I Want a Third Baby, and Have Lots of Concerns. (Long, Sorry)

Get some sleep. Wait another 6-12 months before you consider trying for a third. Make sure your husband is 100% enthusiastic about another child, or please don't push the issue. I have 3 kids (last 2 are 20 months apart due to a contraception failure) and it has been HARD. I was sick as a dog the first 3 months of my pregnancy, often hanging over the toilet with my then 13 month old screaming and clinging to me. The youngest 2 were both up multiple times during the night for the first 6 months of my youngest child's life so my husband (who got up with our middle son) and I (nursing the newborn) never got any sleep. It was hard on the family, hard on the marriage, and just plain not much fun. Now that my youngest is now 2 years old and he's the only one getting up in the night, life is a little more enjoyable. It truly takes a lot more time and attention from BOTH parents to take care of 3 kids because there is always one more child than adult.
That being said, I love my little "surprise" and though I didn't ask for him, I certainly thank God for Him. Sometimes "baby fever" is just another symptom of discontentment and really has nothing to do with wanting to raise a baby to adulthood. Please be patient and wait a while. Enjoy these days with your 2 and 4 yr old. The days are so long, but the years are so short. If you rush life, you will miss a lot of the blessings. Nurse Midwife Mom

I KNEW I was done when pregnant with #3. I wavered back and forth for a while before finally realizing I wanted another. We had two girls and everyone would ask if this one was a girl would we keep going (for a boy). NOPE it didn't matter what the sex of the child was...I knew in my heart I was done. There is a four almost five year gap between #2 and #3. It's NOT an issue. They still play together, and she helps out with her bro. Really it's not a big deal. In my opinion its harder going from 1 to 2 kids than it is from 2 to 3 kids.

I think you should give yourself a little more time, don't worry about rushing it. Those feeling will probably NOT go away, but you don't have to rush into it!!! All this craziness will ease up, and you'll know!!!

One of my fave sayings...You'll never regret the children you have, but you will regret the ones you don't have.

ADDED: and DITTO to the interference from your parents. It's AWESOME that your Mom helps you, but pointing out the "difficulties" in having three is just rude. It's NOT her decision to make.

And to me 13 is a LUCKY number...so boo to the 2013 nix!! Maybe just take a little time for yourself and recover from the 1st two children a bit. You are still young and have time!!!

Best of Luck to you!!!

First, 13 is not an unluck number. I was born on the 13th and I think that is one of the luckiest numbers around!

I think you are overthinking things. Personally, I never wanted more than two especially having a girl and boy. So part of me doesn't understand the "need" to have another child. I was on the fence with number 2!

I think you need to get some sleep first! Then make the decision. Good luck! Children are a blessing!!!

It is a very personal decision for you and your hubby. You must both be on the same page.

That said, I don't understand how some people crave more and more children because I have never had those feelings.

I have 1 (17) and I feel completely fulfilled as does my husband. Our family was perfect with one and I never had a desire for another. He had the big V when daughter was about 1 yr old and I had a hysterectomy at 40. Still, no feelings of loss.

I do believe you are overanalyzing this WAY too much, especially configuring the number 13.

Take your time, don't rush into anything. It sounds like you need to get your schedule, sleep, etc all on track before you jump in for more that will certainly fill your plate with more stress, spending more $$, etc. Think long and hard about the financials of it as well.... college educations to pay for, etc.

Good luck whatever you decide.

It sounds like you want a third in your heart, but that your mind looks at the facts of your current life and says "hold up" due to current sleep loss, having 2 other children who need your time and money. It also sounds like you already know it is better to wait to try in 2013, thus having the baby in 2014. I think you should take your own advice to heart because only you (and your hub)truly know what you want. The only reason you crave one now is that your friends are all having them now- it sounds like in your mind and heart that you want to wait. So, you should. :)

As people have said, how many children to have is a very personal decision. And I think it's up to you so long as you don't go ahead and then depend on your mother during your PPD, sleepless nights etc. I don't think it's any of your mother's business really if you have a 3rd unless you rely on her and she helps you a lot. Then I think you have to take her into account. Not fair otherwise. The other factor I see is you said money's been tight. If you will still be a selfsupporting family, then that's fine. If it at all means you'll need public assistance to help support a 3rd, I don't think you should. That's consciously chosing to have a child you can't afford and expecting other people to pay. Not saying that's the case here - just not sure. And then there are ongoing expenses and big ones like college. Will you be able to pay for college? That's something I insist on. Read about how much harder and harder it is to get a good job without a college degree and then how much a college degree costs. Many people don't feel as I do. They figure their kids can either no go to college or pay for it themselves. Up to the parents but something to consider. In a way I want another child too for selfish reasons but I think about the situation he/she will come into as giving birth means someone has to then live the life I've created for better or worse for the next 80 years. And life can be tough.

