The Daycare Is Frustrated My 7 Mo. Old Son Is Clingy and Won't Sleep.

I don't know what type of daycare he is in but I hear you with that one. My son is 13 months old and likes to be around me all the time. We just started a new sitter this past week and my son was very clingy and barely napped. I know it is just a transition for now but he has never napped as well at the sitters as he does at home. Maybe if you look into a home daycare it would be better because of more personalized attention, a lot of them put each kid in their own room, and will do whatever you son likes. My son has to have his own room, his paci, bear, and music to sleep well and the sitter we found is fine with those things. She may even let him sleep in her sons crib if their naps don't overlap. Also like the other person said if they are that frustrated with a baby I would look elsewhere b/c they should be used to problems like that by now if they are good daycare providers. I am an OB RN and used to work at a big daycare center.

my daughter was like that for a little while, we would rock her to sleep and then lay her on her belly in her crib (She was old enough that she could roll over so it was safe)and she would sleep thru the night and took good naps. The daycare shouldn't have a problem rocking with him....if they do, maybe you need a new daycare that caters to the kids a little more....

I run a daycare. First what time does Jacob get up in the morning? What hours does he attend the daycare? This has alot of bearing on when little Jacob will nap. I try to keep even the little ones up till its nap time for the whole daycare, yes that means keeping the little ones occupied too till nap time. Nap time at my daycare is usually around 11:30 so I ask all my parents to please try to make sure their child is up between 7:30and 8:00 am even if they dont come to daycare till almost time for naps. And its very important to keep little Jacob on this schedule even on the days your at home with him and not working and he's not attending daycare. Hope this helps

I would start looking for another daycare. I don't think I would want my child someplace that felt that way about my child.

This is very normal behavior for this age.

Have they gone into specifics as to what he does exactly when they try and put him down? Do they know it's okay to let him cry for a while? Do they know what to give him to get him down? Have they told you exactly what THEY are looking for?

First I think that the teachers are being up front and honest with you. Is that a bad thing? Would you be happier of they just put on a front when you picked up your child? They could have worded it better, but sometimes it is hard to take care of a baby who needs to be held all the time and does not nap. I have been in child care for over 20 years and yes I had a baby that I had to start calling the mother at work because it was getting that bad. We needed to work out a schedule that both of us could follow because the baby needed it to be the same. The parents had to follow the schedule on the weekends also. Is your child at a center or home setting? I am a family daycare provider so for me it is impossible to hold a baby all day and give the other children the proper care. Maybe your son needs to be in a smaller setting where they can put him down with no distractions. I put music on every day for nap and it does help the children sleep better. Also how long has your son been in day care? It takes longer for part time children to adjust. If he's been in child care for awhile and this is something new it is most likely just a stage he is going through. If all your son needs is to be rocked to sleep I can not understand why they would not be doing that. Talk to the teachers. It may just be the setting your son is in. I have watched children that have come from other daycares because they were having problems there, but for me the children were wonderful.
I would talk to the teachers and see if there is anything they could suggest to help work through this hard time. If they have no suggestions or are not willing to work with you maybe you should start looking into other child care.

Best of luck.

Is this a large daycare or a home daycare? I know that the daycare that I take my daughter to is great! The girl in the infant room only has 4 babies and will never have more than 5 at a time. She also turns off the lights and plays music to help the kids take there naps. I do not think that it is to much to ask them to work with you and your son. Why are they in the business if they are not able to handle a challenge every once in a while.

I am so sorry that he is having a hard time. My son is 9 months and and I need to go back to work asap. My son is very needy or very loved as his Pediatrician calls him. He has a horrible time being put down for a nap and refuses to be on a schedule. Did you sign a contract? I was filling out an enrollment application for KinderCare and noticed that they have a behavior contract but I did not see anything about "needy" children. I have worked in 2 daycares myself and I am unaware that children can get kicked out unless they are violent.

