Advice on Baby Duty - How to Take Turns...

I am right there with you M.! I have a 5 month old, too, but I work outside of the home, as does my husband. We generally alternate days, and we did that even before I went back to work. it works pretty well in theory, because there's no arguing about the schedule, it just is what it is. Still there are some kinks in our little system sometimes, but I think this is pretty much the best way possible to keep sanity in the house. I have pretty much surrendered my old activities, but I try to keep in mind that it is just for now. Good luck with whatever you guys decide to try!

We had the same issue and have come to some aggreements. M/W/F my husband puts the girls to bed (bath, books, bed). I do T/Th/S and we both usually do Sunday or if one of us has plans the other will do it. This has really helped. The one that is NOT putting the girls down is responsible for making sure the kitchen is clean and house is 'picked up', although we are lenient on this one sometimes. After that is done, you can do whatever you want.

As for doing things with friends and such, we just schedule it and try to be fair to one another. I have no problem planning things, but my husband does. Now that I get out more (mostly on Monday nights with bible study or pokeno), he is starting to plan things for himself. I have planned overnight things and so has he, but it does take more planning than it use to. When I am away, he knows he is with the girls and vice versa.

It is hard to adjust, but this time is short in the big scheme of things. Treasure her while she is little. I hope some of this helpls...it is a negotiation to meet each others needs as well as your own, much less the lil' one.

I would also like to suggest that you both decide the things that you enjoy doing, dont mind doing, and really dont like doing. My hubbby does not really like giving the kids a bath, whereas I dont mind it at all. I hate cleaning up after dinner (I cooked it, I feel like I am done with the kitchen at that point!!), but he doesnot really mind..especially because he can see the TV and catch up on "Mythbusters" while he cleans (another post needed to understand the need for that silly show!!:) So, basically we dont divide up nights, we divide responsibilities. I wash and fold the laundry..he puts it away. I make sure that the rooms are dusted and picked up..he runs the vaccuum. I try to have the kids doing something that he can either join them or not for the time that I am getting dinner ready, but for sure if he doesnt play with them right when he gets home, he does the bed time routine. It is a give and take, and should be that way as far as time away from the baby too. It will get better when the baby gets a little older and he feels like there is more for him to do with her I promise. Most men tend to have a harder time hanging out with a baby that doent do much...they want to laugh and play. Before you know it she iwll be running to the door to greet him when she hears the garage door open, and he will never be able to resist that!! Good luck ~A.~

It's so hard isn't it?? I had to read this post to my husband so he knows we're not alone in these thoughts..... lol.

Here are some things that work for us:

Sleeping in - One person gets to sleep in Saturday mornings and the other gets Sunday mornings until 8:30. It's enough to look forward to..... but not too long.

Working out - Justin really missed working out after work. So he is "allowed" (for lack of a better word) to do whatever as long as he's home by 6:30 so he can see Ryan before bed which is at 7.

Happy Hours, etc. - We definitely split up this time. I go to a girls dinner every week or 2 and usually we will meet up at 6:30 or 7 so he is basically just having to put Ryan to bed. You really have to give and take on this one!

Mornings and Evenings - we take turns cooking. Sometimes I would rather cook by myself than build one more block tower, (lol) and it gives Justin a chance to play with Ryan since they haven't seen each other all day. I don't really like breakfast foods so Justin doesn't mind getting in there and making bacon and eggs some mornings. Even if he's just sitting there while Ryan eats yogurt by himself, it gives me a chance to take a quick shower in peace and get ready for the day.

We do dates too.... my in-laws live close by so they will watch him for us several times a month. That gives us a chance to see a movie, or go to poker night, etc. Taking turns is nice but sometimes you want to do stuff together too!

On weekends we try to do something fun together, look in local publications for fun activities in your area.

Hope this helps! I'll be watching for more suggestions. :o)

~ t

It gets easier...I promise! It's just so crazy at first! My daughter was colic for the first 5 months and I HAD to come up w/a plan...nothing set in stone or anything, but I had to have my alone time....even if it were just upstairs in the bath....it does however take a toll on the marriage!

if you have family near ask for help! maybe even one night a week you and your hubby can have some couple time! Spending all your freetime away from your spouse is no good...I tried it! My husband and I traded off days waking up w/the baby, but when she started sleeping through the night it was so much better! My husband and I just take turns w/everything!! He goes to workout and then I go to workout....day by day!!

one thing I have learned is that even though you are home all day w/the baby and need a break the minute he gets home don't forget he has been at work all day too, and needs a break too.....I kept telling my husband "at least you get to be in the car alone, and go to the bathroom w/out someone screaming for you", and he finally caught on, but I had to learn he needed a break too!

anyway, I hope I didn't go too far off topic! Hope you find what works for you!

I personally wouldn't trade off days with your daughter. I totally understand the need for alone time, but do you really need a schedule for that? Would it be possible for you guys to choose a "before baby activity" and do them together? Someone could watch the baby and allow for you guys to have time together. I would hate to think that you guys are spending all of your free time alone? Family time? Do you guys get to spend time together with your daughter...dinner, bottles, bath time? I love getting a sitter for an hour or so once a weekend just to give my husband and I time alone.

It's hard for about the first 18 months to 2 years. After that is when we found ourselves getting out more. Now our son is 3 1/2, & we do a lot together as a family. I also get to go shopping more, & we get more dates.

Everything you said is how most of us mothers feel. I think it's especially hard on the fathers getting used to taking care of a baby. They weren't pregnant, & they don't stay home with the baby. It's a completely different mind-set. That doesn't excuse them from fatherly duties. Just get out more by yourself at first...if only for an hour or 2. If you keep staying home, he will get used to you there more & more.

Wow, at times it seems like twins is easier. My husband takes one and then I take the other. But we are in the same boat as far as having to ask him to do things! When I was still home with the boys during maternity leave I couldn't wait for him to get home! But then when he got home he wanted to rest. So we came up with a plan. That when he got home I got about 30 mins to myself and then we did thing together from that point. His drive to and from work was his free time! My husband did and still does play soccer 2 nights a week and softball 1 night. So when I want to go get my nails done or go shopping I do not feel guilty at all!