One and Only Child

We have one son that is 5 years old. I wouldn't have it any other way!!!!! ALLLLL my friends that have more than 1, are pulling their hair out and sometimes wish they just had one... I put all my time, effort, energy, money, and love into one child... My son has a TON of friends and whenever we've asked him if he wants a sibling, it's a BIG FAT NOOOOO!!!!
My husband is an only child and doesn't know it any other way... My sister and I are 5 years apart. We were never close until we got older...
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with having more than one, but I, personally, only wanted 1 :)

W have one and are completely happy. I've always said, having a brother or sister does not equal a friend for life. My husbands parents adopted a baby so he wouldn't be an only (she couldn't conceive anymore), and that son has been nothing but a heartache. My husband barely talks to him.

My cousin is an only, and he is perfectly happy.

We love having O.. No regrets!
My son (9) has yet to express the desire for a sibling and we're happy with our decision to have O..
It works for us.
You have to figure out what will be best for YOU. Good luck!

We're ONE and done.

I never wanted kids and now that we have our son I can't IMAGINE NOT having him. I never thought I'd like being a mom but now know that's what I was put here to do BUT I do know my limitations. My age and finances were the deciding factors.

I never thought twice about having another child. Having another child doesn't gurantee they will grow up and LIKE each other when they are older. That was an argument MANY people posed to me when I decided to have the Essure procedure done.

Hi Hillary,
Sounds like you have a great perspective already! We also have one daughter and life is good. Whenever the 'only' question comes up on here, I pull out my personal list of all the great things associated w/ having one child. Here you go!

Here are my views on our only child:

1. One child is less stressful! My patience is rarely stretched too thin (I'm NOT a very patient person by nature)

2. More funds on hand for outings/vacations -- we LOVE to travel

3. More one on one time with our child

4. No sibling rivalry or fighting

5. More time with my husband at night

6. Easier to focus on one child's homework at night

7. We only have a two bedroom house :)

8. Saving for college will be easier

9. My husband and I never have to "divide and conquer" as I see all of our friends having to do w/ their multiple kids

10. After nursing for 21 months, my boobs are still in pretty good shape. Doing it again? Forgetaboutit!!

11. I have the energy to play with our daughter!

12. Every little thing is special w/ our daughter :)

13. Family is very willing to watch one child while we have our adult time. Two or more? Don't think that would happen.

14. We honestly couldn't afford another child, whethere we were up for it or not

15. For us, one child is easier on our marriage

16. We're the 3 muskateers and a really close family

17. I never have to go through the intensive and sleep-deprivation infancy stage again!

Our one and only daughter is 17 1/2 and a Junior in High School.

We couldn't be happier. I knew from pregnancy on that just 1 made our family complete and I never yearned for another, nor did hubby. I feel truly blessed with our daughter. I would not change things if I could go back and re-do.

Some people label onlies as bad children but it is parenting that makes bad children or good children. Children model the behavior from parents. If the parents are self centered the children will be too. If parents are successful, chances are higher that the children will be too.

We could financially take on more but we chose not to because we feel very strongly about parental obligations to children. We travel a lot, she is exposed to a lot, her college is paid for to the college of her choice.

She thrives on responsibility and she thrives on getting the best education. She is like us.. very entreprenural, disciplined and driven. She has been a part of us building our company and she is an officer and on the payroll. It helps her learn about real life and achieve the best she can. She sees children with parents who have no drive and will settle for less because they just don't put forth the little extra effort.

When we go on vacations, we take a friend along all expenses paid.

Not once have we regretted our one and only by choice.

Best wishes.

Trust me, having one is vastly easier than two , three, four or more. It's cheaper, there are no sibling fights, and you don't have to worry about favourites!

Hi Hilary!

I have one girl who wil be 6 in July. I didn't go into parenthood expecting to have just one child but after she was born, we never got to a place where we wanted or were in a position for a second (for a number of reasons). She has lots of friends and we get to spend a lot of time together and she is happy and well adjusted.

You can only do what is best for you and your family ...I never think of my daughter as my "only" one... she's my "best" one.

My husband is an only child and loved it. He says he wouldn't change a thing. The only downside for us is his aging parents. They did not prepare for retirement at all so when his dad became unable to care for himself all that fell upon our shoulders. I'm sure the same thing will happen with his mother eventually too. My only advice is make sure you've set yourselves up for retirement so your child does not have to shoulder that burden alone.

