--Advice to Keep People Happy--

You should not have to go visit every weekend. Unless there is a valid reason (unable to drive) they should make an attempt to visit as well. We've dealt with this as well, mostly with his family.

Good Morning - mercy - you say the family wasn't happy about the pregnancy? Too bad - it wasn't their business to begin with. As for the weekend visits? Tell them straight out that you need the time at home on weekends, and that they are welcome to come visit once a month with proper notification. It sounds as if they are trying to control you and you need to stand strong. Is you husband standing with you on this? If not, you need to talk to him about this and come to a mutual agreement. Good luck

I have three grandchildren who live in different states (GA & CA), but my husband (still working) and I make the trips to see them. We do not expect them to load up their cars with all the necessities that babies require while visiting; there is a lot of packing to do for just one day! Aside from that, just the fact, that my grandchildren are on the road to visit us, makes my cringe for their safety. We would rather be involved in a car accident then my precious grandchildren.

When two of my grandchildren lived in PA and we lived in CT; we would make that dangerous drive from CT to PA just to see our grandbabies; it was worth the trip every time. We would go once a month and spend the weekend with them. Our daughter and her husband would go out to dinner and a movie (our treat) while we spent that time with our precious grandchildren. We clean, cook, and do laundry during our visits. We help do chores during our visit. We even treat them to a hotel stay, so that they can be alone. In addition, we take the groceries to make meals, so they do not have to worry about cost of meals.

If grandparents want to see their grandchildren, they should make the effort as well. I am sure they must remember how it felt when they were in the same situation. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! I realize it will be difficult to do, but DO NOT! - as it is not worth it. You should not have to state why you prefer not to make the trip to their house as they should know exactly what your life is currently like. When you find the time to make that trip, please do.

We are all busy bees, but the choices to visit someone is up to each individual. At this time, your home, work, and family are the most important to you, but so are grandparents in a grandchild's life and vice versa. My grandchildren fill our lives and it is a warm feeling knowing that they know us, even though, the miles separate us. They have grown knowing us as we make the effort and time to see them; we put things aside in order to make those trips. Decide what is important to you.

Question: Do your in-laws make you feel welcomed in their home? Are you comfortable in their home? One of my daughter's in-laws do not have a place ready for their stay, do not provide meals, do not spend time with the grandkids; they do not feel welcomed.

Do it your way, but take their feelings into account as well.

i have a difficult time with my inlaws also. my issue is they (father in law and sister in law) live 8 blocks from us and only see my kids at birthday parties, Christmas, and the occassional chance meeting at wal-mart. there is a mixed blessing to both our situations, but somewhere in the middle would be best. i agree with planning a trip to their house once a month. i would not mention "come to our house for a free weekend getaway" lol....then the tables may turn on you and there would still be no quiet time for you and your husband with your child. it's hard to put your foot down, i'm not very good at it, but sometimes the best way to handle thing is "this is not very good for the baby, all this traveling on the weekends, he has been very cranky come monday morning. i think we need to spend more time at home." however true it is, blame it on the one who can't speak for himself. if he could, he would probably say the same thing. especially since you and your husband work all week. stay home!! enjoy yourself!! you can't please everyone, your family of 3 is your priority and you must speak up and do what is best. and if the inlaws get their feathers in a ruffle....at least they live 45 mins away and you don't have to deal with them on a daily basis. best of luck!

Hi K.,

It's going to take some fortitude but I think you need to address this issue now. I'd suggest that you call them on Friday night and say something like "I am going to be real busy here at home this weekend...how about you come visit us Sunday afternoon about ___ o'clock." This give them the option of coming to visit but also lets them know you have a busy home life also.

What about using gas pries as an excuse? Maybe cut your visits down to once month to cut back on the high cost of gas.

BTW...you need to keep the lines of communication open...this is family. I live here and my family is in CO and AK...too far for a monthly trip. Be happy you have family close...but don't let them set your family schedule.

And, as my therapist has told me..."Great news! It's not your job to make or keep someone else happy! Happiness is their choice so give yourself a break."

Good luck.

W. Q.

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! You are not being pushy at all. They are being pushy. If you ran to their house every weekend, when would you get your catch-up housework get done? When would you be able to take a nap with your son? When would you be able to sit in the floor and splurt your son's tummy? This situation infuriates me!!! If his family cannot make the drive then they should not expect you to, ESPICIALLY with gas prices soaring and you trying to pay for the expenses of a six month old.

