5 Kids? Really?

Hi N.!

I am one of five siblings, second youngest to be precise. And I absolutely love how big our family is. My siblings are my best friends.

It's like my mom always said, once you have three, you can do anything. The transition from one to two is hard, from two to three is the hardest, and after three, you can do anything!

I only have one child, and at times I think my mother is absolutely nuts for having five, but I thank God she did because I have 4 best friends whom I can go to for anything and everything.

A good friend of my family has 12 children, and a lot of my friends have at least 4 or 5 siblings. It's not as uncommon as you think. If you have the finiances and can support another child, then I think you can handle it! Many mothers have gone through it. You can do it too.

I have worked in surgery for 7 years and have done the procedure many time, just remember if it comes to the point you want another one, it is simple to reverse the procedure. Maybe you should do the procedure and think about it for a while or think more about the procedure and then do the procedure or not. Either way it is your decision. If kids are your desire, then do it. No ones advice is going to make it any easier if you long to have another one. My advice for the other reasons would be to make sure your family will not suffer because of one more...that you will still be able to feed and cloth them without being on welfare, still be able to vacation,whatever it is your family does and will not be deprived of your lifestyle now and you are not out working 24/7 to pay for all the childrens/familiy needs so you can be home to enjoy them. Only you truly know the right decision.

N.. I think how many children you have is a personaly decision. My brother has 9 (all one year apart) in a two bedroom house and not enough time or money for each child and I think it is very sad that each child is missing out b/c their parents want to have as many (as they say) "the good Lord will give them". With that said, part of your feelings might be b/c u want more or b/c of the up-coming surgery. My biggest suggestion is to talk with your husband and possibly even postponing the surgery until the two of you know for certain what you want to do. Best of Luck!

I feel you. My husband is scheduled for the 20th of April. We have 2, a boy and a girl and they are my world. I know in my heart I do not want another baby as I am selfish and don't want to have to take anything away from the 2 I have. Plus, we are in a really good place. Both kids are in school, preschool and kindergarten and there's just so much we do now that we couldn't with a baby. I think for me, it's the fact that it is so final. I think we'll always have the what if's in the back of our heads.
Sit down with you husband and see how he feels and go from there.

IF you worry about being able to provide... then wait to make your decision. As for your kids being their "only" close family.....my husband and I are both 1 of 5 kids and while we see our families at holiday's, we are much closer to our good friends! (they are like our family) Remember, you can pick your friends but, you can't pick your family. Having a large family doesn't guarantee they will always be close. Good luck with your decision.

I grew up in a big family. I have 6 brothers and sisters. It was great. My parents always struggled to make ends meet but they somehow did. We didn't get the top of the line clothes and my sisters and brothers had hand me downs. I was the oldest girl. Mom always keep a strict week budget and it worked. We all grew up close, we always had someone to play with. We were able to play sports in our own yard because there is so many of us. My partner and I have 5 (3 from his previous marraige and 2 from my previous marriage) yes sometimes it can be over whelming but we work hard to make our family work and it does. We are even considering number 6. LOL you are probably thinking she is nuts, but a big family just means more love to go around. Now don't get me wrong growing up we all had our fights and sometimes it got bad because it would start out just two of us and then it ended up all 7 of us fighting but we got through that and love each other a lot. I say if you and your husband want another have another always remember that you will never be ready(money, time) for children but you make it work. It could also be that if he gets the surgery it is perminate(well you can get it reversed that is not garanteed) and you are freaking out. Believe me when my partner told me I did and I talked to him about it and we are putting it off till we are sure which neither of us is sure either way yet, and we discused it 6 months ago. Good luck in what you dicide and biggest thing talk to your husband about how you are feeling.

As a Mom of 2 boys now ages 17 and 13. All i can say is with my 2 The oldest one had a huge problem it took all of my time almost to be available for him whenever he needed to talk to me or vent. I feel now that my youngest one suffered to a degree like my attention. Think about having another child wilL YOU HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO SPEND WITH ALL OF THEM IF ONE OF THEM WOULD HAVE A HEALTH ISSUE OR A HUGE PROBLEM, NOT FEEL GUILTY LATER, I would say this GOD HAS BLESS YOU WITH 4 HEALTHY CHILDREN.SOME PEOPLE LIKE MYSELF REALLY WANTED MORE BUT IT WASNT LOGICAL TO HAVE ANY MORE. MY ANSWER TO YOU IS NO MORE. YOU ALREADY HAVING DOUBTS. SO LET YOUR HUSBAND GET FIX AND REJOICE.

N.,

I think it is just the pre-panic of permanent change that you are feeling. Four is plenty of children to split your resources, and still feel like you have a life. Love them dearly, enjoy being a Mom, and relax. Two children replaces the parents in the population, the other two are an INCREASE in the population. The world, really, doesn't need so many people. And, finally, wouldn't it be nice to be done with diapers? You have been so blessed already with a wonderful family, now raise them well, teach them to be good citizens of the world, take lots of pictures, and have a wonderful loving life!

Be well,
K.

My husbands aunt and uncle have 5. I am unsure of the spacing without looking at my calender but one just graduated from Notre Dame, #2 & #3 are in college and the last 2 are still in highschool. They are the most polite, well mannered, loving children I have ever met. They scrimpt things together while they were growing up but the oldest 3 went to college on scholorships (I am guessing its because both parents made sure the chidlren knew the importance of a quality education so they pushed it). I dont think it matters how many children you have as long as they grow to be productive members of society! I think its great you have 4~in fact I am jealous!! If you and your husband want 5 I say go for it!!!!
Good luck with everything!!!
S.