We have one and we adore her. She is funny, smart, kind and creative. She is graduating from college this month!

We have lots of adventures. She is the mature part of our family. We told her "we set a great example.. an example of how not to turn out.". Hee, hee.

She has said a few times, she wished she could have an older sister,. But one sleep over with a friend with siblings and she would come home and say she was glad she was an only..

I have a sister who I hardly speak with, she is the baby and boy she is a piece of work. . My husbands sister, we do not even know her address. She married into money and since we do not have any, she has no need for us.

So siblings are not all that are cracked up to be that great.
With one we have been able to go and blow. Live on a very modest income. Focus on her education, her interest. She attended an out of state college.

We would not change a thing. It works for us.
Follow your heart and brain.. and then No Regrets!

Some see siblings as companionship and friends for life.
That's great when it works out but just as many siblings are enemies for life.
You never know what you are going to get.
2nd children have been a disaster in my family.
My uncle and my younger sister were/are both nightmares.
I love my son too much to put him through what I went through growing up - it was torture and to this day (I'm 50 now) I have no feeling in my scalp from all the hair pulling.
My husband is an only child and loved it and we're all perfectly happy being a complete family of three.

I have always loved being an only child, and I'm 42, so when I was growing up there weren't many of us. It was even viewed as odd and people would actually say nasty things to me and to my parents. The reason I'm an only child is because my mother couldn't get pregnant. She almost never had me and never used any birth control, but in the end she was happy she didn't have any more. We had so many wonderful adventures as a family, and knowing my parents I don't think they would have been up for a lot of them with two, three or four kids. I had lots of friends, and I got so many great opportunities other kids don't -wonderful trips with and without my parents, the luxury of them paying for me to get a truly wonderful education, and all of their attention.

Sure, if I had siblings I would hope we would get along and enjoy each other, but I have so many close friends who wish they didn't have siblings. Only two of my friends really like one of their brothers or sisters. Both of my parents came from really large families and they also saw many, many benefits to being an only child! I have two, but I could have been happy with just one as well. As an adult I'm happier than ever to be an only! And yes, I've had to deal with my mother's sickness and death, and I have an old father who I make sure is doing fine -and it's all okay. From what I've seen out of so many families, you can't count on siblings to help when it comes to aging parents or anything else.

People who tell you you'll never regret having another or that only children are spoiled or selfish or lonely are ignorant quite honestly. Maybe THEY would regret only having one, but many don't! I also know several people who wish they had never had that other baby! Holidays are fine -and no matter how many kids you have, holidays are what you make of them anyway. If I'm in the mood for a house full of people during the holidays, I invite all of my friends and distant family members who don't have plans.

As far as spoiled or selfish -that's up to the parents. Sure, I will tell anyone that I am spoiled because I got all the attention and all of the goods, but I was NEVER allowed to be a brat! The two don't go hand in hand. Most of us onlies that I know are also rather generous people in many ways.

Enjoy your only! From what you've said, it sounds like you're making the right choice. You shouldn't have another child unless you're REALLY REALLY wholeheartedly into the idea.

My granddaughter is almost 4, she's an only and they arent going to have anymore.
She's the happiest little thing I've seen in a long time, very well adjusted, great imagination, is mature enough to sit with the adults and not be a whiney.
At first I was kinda bummed that they dont want more kids because I'd love to have another grandchild, but I can see all their reasons for wanting to put everything they have into just one. My DIL has a huge family, so there are plenty of cousins and I don't see my granddaughter suffering from not having a sibling.
I had one sister, she passed away at 18 from a brain tumor. I dont like (as an adult) having to bear the burden of my aging parents alone. I see that is the biggest drawback of being an only. Other than that I have plenty of friends and family that make up for missing a sibling.

