love that he loves me enough to do that but if all I have is a little cold, it's off to work he goes and I do my usual routine.
My husband won't let on when he is sick and still tries to do everything he usually does. I am the O. who has to force him to go and lay down and take it easy. I certainly wouldn't gripe if he laid down on his own. Don't we all feel like crashing when we are sick?
Why not just tell the kids and your husband you are sick and are laying down so please don't bother you? I do that and it works...you just have to try it!
yes, exact same thing. mine has been sick for two days now. i actually don't want him to do anything and chance getting us all sick. so i do the usual stuff with kids, house, cooking, cleaning. i am ok with it. when i am sick, i am not really sick, to quote my husband, so i never get the rest. i am not resentful about it. it's just what it is. they got babied too much by their crazy mothers.
So what is it you are really upset about (you seem unclear about that question yourself :)? Are you upset that when he gets sick 4 times a year, he goes and lays down to rest and recuperate undisturbed so he can get back to work and "bust his hump' again? Or are you upset because he doesn't give you the same courtesy/opportunity when YOU are sick? I don't think you have the right to be upset about the first, but the second...yep! Just sit down and tell him how you feel and ask him what it would have been like to have your son in the bedroom, when he felt like he did, waking him up and asking to play every 5 minutes. Ask him that now, when how he felt is fresh in his mind. Then tell him next time you are sick, you expect the same consideration and rest, even if it means that he has to take your son out to eat or to the park! Say it nicely :) And, if you don't have a lock on your bedroom door, buy a new door knob and have your husband switch them out BEFORE you get sick again! Then use it!
OMG. This sounds similar to my DH. He acts like O. of our babies. I had swine flu last year and my mom was able to fly in from Texas (1300 miles) quicker than he actually made it home to take care of me (34 miles away). DD1 was 7 months old at the time so until my mom arrived, I was on my own with DD1 who was also sick with swine flu. I was so sick I couldn't even be frustrated with the fact that DH didn't feel the need to come home early. Arg!
My Dad's this way. My husband is this way. Every woman I talk to, their man is this way.
Women are just 'more resilient' than men. Or, we just have to be? Maternal instincts I suppose. Who knows. It is a man thing though for sure! :/
No, you're not alone. I remember, when my kids were little, if I got sick (which was rare) I would throw up, and then get up and deal with the kids. I didn't get to rest at all. If my husband got sick, he did just what yours does. Still does, actually.
yeah mine's like that too(plus he has to have his slurpies o.O). i just suck it up. sometimes he'll meander out to flop on the couch. i had to set the rule no grumpies out here if you're that sick and tired stay up stairs haha. but really i don't want him spreading his junk around. see they grow up but not entirely they want to be babied again by mommy and now thats you lol!
yeah, the men are like that, must be nice.
It's time to unionize, mamas ;)
Denise:
When my husband is sick - that's all he does is SLEEP. When i did work and would call to check up on him he HATED the interruption.
I will admit that when I am sick - my hubby TRIES to make sure I get sleep. but like a mom - it's hard for me to NOT take care of my men!!!
Nope my husband is the same. He very rarely gets sick but when he does oh my. Usually I am sick first and then he gets it. I do everything I normally do and go to work as I can prevent transmission. But not him he is out for the count. It actually makes me laugh.
my other half doesnt do that and i dont think its a male thing I do the same thing when I am sick if i dont sleep it off it doesnt go away. after 2 days straight sleeping I am "normal" again. my oldest learned to take care of himself if mom was sick after I got divorced but he was also a teen.
No, your not alone.
Luckily, and thankfully my hubby hardly ever gets sick. I have known him for 13+ years and he has only been really ill 2x and both times he slept all day!
~It is not fair that us Mommys do not get this luxury!
What can I say except....YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! Hang in there!
Yes, my husband does this exact same thing. In fact he just did it two days ago. He caught a stomach flu and threw up in the middle of the night. He didn't feel so good the whole next day but he was done throwing up. He stayed home from work and stayed in bed and slept ALL DAY. Why do the men get to do this? The week before I had strep throat with an awful fever but never once did I get to do this! I was thinking how unfair it is. I complained to some friends and they all laughed and said their husbands are the same!
Hi Denise,
How sick are we talking? Did he have the flu? Was he vomiting and having diarrhea all day long? If that was the case, I understand. But if he wasn't vomiting and didn't have diarrhea, I don't understand. Did he just have a bad cold? If that was the case, he shouldn't stay home from work for that reason. Did you check on him throughout the day to see if he really was sleeping? If not, could he have been playing "hookey" and just watching T.V? I would need to know how sick he really was in order to make a judgment.
Oh yeah.. my husbands just like this. When hes got a cold, hes passed out in bed all day, but when Im sick.. forget it. Nothing changes. Im still responsible for everything and cannot let illness hold me down. Im lucky if I get to lay on the couch for 5 mins to rest when IM sick.
Mine's that way too. I already know I'll be putting his food on a tray and taking it to the bedroom, he doesnt leave it till he's well.
I suppose they do it because they can?
I do have to say that when my back was out last year and I was stuck in bed for about 3 weeks he was pretty good at taking care of me tho.
When you have little ones tho, it's amazing how mom's can still function while sick, even when it's the last thing on earth we feel like doing. Mom's and wive's are pretty awesome :)
my fiance is similar. but, when we have his boys, he is ok with them coming to visit him while he rests. my daughter (2) will occasionally come check on him too. i do pretty much baby him. when i'm sick i'm still doing hte cooking and cleaning and child care and everything. but that's pretty ok with me. its what i've always expected to happen.
Geez, this sounds like my husband whether he is sick or not! Ha! Seriously, we are like super women...we do it all! It sucks...but most of us are right there with you! But wait, I think it is funny that some people, albeit lucky, cannot resist telling you how great their husbands are in this situation. Pour a little salt in the wound??
After 42 years I gave up on expecting any understanding or sympathy for ME when I am feeling like I am about to die from an illness. ONLY O. time did my husband do a dang thing for me me and I was delirious and passing out
Nope, not alone...
(Most) men are babies!! My husband is a total drama queen when he gets sick and if he and my daughter are both sick he is resentful of the attention and pampering she gets. But does he pamper me if I am sick, no! If we all are down with something, he might make a comment to our daughter that "mommy is tough/strong" so he acknowledges that I at least suffer through, but I just want to say to him SUCK it UP! Stop moaning and whimpering and hamming it up. I'm happy to bring him a cup of tea or some tylenol, but use your damn words, I'm not going to guess what you need.