I am a single mother of 3 beautiful teenagers. Their fathers are deadbeats. I have raised them by myself their entire lives. When I would see their fathers' families out somewhere they would ask when I was gonna bring the kids over. In the beginning, I would promise to come over. As time went by and their fathers got sorrier and sorrier I decided that I was the one raising the kids, they could come visit me. The situation is not quite the same as yours but the basic idea is. YOU are raising the child AND working, let them make the trip. You have to make time for you to keep your sanity. As much as we love our children, they take a toll on our sanity, and that is very much not good for you, your son or your marriage.

Hi, K.. I am 57 yrs old, so I have lived what you are going thru now, and have survived to see it from a grand-parent's view. You have been given the awesome gift of a child, so God expects you to put your child ahead of others, even if that makes the "others" uncomfortable, or not in your weekend plans, or any other stuff they may try to make you feel guilty about. I, too, had a full time job when my son was a baby, and became a single mom to him at age 3.(Divorced). I chose to continually remind myself of the fact that I didn't have to answer to anyone else's de-mands. My first responsibility was to my son, because some day I would have to answer to some one higher, as to whether I did a good job of guiding my son into becoming a good and caring, responsible individual. Your time with your son and your husband is precious and full of duties. Parents, yours & his, should respect your choice of being home whenever you can, and that you are working very hard to nurture your own family. Marriages and child rearing are bombarded from all directions in today's society, so put your little family first, even if they put the pressure on. If they value family traditions, they should be more than delighted to see that you are working very hard to pass on to your children the same values they instilled in you. When they suggest that you come on the weekend, simply reply that " as much as I would like to come spend time, I am so in need of being at home to take care of everything to prepare for the upcoming week." Or you could suggest they come for a day and give you and your husband a chance to get out by yourselves. This would be a great way for them to have time with the baby by them-selves without your involvement. They should be more than happy to jump on that opportunity. If they are not willing to bend, then you certainly have given them that option, so you can feel good about that. I'm sorry for such a long letter, but I wanted to commend you for trying to be a good mom and wife, and I hope these words can engourage you to not feel guilty for doing your job and not catering to others demands. Let them into your child's life at every opportunity, but within reason. Also, I think may-be they are trying to make up to you for the fact that they were not so accepting of your pregnancy in the begin-ing. I'm sure with everyone's considerations, that all will be able to come to a good understanding. Always let them know that you have your child's best interest at heart.

Two options... may even work together!

1- Tell them that if they want to spend time with him that they are more than welcome to pick him up on a weeknight and keep him until the following night, when they bring him home. Or, if they want to pick him up on a Friday night, you can have an evening alone with your husband and then pick him up on Saturday sometime.

2- You can schedule one weekend a month that you will go to their town to visit with your son so they can see him. The other three weekends, if they want to see him, they can come to you or see option 1 above.

Dealing with in laws AND a new baby can be difficult- everyone wants to do it all "their way"

good luck!

You aren't being unreasonable at all. I would plan a visit with them about once a month on a weekend, and leave the rest to them. This is more of a control issue than anything else. Spend your weekends with your husband and son, relaxing and having fun with them!

I like the post from the grandmother... I think you should just be honest with them and tell them, since you have to work, that weekends are your only time to take care of your house and husband and catch up on bonding time with your baby, and it's healthier for all if you didn't have the stress of packing everyone up to go over there. They might feel like the grandmother that posted, and think that they would be intruding by coming to your house, and think that they are doing you a favor by having you over to their house. You really don't know anyone's actual intentions until you talk it out, and often things like this are just a misunderstanding, and all the resentment you built up could have been avoided.

