4 Yr. Old Too Sassy

my 5 year old daughter does the same thing, but doesn't have a brother or sister at home. But at she the tell me she thinks she's the boss, and I can't seem to get her out of it either. It's driving me really crazy because if shes not bossing around shes whinning. but she won't listen to anyone to stop.

FIRST OF ALL DO NOT PUT ANYTHING ON HER TONGUE. Punishment will only instill fear and mistrust. Discipline teaches. If your daughter can not be kind to the members of her family she will not be able to spend time with them. It is a logical consequences to have to be removed from the family activities if she is upsetting members of the family. Also, you can try to ask her about what she is feeling. Is she mad or upset and she does not know how to express that? Does she need attention? If so tell her that she can ask for attention if she needs it but she will not get it when she is not kind to her family. The home is a safe place where everyone needs to feel good and comfortable. It is everyones job to keep it that way.

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Child and Family Coach, B. Davis

Hi K....

This behavior is sudden??? Did something out of the ordinary happen to her? Is she new to preschool? Have you talked with her about pre school experiences or about being with her teen siblings...if anyone has hurt her, bullied her at school or done something to her to make her feel uncomfortable...touched her inappropriately? Unfortunately these are real possibilities.

If this is ruled out then it sounds to me like you have a four year old who is looking for attention and is getting it in a negative way. Dealing with teens is a tough job and having an active two year old is time consuming too, I'm wondering if the 4 year old is getting a little lost in the shuffle? Does she have one on one time with you without the baby sister? Do the crises of teen age life interfere with her getting her time with you? Doing this may lessen the aggression she has toward the sister...after all SHE was the baby for two years befor the other came along.

Skip the tongue torture with any kind of sauce...I dont think this is at all appropriate.
I do believe in a time out seat or spot, removing her from 'society" and explaining to her why she is in time out....making it last 4 minutes ( age appropriate) and being consistent with every time she acts out.

I strongly suggest watching Supernanny for disciplining techniques. It is WELL WORTH the time. I WISH she had been around for my kids!

You describe her as loud and obnoxious which translates to me as "unlovable". I wonder if you are pushing her away when she really needs your being there to love and protect her?
Push through the noise. She needs her Mommy. You can change that behavior by yours!!!
Justine

I have to go with Faith. I mean Faith, the other mom, who said hot sauce. With both my kids I gave them choices. Pick your poison was my message... lemon juice, horseradish, ketchup, whatever they absolutely hated. It worked for us too. Of course, I never gave them much or enough to make them sick, just enough to make the experience real unpleasant so they'd stop the behavior. Simple really. And no, it doesn't scar them for life or even turn them off to that taste forever. My son now likes ketchup and horseradish (in mashed potatoes) and can bite into a lemon!

Have you tried time out in the corner? my 3 year old daughter is a sass mouth and a back talker and started getting bad with it so i tried the corner for a while and at first it worked but then after while it didn't so i resorted to something my folks did with me. i put a drop of hot sauce on my finger and wipe it on her tongue. I haven't anymore problems with a sassy mouth or back talking and on some days when she does start having a bad day all i have to do is pull the bottle out and put it on the kitchen table and all is well.

I feel your frustration. My son (3 1/2) will misbehave toward my daughter (2 1/2) when I am not looking. I felt much the same as you do - how can I discipline when I didn't see what happened? Well, I changed my tune when it happened more often. I now tell him that if I am not in the room and I hear his sister cry or scream he will have one chance to tell me his side of the story. If he doesn't tell me what happened or if he admits to misbehaving he will get a timeout. My daughter is still learning how to tell me what she if feeling and why, so she can't always offer much info.

My son, too, is becoming more sassy and he gets timeouts for those incidents. I tell him that he is not allowed to talk to me that way and while he is in timeout he should think of a better way to say what he wants to say to me. I'm fortunate that he is good about talking about feelings and recognizing how other people are feeling. So when I tell him that what he said made his sister sad or me angry, etc he understands. I give him timeouts for behaving innapropriately towards other family and friends, even if it means taking him away from a special gathering.

If the tables are turned and he is the one being teased I talk to him about how it makes him feel and try to get him to associate those feelings to a recent situation where he made someone else feel bad. I also try hard to let him know when he has done something positive - said something nice to someone, shared a toy, etc.

try vineger...i would be afraid hot sause will damage their taste buds...and the taste of vineger lasts a long time and it worked really well with my now 12 year old...i can still sit the bottle on the table when he starts acting 12 and he gets right back on track...and if they swallow a little, it is good for them and you dont have to worry about harming thier taste buds.

Abundant Blessings
Trish

Somebody once told me that dealing with a 4 year old is like dealing with someone who is sort of brain damaged. I have to agree. Mine is almost 5 now, and I can say 4 was just not a good year. Sassy, smartmouthed, testing limits. They learn to talk back, they do NOT learn how to CHOOSE their battles. They are little power monging neandrethals.

I like the book, "How to behave so your preschooler will, too" and the "Time out Tot" dvd. Beyond that, sometimes just getting on their level and doing the opposite of what they expect (losing temper) and empathizing with them can throw them off guard. Otherwise, just make the rules, let her know what behavior you DO expect, let her know the consequences of her behavior, let her know it is HER choice, follow through without fail, and maybe try a sticker chart for good behavior. I'm sure you do all that, and this advice is not helpful, some of it is just being 4, and you just have to take breaks and get away from it so YOU don't go crazy, until she is closer to 5. Hang in there!

The advice you received so far is great, I would just add that if she has a friend over and begins acting nasty with them, I would immediately end the play date. Plain and simple. I would also remove her from the room with your other daughter if she is doing the same with her. I know its hard to do but that would send a very serious message to her which is what she needs when she is trying to run the show.

Seems maybe she is learing some of this from the older step-brothers. I have a 16 year old daughter and I know what can be said! uggh.