Hi N.:
I'm sure you'll get advice from all sides of the board, so take this with a grain of salt, but I really don't agree with having so many kids. Every American child makes such an impact on this earth - and it's getting more crowded by the day. Why have another, especially when there are so many less fortunate children in need?
You've already been blessed with 4 beautiful children. Why not focus on helping them make the most of their future...and if the desire to have another is still strong, maybe wait a few years and look into adopting an older child who could benefit from the love of a big family like yours?

N.,
My husband and I made it official after 2. I know that I have enough love for 20, and there is always that curiosity about who the next one would have been. So, I do understand the panic surrounding such a relatively permanent decision. We just knew we were probably at an age when we should stop, and knew financially we might face complications with more. I think we saw this as a responsible decision for us.

My neighbors have 5 kids and I don't think they are done. Their kids share bedrooms, the house appears ready to burst with toys overflowing to the front yard, the garage packed to the walls. On the flip side, the two parents are naturals. They are calm and peaceful people with calm and peaceful children. Everyone appears happy and healthy and well loved. The older ones help the younger ones. In short, it works for them.

My grandmother, my step-father and my mother-in-law all come from very large families (6+ kids). Each of these families is a soap opera. It is like high school clicks within a family unit. Always one black sheep, always gossip flying, always someone with hurt feelings. My step-father says from the start it is like puppies fighting over their mother's nipples, fighting for food, fighting for the attention. When I think of this scenario, I think 4 is maybe the ideal large family.

In any case, your decision is yours alone. Only you are the one who knows what you can handle as a mother. Don't forget to factor yourself into the equation. Our kids need healthy moms!

Best wishes on your decision,
S.

Did you find the room in your heart to love your 2nd, 3rd and 4th child - yes! So, that is definitely not the issue. Providing for a big family is yes, difficult and sometimes a big sacrifice - when you ask yourself the question which one of my four kids would I not want - I'm sure you'd say I want each one of them. If you feel called to have another baby, then you owe it to yourself to have a good sit down talk with your husband. Only YOU and YOUR HUSBAND can make this decision. Every other person out there has a different situation and or story.

And yes, you guessed it - I have four kids and am seriously considering having a 5th and no, you wouldn't be crazy to have another. People will say you are, but they don't know what they're missing. Just think, that 5th baby might just discover the cure to cancer.

Good luck.

Hi N.!
I read your question and knew I could help. I am from a family of ten(8 kids),and my parents definitley did not have the means to provide us with anything except what was necessary. But, I have to say I loved growing up with so many siblings (6 boys 2 girls). No matter how much money people have or how stressful it can be, nothing is better than growing up knowing you have a big family at home that will always be there for you. Having 4 kids WILL be stressful but those hugs and kisses could never be replaced. So, basically, my advice is to go with your heart, if you choose to have another it will only be more love in your household.

Sorry to ramble...I hope it helps.

best wishes,
K.

I am preggo with #8. the ages are 24, 22, 20, 16, 14, 3 and 14 months. I think that you have to look long and hard at the finances. It gets much more expensive the older they get. Car, car insurance, price clothes, graduation, college assistance. We live in a very affluent area. We have plenty and then some - but we do not have what some of the other kids have. We do not have a plasma tv, we do not have Xbox 360 or Wii. We do not give cars as gifts. We do not take cruises. We do not go to Aspen to go skiing. Yes - if we had only 2 kids, we could do all of that. So you have to think of things along those lines.

I do not think that you are crazy to want more. Have a baby is the greatest high in life. To watch them grow and develop is the most awesome experience ever.

Good luck in whatever you chose.

I come from a family of six kids, I am the second oldest. I have 3 brothers (1 older & 2 younger) and 3 sisters (both younger). My husband also comes from a family of six kids. As far as I have seen larger families seem to be a lot closer than others (this is from what I have seen, of course there are always exceptions). Me and my husband are both very close to our siblings even though most of our siblings are grown with their own families too. My sister is the only one of my siblings who has moved out of town (she moved a few states away) and I still talk to her at least once a week. Money is always tight with a big family like that but it seems like the more kids the more love there is in the family and the closer everyone is. How big a family to have is a decision only you and your husband can make but I say have as big a family as you want!! Good luck on your decision and I would love to know what you choose to do. If you have any more questions about big families feel free to ask. Good luck!

Wow, I sure give you a lot of credit for having 4 children & even contemplating having another one!! My father came from a family of 10 children - 5 girls & 5 boys and that was back in the 30's when the cost of living was much less!! My husband & I have 2 children - a 7 yr. old son & a 4 yr. old girl and we feel like we have no time at all for ourselves! We love our children dearly, but sometimes we really need some time alone & it seems like that doesn't happen very often with us! We have to make plans in advance to have a family member watch our children for us to be able to have a night out. I really wanted to have 3 children because my mother had 3, but because I started to have children late in life (39), I felt it best to have just the 2 because I had complications with both pregnancies. I didn't think it would be fair to risk my health having another child because I needed to take care of the 2 I already have & didn't want to risk having further problems occur with my health! And also we had to be realistic -- another child would put more additional strain on our financial situation. So my recommendations would be to not plan on having any more unless you had very good pregnancies & are extremely healthy & also if you can totally feel like you can afford to have more financially!! Good luck with whatever you decide!! Just wanted to add one more thing -- I don't think my husband would ever want to have a vasectomy because he is very squeamish about anything that has to do with operating on his private parts, so I would never demand that he get one! I just respect his feelings! It's nice that your husband would agree to do that for you.