Is It Bad to Have an Only Child?

I'm an only child, and I LOVE IT! I'm 39, and NEVER went through a stage of wanting siblings. Moreover, I have a lot of friends who are only children, and the vast majority feel the same way. If you don't want more than one child, why should you have more?

I have one child only and she loves it! She has friends who are only children as well, but also has friends with siblings. She tells me that she's glad she's an only child because:
- she doesn't have to share my love and attention with a "younger" brother or sister
- she gets all the attention instead of "the baby" getting it
- she doesn't have to share the toys
Now keep in mind that these words are coming out of her mouth, but she doesn't act this way. She has learned to share since she's been in daycare/school the whole time (since she was 10 weeks old) and never has a problem sharing.
She is "spoiled" but only in regards to my love and attention. She does not get what she wants and when she wants it! We have rules and limits on things, but not on love :)
Good luck with whatever decision you make.

No, it's not bad to have an only child. I have one & now at 30 yrs of age, he's a well-adjusted, happy young man who is dating a girl who is another only child. Neither one seems to have missed having siblings. Maybe, from them both getting all the parents' attention, neither one had behaviorial problems while in school. I have, however, visited my siblings often so that he could be close to his cousins & have the feel of family. I think you're doing the right thing in sticking to 1 boy, especially considering the health issue.

There's so much social "lore" about one-child families that would have us believe there's something inherently wrong-headed about even considering having an only. Bosh. There are advantages and disadvantages to having ANY number of children.

Over my 60+ years, I've known a whole batch of happy, obedient, well-balanced, carefully nurtured and well-socialized single children. No more spoiling than in any other family – in fact, the parents I know who have deliberately chosen to have only one have taken care NOT to spoil their kids.

Onlies often get educational and cultural opportunities that their parents could not afford if the families were bigger. Stressful or emergency situations can be easier to cope with, because you're not dragging a couple of other reluctant toddlers along to the ER. Parents often seem much less stressed and unhappy than those of bigger families I've known.

I'm not knocking bigger families – they are fine if that's what parents want and can provide for. But there are no guarantees that children with more siblings will be less lonely because they'll have playmates. I know a few families with two or more kids in which screaming fights are the norm, and grownup siblings, including my own, who are not friends.

So do what fits your circumstances, parent intentionally, be aware of the particular challenges YOUR situation presents, and deal with them thoughtfully. You'll be fine. I have only one daughter, and now she has only one son. These are both fantastic human beings, parenting (and grandparenting) them has been a joy, and I couldn't ask for more.

Hi Army of One-

When I was young, I wanted 4 kids, then I became a Nanny and worked with families with many and few kids, (ranged from 1 child to 3 children). It was a learning experience.

Because of this I learned a lot about myself and life with kids. I liked working with kids one on one. I learn how much it costs to have children. I learned that I was unable to spend the quality time with the children I wanted to when there were many in the home. And I learned that I wanted 1 child.

Having a large family is wonderful for some families, but every family is different. Every family must examine what they want, can have, need then determain what is best for them.

Make sure you take your son out for play dates often and he will learn to have fun with friends. I've found only children tend to be leaders, which I think is great.

If you and your husband do want a large family, look at adoption. There are a lot of kids who want a loving home, and it sounds like you have love to go around.

R. Magby

If one child is all you want then that's all that matters. There's nothing wrong with one child. You have to do what's right for you and your family.

We waited 10 years to have our child. Our son is now 13. I am one of four, my husband one of three. When our son was about 2, we realized our family was complete. I was really pressured to have another child, but did not want another one. No medical issues, just felt complete. OUr son is very well adjusted, straight A's in school, plays select sports, and is very social. Most people tell us that is is the most polite child they have ever met.

We worked hard to make sure he was not lonely and not too spoiled. He is very close to cousins and has many close friends. When I was struggling with thte decision and feeling all the pressure I found a great book. "Parenting Your Only Child" I think that is the name of it. Look on Amazon.com. There are great ideas for parenting your only and for helping make the decision whether or not to have another child.

My son likes being an only, too!!

We have an only daughter (15) and we have no regrets. We knew when we brought her home from the hospital that our family was complete. Sometimes you just know and it is OK.

Just do what is right for your family.

We have a well adjusted, talented daughter. We've been able to do a lot more for her since we only have 1..... Someone once jokingly said to her "I bet you are spoiled" she said "No, I am well cared for".

Our family is very close and we treasure each other. She will not be in a situation to be left alone to care for us, we've got plans in place for that, she needn't worry about her college because we've taken care of that as well.

We are happy.

No, its not wrong to only have one child. Its when you spoil the one child that there is a problem.

Just remember, that while you may only decide to give birth to one child, your family doesn't have to stop there. Whether its through foster care, adoption, or just close relationships with his many cousins, a family has many faces.

