Feel Bad That I Don't Miss Hubby.

Don't feel guilty. Everyone loves time to themselves, which is something we give up when we marry and become mommies!! My husband and son are going to a Giants game out of state, they do it once a year. I love not having to cook, no cleaning up after anyone, relaxing and reading a good book, and just some alone time. It does't mean there is something wrong it just means you are enjoying a much needed break.

you think that's bad? lol I wasn't even excited my husband was coming home from Afghanistan (he's in the army) he was only there for 5 months because he was sent home when Gen. McCrystal sent home 20% of the non fight troops. I was also pregnant and very emotional, my husband used to be the guy that would laugh and make jokes and tell me how pretty I was. Then when he came home he was such a jerk. Always yelling at me and expecting things I couldn't do. I was also mad because he wasn't the same guy I had married that Feb. Then again he finally told me why and I understood. But before then I was happy I could have the whole bed to myself, go where I wanted and hang with friends. But as I look back I am glad he came home when he did because if not he would have missed the birth of his son.

Be honest with your husband about your feelings of needing more "me" time, if he doesn't know how you feel he can't make any adjustments or changes. Don't feel guilty about your feelings!

Honey... this isn't saying that you love your H any less... but it's SCREAMING that you need more "me time".

There's nothing wrong with that. It's otherwise known as girls or guys nights out... girls weekend... "fishing" trips. MOST couples need and incorporate alone time into their marriages.

I think that since he's been gone you have realized how much of your personal space he invades. Everyone needs their own space, even from the dearest one that they love. I think that you should bring up the issue during a time when things are calm and think about a good way to say it to him. He will prolly get hurt but hopefully understand and change his behavior. If things remain the same you will be resentful towards him.Guilt about not being with him is also not a healthy sign. You desire to be with him should be from you and just because you enjoy his company. His actions sound a bit controlling to me. I grew up with a dad that was always in my personal space, leaving me uncomfortable and unsure of myself.
In our relationship I always felt motivated by guilt but after being out on my own I decided not to allow him to treat me that away anymore and called him out when he did. It was ugly.Hate to sound like a broken record but consoling would help you to sort it all out. You need time to yourself without having someone always know what and why you are doing it.
Best Regards to you,
C.

Don't beat yourself up. You discovered how precious "me" time is. It does not mean you love hubby less.

We own our company and hubby travels a lot. Years ago he was on the road at least 3 nights a week. Now it is more like 1 with 1 week of the month being 3 nights.

I felt guilty because I had such a routine with daughter that when he came home, it through a wrench through our routine.

We work very closely together because we are the only ones running this company so the time apart helps up both. We are typically online chatting while working, texting, etc.

We still have date night (after 22 yrs) and that is a priority. He understands now that when he is home 24/7 daughter and I have to adjust. We make a joke about it now and sometimes I just say, when's the next trip, and he knows I am ready for my me time again.

I'm glad you enjoyed your me time and took advantage of it. You deserve it. All couples do.

It hurts your husband alot more when you don't tell him what you need and just keep it all inside. It will build up to resentment and then you both are in pain. Sit him down after the kids are in bed and flat out tell him that while he was gone you relized what you have been missing lately, yourself. Tell him that you need to scheduale time alone, it could be half an hour a da or a whole evening a week, but time to yourself. The other issues (the ogling that makes you uncomfortable) just deal with as they come up, but politely. Such as ,"Honey, please don't do that, it makes makes me feel...."(fill in the blank).

Yes, I think this is just a clue that you do need more time by yourself! If your hubby is as helpful as you say, he'll understand! Men don't get subtlety, so if you're upstairs trying to get away from him for a few minutes of me-time, he has no clue! ;)

Just tell him gosh, of course I missed you, but I really loved being by myself for a while! It might be hard when he comes home, it will kind of throw you for a loop, but just talk to him about you getting out of the house a bit more!

