Inlaws Not Involved in My Kids Life

well, since she uses hubby against you, let hubby be the one who envites her to the functions. My parents never played favorites. If they kept one, they all nine of them and that was so unique and they felt very loved and got to spend time with each other as cousins. Maybe y ou can schedule some time with all the kids and envite her then she's around all of them. Go to McDonalds, anything, just try it and see what happens and let me know, ok? You can also email me anytime just to talk.

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I'm right there with ya...except its MY parents...and they are the only grandchildren instate!!! My five year old does not want anything to do with his grandmother/grandfather or great-grandmother because they do the same thing to him that they did to me growing up. They just let him exist they don't interact with him and they always WANT him to go play in the other room. I never realized how selfish my parents were until I had my own kids, I mean it was all I ever knew back then. I play with both my boys all the time and since he is use to that he feels like his Nana and Dodie don't like him. I am not so sure they do, myself!!! My youngest, on the other hand, gets spoiled rotten compared to my five year old. If you can actually call watching him play and laughing when he does something funny, being spoiled. I don't know what I should really do either. My youngest likes going over there for short periods of time but he still behaves like I am leaving him with a sitter instead of family. You know cries until he can't see me anymore and runs to me with open arms, screaming my name when I return. I keep my oldest with me. We have only lived near them for a year and since he is not close to them I would prefer to allow him to keep his distance since he does not want to go over there and I don't want their favoritism to affect him.

All i can say is keep trying to invite her to things, and maybe she will come around. Or maybe your spouse should talk to them about being involved with your kids.

my kids always call gramma and ask her to come and that will normally do the trick

good luck

Honestly, there isn't much you can do. You know how this woman is, so don't expect any more from her. It is unfortunate, and it sounds like she may play favorites, but it is beyond your control, so you are only hurting yourself and your family by dwelling on it. The kids would be less bothered by it if you were less bothered by it.

I wish I had advise, but I don't. I just wanted to say that that is a terrible situation, because the only ones being hurt are the children.

well I have been there as well. My mother in law helped to raise one of her grandchildren even getting him every weekend from 7 on fri til 7pm on sun and some how forgets about the other 13 grandkids!! When my daughter was about 6 she had asked me "Mommy why doesnt Grandma Love me like she does Colten?" It was kinda hard to answer that one! As badly as you would like to say what your thinking you cant. So the best I could do was to tell my child that she did love her too. The thing is I had tried everything too and it didnt work so I let it be. It wasnt long after that my kids both were old enough to understand for their self what was going on. And just like you trying all the time to try to include the grandparents I had done the same thing so my kids knew it wasnt my fault. Your kids will be better off when you stop stressing so much about it. You have done all you can do but no matter what effort you put in you still wont get ne back. It is sad that in the end it will most likey be to late b4 they decide to change their ways and stop missing out on the great kids you have raised. Your a good mom for trying and wanting the best for your kids.
Good luck
C.

Your situation sounds kinda like mine but a lil different. My fiancee's mom lives in Aurora,il and his dad lives in WI. The thing that angers me about his mom is that she will buy a present for other son's lil boy who lives in the same city as we do but not buy my son anything. As for his dad he tries to treat all the grandkids equally even though he doesn't like my fiancee's brother's soon to be ex wife. I would try to talk to his mom and let her know that her lack of wanting to do stuff with the kids is drawing your son away from her.

Hi Kristi,

I'm a mom and a g'ma. We've had issues on both sides of the fence. My in-laws always played favorites even between our 6 kids it happened. You know sometimes we have to just shield our kids the best we can and love them and squeeze them pretty close when something like this creeps into their lives.

It's so hard to be the mother in law too. It really is; I'm sure some people have horrible experiences with their inlaws like I have but it's also hard to BE the in law...LOL

I like the idea of inviting all of the kids, g'ma and g'pa out to places. It would make her feel special in your life and that you are accepting her too. It's not easy being the one who caves in, but sometimes we have to do that just to keep the peace. If that doesn't work, give the duty of inviting to your hubby. My InLaws do not like me, that's ok, I only have to see them a few times a year! But I will never stand between them seeing their grandkids even though it is always on their terms. sigh!

Your kids will respect you in the end. They will also learn what NOT to do when they are adults and face similar problems. Just as you learned to "play" endlessly with your kids. You've broken the cycle, congratulations!

Hi Kristi, I'm going through the same thing with my husbands family. It is really hard on the kids so we just stop having anything to do with them at all. I decided if they want to have anything to do with us then it is going to be up to them to make the effort. Of course they haven't yet! I know it sounds harsh but you would be suprised how nice it is to just let go. and its alot less tense for the kids. Good luck.