Hugs,
M.

I don't think there is anything wrong with only having one child. In fact, there are lots of advantages. You may be able to provide nicer things for that child or afford better homes or schools, and your child will never have to compete for attention. The worst thing about only children in my experience is that they are spoiled or don't know how to play nicely with others (and this is NOT true of all of them - just some of them). This is easily corrected by remembering not to spoil your son (he doesn't need everything he wants!) and getting your son involved in play groups with other kids or enrolling him in classes when he's young so that he learns to be social. Most of my friends aren't only children, but those who are turned into just as lovely adults as all the others. I think that it is very wise and responsible to worry about passing something along to your daughter, and your instincts to protect your yet unconceived child are spot on. You are doing what is best for your family.

If you really aren't certain about having only one child, perhaps you could consider adoption?

Families come in all shapes and sizes. Do what's best for your family.

I love the suggestions about adoption. Why don't you just wait and see how you feel once you have him? :) I have a good friend who has one daughter and always wanted another only because it made her sad to think of her daughter not having any siblings for emotional support later in life when she and her husband died. (Hope that is not too sad. :( ) But she had to do like 6 courses of invitro to even have the first. I also know a ton of people these days who are choosing to have only one-- because that is what works best for them financially, as a family etc. and they love being able to devote themselves fully to their one super special kid. You probably won't really know what you want until your son is born and has a chance to grow up a little. Then you'll know if YOU really want another baby or if you feel like your family is complete. He'll be fine either way.

Nothing by itself is bad, it's only bad if that is the story you attached to it. You choose what you will do with your life and your family. No one can tell you any different.

Think about your values, your goals, your dreams, your desires. It is your life, please feel free to live it according to your own rules.

B.
Family Success Coach

Every family is different. Love is love, big family or small. There are benefits and negatives either way, I'm sure. You could always adopt if you want a larger family but fear the inheritability factor for MD. Don't worry about it. You're doing fine :) It just feels wierd to you cause you're from a big family. My son may be an only cause I'm an old lady biologically speaking (42). I don't worry about it - he'll have friends as he grows up, and you can't really guarantee that will happen with siblings. It didn't happen for me. I have a younger sister who I didn't get along with at all growing up (I wished I was an only LOL); we would not hang out today because we have nothing in common, though I would be there for her if she needed me :)

I certainly hope it's not a bad thing, as my son's an only!! :)

Similar to your hubby... I shouldn't get pregnant again. Actually, being pregnant gives me cancer. Really fast acting cancer. In addition to that I'm high risk for mother/fetal death. So even if I really wanted more... it's just not an option. Also, I come from a giant family.

We love our 3.5 person family (.5 is the dog). There are just as many benefits, I've found to having our little family, as there were in having a big family. We DO have a blast. It's probably a little more labor intensive in some ways... because you can't "send the kids" to go play... and less labor intensive in others.

I wa an only child and I always told myself I wanted at least two. Now I have to very close in age and have almost always wished I had just one. Or maybe but several years between. The oldest got a lot of my attention that first year, and ever since I have felt torn. Being an only child, I am not used to all the sibling fighting. I know they love each other, they do some very cute things, but I can't stand the fighting. And my oldest is a real handfulll, it can be hard enough w/just her (she has SPD, it is simiar to ADHD),
As an only child of a mid class family I had some advantages. Hand me down cars, a trip in high school to Europe to play in a band (I doubt I will ever be able to do that for my kids), I got to take a friend to Florida for vaction one year so I had someone to play w/. That is the one thing I hated as an only child. I felt left out a lot, a lot of "grown up" conversation during dinner and such.
And if you really want a little girl, but afraid of the MS (totally understandable), then look into adoption.

Of course it's not bad to have only one child. Especially for your reasons. I think it is very kind of you to think about these things before bringing a child into the world just so your son will have someone to share with.

There are so many ways to help your child socialize these days that I wouldn't be concerned about sharing or having close relationships with children his age.

Meetup.com has groups in your specific area. You should check it out, I think it would be a GREAT resource for you.

Don't worry.
An only child... is not any worse or better.
MANY of my friends are only children... and they come from great loving families, had great childhoods, and are currently very highly educated and successful individuals. Nothing lacked for them, as a child. They did however, have many play-dates and friends and other family friends who became like "siblings" to them. Its okay.

all the best,
Susan

It's a different answer for everyone. My husband is an only child. He loved it. I have a sister and we fought like cats and dogs (still do). I always wished I was an only child. We have our one son, and he is thrilled he is an only child. He sees his friends arguing with siblings (and his best friend is one of 6 kids and does anything to get invited to friends houses just to get away from his siblings). My son loves not having to share me with other kids, and we love spoiling him with treats when he brings home another straight A report card.
Some siblings are best friends (I've seen a few, but not very many), but you never know what you are going to get, and the bickering can seem to go on forever.