I didn't read the whole bit, because I just wanted to share some encouragement after the first couple of paragraphs.

My first child will be seven in March. My second will be two in May. So they are five years apart...and I love it. THey love each other, they play together...and yet they each have their own life.

I want a third child, too...and I am 31...but I am waiting until my youngest is five, so these children will ALSO be five years apart. I need the recovery time...honestly...to get life back in order, house back in order, sleep well for a few years, etc...before I can brave another one. (I might not feel that way, but my youngest has been very sick and is just a challenging child.)

I am not afraid of having a child at 35...or at 40. After that? Maybe, I don't know.

I think it would be wise to wait a little bit...your desire will still be there. :) Remind yourself that you still have two babies...they aren't big kids yet!! :)

This is actually something I am sort of dealing with now, too. I have two kids, want a third, and can't help wondering a) if it's too soon and b) if I'll know when my family is "complete." I agree with everyone's points except for Dad on Purpose, #1. I completely understand why your mother is involved in this decision, to some extent. I consider my mother my second-closest confidant (besides my husband), and one of my greatest advisers. I personally run ALL major decisions I am making by her. Although I don't always follow her advice, I always get her input. His response bothered me, because I think it neglects the very close relationship between a loving mother and daughter, that has nothing to do with you being all grown up.

Having said that, he's right that she shouldn't make the decision for you. You should listen to what she has to say, think about it carefully, and then talk to your husband and make a decision, even if it's not the one she approves of. However, I kind of get the feeling from your post that that's what you intend to do, anyway. Although you mention your mother disapproving, you are still writing for advice about having a third, implying that her disapproval isn't stopping you, only giving you hesitations. I personally don't think this needs a marriage counselor, you and your Hubby just need to have a very frank talk about expectations.

I wouldn't worry about having the baby in 2013, though. Even if you are superstitious, surely you don't think all the babies born that year will have bad luck? It just doesn't make sense.

Good luck.

I can't help but chuckle, I read all the other replies, and everyone is right, to an extent. But as I sit here, 4 weeks or less from having number 5, 3 seems like nothing. My first "set" are 12.5, 11 (next week), and 9. The baby is 13 months old and we are 36 weeks pregnant. Yes I'm sleep deprived, I was sleep deprived with my first three, but gosh I wouldn't trade it for the world. The age gap is much harder IMO. Trying to be at football games, and gymnastics meets, and scout events, school clubs and sleepovers ect. 8 months pregnant with a 1 year old is HARD. It's harder than the clutter, or the 2 am feedings ever were. I'm not worried about having a toddler (who isn't yet walking and doesn't sleep all night) and a newborn, nearly as much as I am how I can still be a part of my older children's lives without neglecting the babies.

And having had 3 very easy conceptions (pregnancy for me is always terrible) things change, yes people have babies at 40 but it's a lot harder to get pregnant, stay pregnant, and bounce back than it is at 20. Whatever you decide, follow your heart, because honestly there will always be a reason to not do it.

I think you should have as many kids as you want. It is a choice that you can make. My friend had her 2 and then hubby got snipped. She went for years wanting more children but knowing she could not have them. Part of her family was missing. She and hubby ended up divorcing. She remarried and new hubby wanted kids. So in her 40's my friend had 2 more children. He 2 boys are more than old enough to be her little ones parents but she is more happy than ever before.

Kids are not a burden, they are a blessing to be loved and cherished and if you want more then go for it.

I agree with the poster below. It's a very personal decision to have a child. That is, until you begin to involve other people. Post Partum Depression is or can be a very bad thing. Frankly, children end up dead. If you need your parents to step up and help you through it, then they should be considered.

You will NEVER stop craving children. That's a true fact. Every month I crave kids and my husband won't touch me with a 10 foot pole. I would have 7 kids if I had not lost 3 of them. I'm very fertile. What's crazy though is that I ONLY crave those new would be babies as I approach ovulation time. Once I ovulate, it passes until the next month.

I don't think money is the most important thing in the world. Kids are a blessing. At least, they are intended to be. But you should make sure you are emotionally ready in every single way.

I know exactly how you feel - I have always had the baby craving lol! We have 3 children - two boys, and then a baby girl, and there is an almost 6 year gap between our 2nd & 3rd. After my baby girl was born, I thought I would want one more (we had always wanted 4 kids), but as she has gotten older (she is almost 19 months now), I really feel like my family is complete - she is the perfect finish to my three wonderful babies, and because I have very very difficult time during my pregnancies, and she had to spend almost 2 weeks in the NICU when she was born, I feel blessed that they are all healthy, and almost don't want to tempt fate.