I am a grandmother so let me speak to you from that perspective. I often feel when I spend a week-end at my daughter-in-law and son's home that I am making more work on them. When they come here, I do the cooking, cleaning, and washing. You can plan a dinner or lunch occassionally and invite them. The baby is changing so quickly they don't want to miss out on any of the stages so they are wanting to see him often.
The way you treat this situation will say a lot about how you want your child to interact with his grandparents and great-grandparents. Definitely, decide on how much time you are willing to spend with all the grandparents each month, and be sure your husband feels like his parents are getting their fair share of visiting time.
If it is only a 45 minute drive, you can go there for lunch on Sunday or dinner on Saturday a time or two a month without having to spend a night.
As far as the just as easily come to your house, yes, invite them often with the idea that you would like for your child to get used to them as part of his home family. Grandparents of their son's children have a harder time discovering the role the daughter-in-law wants them to play in the new baby's life.
My daughter-in-law has friends who have the 2 extremes...one mother-in-law came to spent 2 weeks and stayed 2 months! Another is set of grandparents are too busy with their social life to remember the grandchildren. So be thankful for the blessings you have! If they have come around from being not so happy about the pregnacy to wanting to see him often, you have done a great job of showing them what a capable set of parents you are.

if your husband agrees with you and does not like that his family wants to have it their way then i would let his family know that they need to come by if they want to see their grandson. you are the parents now and you decide what is best for you and your family. you do not need to live you life by guilting grandparents which everyone seems to have to some extent. my family lived 10 minutes away and i would ask them to come over and vist and they would want me to come there instead..so I understand what you are going through. You just have to do what is right for your new family, not theirs. hopefully your husband feels the same way, if not then i would compromise about every third weekend you go out that way.

Hi K.,

I say, with the high price of gas, just tell them it is too expensive to make the trip every week. Tell them to come to you, if they really want to see the baby.

They are taking advantage of you, and you are letting them. Put your foot down and tell them you need your weekends to relax on your days off, if that's what it takes. Good luck.

No traveling even 45min away when you have a 6 month old is a big undertaking. With my first both sides of the family were like that, but I finally told them they know where I live and they know I am home every day so they can come to my house. Its just the two of them they have to get ready and drive over here, and they have way more money to spare for gas than I do, so they have no excuse for not seeing their grandchild other than their own laziness. It kind of made my mom mad for a bit, but she got over herself and now with our second one she is over here at least once a week....lol

Oh my! i imagine that you will get a lot of responces from this but if you really want advice i would think that you should definately set your boundries now. you have every right to want to spend the weekends with your child and my feelings would be hurt if they drove through and didn't stop in.
You have to confront them, even though i know you dred it! It is hard to travel with a child and quite frankly it is exhausting.
I have a one year old with a similar family situation..much better now!

Bless your heart! I agree with the comments that is a control thing. I have inlaws that try to control everything! Talk to your husband and form a "plan" together. He knows how to deal with his family better than you do. If your husband is a mom's boy like mine is nothing does any good unless it comes out of his mouth anyway. Good luck!

I feel your pain! I have a similar situation, BUT, the good news is that you are in control of your life, not them. My rule is that I will travel one weekend a month for my family to see my 18 month old daughter. If they want to see her more than that, they can come to my house one weekend a month to see her. That leaves me with two weekends all to myself. I am a single working mom, so I know the crunch on your personal time. Don't let them take you for granted!! Don't worry about being nice about stuff. If you are the one always caving in, they will expect you to every time and they will not ever be fully happy with anything. That is people's nature. You do what is best for you and your child, not them!! Good luck!

Honey, you need to just sweetly say to them that, in order for you to spend as much quality time as possible with your newborn, you need to keep close to home. Also add that you work a full time job and would like to spend time on your weekends relaxing and enjoying the little amount of time you really get to spend one-on-one with him.

If they continue to persist in asking you to make the drive, just firmly say no. If you can explain this so nicely to people like myself, who is a stranger, then there is no reason you can't just as nicely say it to people you know.

If they cannot understand it, then tell them that the next time they know they will be in town, for them to please call ahead and make sure you are home, and then you would be happy to have them over for lunch or dinner or whatever, so they can spend time with your son. If they say no or if they come to town without seeing your son, then next time they ask you to drive there, just say I am so sorry you didn't have time to come visit us the last time you came here, but I really cannot schedule any out of town visits myself right now. Maybe next time you are here, you can arrange your schedule to make time for a visit. You are always welcome here, and so on, and so forth.

They only keep doing this to you because you let them. It's up to you to stand up for yourself and firmly say no. If they really want to see your son, then hey, you can take turns...one visit, they come to see you and maybe the next, you can go see them. It should never always be just you going there, unless everyone there was unable to travel for a medical reason.