I had 1 daughter who is now 23 yrs. old. I felt I was able to devote all of my time being involved with her school and outside activities. She loved for me to be a part of all of it. We were able to afford to pay her way through college which I don't think would have been as easy if we had to pay 2 or more at a time. We always took a cousin or friend with us on vacations so that she wouldn't be bored. We always allowed her to spend time at her cousins's or friend's house or have them over to our home. She was spoiled but not rotten and many people have said that she doesn't act like an only child. She is very giving. She always says that she wishied she had a sibling.

I am an only child.. I have 2 kids that are 18 months apart.. I am amazed at how much they love each other...

They really truly love each other and play together all the tim.

My daughter would be a fine only child she can play alone fine.. but she always plays with the brother and it is so cute..

An only child would not be sad that he was an only.. he would not know what he is missing..

I have an only child that is 7 years old. We had planned on having more, but can't. We have her playing with cousins and friends a lot. Day care and group play dates helped with her sharing things. The one problem that I had was on family vacations - she would get bored because she didn't have a sibling to play with or ride some of the smaller rides with. We have now started to bring a friend or cousin with us and it has been nicer.

Just because you choose not to biologically have another child doesn't mean your child has to be an only. There is always adoption or even foster care. But if you do choose to have an only thats not a bad thing either. So many families choose to have many children. This is great in theory but in actual raising of them it is hard money wise, attention wise and emotionally wise. Your child will not suffer if he is an only unless he is neglected. You can make sure he has other children in his/her life without having them live with you. He can go to preschool, parks etc. In the olden days families had lots of kids to help on the farm. that is not the case anymore and is not needed. You will be doing the responsible thing if your afraid of passing on a genetic disorder by not having another child. However if you feel your family won't be complete there are so many more ways to fill it.

From someone who can't have kids, Praise the Lord He gave you a healthy child. If you want more, there are many kids in the Foster care system that would love a family to call his/her own.

I have two children 15 yrs apart so basically,2 only children. They are 5 and 20 now. In most aspects it is great. They got/get our undivided attention. They get to do more things and have plenty of stuff. I am occasionally sad that my son,the 5 yr old,doesnt have a sibling to play with and be close to. My daughter was a more independent child. And sometimes my son thinks the world revolves around him. He may in this household,but not the world! So I go back and forth on the only child issue. In your case,i am not sure I would chance,knowingly,passing on MD.

It's not bad to be an only child... But u know that u could do gender selection as it has become quite common these days esspecialy outside of the U.S

I have two children, but I'm an only child. There's nothing wrong with it! I know quite a few people who are having only one. Sure, there have been times in my life when I would have liked to have a sibling, but 98% of the time, it's not even a thought or consideration. And you never can guarantee if siblings will even get along or have a relationship once they're grown. As long as you endeavor to socially interact your child, he'll be just fine! There have been MANY times I not only enjoyed being an only, but was glad!

Bad for who? It's perfect for me! I love having an only. It only matters what YOU want, not what everyone else has or is doing. Make the best decision for your family. Ignore the rest!

As long as you don't spoil him then no. But too many parents of only's spoil the child to the point that they don't know how to share and always get their way. So by the time they are adults they are unbending and don't treat their spouses very well.

Hi,
When it comes to the decision of having children, I always say "If you have any hesitations whatsoever, DON'T!"

I have many friends who are only children and I love them dearly and they are wonderful people who can cooperate, share, and be empathetic.
Also, there are recent studies showing that siblings can be more aggressive and violent than only children.

Peace,
M.

The way I see it, I would prefer to give one child my all. As of now, my husband and I are not planning on having another baby. We have been blessed beyond measure with our baby, but having a baby is a lot to think about financially. Putting my faith aside, I would much rather provide one child a comfortable life, full of love, then struggle.

My mother was an only child and she said it was lonely and she hated it. She also lived in a rural area from about age 10 on up.

In your situation, one is not a bad thing. Your son will have lots of cousins to play with and tons of love and attention from his parents.

Remember adoption or foster care is always an option.

Congratulations!

I have an only child. He is 21 years old now and when he was little I made sure he had play dates. Also he spent the night with large families. He always commented that there were too many people in their homes. He did well in school and had an average teen life. He never wanted other kids to sleep over. He is very social now and has lots of friends who still hang out at our house. I did want another child at one time but had a miscarriage. Now that I am divorced it was for the best that I didn't have anymore children. Also you do not have sibling rivalries and the house is quieter in that respect.

nothing wrong with having only one child, but if you want more then that's okay too. I haven't read all of your responses yet but, you could also consider adoption or fostering a child if you are worried about your genetics.

