Acting up 8 Yr Old Twin Girls. Attention or Problem?

I think they're just worried that you will exclude them now that their dad is back. I hope he's ready to make a commitment to help with the family, because it might not be worth it, otherwise.

J., A good idea would be to set up a "date" with the 8 year old that is feeling left out. If you make a prearranged time to take her to a movie, out for a quick meal or just "girl time",that will go a long way. Just you and her to reinforce your love for her, she's feeling a bit neglected. I have found that when my work plus school plus family gets too crazy, I take my 8 year old out for a morning together and his behavior improves tremendously and then I feel less guilty. Hope this helps! Keep me posted.

Right now it should be all about the kids and what their needs are. It sounds like your daughter is confused and rightly so. She probably wants to know if this is really her dad? Is he going to act like a dad? Fathers have a huge impact on what a girl thinks of herself and how she will relate to boys. I'd be really concerned about the 12 year-old. When the dad is not married to the mother, it looks like a temporary situation to a young girl. She doesn't understand why he would not want to make the commitment of marriage. It might look to her like he just wants to keep his options open to take off when he wants, if he wants. If I were you, I'd send him packing if he is not willing to commit to being a 24/7 dad. Your girls are better off without him than with the confusion of whether he really loves them or not.

i was asingle parent for 5 years. my sons were 13 and 2 months when i became a single apent as they grew up i made time for each of them as follows. i was in nursing school and working part tiem but i made sure my schedule always incliuded time with each of them. on mondays i had school for half a day after our weekely tests. i would have the afternoon off and my oldest was in school so i didnt schedule anything, dor appointemnts etc for monday afternoon. i also didnt schedule myslef for work that day. the whole afternoon was spent doing somethinginexp[ensive with my youngest. going to the park going for a hike etc. as i got a little more money we would budget what we coudl aford for that day and dirve to the cornere, flip a con heads meant go right and tails meatn go left. we woud drive and stop and see things even if it was something on the side of the road utnil we had spent half our money and then come back. when we got home he would go to a sitter and i would have the entire evening with my oldest son. we would get or make a pizza and rent a moveie or go for an evening hike in the mountains, sometimes jsut sit and talk or get a movie. if there was extra int eh budget i would take him to a movie after school or we would walk around the mall and dream. they knew that mondays were their days and this continued until my oldest got to high school. when he started playing sports and had practice we changed his day to saturday eveings. sometimes on saturdays during the day we woudl do domething together as a family but he always had "his time". after i got married again ti was hard for my new husband to understand but i also gave him a day and that has helped out marriage. my youngest just left for college and it is really hard on my because we are so close. but my hsuband and i still have our day and jsut this weekend we all went tubing on the salt river for 6hours. it was fun and they even allowed my hsuband to ocme with us. next trip will be in two weeks we are all going camping with my oldest sons family and all my brothers and sisters and their families but we had "our time" this weekend.

This is one of those cases where more info could help in generating ideas. The boyfriend has been away for 2 years...so this means he had zero contact with you and the girls? Or just was out of the domestic household? Do the girls have any sort of relationship with him? (Hopefully positive relationship) Or is he just an intrusion into the happy relationship they have going with you?
Whether or not he truly feels like a stranger to your daughter, her accusation of "ignoring" may just be her way of expressing her distress at suddenly having to adjust to someone new...and that someone taking time away from mom.
You may also remember that psychologically, kids want to "possess" their parents and friends. Because they are immature and dependent, this attitude of possession may make them feel safer.
If your "me" time is spent with the boyfriend, then it is not really "me" time in your daughter's eyes, but that her relationship with you is threatened by a competing interest. Remember the childhood obsession with "best friends"? I think it could be much like that.
Good luck in reassuring all your kids that they are what comes first! Maybe all of you going out together,for a while, would help.

First of all I applaud your effort. but you CANNOT make it all alone. You have to seek help from your boyfriend, relatives, friends and/or grand parents. Obviously your daughters need a father, the father role in their life is missing even if you give them all your time they will still feel they are missing something (or you). They need to feel the balance in their lives. You have either to make a schedule that they can see their father once a week, or as much as possible, where they can spend quality time with their father. And when they see him, he should give some time to each of them; also, it would be good if they go out all together with their father and another woman (a girlfriend or so). Or try to seek the help of an uncle with his girlfriend or any close couple such as the grand parents that they can develop a close relationship with them.. And, On the other hand, your boy friend should have a big role, he has to develop a good relationshop with your daughters where they can entrust him as another Dad. You should seek a man that can fit your life and help you as a mother with the girls. Or if you want some "you" time, on your own, you can go out ALONE with a "boy friend", close friend or so without imposing him/her on them. Try your best to let them experience a well-balanced family atmosphere even if you have to let them live in a double family atmospheres.

The kids are going to have problems with someone who has been gone for almost two years. Sort of depends why he was gone, what he did to go, etc. If he left you of his own free will, i.e., he wasn't sent to Iraq, and he is planning to stay around and be a dad, then all is well. If there is another reason- and I notice that you didn't say why- dump him as Dad; he doesn't get to stay in your house overnight, or even have 'me time' with you at your house. He gets to have a job, pay the best babysitter you can find, and be your date. That's all.
Try to have date nights if he is legit, also, even if he is living with you. Being a mother and being a girlfriend are two very different things. Repeat to yourself, "I am the mother of these children. What I do now will determine the course of their lives until they are 80", (of course, that means your children and your grandchildren, too). So make sure that they are well taken care of, happy, and sure that your love is not dependent upon the whims of a man or your own hormones. Be consistent in what you demand of them, and demand age-appropriate behavior. There are some pretty good child development books out there. Whoever has contact with your children should also be making this same effort. Any man in particular, must be on your page, or he needs to be gone, daddy or no.
S.