Are any of your in-laws ill? If not, try to explain to your hubby that traveling every weekend is not healthy for the baby or you. Every time you get on the road your baby's safety is at risk, including yours (fatigue). Have him talk to his people about those issues and see if that works. If it doesn't, then you will have to explain those things to your in-laws and offer to schedule times when they can visit you. But, I would not sacrifice anything that I hold that dear, such as my children, for people who do not respect my home or my family. You and your husband should be together on this, but sometimes it takes men a minute to realize or understand some things. You are fully within your parental rights to stay at home and keep your baby safe.

You should stand your ground about this one. It is easier for them to come to see you then you to pack up and go every weekend. Just explain to them that you are going to begin to travel only one weekend a month and if they would like, they can come anytime they wish, but that you were no longer going to be traveling every weekend. You may get some resistance, but you have to stand your ground. It worked for me. Almost the same situation, and after I explained this to them, they accepted and began to come to see us. You may even get a weekend ot two to yourself once in a while, and that is important also.

I was in this exact situation 3 years ago! It is really difficult to keep everyone happy! And ultimately, I had to decide that I needed to be the one that was happy instead of making sure everyone else is taken care of. We lived 30 minutes from my in-laws and they wanted us to come and visit every weekend and then would schedule tons of stuff so they weren't always around! But, as much as it annoyed me I know they enjoyed it, even though I didn't most of the time. I don't know where you live, but is the town they live in bigger than where you live? For me that was the case, so we ended up going down two saturdays a month and seeing them for a few hours then we would go shopping, or go to the zoo or do something else but just with our little family. We would also get together once a month on a Sunday with all the extended family.
There was still some tension but at least my daughter got some time with her grandparents! As much as we don't get along, I wanted to make sure she had that bond. I always told them to stop by when they were in town, and I believe they only came to our house 4 times the whole 3 years we lived by them. I hope that helps, dealing with in-laws can be hard! Best of luck to you and your family!

tell them-Oh Well! YOU make the drive....or if u find out they were in ur area,say, I'm sorry-u should've called or just stopped by!....I've been going through this since I was pregnant w/ our 1st child (we're now on #4)w/ my grandmother. She INSISTS that I pack up all of the kids -aged almost4,just turned 4 &22mts-in MY suburban,not caring about the costs of gas and the fact that we live on one side of the city and she lives all the way down in midtown! Now-don't everybody freak out and say-OMG! this woman is forcing her little old lady grandmother to drive to her house!! BLAH blah-this is not the case...this is a woman that says it's too far for her to drive and it's not as long for me to make the drive!!!WHA?!??! If I'm not mistaken,it's the same distance both ways!!! HELLO?!?!? Get real!! She even offers to PAY me gas money to bring the kids to her-this is ridiculous...she is out ALL of the time-shopping,gettin her hair done,her nails done,blah blah blah....she can come to our house! So, therefore, I'm takin a stand! LOL...we havn't been to thier house in over a month-I'm not trying to be mean or cruel,just making a point! If she wants to see the kids,she knows where we live...as do your in-laws...Now that I've vented-lol-take a stand! Maybe u could invite them over as a standing date-maybe every other Sat. or every third Sat. tell them ya'lled like to invite them over for dinner-make up something-it saves on gas for both parties,it's a day that u know to count on, that gives them a way to see the baby and you can still keep ur "free" time since u work during the week.....why is ur hubby not standing up for ya'll to his parents? Or-maybe the first Sat. of the month plan it at your house and the last saturday of the month plan it for thier house-Hope I've given you an option that can possibly help.....good luck and be firm!

*HA!!!!!! Now that I've read through some of the other responses-I KNEW I was RIGHT!!!!!!!!! LOL....well keep strong and stand your ground!!!! If they really wanna see the baby,they'll make the drive TO YOU!*

Your family time alone at home is tremendously important to your bonding and rest from the work week. I would tell them that one weekend of the month you will travel to see them or they are welcome to come for a visit. Tell them you are feel the baby needs this extra time at home on the weekend to rest and so do you and his daddy. Taking time to leave home on the weekend definitely cuts in to family time and chores. You might as well go ahead and set the standard for what you will and won't do before the baby is older and they expect more. Tell them you love to visit, but it is getting limited to once a month. If you feel like it, make a surprise extra visit sometimes. But if not, I love our family time at home and it definitely makes a difference to your immediately family.

