My son will be 4 in a couple of months and has always been a fun loving kid and almost nothing ever seemed to phase him (to the point where I could not find a discipline method to be succesful because he would always just laugh at whatever he was being disciplined for). In the past 2 or 3 weeks I have noticed that he gets emotional easy and will start to tear up and cry. For example when Grandma is leaving or when Dad will not be home from work until the next day (this is his normal schedule). This breaks my heart and I am wondering if this is normal - maybe a phase? There have not been any major changes in his life other than we recently went on a vacation for 5 days where he had his Dad all the time and we stayed in one hotel room together so there was a lot more Dad contact than usual but that does not explain Grandma. Of course along with the mothering comes a great deal of guilt so I am turning this into it being my fault - I am wondering if it bad mothering. I do the best I can but there are times when I get stressed - I always feel like there is more I should be doing - maybe I have stressed him out? Please no one beat me up, I am doing well enough on my own. I am trying to be even more attentive to him and loving but I am just wondering if any one has any words of experience, encouragement, etc. It seems like all of a sudden he has matured so quickly and is paying way more attention to the things I tell him, which I know is a good thing but all of a sudden? He asked me the other day if he coudl do something and I told him maybe and he told me that he would be a good boy and would not get into any trouble today which of course made me feel horrible like I must make him feel like he gets into trouble all the time. Thanks in advance
Normal. Just comfort him. "Isn't it sad when daddy leaves?" Hug. "Isn't it sad when grandma leaves?" Hug, kiss.
He's just becoming more aware of things as he grows up. Nothing to worry about.
I have read that when kids start to get more independent, it scares them a little and it makes them more emotional. I'm noticing that with my almost 4 year old as well. I'm pretty sure it's just a phase! Just give him lots of hugs and reassurance and he should be fine!!!!
You are not a bad mother!!! I have a son who is also almost 4 (in late Aug) - he has seemingly become more sensitive lately - he asks me if I'm happy (after he's done something such as finish his dinner or pick up his toys)...he tells me he's "proud of me" when I do something he's asked me for (such as me turning on a certain TV program or movie) - basically, I think it's just him growing up & paying more attention. I've always noticed that that other 4-yr-old's have increased vocabulary & sentence structure (which I've seen more in my son recently) as well as they are VERY well tuned in to what's going on around them. And remember, they're still young people that are able to expresss themselves in basic ways (which sometimes comes across as forward/direct/blunt or even rude!). I say all of this to say - your son is reacting to all of what's going on around him. He may not be clear as to why he can see his father for a long stretch of time (such as when you all went on vacation) and then have time with him interrupted (by his father working). He may also get attached a bit quicker these days (my son does somewhat) - in regards to the grandmother - if he enjoys spending time with her, of course he doesn't want that time to stop! We are all stressed sometimes...and we aren't all perfect...but just know that if you are stressed, that it's best sometimes to get the children involved in other activities while you take a minute to go in another room & count-down from 10 or cry or stomp your feet, whatever! We're all human - we just have to remember that our children shouldn't necessarily see all that we may be going through. However, I know that they can feel the energy from us. So...just keep doing your best. That's all anyone (including your son) would ever ask of you. Take care & SMILE!
Hi - Totally normal, my daughter went through the same thing around that age. You sound like a great mom - stop beating yourself up!
I found the same thing with my daughter when she turned 4 and now when she is turning 5. I think it is a growing spurt as well as learning about thier emotions and about life. Continue to be supportive, reassure him, and keep doing what you are doing! You are doing well! It is so easy to feel guilty about EVERYTHING when you are a mom. I do the same thing!
Hang in there... this too shall pass =)
We always feel there is more as moms that we can do!! That is something I feel makes a mom a good mom!! Kids go through so many phases and some of which are "me" phases and "emotional" is right up there. I think part of it is that they understand more and they understand what happy, sad, silly etc. are about now. I think it will get better over time once he learns how to control emotions better internally. I would just give lots of hugs and reassure him that G-ma will come again soon and you'll see Daddy tomorrow and he will be so happy to see you. My hubby works nights M-F so it is very hard and very stressful. It's not easy finding a happy medium! Good luck, let us know how he does in a few more weeks :o)
Jen
Hi Victoria, sometimes changes in young children are hormonal -- meaning that different hormones can be released as they grow. If you had a 10 or 12 year old girl, you would immediately relate increased emotions and mood swings to hormone changes. I have heard that boys at about 4 and 5 sometimes have a release of testosterone. Since there haven't been any other significant changes, my guess is that this is just a growing up stage and he can't control himself very well. You will have to discipline him if he is acting up anyway -- that's how he will learn to control his feelings -- but with the understanding that it's not your fault and that there's nothing wrong with him. BTW, every time I have traveled with my kids, they suddenly take a leap in maturity and development along with the struggles that come along with growing -- so vacation may have a lot to do with his sudden maturity. In short, from what you say, it all sounds like it's very normal to me.
My son will be 4 in August and has been the same way lately! I think it is pretty normal...as a previous response said, I think they start getting in touch with emotions at this age. And really I think it's good in a way that he would understand it's ok to be sad sometimes and realize you love people so much that you miss them when they go away...I think this is different from when they are younger and get upset when mommy or daddy leave...I think then it's more like self-preservation( "I'm scared and I need my mommy to take care of me") when they are younger.
You sound like a great mom! Just keep doing what you're doing :)
You will find wise and wonderful guidance in the book by parenting experts Faber and Mazlish, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. They'll teach you how to empathize constructively with your little guy's feelings and help him work through his own best solutions to his emotional quandaries. Plus how to address just about every parenting dilemma you'll face over the next dozen years of your son's life.
I would guess that several days spent "tight" with daddy has had a big impact on your son, especially if daddy time is hard to come by. He's at a point in his life where male influences are becoming more important.
And he's entering a developmental stage in which he's simply more aware of other people in his life. He's noticing how important people are to him, and that his behavior has an impact on their happiness. He's outgrowing the terrible twos and the even harder threes, and is not so much the center of his own universe. His sense of time is developing – when daddy or grandma leave, he's more aware that it will be awhile before he can enjoy their company again.
My grandson, now 4.5, has become much more "tender" in his feelings than a year ago. His eyes fill with tears at his loving memories of a great-granny who recently died. He's sometimes sad when me or my husband have to end a visit, or when a parent needs leave for awhile. This feelings are fine, normal, and should not be either magnified or discouraged by our own worries about his emotional well-being. When my grandson has strong feelings, we simply pause to share them as much as we can, and help him notice that it feels good, sweet and loving to miss somebody, right along with the sadness. We observe that these feelings are normal, and will need a little time of their own, and when they are ready, they will move over and make room for other feelings.
It's sweet, really, that you are so concerned about the part you play in your son's sadness. I'm guessing that he's completely normal, though, and that is a sign of good, solid mothering. None of us will do everything right, no matter how hard we try. But we can all do it better, so it's just great that we have good books to read, and a place to ask questions.
I would just like to let you know, that I am going through the same thing w/ our 4 yr old. I talked to our peditrician about it. And she told us that it was just his way of letting out his frustration. That he's still too small to do somethings, but in his mind he can do anything. They do grow up so fast. I just try to let me son help out w/ almost everything. When I clean I give him a baby wipe and he can clean too. He helps put laundry away. Letting him help has seemed to calm down his fits a bit. He still has them, but not as often. I'm sure they will grow out of this stage one day. Sorry if you already got this information, for I didn't read the other comments. Good Luck w/ your little guy.