I never planned on kids, and like most gifts, my daughter was a surprise. I am definitely done. She's 15 and it's been me and her alone since she was 5 months. I've never even considered another. I do like being a single parent, but I think that's because I only have one. We can do more as a duo then if I had multiples. There is no fighting, no rivalry, no presumed favorites, no deciding who's activities to go to and who's to skip etc...Every time I'm around my family (and all of them have multiple kids) I see how they behave and I am so grateful that I have only one. My mother always thought I should have another so DD would have someone to play with, but my brother and I fought all the time (still do) and I don't recall a lot of playing that didn't eventually turn into a fight. And IMO having a child for the sole purpose of providing a playmate for another, especially for a single parent with limited resources is bordering on irresponsible. I did at one point consider fostering, but my after letting DD have a few sleepovers it became glaringly obvious that my kid was meant to be an only child. She doesn't like to share unless it's on her terms and that includes me as well as her things. So for my situation an only child is the right choice and I have never regretted that.

One is awesome.

You will be able to: Volunteer at her preschool, her elementary school, her other schools. By volunteering you will be much more plugged in to what the school is really like; you'll know teachers and administrative staff much better and they will all know your child better than they do other kids; you will know what she is really doing in school. Be sure to volunteer not just in her classroom but in the library, in the office, on special days like field days.

You will be able to give her many more chances to do enriching things like classes, visits to museums, plays, going on day trips on a nice weekend. You will never have to say, "I know you'd like to do that (activity) but we can't because your little (sibling) is just too young to go along and we can't go without her...." I know so many times my friends with two or more kids have had to say no to great things for their oldest because the younger kids would have been bored at the festival or play or class that the oldest one would have found fascinating.

You will be able to choose to lead a Girl Scout troop if you want, or to help out at her dance school or karate school more, or to help out with her sports team if that's her thing eventually. You will not have to drop her off and dash away because you have other places to take other kids. You will actually get to see a bit of her dance class or soccer game, or you'll get to go on that church field trip, or on the Girl Scout outing. And you won't have to juggle other schedules to do it.

You will have time at home to craft with her, or ask her to help you make a meal even if it will take ages with her helping, or have her help you fold the laundry even if she takes forever -- because you won't have other kids waitiing to be fed NOW, or you won't have other kids demanding to go here or there.

Once she is in school full-time, you will be able to do things for yourself and your household, as well as plan things to do with her.

I have never been sad or had any regrets about having one child. I hope you did find a pick-me-up in these posts and that you are rejuvenated in your ability to have fun and to set your schedule with only her in mind! And ignore anyone who says kids just MUST have a sibling for lifelong companionship. The chances are just as good that the siblings will be totally different people who ignore each other at best or who fight at worst. There is no guarantee that siblings will be even friendly, much less best friends. Better a one-child happy household than a sibling fight fest all the time!

My one and only will be 18 this summer. Shes a fantastic kid and I could not love her more.

We always just wanted one, which surprised our families because I am a child care professional. I was always that kid oriented young girl, the family babysitter, etc and have never ever held any job (even as a teen or young adult) that didn't involve children. And we just wanted one.

After a few miscarriages (3 in 11 mos), unusual in nature and not common for my young age, it just confirmed our decision and we pushed thru to get our one!

We have enjoyed every minute of her life so far. She is a talented artist who will graduate from an Arts High in June and move on to an Art and Design college of her choosing (small in size and only 8 hours from home). She is a sensitive, somewhat shy girl with a small group of friends, who knows she is loved very much!

We have never for one minute regretted having our one and only!

I was an only child and I personally hated it. Because of my personality (and my mom’s) I’ve always felt responsible for my mom’s happiness and I felt very lonely, particularly on vacations and Sunday afternoons because back in the 70’s and 80’s in my hometown we only had 3 TV channels with horrible programming, so I just read in my room.
On the other hand, had I had siblings, maybe I wouldn’t have had the chance to go to a great University and such.
My only advise to you would be to help your daughter build long lasting relationships with family and friends and let her know that although she’s the light of your eyes and that she makes you really happy, she’s not responsible for your happiness.
Good luck to you!!!

It may seem like everyone has at least 2 around you but in Europe and of course China, having 1 child is the norm! I have a 4 year old son and I am totally enchanted by him!! Sometimes I think, he is so great and growing up so fast, having another would be so great. But having a baby and toddler is so exhausting. I could not imagine taking care of 2 and juggling and not having any me time. My son is loving, compassionate, and an absolute gem. I can not imagine having another child as wonderful as he is. I am sure you feel the same way about your daughter.

Hmmm, I'm an only child, and I'm now 35.
My mom is also an only child.

