Advice on My Mother-in-law

I had sorta the same problem with my mother-in-law. me and my husband asked her to come to our house to watch my son, who was about to turn 2 at the time, while we went out. We were only gone about 4 hours. She gets on my nerves anyway because every time she comes over to visit she starts cleaning my house like i don't do a good enough job. Well when we got back from our little outing all that ended. She had been so busy cleaning my house to her liking while we were gone that my child had 4 hours of poo and pee in his diaper and it was running down his legs! I was soooooooooooooo mad! She even had shut his bedroom door so he wouldn't get his toys back out and make a mess! I can't even tell you how mad i was! So ever since that day she has never kept him alone and she doesn't clean my house anymore. we had a big talk about that, that day. Maybe you just need to go to her and say look here woman I don't like the way you look after my kids! or find someone else to keep them like i had to do.

A.,
My advise is to find yourself a reputable (sp) babysitter and start paying for the services of someone you can trust. Or, find a couple that you are friends with and trade services. They take your kids one weekend and you take theirs the next.
Jen

A.,

In my opinion, I suggest that you talk with your husband about the matter openly, letting him know your concerns and believe that the outcome will be good. I suggest that you look for a new nanny. It is and can be life or dealth, just a mistake that we make with children. Talk with your mother in law about her actions. She is also going through a divorce and mentally she is not there. She might not know or understand at this point what's going on. Sometimes our minds are cloudy so just keep an open mind at all times. Remeber go about it as if she is your mom going through the same thing and stress the importance of your concerns for your children. Good Luck

Sit down with your husband and detail your and his expectations for sitters without blaiming your mother-in-law (unless necessary) and them have him deliver the message---afterall it is his mother.

I had the same sort of thing happen and the only thing to do is to talk to her and let her know what your expectations are or cut her off completely. Something like, I'm very thankful that You're available for us and the kids, but here are some safetly rules..... If she doesn't follow them, then the only thing to do is to no longer let her watch the kids. My kid's grandmother pushed the envelope ALL the time, ie wanting to give whole milk before it was time, or juice or certain foods, and whole list of safety issues I can't even start to mention. The final straw was when she put my 3 year old daughter in the front seat of a vehicle with airbags and without her carseat. Needless to say, the grandparent's no longer watch my kids. It makes it VERY hard since we had just moved and don't know a soul, especially anyone I would trust with my kids. It may take some time, but work on building relationships with others and search for a sitter for the time you and hubby have date night.

good luck

A.,
This is an awful situation and I know it may create uncomfortable problems with your MIL but please, please do not let her babysit anymore. My ex MIL used to watch my daughter and I did not know it but she was also taking naps or actually taking a Valum and knocking herself out for an entire day when she was supposed to be watching and playing with my daughter. At the time she had two pre-teen foster children living with her and apparently they were charged with the responsibility of keeping my daughter. My daughter, then 3, ended up being sexually molested by these boys while her Grandmother slept in the next room. It was a horrible experience and it took a year of therapy and thousands of dollars to get her to be a happy healthy toddler again. Thank God nothing worse happened. Please take this story and use it to protect your children from a caregiver who is not giving care.

It's a harsh reality, but do NOT let her stay there alone with the kids anymore. She is obviously not taking proper care of them. I know that it's a touchy subject with your hubby being that it's his mother, but you obligation is not to her it IS to your children.

I had my daughter in an at home day care, and the hours and price were right. Everytime I came in to get my daughter she was in a playpin. (She was 2) I would ask about it, and she would assure me she had just put her in there so that she could go to the bathroom. I brushed it off but took a mental note.

One day my Brother-in-law (who's kids were there too) went in late, and his daughter and my daughter were in their NAP spots wide awake and laying very still. All the lights were out and the woman's bedroom door was closed. It was 9 a.m. She went to sleep with 6 children there to take care of. My daughter told me that she told them to laydown and go to sleep too.

Apparently her idea of watching kids was making them stay in one spot all day while she did her own thing.

It's a scary thing, but you have to know that something is not right there.

Absolutely do not let your mother in law watch your children any longer. Obviously, there best interests are not her priority. Talk to your husband calmly and explain your fears and concerns. Better to have an upset inlaw than a hurt or God forbid dead child. Keep us posted.

A.,
wooooooooo! Wewwwwwww! You've got problems and this is going to be a touchy subject since it is your mother in law and you have to be very careful not to make either of them mad.
First of all, it sounds like your mother in law has too much going on in her life and when she comes to watch your kids, she is too occupied with something else or she is too tired from her "in the middle" divorce. I would not leave my kids with her anymore. If she asks why you don't leave them with her anymore or tells you, "why don't you all go out, I'll watch the kids," then I would be honest and straight forward with her and tell her that twice you have come home and the kids were doing something something that they shouldn't have been doing and you feel that she has too much going on in her life right now and you feel that you have been asking too much of her as it is (although you haven't.... you are just trying to be nice and not hurt her feelings), and then I would say that you think that you will wait till she gets her life straightened out first and then you will see how things go. If she questions too much then I think that I would just remind her about the time you came home and your son had the knife blade in his hand and then the coloring on the wall. Just tell her it is apparent to you that she is preoccupied and you feel that it isn't fair of you to ask her to watch your kids while she is going through all that and when it settles down, you will be more than happy to call on her and rely on her to help but right now you think that it is better to wait. And I would also talk to my husband first and tell him that I didn't feel comfortable with my kids alone with his mother and just worn him of what you are going to say and tell him that it isn't personal, it is mother instinct and that you still love him, but you have to do what is right and that you expect his support. (He is your husband and it is his responsibility to support you on this, however you do need to be up front with him and communicate with him over this deal.)
I know you have twins and it is hard to get out with one, much less two and it is actually going to be harder on you, however, when you don't have the help, you learn to deal with it and then it becomes second nature and you don't think anything about it. You just do what you have to do.
It may keep you from going out as much but that is just part of it. If you really want to go out then I would hunt an older teen that is good with kids and who comes highly recommended and check them out, like other parents' of kids they have babysat for.
And then I would just pay them and go out. Oh yeah, it is nice to not pay for a babysitter and you may not can go out as often but it would be better to not go out as much and come home to less work or a living child verses having to clean the walls and taking the chance that your child has gotten a holt of a knife and fell with it and stabbed himself.
I come to you as my husband is a psychologists. I asked him what he would do and this was his advice.
Hope it helps.
M.

Dear A.,
I'm a gramma, and my husband and I have also adopted a child who was physically handicapped because of a neglectful parent. By all means, go with your gut feelings, and do not permit your children to be alone with this lady, mother-in-law or not. As their mom, you are the one responsible for your child's safety, and on whom your children must rely.

I'm sure it must be hard to communicate and make new friends, but I would suggest trying to get to know some other moms, or gramma-types through church or other groups and trade off sitting, or running errands, etc. A church secretary may have a list of dependable childcare workers, or your local hospital or pediatrician's office may have parent group reources.... and perhaps you can find someone you can trust while you are out. Or, perhaps have your husband call a local high school or college where there may be students taking sign language where you could barter some time to practice together in exchange for some less expensive child care.

I know how important to preserve your marriage with two little ones, and I will pray you can find alternate and safe care so that everyone will win, and you can really enjoy your nights out.

js

I would not let her watch my kids anymore