Every daycare should understand the need of a child to work through seperation anxiety and the need for "white noise". Often keeping the TV or radio running very quietly in the background during the day and then continueing that during naptime or night-time will help. Daycare needs to start putting down boundaries that needed to be help all the time is not appropriate. So letting little one cry it out is okay. Address the concern and talk them through it, but don't pick them up. Begin with patting little one on the back to soothe the tears, but don't pick them up. After maybe a few days or weeks, try just putting them down and talking little one through it and waiting by little one's side until he/she's asleep. Often walking away initiates the anxiety because little one's do not have the comprehension you can be in the other room and know what's going on. They assume if you're out of sight, then you're gone.

Try using key phrases that will signal it's time to sleep and make it a part of the parent's and daycare provider's routine. Children thrive on routine. They know what you expect and they know what to expect as well. I use "time to go night-night". You could develep a special blanket, pillow, or stuffed toy little one knows is very special and just for sleepy time.

I don't know. I can tell you that my firstborn was that way. We worked with the (home) daycare and did some sleep training, but I was looking at his daycare logs the other day and he never slept more than 2 45 minute naps a day in his life. That was a good day. He was also clingy and wanted to be carried a lot.

Our daycare provider was very loving with him and she gave him a lot of attention, but since it was a home daycare (with a fulltime assistant) she was able to carry around the only baby all day for a while. Babies need what they need, so no, nothing is "unfair." You might as well argue with the wind.

I am a working Mother also. I feel that if they are getting frustrated and saying that thye do not know how long they can keep him then it may be time to look elsewhere. That being said I would say make sure that you are doing the same routine as them all of the time. You can ask them to do whatever you do, as long as the space and the supplies are available. I would suggest a constant blanket, or something that you use at home. I would say that they should be rocking him to sleep. that is their job. If they say that they can't because of staffing issues then I would check to make sure that they are fully staffed. There is a ratio for teachers to students, and for that age it is like 1 to 4 or something. it is very low.

Good luck.

Wow, I'm a bit shocked that they would say this to you, actually. My first son (also a Jacob) was a very colicky infant. I was so scared that daycare wasn't going to take him! But, they did. I always felt bad for them, but they never, ever complained or said he couldn't come.

In my opinion, sit down and talk to the director. Not to tattle, but to try to come to some agreement. What works at home for you to get him to nap? Does he like the swing (magic in our house)? Does he like a blanket? What is his schedule like at home?

As for them rocking him to sleep...that should be a given and they should be willing to do that. Another room? Probably too much to ask. I don't think they could legally do that unless a teacher was with him, which isn't really possible. Soft music? Maybe offer to bring in your own CD player and a CD for his crib.

If he truly is crying the majority of the day and insists on being held, it may be hard on them. They have a ratio or 3 (maybe 4) babies per teacher so it's not easy to have one that must be held all day. I would try to find some ideas with them that will work. I don't know if it would be better or not, but maybe you can come in for a day and see how the day is with him. Just to observe and see what they could do to help comfort him better.

Good luck with this.

--T.

Edited to add: When I picked up my boys from daycare today, I asked the infant room teachers (where my 5.5 month old is) what they would do if a child was having a hard time adjusting like your son is. They said they've had babies like that before and admitted it's very hard on them, the babies and the parents. They said it usually subsides after a couple of weeks, though. I asked if they would ever tell a parent that their child couldn't stay and both teachers said "Oh, no way. Never." They were shocked that would even be an option. I've been at our center for over 2 years and know the teachers/staff pretty well - one of them has even been at our house for a party. So, I could tell they weren't blowing smoke up my tush just to look good. Hope that gives you some perspective.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I took my son to a daycare at a home where the mom/caregiver was an attachment parenting mama like me, and she would wear my son in our sling to keep him happy...but for us it still didn't work. He needed to bond with one person, not have to fight for attention, and that's what daycare can be like most of the time. I finally took him out and hired a college student to come to my house to provide one on one childcare and it has worked beautifully. Each baby has his/her own needs, and I feel it's our responsibility to meet those needs. If your care provider can't do what your son needs, it's time to find a new care provider. It's THEIR problem, not your son's. He is doing what is developmentally appropriate for his age, and they are expecting too much, maybe they have too many kids or unrealistic expectations. We had to cut our cable service and we RARELY go out to eat to make up for the difference in cost, but it's totally worth it to not feel my heart break every time I leave my babe.
Good luck to you!
M

