My husbands mother is the worst human I have ever come across. She makes up lies about me and my husband and spreads them all over town. She steals and lies to not only my husband and me but her own husband too. We asked her to stay out of our and our childrens lives. She was leaving us in peace but now that it has come to her attention that I am expecting our third and final child, and that it's going to be the first boy in the family she is starting to call again. She calls and wants to know if she can see the children and buy them stuff. We said no a dozen times already. Its like her mind reset itsself and she's pretending the last 2 years never happened. Any advice on how to get her to leave us alone again?
Thanks for the advice. Just to let you know this isn't her first offense. This has been an ongoing problem for about 6 years. We have forgiven and tried to get along about 8 times and now its just to the point that we do not want this woman around our children. She has been mentally abusive to my husband since he was a child and it was his decision to cut her out of our lives. The main problem is that she is a neighbor lol. Thanks so much for all the advice. I really appreciate it and sorry to vent. :)
Read the Book, "How to Hug a Porcupine". It's written by a Dr. about dealing with people who have toxic personalities.
http://www.amazon.com/How-Hug-Porcupine-Difficult-Persona...
I think it boils down to deep down what you and especially your husband feel about the situation. Are you absolutely sure that you want to keep her out of your lives completely? If the answer is yes, then I would say ignore her and have your husband tell her where the boundaries lie and that there is no going back at this point.
If you guys feel like maybe you should give her a chance to prove that she has changed and can be a positive person in your lives, then I would sit down with her and establish clear boundaries. Explain what you will and will not tolerate and what the consequences will be if your trust is broken again.
I am a strong believer in removing toxic people from your life and unfortunately sometimes that ends up being family. I personally don't want those types of personalities around my children. It sounds like you are the same way but you have to decide together just how many chances you are willing to give before cutting someone off completely. Also, you need to be willing to explain to your children why Grandma isn't in their life one day.
Good Luck!
OMGosh! did you marry my exhusband??? :-) My current MIL is pretty awesome although very OCD with some things, but the ex MIL is just Evil! She even had to involve herself in our amicable divorce. Lies, lying to other family to turn them against us (yes, just to get at me, she did things to her own son!) Wish I had advice, but just wanted to say Good Luck!
change your phone number and dont answer the door if she comes over.
or, forgive her and see if she has truly changed. i would not forget what she had done and I would be very cautious. good luck
If you insist on keeping her away, then just ignore her - don't answer her calls, don't open the door if she shows up. Your husband will need to set the boundaries and enforce them.
It would be nice to give her another chance, but tread carefully . . . up until the 3rd child part I thought you had gotten into my brain (well, that and the fact that it is MY mom). If you do decide to give her another chance, start slowly and stay guarded. If things have gotten to the point of no return, then just be firm, polite, and consistent. Don't engage in the "same old conversation" every time she calls. I'd ignore the calls and if she does reach you be brief and firm. My mom not only won't take the hint, she outright ignores my direct wishes (which is why she can't spend time with my kids). Sigh. Good luck!!
You've said no a dozen times and you'll probably have to say no at least a dozen more times. Good for you for not letting her pull you back into a bad relationship. Have you thought about changing your phone numbers so she can't reach you on a land line of cell phones?
Congrats on baby #3.
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No, no, and NO, do not give in. Keep your distance. Stay away.
BTW, she doesn't have to ask to buy your children something or send them something...she could just do it as a token of love, affection and unconditional love, but she wants the attention for it before she does it....so basically, NOTHING has changed. She's still seeking to be the center of it all...
I recommend you find a good counselor too that you can check in with once in a while to keep your bearings, who you can relate the entire history to and then when something like this pops up and your defenses are down (b/c you are expecting your last baby and therefore hormonal) you run the situation by a trained professional.
Remember, people like us who treat other people fairly, always expect to be treated fairly in response. And it is ever so shocking when this doesn't happen. She has proven herself already. And has hurt your husband countless times. Don't reopen those wounds right now. The last thing you need while pregnant is MIL drama.
Congratulations on your pregnancy.
Perhaps give her a second chance? Maybe she learned her lesson and misses you all.
Move. My MIL is the same way, except for stealing unless you count taking credit for things she did not do.
Seriously, my friend got a restraiing order which worked for two years. now she is on facebook trying to get them.
all I can say is I'm so sorry, and am grateful my MIL is not like that.again I'm very sorry you've had to deal with this horror.I'll say a prayer for you A..
Move!!!! Just kidding. Wish it was that easy. Just be firm. If she really is as bad as you say then you have to protect your children. Tell her that until her behavior changes she won't have visitation with your children. I have a father in law that made our lives miserable for 3 years straight. It's amazing that when kids come into the picture how they forget all that they have done and want to be "grandparents" . If it was me I'd stick to what you have decided and keep your kids safe.
Ever here of forgiveness, family counseling, letting bygones be bygones?
