Sometimes It's Too Much

Updated on March 28, 2011
N.L. asks from Arlington, MA
12 answers

I'm just getting over a violent stomach bug, as is my one year old. I feel like I'm going to pass out if I stand up for too long, and my daughter has been fussing nonstop. My husband is being somewhat helpful in terms of looking after her, but every time I try to close my eyes all I can hear is screeching. I just feel like everything is too darn hard right now and am totally overwhelmed. I'm sure things will get better, but I'm just having one of those moments where parenting is too much. Would love any tips on getting through this.

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So What Happened?

Thanks so much for the kind responses everyone. I think I need to remember that with men you often have to tell them exactly what you need, not expect them to automatically know (at least my husband anyway). And earplugs are a fantastic idea!

My daughter is ok as far as I can tell. She had the bug a few days back and is not dehydrated. Just grumpy, which I think is a sign that she's feeling better.

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C.G.

answers from Boston on

Yes it is overwhelming at times. We too have been sick it seems like all winter! I have a 3 year old and a 15 month old. We have had the stomach virus 3 times this year! I am wondering if I should call my doctor and ask if I am not doing things right - washing everything in hot water? throw away pacifiers & toothbrushes afterwards?....I don't think we are catching the same bug over and over, but this is getting ridiculous! At the same time I have a sinus thing going on and have been taking Alka Seltzer cold around the clock! One thing I did to make myself feel better the other night was to watch a movie after everyone was asleep. I knew I would be tired the next day and I cried a lot, but it did help. I also went to a youtube video called "the gift of the ordinary day". And that always makes me feel better. If you want the address I will get it to you. It is one way to make you appreciate the little things b/c this time will go by so fast! Good luck and hang in there. Also, putting some nice music on helps too. I watched my son (who I woke up to this morning saying "Mom there is something in my bed" (vomit) at 6:30AM this morning after I was up half the night with my 1 year old and sick myself), playing with his people in the kitchen sink while N. Kidman's husband was singing on the Ellen show. It was a song about how his children and wife were the most important thing to him. It made me cry some happy tears in the midst of all of this sickness and lack of sleep;-))) Best of luck to you;-))

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A.H.

answers from San Francisco on

I keep earplugs in my nightstand for days like this. Hope you fee better!

1 mom found this helpful
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J.M.

answers from Boston on

I hear you. Sometimes it is too much. My father said once the worst thing about crying is not the noise, but not knowing when it's going to stop. I know those moments of just begging it all to stop for a minute. But it will stop, I promise.

Do you remember anything from when you were one? Me neither. So know that any unhappiness your daughter is experiencing now will be completely forgotten. Go to bed, put a pillow over your head, and get some rest. She'll be fine, and you'll feel better.

Good luck.

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S.C.

answers from Milwaukee on

Get a hotel. You won't hear your kiddo and then you can rest. She'll be fine with dad.

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J.L.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I just went through this same thing a few days ago. I too had a terrible stomach bug and of course, the kids do not stop! I ended up having a panic attack because I was so stressed out. I also get migraines from time to time and I have no one to help me. I never fails that I get a migraine on the day that my husband absolutely cannot work from home. It is horrible to have to take care of the kids when you are so sick. Your stress will pass, it is just amplified because you are not well. If your husband is taking care of your daughter, just try to tune out the screeching. He will handle things his own way. When it gets to be too much for me, I just try to look at my kids and be thankful that they are ABLE to scream and yell and that God has given me this incredible privilege of being a mother to two healthy children. Maybe once you are feeling better, you can get out just by yourself for a L. while, even if it's to go for a walk. Just take a deep breath and remind yourself that this will pass and don't feel bad about being overwhelmed. Take care of yourself!

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S.H.

answers from Phoenix on

I wish I knew....but it will get better. Keep telling yourself that. And let everything that is not necessary go. Don't vacuum, leave the dishes for another day....they will still be there I promise (however all this is hard for me since I feel much more relaxed with a clean house). If you feed him easy mac for dinner and yourself cereal, it will all be fine. No need to do anything extra right now. And tell that husband of yours exactly what you want him to do.