In my opinion, K., you are far from being unreasonable! IN fact, the fmly members who expect you pack and drive with a newborn are the unreasonable ones! I'd tell them with all due respect, love and kindness, that you need time to rest and recover from the week and prep time for the next work week. Also, it goes without saying that a new mom wants alone time with her baby and husband! Say what you must in order to preserve your own mental/emotional/physical/spiritual health and that of your little family. You will never please all of the extended family members regardless of how much effort you make or what you do for them. Save yourself!

God Bless You all. take care...

D.

dont feel like you have to vist every week, these are two way relationships and they need to start coming to you. if people get mad then they are going to have to deal with it.i had the same problem with my boyfriends dad, the only thing is are families live in california. so are last vist didn't go as planned and i was very upset. so our next vist everyone will have to come to us since we spent most of the time in the car.the one thing you have to make sure is that your husband is behind.

Hi, Had a similar situation with my in-laws but had seen my parents go thru it at an older age so had a little perspective. Here is what we did and it worked great. We told them NOW about holidays. We explained that we loved them and would see them over the holiday season BUT it would not be on Christmas Day ( unless LATE evening). We would go to sleep on Christmas eve in our bed and spend Christmas day at our home. We would see them before or after and THEY where welcome anytime to join us on CHristmas morning at our home. we would love to have them. THey are going to protest and say but they are still a baby, they won't know any different. You're response is yes but I will, and I am starting traditions in my home for our family. Same for Easter or any other event you want to. As for the weekends. Explain that you have responsibilities on the weekends as well. Home repairs/friends,/church etcc. ( no need to explain). Tell them how much you love them and that they are welcome anytime but you are going to have to restrict travel to one weekend a month. If both sets of parents (or more) are all out of town, then rotate. Explain they are welcome anytime weekdays or weekends and you welcome their visits. They will protest and whine just like a child but their actions will speak the truth as to whether or not they are really interested in your childs life.
You and hubby definetely have to be on the same page and hold together. I know they are pushing all of your buttons but if you don't stop it now what are you going to do in 3 years when suddenly their is tball, soccer etc. ballet etc.

GOod luck sweetie,

D.

We have the same issue with my husband's parents. I wouldn't say anything to offend them, but would just schedule a once a month visit. Just say that you are needing to make a schedule for yourself in order to get everything done around your house and that you want to make sure that you keep them in your schedule. Also, instead of them calling and inviting you over - Just make a call and invite them over (beat them to the punch) They may not feel comfortable inviting themselves over to your house. They may be trying to be respectful by not inviting themselves over. I think it is very important to keep yourself healthy and prevent stress. Having to go there every weekend is way too stressful on you and the baby. Your new family needs "home" time.

You are right they need to make some effort to stop and see you and the grandson when they come through town. They need to understand how busy your weekend is and that you will get by when you can. Do they know your normal work times so they will know if you will be home or not if they do try to come by when they go through town. IF not let they know. Most inportant of all do what is best for your family.

Hi K.,
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. It seems like extended family are such stresses sometimes! I do not feel like it is one bit unreasonable to say that if they want to see the baby, they need to come to you. You have been working all week and need a break on the weekend. And sure, you should go there sometimes, but not always. Don't let them walk all over you! If it's important to them, they'll come. Good luck!

Aren't you blest you have extended family that want to stay involved in your child? It may not seem like you're blest, but I wish I had had the same problem. My husband was in the Navy and there was no extended family within hours -- and once, a whole ocean apart.

Well, what I see here is that you work a full time job -- so when else except weekends can they see your son? However, I can't imagine trying to go every weekend.... can't you ask them to come for Sunday dinner or a picnic (oh, by the way I am the "What will you bring?" Potluck Queen). I also think I see some of your anger towards your husband's family in the last sentence .....

K., I've been married a long time and believe me, you want your husband's family to be a part of your son's life. You never know later on how much "family" can do for you....

One day this weekend, you come to my house one day I'll come to your's -- two weekends off for my husband and I and baby to have time together.

Once your son gets old enough to join soccer, other stuff .... then the weekends will no longer be your's or their's!

Good luck! I know tired!!! And full time worker and full time mom, and full time wife, cook, maid, butler ..... AGHHHHH!

I're read some of the other responses -- why, if it's a 45-minute drive do you feel you need to stay the whole weekend?

