Got a New Job

I can really understand where you are coming from.. When I went to put my son in day care I started him a week before I actually went back to school and work.. therefore i could go and pick him up if i wanted to and I would get adjusted to the fact that he won't be there all day........ you will also worry if they will like it but you know what my son is 12 months and he loves going to day he doesn't like to sit at home all the time sooo don't worry about that... it takes time to get use to it but if you prepare yourself ahead of time it will all work out fine and trust me at the end of the day no matter how much time they spend at day care they still know that you are mommy!!!!!

J.,

You've already received a lot of great advice and encouragement, but I feel the need to share. I am 25 and also working on a divorce. My husband decided he didn't want to be married anymore when our son was about 9 months old.

I moved back in with my parents in August and my mom watched my son while I worked my 2-day-a-week part-time job. But I need to work more to get back on my feet, so I found full-time child care for him. I was also apprehensive and feeling guilty about not spending as much time with my son. Especially since we've already been through so much this year.

But after three weeks of him being in child care I have noticed a lot of positive changes in my son. His social skills have greatly improved and he is generally more pleasant to be around. Spending time with kids his own age and having a structured, educational day (instead of just play time with mommy) has really given my son an edge. I hate to admit it, but I think he's actually better off spending the day in child care. An added plus is that he is SO happy to see me at the end of the day. It's such a great feeling.

Good luck to you and your son. I hope your experience is as positive as mine has been so far. Let me know if you need anything. Please feel free to contact me.

-T.

I empathize with you. As single mommies, it is a constant battle between doing the best thing for our babies and pursuing our careers in order to survive and provide for our kids. As long as you truly feel comfortable with the daycare you have found and know that he is getting love, attention and nurturing there, you will learn to make the most of the precious evenings and weekends with your son. The fact that your son also enjoys plenty of time with grandma and grandpa helps a lot too. I think you are making the most of a tough situation and while making this change is an adjustment, your son will show you through his behavior, sleep patterns and other baby clues if he is unhappy or uncomfortable with your new set up. Don't let the guilt get you, make the most of the time you do share with your child through weekend outings to the beach, parks, etc. and know that he will feel your love through the times you do have together.

You are awesome! You are going through a divorce, which is tough, but you are still thinking of the best interest of your son and his feelings. I wouldn't worry too much about the time. It sounds to me that you will probably make up for it when you see him after work. As long as you researched the daycare and feel comfortable with it, then he will be getting good care and, like you said, he will be with your mom, too--- someone he has always been around. I think you will be more effected by the change then he will. Kids are resilient.

I also have not had to rely on daycare up to this point-- and my oldest is almost 4 years old! I am getting ready to research schools for VPK. I think I will cry more than my daughter when I drop her off for school in the fall!

I admire your strength and courage to provide for your son! Babies adapt very well to change and I bet he will be fine. You are very fortunate to have your parents behind you and lending you a hand. How wonderful for you and your son and them as well to be so involved with thier grandson. I have not been in your situation, but I just wanted to wish you luck...way to go!! Such positive changes for all you!

I HAD MY SON ENROLLED IN DAYCARE AT AGE 4. BEFORE THAT IT WAS THAT HE WAS WITH HIS GRANDMA, OR DAD. HE ADAPTED VERY WELL TO DAYCARE, AND OF COURSE I FELT BAD. I WORKED FROM 9 AM TO 7 PM, WE HAD NO TIME AT ALL. I JUST MADE SURE THAT I SHOWED UP TO ALL OF HIS SPECIAL EVENTS AT THE DAYCARE, EVEN TOOK HIM TO WORK FROM TIME TO TIME. THAN BABY TWO AND THREE CAME ALONG. I NOW HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO BE A STAY AT HOME MOM- WAY TO EXPENSIVE FOR TWO KIDS IN DAYCARE!!!!

This sounds like me talking... I got married, had a baby, worked for 1 year. Then we moved to FL to be with my family and i was home for 1 year and LOVED IT!! Then hubby and i separated and i had to get a job. She went to daycare and my mom watches her 2 days a week. It sucks working, i hate it and I want to be home with her. But reality check! We must. I live with family too right now (32 y.o) for 2 years now, getting back on my feet. If only ex will pay some support, we can afford a place of my mine.. maybe in a few months.. but i have been saying that. Socializing with other kids and learning from other adults is a good thing though. Time apart is a good thing. Just treasure every day and I hate putting her to bed every night, i want more time with her. I can't wait till i get off work and see her. But weekends are all about us time. AND you have your child more to yourself now right? I love not arguing with a spouse about her. :)
S.

J.,

I am a working mom of a 2 year and 6 year old. Adding in drive time, I work 60 hours a week. I have, many times, felt that I was doing my children wrong working so much, and not being home with them more. I started to tell myself that it was the quality of time I spent with them, and not the quanity. I only really spend time with them during the week from 6 pm to 8:30. In that time, we also have to squeeze in baths, dinner & homework. (Yes, my home is very crazy in the evenings :)

I just go out of my way to spend "special" time with them. When we are home in the evening, they have my full attention. They help make dinner, and then help clean up. I use this time to talk about their days, and joke around a little. We really have a blast. I know your son is alot younger than my girls, but you see what Im getting at.

I know that all moms, (well, maybe not all) wish at some point and time that they didn't have to put their little ones in daycare, but we really dont have a choice sometimes. Hang in there. The changes will be weird, and possibly upsetting at first, but I think you both will do just fine. As someone said to me once, it will probably be harder on you than your son.

Take care, and best wishes.

Amanda

23 year old mom of 2 girls.

It will change once your son gets older... because they sleep less when they get older. You will have more time to spend with him. It was like that for me too, I worked all day and didn't get any time with my baby too but then she changed she started sleeping less at night.

I think as a parent we have some very tough decisions to make when it comes to our children. You need to do what you need to do and your child will adjust. YOu know you will see him every night and on weekends and that you will make all your time with him special. He will adjust to other children, which is important. And only you will know in time after doing it this way, if it works for you. But i think you at least have to give it a shot. It was difficult for me to leave my first child a few hours a day, a few days a week at first. In time, i realized that it was such a good thing for her. We could miss each other, and appreciated the time together more because of it. I think she is so friendly and outgoing because of her daycare experiences. You will do great, and so will he! Good luck with everything!

J.,

I just enrolled my twins in daycare. They are two. This was their first time going and today finishes their first week. You shouldn't feel bad because you are doing whatever is needed to provide for your child. He will have so much fun learning new things. And for me, it's made me anxious to get to the school to get them, just to see what they've learned and see the new things they can do. It's really amazing how putting them in daycare has actually brought us together. He'll be fine and they will understand your nervousness. My kids attend La Petite and their director there told me to call as often as I needed. I called twice the first day and I knew I had no reason to be concerned. Good luck!

Hang in there. I just started my 8 month daughter in daycare. Before she was being watched by one of her grandmas while I worked. I came back to work when she was 12 weeks old. She's doing great in daycare so far and I think a lot of that has to do with having someone spending one-on-one time with her. So be happy that you've made it as far as you have without putting him in daycare!
Some of the things my husband and I do to make up for the time are: we keep her up a little later so we can spend more time with her and all our weekends are spent just playing with her. I know it doesn't seem like it, but your son will (or does as my husband says) understand that you need to work. And from the sound of it, the time gap isn't that different, you'll just be spending different hours with him. Enjoy him and the time you have together. It's the quality that matters! Good luck in your new job!