3Rd Kid Angst, A

Well, I'll just play devil's advocate here, although I'm not coming close to telling you what to do.

For what it's worth, my mama was just short of forty when I was born. And her mama was older than that when she was born. Of course, you don't know me and you may be imagining all sort of things, but I assure you I'm healthy and, um, relatively normal.

You don't have to worry about what sort of love you would have for another baby. Mothers and fathers are really amazing at loving and at meeting whatever needs come along.

Travel with more than two children can be done. You just get very well-organized and raise your tolerance for noise.

You and your husband need to discuss this matter, sober.

In addition, make friends with people who have larger families. Watch how they do things at their house and what their (and their children's) lives are like. Do the same thing with the smaller-sized families you know.

You're writing a lot of what-iffies that could be asked at any age. My friend's daughter had a Down Syndrome baby in her twenties (her first child, a lovely little girl). Fatigue is part of a mother's job description and there are ways of dealing with it, as you already know (and are doing).

Outnumbered. Well, yes, I grant you that! Happily, you're bigger than they are. :^)

I think that if you are debating it this much, you must really have a strong desire to have another one. I was the same way after my second. I went back and forth about it until I received a good piece of advice: "You will never regret having a third child once it's here, but you will always regret not having it if you don't." I didn't want to wake up one day in 10 years and wish I'd done it. Our third child is 18 months old now. He's been the worst sleeper of them all, he's the most demanding, active, and energetic, but I'm thrilled I had him and thankful every day for my big family. When I look in the living room and see the three of them on the floor playing with my husband or giving each other hugs, my heart swells with happiness and pride.

It sounds like you both want kids, but not the actual work of taking care of them. You never know what issues a child might have- no matter what age you are, what your income is, or what plans you have made for life. Something devastating could happen to one that you have now- kids get sick, they get in accidents, they get diagnosed with things you can't foresee.

I have a 10 yr old with issues that did not get fully diagnosed or fully develop until she was 7. That was when I had my second daughter, who was born with issues of her own that we could not have foreseen. I probably would not have had a second had I known the first was going to need me so much, but I love my kids beyond compare and would do ANYTHING for them.

We don't have the freedom to stress about going to Ireland because we're too busy going to doctor's appointments and therapy and trying to have normal human interactions on a day to day basis. Life is blood tests and EKGs and EEGs and traveling to see specialists- and you would probably never know from looking at either of my daughters that anything is wrong with them unless you spent a lot of time with them. I have gotten 4 hours of sleep consistently for the past 10 years, if that. There is no freedom for me to yell or be grouchy- too much life has to happen- meds given, schedules kept, appts made, hypo-allergenic meals cooked from scratch. There is no wiggle room for me to do things like having drinks, or go out EVER with friends- and by this pt there are NO FRIENDS.

If you're family is healthy and happy and you're a social, traveling type of family, and your marriage feels so fragile that a special needs child might break the two of you up, I would get someone snipped right away. If you yell at your kids when you are tired, I would get some help with that, NOT consider having another.

And yes, maybe this is harsh, but reality is cold when you are living it.

I would consider your emotions when reading the responses you have received everytime you have asked the question....do you feel a little better when someone shares the joys of 3, 4, etc encouraging you to consider another baby...or do you feel better when someone agrees and confirms the thoughts to stick with 2? I think that would give you an indication as to what you should do. :) It is a difficult question....sounds like you have two healthy babes and it is always uncertain/unknowing at any parental age to bring another little person into the family dynamic. :) Good luck!

Those are all valid reasons not to have a 3rd.
It's a very personal choice, only you know when you are done having kids.

Do you have a list in favor of a 3rd?

We just had our 3rd & everything on your list is true, but I knew I wanted a bigger family & was OK with everything on your list. Actually just traveled alone with 3 small kids(I survived).

Are YOU OK having a 3rd knowing all the above could & very likely will happen?

People will give all kinds of great advice, it all comes down to what YOU are OK with.

I don't think your reasons are silly at all. And to be honest, no one should tell you that they are. They're YOUR reasons and its your decision.
Just because you're almost 40 doesn't mean something will be wrong with your baby. I know a lot of Dr.s say that, but I know plenty of women that have had PERFECT normal babies well into their 40s.

I've been asking myself a similar question...
I have a 2 1/2 year old son & a 6 month old daughter. My hubby says he has only ever wanted 2 kids. I grew up in a family with 5 kids so bigger is better in my opinion. TO be honest I can't decide If I want more or not.
For now, I think i'm done...but who knows what will happen in the future.

Weird thing is...I have a reoccurring dream of this Brown haired lil boy and wake up feeling sad, or having a feeling like I'm missing a child...
Both my kids are blonde..so I have no idea what this means :)

I would say don't not have a baby just because of your age. While the odds of having a Down Syndrome baby are a little higher at 40, they are still low. My mother had a perfectly normal baby at 45. My grandmother had a normal baby at 46 (back in the old country- w/ no OBGYN or anything).
If you don't want another baby for all the other reasons you listed, I get that. The sleepless nights ARE hard. I get grumpy too, and depressed, with lack of sleep-actually had to go on meds (made me a nicer mommy :) )

I am SO right there with you! Logic says NO WAY! Heart says, "well, maybe!!!" Many times, I've said it would be so much easier if it was a prevented "OOPS!" I truly believe trying to make the decision is harder than raising 2 or 3 kids! LOL We are 99% sure we're done...but that 1%...oh how LOUD it is! Let us know what you decide. Seems to be a very common dilemma (oh...and I can totally relate to the urge for more even hours after the birth...after my DD, I KNEW I wanted another. After DS, I began wondering about a 3rd almost immediately...despite "knowing" we'd be done at two. And this is coming from someone who never wanted to have kids!!!!)

A persons reasons for either wanting or not wanting are never silly. I have 3 boys ages 8,5,and 11 months. I love all of them the same and have time for 1 2 AND 3. All three know (especially my little 11mo stalker) that I am available for whatever they need love, hugs, kisses,(well my 8yo doesn't want to cuddle anymore) help wth school work, play a game....you get the idea. I also have an aqaintence that is 43 and having her first baby in July and so far the baby is healthy. A former coworker of mine was 37 and 40 when she had her kids and they are perfectly healthy. I will say one more kid is not really a big deal honestlsy I could probably have a fourth and it wouldn't make a difference in how I handle things. I think if you truly want another child then have one but if you are done and ready to move onto the baby free stage of life with the kids you already have then snip snip for husband!

I didn't get the instructions for the program to have additional children! You sound like you are really thinking this through and I'm sure you will figure out what is best for your family. I just don't understand how you can want another baby 48 hours after giving birth to one. That's like buying a very high end Mercedes and two days later wanting another. I didn't give birth to my daughter and she came from a very volitile situation so I was very concerned about her future and certainly didn't want to add another to the mix. For us, one child is perfect. Best of luck!!