I can tell you that you never really know about it being "awesome". You're never aware of the concept of having to share, or not getting full attention, or not getting something because someone else needs something more. You're just oblivious to that whole world. So I can't say I missed anything growing up, and I can't say how much I loved it because I didn't know any better.

I will say - and this is not to make you feel bad - that at my age, I now wish that I had a sibling. To have a special connection with someone else (and yes, I realize that that's not always the case, but...).

My mom has lost both of her parents (she's 56), and the first comment she made after her father passed was that she "didn't have anyone left". No one that's there to share her history and provide that unconditional love that you feel from parents. I'll have that "to look forward to" in my future.

I had only one for 13 years. She definately knows the Earth, the Moon, and the Stars all spin just for her. I'm not sure that did her any favors as she is a bit of a princess at 19. BUt because it was just me and her for so long, she is absolutely my best friend. I had a lot of probably too grown up conversations with her, so she is extremley mature and level headed. I used to fear what it was going to be like to let her go. I had extreme paranoia about something happening to her because she was my whole world. Now, I have 2 more kids. I think that really helped me to be able to let her grow up and move on. I don't fear falling off the Earth if something happened to her. I would still be held to this life by my other 2 little perfect people.

I was an one and only. To be honest, it's lonely. If you don't have a bonafide health problem that prevents you from having another, don't wait. Your child will thank you for it when she's an adult and has a real family to see on the holidays and hopefully cousins for her children to get to know.

I'm young but my parents are both near senile and when they are finally gone, which probably isn't far off, I will have no family of my own beyond them. Right now, it is hard taking care of them on my own, as I'm the ONLY family they have now.

Even now, I do not have holiday dinners, weddings, baby showers with extended family (not including my own children) to look forward to, or any of the things people with large families take for granted. We do share a few get togethers with my husband's family (which isn't much and they're not MY people so isn't as emotionally satisfying as having your own "peeps" to hang with). Hopefully, when my children are grown, they will choose to have families of their own. But nowadays, it's anyone's guess as so few marry or put off having kids. If my kids didn't have each other, they'd have no family either. DHs siblings all purposely chose NOT to have kids and are now in their late 40s, so short of adoption, we KNOW the family line on both sides depends on our children's choices in the future. For all I know, they'll move away and we'll never see them. I guess I have to prepare myself for that possibility, that they will not necessarily be here for us when we are old (emotionally speaking, not financially speaking).

Some people really don't care about this, and say they're fine with just friends and living on their own. Everyone I know who says this comes from big families. I don't think they realize what it is like to literally have no family. It's tough. Love my friends and see them often on holidays, but it's not the same.

If family is important to you, money shouldn't be a hinderance. JMO.

I wish I had a choice. If it were up to me, I'd have 20 kids! But God thought otherwise. No regrets though. I'm content with what I've been given :)

One is fun! More room in the house, less expenses ($500 already paid for sports and programs for the summer - can't imagine doubling that for 2 or more kids), he gets more attention, he gets invited to alot of playdates because he isn't dragging along siblings to play too, he gets alot of personal presents from family members because there is only one of him as opposed to my siblings or cousins who have 3 or more kids who get a group gift and have to share it, and you are only saving up for 1 college tuition (hands down our best reason why 1 is fun!

I can't pretend he doesn't get lonely on family roadtrips or vacations - it would sure be nice sometimes for him to have company when we go places. But we do what we can to keep him entertained and he does his best to adjust to certain things. We aren't worried if anything happens to us and he doesn't have a sibling on his side. We have plenty of family - 12 1st cousins, about 30 2nd cousins (not including spouses) and about 100 3rd cousins (again, not including spouses)...and all the aunts, uncles and grands to go with them, so he won't (and never is) alone, thank the Lord. Good luck in your decision.

* I want to add I know plenty of wonderful families with more than 1 child and those siblings get along great. My siblings and I got along like normal siblings growing up, yes we fought, but we learned the value of loving and respecting one another. So having more than 1 sibling isn't as terrible as some say. Some of them DO grow up getting along and stick by each other. My siblings and I would do anything for one another and for our parents. I just don't want you to think all siblings end up hating each other.

For me...all it takes is walking through Target and seeing a completely frazzled mom trying to deal with her multiple children. When I'm out, 2 or more children NEVER look easy or fun. I don't ever see a mom with multiple children just cruising through, peacefully enjoying their day. It's enough to make ME frazzled just watching.