Good luck to you - if you want a 3rd, go for it - just remember that your sanity and patience usually suffer more and more with each additional child lol!

sending hugs!
~T.

Hi there. You got some great answers, the thing that is most true to me is it is a very personal decision. For you and your husband. All us on mamapedia can do is give you our own insights, and what worked for US. There is no wrong or right answer. I will share my own opinion as to what is good for my family.
I have a daughter born July 06 and another born Sept 07. So close in age, like your 2. Only both girls. I always wanted 3 or 4 kids, and of course, wanted to have a son too. In April, we had our third child. A boy. (completely planned pregnancy).
He is a JOY. I am so so so so glad I had him, there are no words. He lights up my whole life, and makes our family complete.
At this point, we feel done. I am fairly sure on this. I'm 34, husband is 37. With my oldest in kindergarten and second one starting in September, life is so much easier. Going places with the girls is a cinch. No diaper bags. No car seat, just easy boosters that they can hop in and out. Car pooling with them is easy, their seats are portable. They're very independant, they have drop off playdates, and play on their own in the backyard for hours. They're wonderful kids, life is so much easier now that they're potty trained and dress themselves etc etc. This morning they even made their own breakfasts because hubby was out of town for work and I was nursing the baby. (They got yogurt out of the fridge and poured some into a bowl). But still, did it themselves!!
I work from home part time while the baby naps. I love being home for the girls before school and after school every day. I love being home with my son. I love raising my kids.

We juggle things - on the weekends I will often take the girls out for a few hours while dad stays home with the baby. Plenty of the time, we go out as a family of course, but the baby needs to nap and doesn't nap as well on the go.
We don't eat out as much because it is frankly more work with a baby. But still go once in a while. I have also taken the girls out to lunch alone when dad's home on the weekend.
We want to do a disney trip but now we want to wait till our son is 3 so this will be when the other 2 are 7 and 8. Had we not had him, we'd plan on going next year when they're 5 and 6.

I could go on and on about pros and cons....a friend was having a new years party and invited parents and kids over...her kids are my girls ages. I knew she did not want people to bring babies. She had it planned to have bigger kids that could play on their own downstairs in the playroom while the adults relaxed and had cocktails etc. A baby changes that dynamic. I opted not to go. That is one example of a limitation.

I am one of three. My mom is one of 4. My dad is one of 6. My husband's family, everyone had 2 kids. He LOVES my bigger family and the noise and so on. So do I. I love my brothers.

My vote - you make a list of all the pros and cons. Have hubby do the same.

Think it over and decide. Let us know :-)

As far as birth control, I have paragard IUD. No hormones, works great.

If you want a third, go for it! Just go for it. Life is not ever going to be the way you want it 100% of the time. Waiting for the perfect time may mean that time will never happen. I always followed my baby-wanting urges, and I felt an EXTREME sense of completion after my fourth, Have not wanted another since, and I don't think I will, but I've learned to go on the instinct!

I hear you and completely understand this situation. In my own case, I have admitted that I might just have to get over missing the tender baby moments and remember: "don't cry because they're over, smile because they happened". My husband is one of three and I am one of just two, like you. But we both wanted a large family. It's fun but difficult to find time for everyone.

It's also hard to accept that our little babies are growing too fast. I have four kids, two girls, two boys, aged 8, 5, 3, 1. Although my biological desire to bear children is waning, I miss the cozy time of spending the first few quiet (yet sleep deprived) weeks with a brand new cute baby.

Although...life is pretty hectic and time gets crazy with four kids. Going from two to three was the hardest logistically to get used to (for me), but our bedtime "routine" is hard to keep because of all the stuff going on, and I wonder if we're doing a good enough job giving the kids the attention they need.

We originally wanted five or six; however, I sort of feel like I've hit the limit time-wise right now, not love-wise. So if we decide to have more, we will consider adoption (our four kids are all Clomid babies and chances are super slim that we'll have an oops baby).

This post isn't meant to sway you in either direction, but to let you know that I understand the feeling! Good luck!

You do not sound ready to me. Of course, if you were pregnant, you could prepare yourself. However, you're not in that circumstance. Give it another year and not because of the 13 (no reason to worry about that) because you need the time to become more settled with your family the way it is currently. Also, if your husband isn't ready, that is another reason to wait. Since hubby wants to be done after 3 (remember, you both have to agree on how many kids you want) then have him have the vasectomy after the third and call it good. Many of us have gone through the, "OMG, am I really done now?!" after the vasectomy and you come to terms with it. It really will work out. Sorry to be so blunt - I'm cutting to the chase b/c I'm short on time, but I completely understand and have experienced a lot of what you're talking about.