My husband has been traveling a lot for work lately and although I do miss him terribly, I don't miss the mess he makes, or the way he tears the covers off the sheets or the dishes he doesn't put away...so when he comes home sometimes I'm a bit on edge about it too! I feel you. Don't feel bad, but TRY (easier said than done sometimes) not to make him feel too bad upon his return home!

remember the saying that "absence make the heart grow founder"? Well that means that spending time apart is a good and healthy thing sometimes; it helps you appreciate and enjoy your time together. You obviously need more time for just you and you shouldn't feel guilty about it. I am the kind of person who is easily smothered by others, including my husband. My husband likes to visit his family about one weekend a month--they live a couple hrs away. When he is gone I get to have more me-time, even though the kids are still here. It's good for you to have some activities apart from your spouse. Maybe hubby needs a hobby that does not involve you. Every Sunday my husband spends most of the day with his hobby unless I need him to help me with something. He will also take our older child with him so it really helps me out. Maybe you should just start scheduling some regular time for yourself--even if it is just you going to the bedroom and shutting the door with the understanding that you are not to be bothered. You could just say you are "taking a nap." Also talking a long bath while hubbby watches the kids works for me.

don't feel bad. you didn't say OMG he's coming back I wish he would never come back. it sounds to me that you got some much needed space and me time. and there is nothing wrong with that. you said you still love him and that your glad he still thinks your hot. so don't feel bad use that good feeling you got when you had that free mental time to grope him. when he comes home just say I missed you! DON'T FEEL BAD! lol good luck

I could have written thist post almost to a tee! He can't read your mind, so you have to express your feelings to him in gentle but firm ways in order to find that "happy medium" you asked about. To start, remind him how much you love him...

I know I'm a much better wife when I get some alone time. I had to tell my husband I needed it just like he needs it. For me, it doesn't always mean leaving the house. But now, after dinner, instead of how it used to be (he'd immediately want to watch a movie together or do something else)...he knows to give me some alone time for a full hour before we do something together as a couple.

Why feel guilty about this at all? It is valid and honest. My husband had poker last night and golf this morning and I truly enjoy this time to myself (well...and the boys = ).

BTW - Amen to the grabbing and ogling! It is a mixed blessing, isn't it?

As the others have said, you have discovered you again. You cannot be everything to everyone if you are not yourself. Don't feel guilty in fact take some time and be stingy for yourself. If you need to, put up a calendar on the frig with everyone's schedule and include your Sat am hair/nails/gym/movie or whatever (alone time). When you do this feel good about yourself like you did when you didn't have a husband or kids to tend to. If need be find a hobby for yourself for personal time.

Yes every husband feels great that is his wife is next to him on the couch and such but come on not everyone wants to be that close all the time.

As one person said, when you are married longer people find me time and enjoy it. Many evenings or weekends I am in my sewing/computer room and he can be in his den (main computer complex) or watching a movie on the big screen. We are still in the same house but not "attached" to each other and are quite happy and content. I even sewed in a hospital room while he was sick and he enjoyed me being there and felt safe and secure with all the nurses and doctors running around and caring for him. It got to the point that the nursing staff asked where my sewing machine was when he was admitted at a later date and i had a laptop instead (taking algebra).

Just enjoy being yourself like the little bird out of the cage feels free and be you.

The other S.

PS It's not that you don't love him and want him around it's just that you need your space to help you be a good wife/mom. Oh yes, turn the tables on him when he gets out the shower and such (they don't always like it but they will now know how it feels).

My husband works in the middle east and I Skype with him daily. I really don't miss him that much. And I don't feel guilty. We all need time to ourselves. Some more than others. I am in that catagory.

Sounds to me like you need some "me time" and finally got it. I was the same way back when the big boys were little and both DH and I traveled. It was almost a relief when he was on a business trip.

Those days are behind us and we both work from home and can get on each other's nerves sometimes.

Send him camping with the kids or to a Dad's day out so that you can get some peace sometimes!

Oh, and make sure HE gets some ME TIME as well. They won't admit it but they need it as well.