Hi K.. I am a childcare specialist working in the field for 17+ years. You have shared a situation oh too common with parents and daycare centers. My thoughts to you...from the staff perspective, strict rules delegate where infants may be placed within a licensed facility, so putting him in a different room is probably out of the question. Also, most states have a specific ratio that must be maintained for child to teacher, so the two ladies caring for your son also have 6 or 7 others as well. This is where there frustration comes from. From your view (and the most important one) centers that care for children under the age of 15 months must regard the parents choices for schedule and routines as mandatory directions. Asking for music or rocking is NOT above expectation in any way. I would say research your states DCFS requirements for infant care and choose the routine aspects that you care for most. Professionally go to the staff and suggest ideas that fit in regulations AND your parenting style. *Maybe his crib may be moved to the quietest corner, or you can bring a mobil from home with his favorite music. If the staff is hesitant or continues to communicate negatively when you arrive at the day's end, my heart tells me you should check out other centers in the area. A childcare center must fit the needs of your son and yourself.

I had the same trouble when my son was a year. Then the daycare had us bring disposable cameras so we could have pictures of our child in thier class. In all but 2 picutres on the whole camera he was crying. I took him out of the daycare and put in him a new one and he was happy, instantly. He really wasn't getting quality care and attention in the original daycare. Children can sense if they are in a loving environment.

I don't have my children in daycare but I'm shocked that they would say this to you. Pardon my ignorance but aren't daycare givers supposed to be trained in handling these things? I doubt highly that every other baby is perfect.

Clearly, if your son is going throught separation anxiety then they should recognize that and cut you some slack.

Talk to them and their boss and see if you can't come up with a solution that not only works for everyone but more importantly, helps your child get through this temporary stage

Hello--I would take that as sign to take your child out of that daycare. If they are getting frustrated with a 7 month old baby, do you really want him there in their care? The teachers are supposed to be professional and know how to deal with these situations. I have worked in an infant room for 2 years(not anymore) and there are always ways to cheer up babies if you have the patience. They should know this is the age when a lot of babies start feeling that stranger danger anxiety. Maybe they arent giving him enough attention and maybe he just doesnt like it there. I know there are other babies for them to watch but if the only way for him to go to sleep is to rock him, I think they should do it at least for a while so he gets sleep. I am sure you can find an excellent daycare by asking the moms right here on mamasource. If you decide to leave I would tell the director the truth, you dont feel the 2 women have enough patience for your son and tell her what they told you. If I or another co worker ever told a parent we dont know how much longer we can watch your son--- we would have gotten in big trouble. Even if you decide to stay, talk to the director right away. goood luck!!

Extra clinging is normal at that age. Try to spend extra time cuddling and playing with him during the times that you are together, perhaps even carrying him around in a sling or other baby carrier. If possible, maybe you could stop at daycare for hugs to help him get to sleep, then go back to work.

Your son is being a typical baby and doing things normal for his age. Many daycares kick many kids out if the kids don't fit into their perfect for taking care of kid mold. I would look into another daycare that allows and expects children to be children. Kids should be active and getting plenty of exercise since as you already know they learn the most through play.

Babies need attention and sometimes they go through a phase where they might skip a nap and fuss. If they aren't able to handle and accommodate such a trivial need that is an obvious phase then they shouldn't be children caregivers. A competent provider wouldn't balk at children acting appropriate for their age.

Sorry for rambling on but I've been through it too many times with my son.