Advice on How to Handle MIL Problem

I am fortunate to not have MIL issues-she is great!!
Unfortunately, I DO have MOTHER issues!!! Is that better or worse???
Your husband is defending his mother, as he should (I guess). Explain to HIM all the reasons you stated here that she should not watch your daughter and let HIM explain it to his mother as you don't need added stress right now. She may feel she is in competition with you mother, even if she does not state it. I am in the same boat with competing mothers and we live a mile radius from each other!
Just be sure to speak AWAY from your daughter as kids can be parrots...trust me, I know!!!

Stephanie,
You are probably better off taking this with a grain of salt. Your daughter will be in the hands of someone who loves her and she will be fine. A few days of canned soup and television, I'm sure will not have permanent diverse affects on your daughter. However, if she sees or feels your resentment towards your MIL, that will.
It is a healthy, good thing for a child to have bonding with both sides of the family.
Plus, you'll get to enjoy your Mom's support and attention during this very special time in your life.
Don't stress about it. It sounds like you have alot of loving care and support surrounding you. Accept it with open arms :)
K.

I think I absolutely understand how you feel. The worst thing about all of it is not being heard. When you have to overexplain yourself then you each small issue can be attacked and simply overexamined. It is not a pet rock your sharing with your sister and mommy could only by one. You best interest is in what is best for your daughter.. not you MIL or your parents.. The only reason why you are more comfortable with one option over the other has everything to do with your daughter at ease, which makes you at ease... not the other way around.
I would bet that as quick as you MIL says she didnt want to be there .. she could show up with your daughter at the last moment. She wants to help but on her terms.. and actually this is really fine.. However, you must also control the terms that keep you at ease. Do not blame your husband, it is his mother after all and what may or may not bother you will be something he is accustomed to handling. You are not saying you are against microwave meals or home cooked meals.. which is what I mean by overexamining everything. Tell everybody involved your daughter is gonna stay with your mom and that is that. And by doing so they are "taking turns" and you are not disagreeing with your husband. You are having a baby after all... and so to ask for compliance from your immmediate family members this once is not the end of the world... she can stay with your MIL some other time... whatever..
it makes me frustrated just to think about the how petty it all is .. and if you start compromising with this then it will "just" something else.
In addition, if she complains again after 2 hours find a different option there is nothing worse than feeling like you are taking your child somewhere she is tolerated instead of celebrated, just because that person is a close family relative.
Lastly, I have a cousin who had it the other way around with her MIL ... .. ... so it is not just because she is your MIL .. Good Luck ,, and God Bless

I completely understand where you're coming from. You need to focus on your delivery and the new baby, and don't need this added stress. Personally, I think that people should cater to the new mom around the time she gives birth because of everything we go through in childbirth. It's a given that most of us are going to want our mom around right after we deliver, not necessarily our MIL.

But as someone else said, your husband feels like you're saying his mom isn't good enough and is probably offended by that. I think your issue with your MIL is bigger than just having her watch your daughter for a couple of days when you're in the hospital, and understandably so. I wouldn't want my baby eating crappy food, etc. either. But I think too that as moms, we worry a lot, and usually the things we worry about don't come to fruition.

Your MIL loves your daughter and wants to help so unless she lacks common sense, for example if she's the type of person who'd leave a baby alone in a bathtub even for a second, or if she leaves things around that could be dangerous for your daughter, it might be good to let your daughter stay there just to keep the peace in the family. Your daughter will be fine in your MIL's care, and if anything happens, you will have a stronger case for not leaving your kids overnight at her house in the future.

Hmm... one thing you could do is let your MIL babysit a lot leading up to your due date, and if she complains about your daughter at all, then you can offer to have your parents take her instead. I believe your MIL wants to help and feel needed, so if there is anything she can do to help you, unless she's going to gripe about it, you should let her.

Congratulations on your upcoming new arrival and good luck! Don't stress and keep your mind on the new baby.

I think that we always trust our own moms more than our hubby's moms. It's just human nature since you know how your own mom feels about your child.

Try to work it out so that your daughter's time is divided between both households. It might be easier if they each take a day/night so that they won't be exhausted .... catering to grandchildren is hard work. lol.

I hear what your saying,

BUT your offending your husband, and his mother, by acting like she isn't good enough to take care of your daugher, and for you to expect her to take care of her ALL day and then simply reliquish her over to her REAL grandparents

Either way your daughter will be fine.

Let it go and let your mom fight it out wth her, your MIL raised your husband,and he turned out just fine,
so for a few days 2 if its a Natural delivery your dughter should be fine.

And I think your husband also gets a say so.

respect his position as the father , Your MIL loves her,
so big deal she can't go out side and eats choclate for breakfast and cookies for lunch for one Maybe 2 days.

even if you have a c section we're talking 3 possibly 4 days.

I know I was released early after only one day in the hospital

be fair. she will be fine.

M

Sorry - I have to agree with your husband - the fair thing is to let your parents and MIL share the responsibility and trade nights. As your plans stand now, it seems like you're saying, well, MIL, you can watch my daughter because no one else is available. As daughters, we are sometimes too inclined to trust our parents more than our in-laws, for a number of reasons. Does your MIL have nightmares every night? Have you spoken to her about this? You can't fairly say 'no, my daughter can't stay with you overnight' without addressing your concerns with your MIL honestly and openly. Then she can respond and you can work something out together.