A Toddler Who's Lost a Parent

Updated on November 18, 2008
E.B. asks from Enola, PA
5 answers

Hey! I just have a quick question. Recently, my husband's best friend passed away. He has a 3 1/2 year old son, whom I babysit. I was wondering if there may be anything I can do to help him adjust to this a tad easier. My heart aches for him, but I don't know what I can do to help. If anyone has been through this and has any suggestions, I'd appreciate it.

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So What Happened?

I want to thank those of you who replied to my request. I really wanted to provide the appropriate support for the 3 year old I watch. His Mom has decided to let family watch him all but two days a week. I insisted he come at least once a week. His first day back was a tad akward. He'd be playing and would just say "My Daddy died" or "My Daddy's dead". What a hard thing to hear a toddler say!! I found myself being a tad overprotective of him at first, but we've worked it out. Things are back to normal and he seems to be doing really well. Again.. thank you to all of you who responded!! It's greatly appreciated!!

More Answers

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S.H.

answers from Washington DC on

I was 5 when my dad died of leukemia. I think that the best thing you can do is try to provide as stable of an environment as possible. He's going to need some sort of normalcy and it's good that you have been babysitting him which will help with that. Some children at that age don't understand that a parent has died. He may ask for him and it's fine to talk to him about his father. If you are friends with his mom, be available for her to talk to. You can also ask her what you can help with pertaining to her son during this adjustment. Good luck and I hope this helps. My thoughts are with the little boy and his mom and they will get through this.

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G.W.

answers from Philadelphia on

when my daughter was going though the loss of my father in law
she was seeing him in our house
talking to him
so be prepared for that might happened

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M.A.

answers from Allentown on

There is a book called What is Heaven? It is by Maria Shriver. We lost someone close to us this time last year, and it helped my daughter and nieces and nephews a great deal.

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S.S.

answers from Washington DC on

I wanted to add a note... There is a book by John W. James and Russell Friedman called "The Grief Recovery Handbook." They have a lot of information in it on grief, children, and recovery. It is an amazing and beautiful book that might help. I think they also have a book on "How Children Grieve." They look at the long term (lifetime) effects of grief as well as the short term effects.

They have a Grief Recovery Center which inconveniently is in California, but they also have people certified in their program around the country.

Their program was able to help me heal when ten years of conventional therapy could not... I highly recommend it.

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J.S.

answers from Washington DC on

Let the child talk about it. He needs to get out the grief. Also give him a notebook and ask him to draw a picture of him and his dad, where dad is now, what her remembers from his dad etc. While it might just be scibbles it will be a way for him to express his emotions.

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