4 Year Old Having Problem Adjusting to Preschool

Wow- it doesn't sound like this school is very willing to work with you. I am shocked. When I taught in public school. it was not uncommon to see Kindergarteners exhibit some of this behavior for the first week. It is common for children to have adjustment trouble which may be exacerbated because it doesn't seem like your child is being dealt with in a kind, loving manner. If they have dealt with young children, they should have experience with this and be able to offer helpful advice and help you design a course of action. If it were me, I'd begin looking for a different preschool and tell them up-front that he has trouble separating and ask how they would handle it.
If that is not possible maybe you could consider-
- Do the twins have the same teacher or a different one? If they are in different classes, maybe you can try to move him in with his twin where he might feel more comfortable.
- Setting up a one-on-one time with you, the child, & the teachers in the school room. You could play with him and the teacher and help him get comfortable with the new teacher/environment. (My preschool actually arranges this for every child prior to the start of the year).
- Maybe have a playdate with your children and 1-2 friends from school. If he can make at least 1 close friend in the class, it might help.
- Maybe ask if you can observe (from out of sight) one day. I wonder if they have unrealistic expectations for preschool behavior. Children this age should have lots of free play/learning time. There should be structured small/large group activities but they should involve the interest the children. They are too young to sit and listen to a lecture.

Aside from the running, this sounds like typical 3-4 year old behavior when being faced with structure/separation for the first time. I would be worried about the running, as I am sure you are, because it could be potentially dangerous.

Good luck to you. I hope you work it out!

I'm a little surprised at how quickly they're willing to "give up". Two weeks doesn't seem like much of an adjustment period. They must have a waiting list that they can fill your children's spots with pretty quickly, huh?

Would you be able to go with your boys and spend a day (or half a day) helping out in the classroom? Odds are your son won't act this way in front of you, but maybe you being in this environment with him and helping to make it fun for him will allow him to feel more comfortable there without you.

My son had a very hard time with transitions. We didn't know it at the time but he ended up being diagnosed with Aspergers. No, I'm not suggesting anything like that in your case, but I do know what it's like to feel helpless to explain these changes to a child that gets so upset. My son did eventually adjust to preschool and is now in 3rd grade. Each year has gotten a little bit easier and this year was a piece of cake!

Good luck,
K.

Wow, what a tough place to be. See if the school will allow you to stay longer in the morning, or voulenteer to help the classroom, or maybe pull him from the classroom for an hour halfway through the day to talk to him and give him some one on one time to sort through his feelings. Maybe see if they can bring him to the principal's office and call you. Sometimes seeing that mom is going to support the teacher will make a child see the teacher as more powerful. I don't know what your situation is or if any of that is an option, but I think you should understand his reaction as much as possible. The poor guy will get through this and be fine in school, but at least for right now he needs that extra attention and help to get through this part of his life.

There is always the possibility that he is just immature for his age (totaly normal for a boy, a twin, or just a younger four). Private schools offer a lot of advantages and benefits to their children, but one of the downsides is that they don't usually offer the extra special attention that some of the public schools can with their special ed programs. Basically a private school doesn't deal with a child that is outside of the box and so often will turn away a child they think may have more going on than just typical four year old behavior. They probably aren't the best place to catch this little guy up if he is a little imature. You should contact your Dr. and your school district to see if they would be able to test him for something else going on. Even if it is just high anxiety, a delay in social skills, or hyper activety the diagnosis at a young age means being able to teach coping skills before it becomes too big of an issue. Extra attention in this form isn't a perminant thing and getting the help this young could mean that as he enters first grade he wont still struggle with this transitional issue. Also ask the school for a more detailed explaination of their concerns so if he is kicked out you can take these concerns to a professional who deals with the out of the box kids. Just because he is non-traditional starting school at four doesn't mean that in four weeks he wont be just fine, but it does sound like it is something that your current school doesn't feel they are equiped to handle while still teaching the other children in the manner they feel fit.

I would explore the possibility that he maybe doesn't know how to vocalize what he is feeling so he is acting out. He could be exhusted and doesn't know how to respond. I don't think it sounds like anything major, but he is struggling. I can feel your pain for this little guy and it is so hard to watch your child struggle.

I agree with Karen. Experienced child care instructors know that it is not a good policy to "give up" or ask a child to leave a program just because they are having issues adjusting.
but in terms of helping him adjust, it may take time and talks with teacher and you and him present.
My son had a difficult time when he first started to a public school Kindergarten program. did a lot of the same things you described. I emailed the teacher, told my son so and that she and I were working together to help him enjoy school.
Bottom line, my son wanted time to meet all the new kids in his classroom, but once we reviewed the rules and Highlighted when the free time was, he got it and there were no problems after the first month of school.
Basically, get involved where you can and approach the teacher as a partner in this situation and I bet you all will come to a workable solution for your little guy!

You need to find another preschool. The point of preschool is to prepare kids for regular school, especially the ones that haven't been in that enivornment before. If they are not willing to prepare your child and only want the "perfect" ones, then they are not doing thier job. I understand the need to be able to focus since they can have over 20 kids with one teacher at that age (and I have a neighbor with a "wild child" that I don't want in my kid's class), but you're paying them to teach him and either they need to figure out how, or you need to find someone else who will.
Keeping him home will only prolong the problem and make it worse in kindergarden.