Hey there Kristi!

My father in law and his wife are our only relatives that live within 150 miles of us. He makes absolutely no effort to be a part of my childrens' lives- and my children are his ONLY grandchildren.
As you can imagine- this is very frustrating for my husband and me. I just very honestly tell my five year old (my 18 mo old doesn't understand) that Grandpa has problems that are no one's fault but his. The other grandparents absolutely adore them- so I try to focus more on those relationships. The grandparents who do not choose to spend time with your children will ultimately be the losers of the situation as long as you make it clear to your children that the problem is on their (the grandparents) side- and not on your kids' end.
Hope this helps!

-B.
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I'm living this. The only thing you can do is set up occasions where she isn't in control of her interaction with your kids. Invite her to your house once a week. Get her to babysit at your house and have small celebrations with just her and your kids for a while. Take the other kids out of the equation for the next year or two.

In my case my husband's sister lives with his parents and her kids are there a lot. She's a non custodial parent of 4. She also has a drug habit so it's not safe for our kids to be at that house. We're not the only ones that set these limits. The mother of one of the grandkids and the parents of 4 others have the same rules.

It's kinda sad cause my fil is pretty much homebound but we feel it's better to protect our kids from the filth and possible exposure to the stuff.

Kristi
I know how you are feeling my husband and I are going through the samething with his family. It is very hard especially for the kids. We have just stopped going to see all of them it is so much easier that way. If they want or need something they call us we very seldom call them.He has said something to them more than once about the situation but it never does any good. All I can say is hold your ground with them and maybe if you all stop going over there for awhile it may or may not help.It wouldn't hurt to try it. It has been 2 months since we seen his family and since the holidays are comming we may go see them ,all we can do is see how they are with the kids of course all of the grandkids will be there too. If you would like to talk more about this situation I will be more than happy to talk to you.
Good Luck
J.

Hi Kristi!!!

Wow, that kind of seems like a really crappy situation. I wish that I had some kind of brilliant advice to give you, but I don't. I know you probably want to tell your mother-in-law to go take a flying leap, I would. But, as parents, we always think of the children. Maybe you should try orchestrating events that involve the family more as a whole, and not focus on an intimate relationship. In saying this, I mean why not invite all the grandkids and grandma? I am by no means justifying what she is doing to your children....at all. And, I don't even know if this is a good idea or not. I just believe that family, immediate and extended, is sooooo important. So, maybe if you tried something a little less specific their relationship would mature into something better. I know this isn't much advice, but I hope it helps. Keep on sweetie!! Just remember that no matter what, at least they have a mommy who loves them to death!

I say if you've already tried talking to her, there's nothing else you can do. Mabye some day she'll see what she has done to the relationship between your kids and her. I'm really sorry you're going through that.

I can say that would really irritate me too! I guess I dont have a lot of advice on this but I think that if she is going to always see herself as right, then there really ISN'T much that you can do. Just make a point to keep telling her about the kids' sporting events and maybe even have the kids' write it down on paper and give it to her. That way she has no excuses. Maybe in the Spring you could set up a little picnic for just the kids and her so they can spend time together. I'm sorry I dont have much advice on this.
R.

It sounds like maybe her other grandchildren's parents aren't as involved in their kids lives as you and your hubby are with your kids. Maybe she doesn't feel as needed by your kids as she does the others. Maybe they are with her alot more because their parents have her sit for them often. Is that the case? It's wonderful that you are involved with your kids and have them involved in sports activities at this age, but maybe the other grandkids spend more time with her because the parents choose to take them there instead of the type of things you and your hubby choose to do with your kids. I would ask my hubby to speak up the next time his mom acts like the victim and tell her that she has been invited many times and it hurts HIM that she is not putting any effort towards coming to watch his kids in the sports they enjoy! Tell her that they would like to be able to tell their friends "Look! There's my Gramma! She loves to come and watch me!" Maybe she will change her attitude and show up and get involved...she is the one that's holding back, not the kids! Good luck!

you know i wouldn't worry about it. let your hubby do that. if he wants them to be more involved thats his job, his family. i know how that feels trust me. except its my mother who isn't there for my kids and blaming it on me when i've invited her out numberous times........ i'm to the point where i don't care anymore. the kids have learned that nana has a life of her own and when she has time they get to see her. and go to my hubbys parents house every weekend and have a blast. i gave up on my mother, its a lot less stressful, and we have a lot more fun without her anyway!