Don't feel bad ! I can't wait most years for hunting season to start. He starts getting ready in September - feeders and clean up and is gone most weekends in November and December. Our older son has been going and my younger one gets to start going this season. Can't wait for a weekend to myself ! I'm one of those that has to have the "me time" every evening and needs that big section of time every son often. I've said many times my perfect birthday gift would be a long weekend in a hotel by myself :)

All the time my kids were growing up my husband worked out of town Sunday night through thursday. While come Wednesday I would be ready for him to be home come Sunday's I was ready for him to be on his way. I too liked my evenings to do as I wanted and such. Now he works in the office and isn't ever gone. I miss those days that I had time to do as I please without worrying about stepping on someones toes. It doesn't mean we love our husbands any less, it is that we enjoy the freedom of less demands on our time.

Don't feel bad! I LOVE it when my husband goes out of town and I rarely miss him unless he's gone a long time. I lie and tell him I do so he won't feel bad, but I sometimes wish he traveled for work! Tell him you HAVE to have your "me" time, and that may mean you need to leave the house for it -go to a spa or a bookstore or library or coffee shop or even the local park and just chill on your own! Start making this a weekly plan. Everyone needs some alone time!

hey girl, i'm single so i'm not much help - lol! i hate the butt slaps, ogle eyes, etc. when i was married...but anyway! :)
my two bff's (who are both very happily married) have all agreed to go from friday night to sunday a.m. somewhere...bed & breakfast, cute hotel for the weekend, just to do girl stuff like talk to other women, eat yummy food, relax together away from husbands. the one who mentioned it IS married...i told them i felt bad for taking them away from their husbands, and they were both like, "girl, please! we need a break from them too!" lol...that's my little 2 cents. but on your original question, no don't feel bad. he enjoyed his time away from you too, guaranteed. now that y'all were both apart, maybe y'all can agree that it wasn't so horrible him being away every once in awhile and how you can squeeze in me time more often, y'know? :)

Our husbands must have been seperated at birth. What is with the coming to the bedroom or in my hubs case if I am in the bathroom to see what I am up to? I am up to trying to get some "me" time mister, even if it's hiding out in the bathroom! You just finally had a break and you like it. Nothing wrong with that. You just need to set up times where you both have your own times away from eachother. My hubs is going to the movies with his friend tonight and I told him no need to rush home. By the time I get kiddo to bed and he returns I will have 3 blissful hours alone. I'm definitly more the 1/2 that likes some me time, my hubs could be next to me 24/7 and never get bored, God bless him.

I would not feel bad about it - my husband is wonderful but he's been out of work and has been staying home with our daughter over 3 years now and when I am home too, sometimes it gets annoying. Sometimes I just want him out of my hair, stop telling me how to do this or what you think (I didn't ask you!), shut the TV off already (I don't need any more Formula 1 racing or James Bond!), quit playing all your dumb games on the computer, leave me alone in a quiet house for a few hours. I love him dearly, but I lived alone for 3 years before I met him - we have been attached at the hip since and I cannot imagine life without him, but I still have that independent streak that makes me need my own space on a regular basis.

Why would you feel your are going to hurt his feelings when he comes back? Do you want to tell him how great it felt to have him gone? Or can you at some point just start carving some time out for yourself? Sure it's hard when you work full-time and have kids and want to spend quality time with him too but maybe on the weekends you can take a couple of hours to go get a cup of coffee, go work out or go for a walk, anything that gets you out of house by yourself and is time spent just doing something fun that is just for you. He should be fine with that and not get all bent out of shape or have any hurt feelings at all. If he does, just tell him it's nothing personal, you just need some time to yourself to "charge your batteries" - you'll be in a better mood to make it up to him later! ;)

"If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"

p.s. Mine does the butt-slap thing too - at least I know he still notices me and still thinks I'm hot. :)

Yopu need to talk to him.
You need to tell him what you are feeling.
Maybe have him read what I jsut read.

You are not a bad person.
You need some time to yourself.

Also
remember to tell him that you may change how you feel about alone time later.
Remember that you are constantly changing as you grow older.