I know many older only children, and their parent's have passed. They have a family build of friends, and were never alone. I do know of one who hated being an only child, but you know...I know just as many people who hated having siblings. I am not close to my siblings and have not been since I was little. When my parents die, I will not reach out to them for comfort. You can not guarantee siblings will be friends when they are older. Most people I know are not lonely, they have wonderful people in their lives...whether they are onlys or not. I am just going to be very honest...I think it's really kind of silly to have another child, just so MAYBE your current child can lean on them when you're dying. IF they have that kind of relationship.

I agree with J L. I'm an only child and hated it. My mom is my only family left, besides my husband and kids. I do have a cousin who is 9 years younger than me, but she lives in another state so I rarely see her or her kids. My other cousin is 18 and lives in another state also. Her and her mom come to visit my mom once or twice per year. I guess its not a big deal if your daughter will have cousins she can be close to. My family was always together for holidays and bdays when my grandparents and uncle were still alive. We still get together but its only me, hubs, kids and my mom, thats it. So I guess its great when you are younger, everyone listed out that, but no so great when your parents die, you have no siblings and its just you. Good luck!!!

I only had one because I was a single mom for a long time & one was all I could afford without government assistance.

I was sad about it for awhile, but it truely was the best decision. My daughter is now 16 & she has enjoyed being an only child.

My DH, however, wants a child of his own so I'm debating whether or not I really want to start over again.

I'd say, enjoy your baby girl while she's still little & revisit the idea of another at a later date. There's nothing wrong with having kids further apart in age. If I decide on another, my kids will be at least 18 years apart. LOL!

My story is similar to yours, we also tried for a second and it didn't happen.
For a few months , when my son was in Second Grade, he did begin to ask for a brother.. but that only lasted a little while. Prior to that and shortly thereafter whenever we'd ask, don't you want another sibling? his reply then and even today (he's ten now) "I told you, I want to remain single."
:)
He LOVES the perks of being an only child. As for me, I did feel sad at first at not being able to have a second child but you get over it. There are times when I do wonder what it would have been like to have more kids and my son having more kids around to play and interact with. On the hand, something I ALWAYS keep in mind... Every child is different. Just because I lucked out and have a child that is VERY even tempered , well-behaved, smart, wonderful, loving.. It doesn't mean another one would be like him... Therefore, I count my blessings... Also, I know some people who have several kids and not all kids like one another. you just never know what might be.. Which makes me more than ever enjoy the little one that I do have..
There are definitely pros and cons to everything... but I try to not think about the what IFs and enjoy what IS... if you can do that , it's helpful..

My best to you

Hello...we have only one, but it wasn't by choice. We're very blessed to have him considering what we went through to be parents. I always wanted another so he could have a sibling. Then, as we tried and he didn't happen my husband reminded me, we were blessed with a a healthy son.
So, in my heart I know we tried and he knows it wasn't easy to have him.
But also in my heart I wanted another. With that said & living away from family we taught him the importance of friendship. Our friends who become our family. Just the other day I was talking to a friend on the phone watching our son shoot hoops by himself. I said to her, "This is when I hate having one". She said, "There could be two and they'll be fighting". We laughed and I said, "I know, but at times it breaks my heart". The great thing about our son is he's fine by himself and/or with others. A few minutes later he opened the door and said, "Mom, the kids down the street invited me over". I smiled and said, "Ok, have fun". My point is...it works out. I know you said, it doesn't fit right now, financially, etc...... My mom always use to say, "If you wait till you could afford kids, you'll never have them." So, my advice I guess...do what your heart feels is right. Having one child is great, you get a lot of time with them and I always want to do things right. I don't get a second chance. I know he sometimes wonder why I love on him so much and some day he'll understand. He's my one and only. Good luck to you and your decision. Happy Mother's Day......

I hated my childhood. I was always lonesome, especially on bad weather days. I did not want grownup playmates, I prayed and begged God to give me siblings.

My daughter was an only child too. She had a couple of step brothers though. She loved going to her dads so much and is very close to them even though they are all adults and have kids themselves.

I think it's often hard on kids to be the only one. I do have siblings, my brother turned 15 two days before I was born and my sister was 11. My brother was out of the house and married before I started Kindergarten and my sister was married before that, she eloped at 16 and got married in Texas. It was truly like I was an only child.