I too am overwhelmed. My mom passed 2 months ago and since then it has been non stop with services, travel, cleaning out her house, paperwork and to end it all I got bronchitis that I just cannot kick. My husband is not here (travels for work) and when he is home I am at work. I too feel overwhelmed and just need a break. I have 4 kids that just want my attention since I have not been able to give them a lot for the last 2 months and when I was sickest last week they were on spring break. Ahhh! I so know what you are going through! I wish I just had one day to myself to actually relax.

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J.H.

answers from Kansas City on

Make sure you're drinking A LOT and something with a bit of sugar. We're good at making our kids do it, but when we're sick don't get the fluids and rest we need to get better so it takes forever. Hang in there!

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Have your Husband do more.
You said he is being "somewhat helpful."
That to me is not a total confirmation that he IS being real helpful.

Does he know how sick you are?
That if you stand up you feel you are going to pass out?
What if you fall, for example, and get yourself hurt?
He has to think of that.
A hurt/injured Mama is going to be worse.

How is your 1 year old doing? Is she dehydrated? Getting any fluids? Eating anything?
In pain?
Hence fussing non-stop?
Has she gone to the doctor?

If your Husband is not helping much... can you call someone/a friend/Granparents to come over and help you? If they do not mind being exposed to potentially getting sick too?

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M.S.

answers from San Francisco on

N.,

Sending hugs and prayers your way for you and your baby! I know how tough it is when you are sick. My only advice is let go of all expectations of the house etc. Have your hubby take care of everything, get as much rest as you can and remember, this will pass soon. Take care--

Molly

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M.R.

answers from Chicago on

I totally understand! I had the same thing not so long ago and know how you feel. Please ask your husband to come into your room and ask him nicely to PLEASE try to keep the kids quiet - even if that means they get to watch cartoons and movies all day or play video games.

You need your rest!!! and you can't get it if you are woken up all the time.

Also, you just have to let your hubbie handle it and trust everyone will still be ok even after a couple days of you not being active in their day. If your hubbie is taking care of them, they probably won't be eating as healthy as you would do it (if he is like my hubbie) and you'll probably have a mess to clean up when you are feeling better.

Just let him handle it, trust that they will be ok without you for a short time, take this time for yourself and REST, REST, REST!!! I hope you are feeling better soon.

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K.E.

answers from Jacksonville on

Parenting while sick is really difficult. It is very easy for the hubby to be sick and lay in bed for days while you continue to do what you've always done.....BUT when the table is turned and Mama is the one who is sick, often men know nothing about what to do to help and I think that sometimes they don't realize they are even completely out of it. :)

Tell him that you are SICK! Not just icky feeling, but SICK and that you need your rest and that you are going to bed and do not want to be disturbed. I would then close the door to the bedroom or wherever you are sleeping and put on some calming music, some background noise (a TV) to block out the happenings around the house or get some earplugs. He needs to understand that you need him to keep the children entertained, quiet and content for the next few days while you get better and you need to nicely but firmly make this clear to him.....We, as women, never have to be told to do that for them, we just do....Men have to be told......Rest up and get better!

Another thought, I've had friends who when really sick actually left their homes and went to hotels or stayed with friends and family to get away from the kids because it was the only way to get better......Not sure if that is an option, but you have to do what you have to do or you will just get worse and if you end up hospitalized because you couldn't rest and recover, NOT GOOD! Also, instead of you leaving, think about sending the hubs and kids or just the kids away for a few days. None of this is being a bad parent or avoiding parenting, it's being a good parent because you realize that you need to rest and recover to quickly get back to being a mom....the longer you go without the rest you need, the longer it will take you to recover. Just some thoughts! FEEL BETTER SOON!!!

S.L.

answers from New York on

It's soo hard being sick and being a mom at the same time. (i just want to go thru a time machine back to my childhood bedroom and sleep, knowing no children are depending on me) Once my husband was out of town and i got Bronchitus, I didnt want to get out of bed at all, but my son was 3 yrs old. The only thing I can say is I kept telling myself it's temporary, at least I'm not pregnant and planning to throw up for Months, at least it's not cancer or something. It will get better. Tell your hubby to watch a lot of Wiggles or whatever one year olds like and put in some ear plugs and if you cant sleep just pretend you are asleep and stay in bed!

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