I have 2 kids 19 yrs apart so basically 2 only children. only children are more mature but in some ways lack social skills but not to bad. if you do keep an only child have lots of other kids he can run around with. so he can get socialization skills. live in the city not country so friends are close not 3 miles away. Only children tend to be more sensative due to kids with brothers and sisters learn to get picked on and it doesnt bother them. only children think they are being isolated when they are just trying to be included by other kids. it has major pros and cons.

Only children have more toys. get more clothes. parents can spend more money on them. its a toss up. trust your gut feeling.

Maybe I am misunderstanding, but only mother's pass on sex-linked disorders and M.D. is not one of them. Also, since your positive your husband has it, in order for it to be passed on you would have to be a carrier or have it as a recessive genotype. Have you both have genetic testing done to make sure? If not, it may be worth having it done. (I'm not an expert by any means, just an AP student who just did the genetics chapter)

have you seen the book "maybe one. a personal and environmental argument for smaller families"? i've only read part of it. it's not anti large family at all, but provides solid info for people who feel that one child is the best choice for their family. that is really the question your family needs to decide, what is the right choice for all of you in your situation? you are a fine complete family now, if you want to be.

anyway, the book breaks down old research that has lead to the stereotype that only children will be weird, spoiled or different and disproves it. in today's social society, being an only can be a good life and result in a well adjusted person. it also supports there is value to the environment/society as a whole if some people are content having smaller families.

good luck with your decision.

I'm an only child and after seeing my girls bicker growing up. I love that I was an only child : )

I personally think children do better with siblings, but it has to be yours and your husband's choice. But remember this, God works through all situations for your good and for HIs glory whether it is a boy or girl and affected with MD. It is such a blessing to have a quiver full of children and there is no birth control in the Bible.
Good Luck!

The number of children to have depends on what you want in life... its not good or bad. So no one can really answer this but you. I had always wanted more but I have one. I have noticed when comparing my situation with others that it has its pros and cons. Having one is a lot different from having two or more. When you have one your lifestyle changes but not as dramatically as when you have more. My husband comes from a large family with ten kids where no one had their own room or even bed and none of the siblings were or are close. But they were never lonely. At his house, the concentration was anger management. And when you have two, they often fight like cats and dogs. There's no guarantee they'll get along. Don't worry about using science to select the sex if you chose to have another. Were lucky to have science.

I hope it's not bad! I'm planning on it, and have no reason other than I know I can only handle one lol. I may change my mind down the road, but for me, it seems to be the best choice financially and emotionally.

Im gonna try to keep this short. I am an only child. I wanted to make sure I had more than one child so that my son wouldnt be "lonely". He is 2 1/2 years old. My new baby boy is 8 weeks tomorrow. I cant even tell you how jealous my 2 year old is. Its really been a hard situation. If I was you I would just have the one child seeing as how you situation is. It wasnt awful being an only child. You get to focus all of your time and energy on one instead of two. I dont regret having 2 kids. I know that this too shall pass. I am just saying dont feel bad having just one. Lots of people do that. Good luck and God Bless

It's never "bad" to do whats right for your family! Congrats on you little boy! :)

I was an only child and sometimes longed for a sibling, but my cousins fit the bill fine. I wouldn't risk M.D just so you can "fit in." Have you considered adoption? I have a girlfriend who has 4 of her own and they also adopted one and it's been a great experience, they've had the child in their family for 12 years. The child is from Russia. He is a very sweet boy and was underfed in his orphanage, although it didn't seem to affect his spirit.
And look at this way, you're helping the planet but making up for all those people who have 10+ kids. =) Best wishes~

As a mother of a singleton, I can attest that it was the best thing for me, definitely. Especially if you felt like you weren't the "golden child" in your house growing up. Your reasons are just: you are choosing NOT to take more of a risk. Good for you! Having just one child doesn't make you less of a parent, either. I say, enjoy your (relatively) low-stress and less noisy household, we sure do!

I myself have 3 children and still want more, BUT if I found out that what my youngest son had, when he was born, would definately happen again, I don't know if I would have another. It's okay to only have the one, even if it wasn't for the M.D. Your little boy will be fine being the only child. If you are a stay at home mom, then maybe put him in a mothers day out program or get some other mommas to get together with. If you are working and putting him in daycare, he will get his interaction that way. This is all IF you are worried about him not having other children to play with or grow up with. I hope this helps at least a little. Congratulations on your baby boy!

Is MD a recessive or dominate genetic disease? All girls recieve an "x" chromosome from mom and one from dad. If it is recessive (and you also don't have the disease) then even if she gets the "x" with the MD trait (from dad) she will still be fine because your "x" chromosome is not affected and you need two copies for a recessive trait to show up. She would however have a 50% chance of passing it on to her daughters. You should talk to an expert about the disease. Adoption is always another option. Lots of kids out there who need good homes.