I'm pretty much the direct type, and would just tell them flat out that weekends are your time to rest, play with your family, and recharge your batteries for the next week. If they want to see your son, they can call you and ask if it's okay to come by for a while, and they can come to you when it's a good time for you. And I would not feel obligated to let them come over EVERY weekend, either. You, your husband, and your son need "just the three of us" time.

K.,
I totally agree with Kay on this one. If you allow them to control you and your time, it will only get worse. Your husband is the one who should get the message out to his family about how your family plans to handle out-of-town visits and your weekend schedule.

Good luck! Put a "big" foot down now!
C.

well this is where you have to be tough mommy! tell them you will be staying home for the weekend and that if they would like to come see your son they are more that welcome to come over. just decide before you even talk to them that you are not even going to discuss other options. you have to do what's best for your little family! sometimes that means standing up to well-meaning grandparents. or you could get your calender and sit down with then and say"okay, we can come to your house 1 weekend a month(or however often you want). which date is best for you?" if they make a fuss just let them know why you need to stay at home during the weekend. Rest is so important. In order for you to be a good mommy you need to take care of yourself first. Don't feel guilty!

OH NO, YOU ARE NOT PUSHY,lol. You tell those inlaws that they have vehicals as well and the price of gas and your time with him alone is enough for them to share the driving to see one another. This also infuritaes me about my own family. They want to see my kids and family so much but no one will venture out of thier own boxes. It is BS and you have every right to ask this of them. DO NOT FELL BAD stand your ground. Good luck family is sometimes hard to deal with =) By the way 45 minutes is NOTHING to drive to see family mine is over 1400 miles away and we have to pack up 3 kids soon to be 4 and all of thier stuff to see our family. They should be thanful you live so close and get thier butts to see you =)

I think you just say, "We have plans this weekend," and stay at home until you really want to go and visit. Draw healthy boundaries by being assertive... which means simply stating what you are going to do or want to do. If they argue with you, simply restate yourself until they get it without arguing back. For instance, if they say, "Well we would really like to see our grandbaby." Say, "I understand how you feel, we have plans here in (your town) this weekend and can't make it to (theirtown)." Say the same things different ways without getting involved in the emotions. (It is called the Broken Record technique and it has worked WONDERS with my family in times when boundaries have needed to be drawn.)

You are absolutely within your rights to say NO! How does your husband feel about the situation? Make sure you are both on the same page before saying anything more to his family. It is completely ridiculous for them to expect you to make the drive every weekend when they make no effort to do the same. Once a month is plenty for you to take the baby to them. Let them know that they can come down (with phone call notice) once in a while and see him, too. Nicely tell them that you are tired from the long work week and would like to spend a little time with your son before he grows up. It doesn't have to be a battle, just a compromise. I'm not saying it will be easy, but you have to stand your ground and not run yourself to death trying to make others happy all the time. Good luck and enjoy your time with your little man.
J.

Been there... done that... After the second or when they have other grandkids it does get better (at least in my situation) mine did come visit us but man on man did I ever want a weekend with no company or no traveling. I finally just put my foot down and didnt answer my phone on the Thursdays before so as not to have to deal with it- they got the hint... sigh... do what makes you happy as long as your husband agrees if he doesnt, pack him a bag and have him make the trip to visit his parents- and you stay home and relax for a mommy day!!

You may or may not have heard the saying: "If Momma ain't happy, nobody is" It's a true statement. You need to do what's best for YOUR family which consists of you, your husband, and your baby. Driving to visit someone who passes your place by on a regular basis just doesn't make sense to me plus it cuts into your very precious free time.

Don't take on the responsibility for keeping everyone else happy. You are a family now and have every right to create your own schedule. Though family is very important, it also is a good example for your child(ren) when you create your own family traditions and also do things with friends in your town. It is important for your child to see you interacting in healthy relationships with friends as well as family. This is the time to set the limits and assert how you and your family are going to function. It is normal, not selfish, to use the weekends for family time, errands, chores and just basic regrouping and relaxing. Let the relatives know that they are welcome to come visit, but that for your family's well being you are cutting way back on weekend travel. When it comes to your husband's family, it would probably be best to discuss it with him and then let him tell them - just be sure that he will not cave to their pressure. That way you are not the bad daughter-in-law (they will always love their son). It may seem difficult to set limits now, but you will be thankful for years to come. Good luck!