Ask him how he feels also.

Sounds like you have a pretty good base.
Take advantage of that and grow. Talk waith each other,, not just to each other.

I miss the days when my husband traveled for work. So much me time! One less schedule to worry about! I got to make all of the parenting decisions without interference!

One thing we do now is that once a quarter (at least, that is our goal) I get to go away by myself for a couple of nights. I get a hotel on Priceline for cheap, grab a stack of books and go. Or I have a girls' weekend. Either way, I'm free from the laundry and cooking and disciplining and the little things that can feel like drudgery.

I struggled with this for a long time before finding out that I am actually an introvert. I'm not shy, and I even do public speaking, but introverts get their batteries charged by being alone. Extroverts are refreshed by socializing and being with people. My husband is an extrovert, so it makes it pretty tricky! However, when I shared this with him and explained to him how important it was to me, he did (and still does) everything to make it happen. He knows I'm much more enjoyable to be around when I've had that alone time. We both work from home, and everyone in the house knows that when my office door is closed, I am not to be disturbed unless it is an emergency. I even put it in my schedule every day so I make sure I get it! I read, pray, meditate, or sometimes even take a nap!

I recommend girls night once a week for starters. Give him a poker night or something. Your feelings are normal.

I understand those FEELINGS, but what you're learning is that LOVE is a choice!!! So, today you must choose to do things out of love for your hubby, not simply to do something because you FEEL like it. I've been married over 16 years and at times I wanted to run away. My husband sounds like yours, he loves me dearly, oogles at me all the times. It used to really bug me, but now I realize that I'm really lucky that he loves me so much and wants to oogle at me.
When I FEEL no love in my heart, I choose to do things for him because I love him. It's not always easy, but men need to praises and boost like that.
It sounds like you had a nice break this past weekend. Maybe you should just mention to your husband a few things that bug you and ask that you two can work together to make things easier or less annoying.

Your not alone..I want to be left alone especially when i've had a day filled with arguing fussin and fighting with 3 kids....

Don't feel guilty at all. Most of us are that way at times. As wives & mothers we are always taking care of others and we want scheduled and unscheduled "me" time sometimes. Men get their me time with friends, TV, football or sports, fishing with buddies, golfing with buddies, alone time in the garage or workshop, etc. Everything we do is either for or with our spouse or family.

When hubby comes home DO NOT tell him or indicate how much you enjoyed having him away. DO tell him (little white lie) how much you missed him.

Good marriages sometimes include hearing from our spouse what we want to hear, even though we know they are just saying it to make us feel better, i.e., (husband to wife) "Honey, that was a great supper" (even when you know you burned the pot roast and it was almost too dry to eat). Within reason there is nothing wrong with telling our spouse what they want to hear just to make them feel better. This is what you do when hubby gets home. You can also fix his favorite food when he gets home - it doesn't have to be a romantic candelight dinner.

As far as a pat on the rear when you walk by or oogling you when you get out of the shower, dressed, etc., this is a hard one because like you said, you're glad he still has the hots for you, it's just that his timing is way off and he doesn't know it. If you tell him how much it irritates you he will misinterpret it and feel rejected. I'm very irritated that my hubby follows me into the bathroom whenever I have to pee. He's like the kids sometimes, who think that when I'm on the toilet they have a captive audience and I can't escape. :) He wants to visit with me but I just want some privacy and a few minutes alone. Just as soon as I shut the water off in the shower he has been listening & waiting and pops in to oogle when I step out. This happens when I'm running late for an appt., trying to get myself & kids ready to catch the school bus after showering, etc., always when I'm not in the mood.

These are the things that we thoroughly enjoyed when we first fell in love, had no children, no responsibilities, schedules, etc. Now that we do and he doesn't have the responsibilities we do, he doesn't see it or understand it. Basically, we've changed but he hasn't. That's not really his fault or yours.

By the way, I'm 63 yrs. old and married 42 yrs., so I understand & agree with you, but still don't have all the answers. :)