I don't know if your boys are in the same classes or not, but I have twin sister's five years younger than myself, and I remember that my mother had to do some class room changes throughout the years...sometimes they did better together, and other times she had them seperated. It maybe that you need to go in and shadow for a couple of days and see if that helps. Best of Luck.

TW

WOW! Giving up already? Has your son even really had a chance?
When my son was 4 he went 2 days a week 3 hour preschool. It was at a local Church and small (10-13 kids)classes/2 teachers. The first day, he barely made it in the door and threw up on the floor. I was asked to leave. NOT my son, just me! I wasn't allowed to clean up the mess either! Just go. Yes, they escorted this crying almost hysterical mom to the Directors office to relax and calm me before letting me leave the building. This routine lasted 5 days! He threw up EVERYTIME and once on the teacher. I would say goodby, love you and see you later with a hug, each day and until he crossed over the threshold he was fine. The 6th day they distracted him immediately upon entering the room and that ended the upheaveal. I was soooo grateful for their caring and understanding attitude. Especially about the daily morning messes he would create for them. I still feel horribly bad about that! They distracted me and him and he LOVED preschool! The next year I was prepared for a repeat. Oh my, even the staff was prepared. We all stood there, I reached for my hug and kiss and my son turned to me and says "Now go Home Mom!" no hug, kiss, love you, nothing! He just walked away to his new classroom. I was crushed, to say the least, but so glad that he was on his way.....
There are many ways to handle a "not ready" child. They need to figure out what makes him tick and distract him but yet keep him on task with what is going on in the classroom. It might take the teachers a few weeks of continual distraction and redirection before he gets into the role of student. Not every 4 year old is ready for school and that is ok, too.
I found that my preschool was right. The longer I stayed the longer the problems would persist with my son. Me not being there let him know that these ladies were in charge and he was to do as they asked. I would not be there to help him. A part of growing up for both of us.
I think you not being there is better for him....BUT I worry about their attitude towards your son.
Can you get a meeting with the Director, teachers and you/hubby and child? There needs to be a happy medium that they and you can all work to get him "in the groove of school" without sending him packing. Sometimes taking him into the classroom while you and the teacher clean or talk, letting him either play with one station or another. Let's him know that you know how the room works and it's ok to be in there playing or working on a puzzle, etc.
good luck....just don't let them run your child out until you have all sat down and come with a plan AND acted on that plan. I'm sure there is another preschool in your area that would love to have your son, if nothing else. Keep looking around.

Children do not mature at the same rate. It could simply be that he just isn't ready for pre-school. Adjustment issues are common among shy and outgoing children. Talking to him, setting structured activities at home, and time are often enough to correct "distruptive issues." I would also be very wary of any school or institution that is quick to level such heavy allegations against a child. Just because your child doesn't understand just yet that he needs to conform to what the rest of the class is doing doesn't' signal gloom or doom. I've gone through this with my own son and to be honest he's now home schooled. Not because he was a "problem child" but rather because he was a "gifted child." Some of what you are seeing could be because he's bored and needs additional intellectual stimulation. Keep this in mind as you wade through your troubles.

It is really surprising that they would be talking about withdrawing him after only 3 days! It usually takes a good 2 weeks for children to get used to that new situation... My childrens preschool is very willing to help the child, sit with them, hold them, and just help them feel safe and secure. If this school isn't providing a safe, secure environment, it might be in yours and his best interest to try to find another school. Definitely have some sort of conference with the teacher and director asap. All of the things you have described him doing are pretty age appropriate for that situation - he isn't used to structured class time, or being in this new environment. All kids respond differently to situations, and if he is shy typically, he'll need more time to adjust than your other son does. Are they in the same class? Maybe they can put them together so he feels more comfortable, and ask your other son to help his brother out during the day?

This post is a bit rough...

This Director is not fostering a good environment -- the Director, or Principal, sets the school's tone. Where is their assistance or action plan for you to help your child? What is wrong with their security that he is escaping the room, let alone almost the building? I would be looking elsewhere, given these facts alone.

But should you wish to work this out, conference with his teacher is necessary to get them working with your child and you -- maybe you need to start with half-days and transition into full; maybe same or separate classrooms, depending on where his twin is or if he's more dependent on his twin than is potentially good; maybe you need another teacher altogether depending on his/her attitude on the situation. All teachers are unique, and some are quite awful, while others are great -- I've had both with my DD.

If you cannot be worked with and they cannot be empathetic, find another facility. They are basically businesses -- money and convenience are more important to some than others.

I have walked your path, and both worked with and left other situations -- do what's best for your son -- he is what matters -- this will shape his attitude about school and prove your level of avocation for him, and these situations will continue to appear in depth and scope.

Much love, light and courage Mom!

I don't think your son is ready for school. Perhaps wait until next year when he's 5? Let the child who is ready go, but keep the other one home and homeschool him for preschool. Each child has their own needs, not all 4 year olds are ready to leave home.