Advice on Depression

Hey J.!

I understand how you are feeling! I have a 11 month old who goes to daycare 2-3 days a week, and she loves it...so here is how I look at it....
I see that my daughter is happy to be there and has fun with her friends there. It is a change of scenery for her, she is being exposed to different things other than just sitting at home with me or doing errands. Also I see that she is developing pretty good social skills being exposed to different people at daycare. SO...even though some days I do not want to go to work because I just want to be with her, I know she is having fun, is very well taken care of and that the different interactions are good for her. I just try to look at it positively and think that is good for her development! I do know how you feel, but I hope this helps at least a little!!

Hang in there!
Kim

Mama guilt--I know it well. It does get better...believe me.
I work full-time, as does my husband, and our son has been in day care five days a week since he was 3 mo. old.

At first it felt horrible--it felt like abandonment, and I alternated between worrying that he was miserable all day long to worrying that he would grow more attached to his two primary care givers at day care than he would to me. Both turned out to be completely false.

My son is 27 weeks now and really enjoys the stimulation he gets at day care. They've got cool toys, his caregivers really care for him, and he does great things like paint with his feet. Plus, he loves being around the other babies and little kids.
The downside, is that we only get awake time with him for only about two hours on the weekdays after work, and he gets more colds than a baby that stays at home.
But he's a joy, and he's happy.

There are more things to caring and tending to your child than just being at home--making enough money to provide for him is vital too--and don't forget the value of showing him a model of a strong, intelligent, working mom.

Best of luck!

DO NOT FEEL GUILTY OR DEPRESSED. YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING THAT YOUR FAMILY NEEDS. YOU CAN HAVE A SPECIAL NIGHT WITH YOUR FAMILY - LIKE MOVIE AND POPCORN JUST BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT. HOW WONDERFUL THAT YOU CARE ENOUGH TO HELP YOUR FAMILY WITH THE MONETARY NEEDS. BESIDES THEY ARE PROBABLY HAVING A BALL AT DAYCARE WITH OTHR KIDS TO PLAY WITH. BE STRONG. YOU ARE A WONDERFUL MOM AND SUPPORTER. GOD BLESS

J.,
Dont feel gulity .I was a single mom going to nursing school and had to place both my girls in daycare. It helps the children learn independence . I have two girls 26 & 20 both very sucessful and no ill effects from daycare. In fact when we pass a kindercare my 20 yr old always says i loved that place. I have a 7 yr old son and he asks me when am i going to get to go to daycare and play.
I only work one day a week now and he goes with his father. Hmmm maybe someday when i work fulltime again he'll get his chance. good luck
D.

The worst part about having small kids / babies for me was having to leave them to go to my job. I really got resentful of my work b/c I only really wanted to be a mom and stay with them....but, like you, we needed the money...I had no choice. I had to work. I have no solutions, but I do understand how you feel! Hang in there...It does get a little easier with time...If the day care place is good, and the kids are learning, playing w other kids and having mostly good days, they will be fine. Sending them off to enrich their minds and lives is a good thing at any age. I do know it's still hard...That Mommy Bond thing is tremendous! Hang in there and enjoy every minute of your days off! P.

I had to go back to work full time as soon as my six week maternity leave was over. I was lucky enough to have family to help me with childcare and that helped with the guilt because it was family who was taking care of my daughter.
After awhile my husband and I decided to work opposite schedules so one of us would be with her most of the time. He worked first shift and I worked second. Finally when Alyssa was two and a half we couldn't avoid daycare any longer. We found an amazing center and Alyssa thinks she's going to school. She loves it there and it is very educational. She is getting things out of it that I can't give her at home. It has been just over six months and I am actually happy we decided to put her in daycare instead of getting a nanny or one of us working less. As long as you have a place that your children enjoy and that you trust you will find it is probably good for them to have that socialization.
You must always remember that you are doing what is best for them because they will have what they need. You love them the same whether you are at work or at home and they know it. This is what matters. Also my family makes the most of the time we have, it is more valuable then when we had more time together. Sometimes its good to miss someone because you realize how special they are. This is a great lesson for children.
Good luck and I hope you can get through this to feel better!

I am sorry you are feeling down:( But you are doing what you need to do for your family. Think about all of the benefits your family has from you working. Try to focus on that when you are feeling down. Take care!

J.,
Feeling this way is normal and it will get less with time.
Some days are better than others. When they are sick and you have to leave them with someone is the worst. I had to do that so many times when my daugher was a baby. Even when I left her with my mom, or a trusted friend. I have since decided not to do that as often. It totaly ticks off my boss, but I don't care. She needs me and that is what matters most.
We can all relate to the money sitution. To make life work we all have to work these days. Just think that you will be able to buy the things they need most with that hard earned money.
Just hang in there, and many before me as said, they are learning to associate with their peers. That is a great gift you are giving them now.

Take Care

I felt the same way when I went back to work with my first child-I cried for about 2 weeks off and on before I had to go back. I also felt guilty about it but it does lessen over time. You'll get use to being at work. What made me feel better was that I knew all the time I spent with my child when I was home was quality time and it showed with how my baby responded to me-she always wanted me and my attention regardless if her caregiver during the day was around. That always (and still) made me fell better that. Your kids will also have to opportunity to experience different learning experiences plus it's only 3 days a week....they'll probably love going and spending time with new friends.

I would say to make those hours you are with your kids truly count. I work a little, but I am with my kids most of the day. I sometimes feel I have gone the whole day without really connecting with them. Also, make sure you are with a childcare provider you really trust. Maybe you can also call home often or allow your kids to call you at work (if your job allows).

Feeling guilty is normal.. but there is no need. I was a SAHM for 14 years and the last year and a half went back to work full time. The kids have learned some independance, within the rules, and have learned responsibility since they have to pick up some of the household chores.

I think its been great for them.. and great for me! I get adult interaction, a sense of fulfillment (since we really need the money).. and independance of my own!

Plus I'm giving them some of the skills they need to go out on their own in the world.. which is the ultimate goal that I see of parenting anyways. A win-win situation!

As far as daycare.. they are gaining a lot of social skills they need in life as well. And from all new perspecives.

J.