Now, try to take a nap when the kiddos nap!

ETA: Clarity

I've been fighting my cravings for a very long time --16 months. I think there is something about your baby turning into a toddler that makes the cravings really strong. I was thinking earlier today, "i will never get a chance to do this again with a little one" unless we have another baby.

A friend of mine is waiting to have her third because she wants no distractions (they are currently moving houses). It's hard saying good-bye to babies. Biologically, we are programmed to breed.

I don't feel like we are done; yet, I don't feel like I want another one either. We just took a trip to visit hubby's family in Ireland, and let me just say, I cannot fathom doing the trip with 3 kids. The logistics would truly be a nightmare. Doing it with 2 was hard enough. Since my in-laws expect us to do this trip every 2 years, not going to Ireland isn't an option. International travel with all its headaches is very much a part of my life (trust me, going to Ireland over and over and over again isn't much fun!). So, right now, I feel done. I want another baby, but I can't see it.

Since you are still young, I'd wait. Soon you will have time to clean the house fully and see what it is like to have more time. This, I think, is important to helping to separate our hormones from an actual desire. Getting a taste of freedom (sleep) is really powerful.

Some women, possibly most of us, have vigorous "baby-craving" systems build into our sense of self (a heady cocktail of feminine hormones, familial and cultural expectations, personality and experience), and will "want" another child whether we have none or nine. There's no "fixing" this craving, any more than there is "fixing" a craving for chocolate. But in addition to our automatic responses, we have the remarkable ability to reason.

So most of us have to come to terms with the desire, and stop with the number that our brains tell us is optimal for our family. And, truthfully, when we accept the wisdom of stopping with ___ babies, we CAN be happy with that. Looking at the bigger picture may help.

It seems clear that Mother Nature has designed "longing for babies" into us for the survival of our kind. But survival is no longer an issue for humans. We are so successful that we are crowding out thousands of other species and changing the face of the Earth in alarming ways. Even in the 70's, when I gave birth to my one child, I knew that human overpopulation was becoming a hazard to future generations, and to the Earth itself. The situation is many times worse today, and the population is now 7 billion and growing fast.

It seems to me that a sustainable future for all her creatures is what Mother Nature would find most desirable, so I chose not to multiply the pressures by stopping with one child. Now, well into my 60's, I can honestly tell you I have never regretted my decision, in spite of many years of enduring that craving. I thoroughly delighted in raising my daughter, who has now brought a delightful only child into the world, so I'm really grooving on being part of my grandson's life. It is really a matter of making a choice, or accepting reality, and focusing on what we do have.

Whatever choice you ultimately make, I genuinely wish you happiness.

I feel you, 110%! I am still kinda on the fence aout a third, which my husband wants. My son just turned five and daughter will be two in feb. I better get on the 'baby' side of the fence, bc I'm knocked up! I keep thinking about getting fixed after this one, but I feel the same way-babies are so wonderful, when the three (2 and on in the oven) start walking and worse yet (j/k...kinda, son's a motormouth!) I'll miss my little fuzzy adorable new baby fix! And I worry, being that babies are the sweetest little creatures ever, that I will keep missing that as the older ones grow out of babydom. Though each is my baby, i know you know what I mean. We have two winter babies. right before x-mas and valentine's day, we figured we'd try for a spring/summer baby, but it has never taken me over a month to get pregnant(which is another reason I want to keep popping them out, I'm always pregnant within 4 weeks and both were out w/3 good pushes, daughter came, start to finish at the end of an hour and fourty-five minute labor). So now we're lloking forward to a fall baby. I do believe that you know when you're family's complete, be it one or ten, you'll know. I say go for it! You know what they say-you have the rest of your lives to get the things you want, want to do, etc. , but once the river runs dry-that's it!! You can do it~!
Hey! How far is Covington from Chas, WV?! I think we may practically be neighbors!!

If you can stay home with them until elementary school and are somewhat financially stable (make sure there’s life insurance), go for it. If you will need child care, think about it. I don’t know about your State, but where I live, daycares are about $1000 per month per child, so it can get very expensive to have more than 1 child in day care and you can end up working just to pay for care.
You’re not crazy to want more, if I could do it $$$ I would consider it, although in my case I’m noticing that patience is fading fast, but every time I see a baby and think that I won’t have one anymore, it aches. I guess I must wait until I’m a grandmother (hopefully until my kids are over 30 :P).
Make a list of Pros and Cons and with your husband decide what’s really best for your family.
Good luck to you!