3-1/2 Boy Hitting, Pinching, & Biting at Daycare. Need Advice!

You might try having him sit in time out for a bit each time and then, this is the key, make him tell the other child he is sorry and hug the them. He needs to know it's something he should say sorry for and not just let it go. I've found that sometimes works but the biting is the worst thing to break and I would really get tough on that one. I really think taking a toy away is not going to do it. He has other toys there and it's not that big a deal.

Taking away toys from a 3 year old boy is so incredibly mild I'd be shocked if he even linked it to the dangerous and aggressive behavior. It DEFINITELY would not be strong enough to deter future episodes. I never allowed ANY form of aggression from my kids. That was always MAXIMUM discipline delivered after ONE calm warning. And each child only did each thing-biting, hitting, etc. ONE time. I never had to hover or do more than give a verbal warning when they were with other kids. My son is three, and believe me if he did this, he would not do it again.

This is 100% your responsibility and absolutely nothing to do with the daycare worker. They have no power whatsoever, thus the time outs and toys removals they use. If you are effective at home, he wont' need discipline in school. He is old enough to be told by you after school what he did (when the teacher lets you know what he did) and to be given a consequence by you at that time. The next day, remind him of what to expect if he hurts any other kids. Be very clear what that entails, pushing, pinching, hitting, biting. Follow through. Every time. Sure, the day car person can take toys, and make him sit alone, etc, but none of that will stop the future behavior. That's up to you.

You know he is loved and surrounded by positivity at all times. Now you need to instill very serious repercussions to biting and hurting other kids. Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson has great and effective ways to teach kids compassion through positive parenting AND effective discipline.

I would stop taking things away. Does the daycare provider know why he is biting/pinching? Is it when another child wants the toy he is playing with, is it to get another child's attention, is it displacement when he is upset for another reason? Once you have identified the reason, give him another way to get what he wants. So if he is biting when another child tries to take the toy he is using, the caregiver would give him words instead ' X, I am playing with the toy now, you can have it after.' She can also attend to the 'injured' child first, making a bit of a fuss, so that your child sees that his behavior is not the one getting the attention.

I think it would be fine for the provider to let your son know when he bites, that he needs to play alone until she feels he can be safe with other kids. This does not need to be punitive - just matter of fact.

Also, the time frame of an entire day of a behavior before a 'reward' seems unrealistically long for a 3 year old.

There have been a few times in my daycare where I had to take a much more drastic approach. When it happens too many times, the provider runs the risk of having all the other parents walk right out the door.

Because it sounds like you really have taken a proactive approach, this is what I suggest. She needs to create a safe place for him to play that is completely safe, where she can see him, but is isolated from the others. But, he doesn't go right there. He needs a 1 time and he's out rule. This is how it works. If he hurts someone in the morning, he plays by himself until lunch. After nap time, he gets another chance. Then if he hurts someone again, he plays by himself until he goes home. I've only done this with children that were doing it everyday and often many times per day. This kept the other kids at arms length to protect them. It also makes the offender realize that they don't get to play with their friends or participate in any group activities. Even though he is old enough to remember what he did when you take a toy at home, it's just not important enough to him. It doesn't make a difference. Seeing his friends do things he can't will make a difference. What's more important is that the punishment fits the crime.

My daughter bit and pinched her brother today. She is 3.5. She hasn't bitten in over 6 months, but she bites. Luckily, she has never bit anyone besides her brother (and me when she was a baby).

I honestly think a lot of it is instinctive. I know I was a biter as a kid, and to this day, I still clench my jaw when under lots of stress.

I've been working with her on different approach shes can use if she finds herself wanting to be physical. We also have a "no sweets for unsweet" girls policy in this house, and yesterday, after she pinched her brother, I took away videos. She hasn't hurt him in months, but with the time change, she is exhausted, getting two hours less a night. I am hoping that once she recovers from her current cold and her sleep deprivation, she will start being able to control herself a bit better.

I look forward to hear what others say on this matter.

Oh, I have found social isolation to work wonders to. When she is mean to her brother, she is not allowed to play with him anymore. She hates that.