No, IMHO you would not be too pushy! I personally wouldn't make any excuses or defend your decision with statements like "I need time with him, too." I would simply issue an invitation for them to come Saturday or Sunday - and specify morning, afternoon or evening according to your schedule and preferences.

You, your husband and your son are a family now and y'all need to make decisions and plans as your little family unit. Now you didn't mention your husband's viewpoint on the visiting issue, and that is vital information, because he is the head of your family in God's perfect order for families per scripture.

If he doesn't want to go, it would probably be best for him to tell his folks that y'all aren't traveling next weekend but they're welcome to come you you on Saturday afternoon. But it's fine if you do, too, if it would be more difficult for him.

Hope you are able to start enjoying your stay-at-home weekends : )
Blessings
Grami

First you probably need to let go of that little resentment toward their lack of acknowledgment during your pregnancy. You are not wrong however to tell them you are too busy to pack up on your days off to drive to them. My days off are all I have with my daughter, laundry, hobbies, local family, yardwork, etc. etc. etc. and I occassionally do some self pampering. Maybe you can arrange for once a month or once every other month trip to see them. This will allow them to see his progress and help him bond with family. Those will be special times as he gets older. But in my opinion that sounds 'often' enough. If they want to come visit...I guess that'll be their perogative.
B.

Personally, I would tell them the truth...you have to meet the needs of your own family (yourself, husband, and son) before you worry about the rest of them. You may want to offer going to their home once in a while, but from now on they will have to come to you. Travelling with an infant is difficult and throws them off their routine; it is inconsiderate of your extended family to expect you to put yourselves and your child through it. I would suggest your husband take the lead on this, since it is his family. This may help with their reception of the new rules. Good luck and stick to your instincts!

Oh my gosh, THEY are being ridiculous! They expect YOU, a busy mom with a baby, to pack up and travel lugging a baby and all the gear to see them all the time? Crazy! That is exhausting! You are absolutely right to feel the way you do. Tell them you can't visit that often but that they are welcome to visit the baby at your home. Don't feel guilty or stressed about it. You have more important things to concentrate on - enjoying the time with your baby, RESTING and RELAXING when you can, etc. If they act huffy about it, too bad, let it slide off your back. They are the grandparents - their needs are secondary. Your needs come first.

You have every right to stay home with your child. How else will you develop a family atmosphere for him? You just need to be honest and tell them 'not this weekend'. You don't need to justify your reasons, but if you feel you have to explain something you can explain that with gas prices continuing to stay high, you are going to have to economize and limit your trips to just once a month. And you'd like to plan for that so you can work it around the busiest times for your teaching. If they are not happy with that, oh well. You are an adult, not a child and can make some rules and boundaries for yourself. You are not happy and it affects your ability to be an effective parent.
The best to you, K.

I do not think you are being selfish AT ALL!!!!!! As much as you love your husband's family, you need to tell them no from time to time. I am sure that they mean no harm, but they are being selfish. Explain to them that you work all week and that you would like to relax at home all weekend, but that they are welcome to come for a visit if they like. If they choose not to come for a visit it will be there loss...If you try this more than once and they still fail to come, I say hold out....they will want to see that baby!!! I am not saying to quit going all together, but make them come to you from time to time....it is much harder for you to go (having to take all baby accessories) than it is for them to come see you. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I feel that people take others for granted way too much!!! Good luck...

My opinion is that the road and the phone work both ways. We did the same thing as you at first and then stopped. For four months we went out of our way for everyone to see our son and decided if the favor couldn't be returned, then so be it. The same will go for when he's older and involved w/sports, choir, school, whatever...

My husband and I have had to learn a few lessons (before the baby even) with everyone in both our families, even our friends... and that is we have to make ourselves happy first and we are our family now...everyone else in the extended family is just that...an extension of us. And we definitely don't want our son to see that he is expected to make everyone else happy all the time!

Good luck to you!

You and your husband need to be united on this. Ask him if you can schedule your weekends for a few months in advance, or agree that one Sat of the month you will go visit his family. Invite them all to your house and discuss with them which one would be best for everyone. Then schedule one or two other Saturdays per month to invite them to your house. If everyone knows that the second Sat. of the month is "visit Grandparents day" it will help bring peace. Your immediate family must take first place, although you need to honor your parents and in-laws also. I have 9 kids, one grandchild and another on the way. I used to think grandparents were a little silly...until I became one! Keep a good attitude!