2 Year Old Son Getting Bit by 18Month Old at Daycare. HELP!!

One overriding concern I have about your story is that it sounds like this daycare provider has too many kids under her care. (Yes, she may be at or under the legal limits, but there still may be too many kids for *her* to care for properly.)

I would tell her that if it happens again, you are pulling your son and looking for another daycare. It is really up to the provider to either ask the biter to leave, or to not let the biter out of her sight, even for 1 minute.

Another approach you could take would be to contact the biter's parents directly, and leave the provider out of it. You could ask them if they knew what was going on, and how many times it has happened, and what they plan to do about it. It's entirely possile the daycare provider has not told them the full breadth of the problem.

I am also a daycare provider and don't agree one bit with Charlotte. I have had in-home daycare for 5 years. I have only had one instance when a child attempted to bite another child. I stopped it before it happened. He had come to me from a daycare center and had learned the behavior there. He was only 20 months old at the time, but he understood that I was not going to tolerate that kind of behavior. He never tried it again.

I think the group may be too large for your provider to supervise effectively. Since she doesn't seem to be willing to lose the other child because of this behavior, I would take my child out of care. For this to happen 5 times is intolerable!

My 4 year old daughter is quite aggressive and though her old daycare tried their best to work with me, after a suggestion from her psychologist the daycare seemed to feel a different, smaller setting was the way to go.

As a mother of a challenging child I, too, agree that the daycare should be asking that child to leave. If you make your concerns known and tell them you might possibly pull your child because of it maybe their inaction will change to action. You shouldn't have to worry that your child isn't being protected; you trust the daycare to look out for everyone's welfare and apparently they're not doing too good of a job. If they won't kick the other child out I WOULD look for a setting that would be safer.

It all starts at home. That little child that is biting is obviously not being taught that it is wrong for biting. Like one of the other ladies said, biting can be very dangerous, especially if the skin is broken. Not only that, the kid is teaching the other kids to bite as well...I think that the daycare provider needs to talk to the parents of that kid. Also, the daycare provider is responsible for that child while the child is in her care. She needs to stop this before it starts. Maybe she is not observing the kids like she needs to.

Good Luck
S.

talk with the daycare provider...

it shouldn't go on for this long...something isn't being done about it in her home...

I, quite strongly, disagree with Charlotte.

Human bites can be very dangerous due to all the bacteria in our mouths.

If this child is biting other children and it's happening constantly, then the provider shouldn't be giving time-outs or talking to the child about it. The provider NEEDS to have the child removed from her daycare.

If the provider is unwilling to take care of the situation, and it's an option for you, I would definitely find another daycare.

Hi! It is your providers responsibility to see that ALL the kids are safe. If a child is biting and expecially breaking skin and repeats this behaviour then that is the child that needs to leave. I would explain this to the provider and say that if she does not talk to the parents then you will be leaving her business.
All of your concerns are valid! I love it when parents take action for their kids best interest even when it is not "convenient" for the parent. Good job!

I believe its your daycare provider's responsibility to keep your child safe and bring this matter to all parents involved, especially the parent of the child biting. After a month of this, I would start looking for another daycare if that's possible in your situation. The daycare provider should be dealing with this and making sure this behavior comes to an end soon. The child biting should be the one leaving not yours if the behavior does not stop. I wouldn't wait too long before making that decision though. My 3 yr old nephew got bitten on his eye brow and the kid that bit him broke the skin. My sister talked to the director of the daycare center and was told that this child that was biting has been moved from class to class due to other parents complaining about the biting child. Now my sister is dealing with it and is closely observing the behavior. She's thinking if it happens again...that's it!

I think the biter should be leaving the daycare, not you, especially if other children are also being hurt. That said, your provider should be dealing directly and immediately with the child and family reagrding this. If it isn't solved, you may be the one to have to go. If I were the provider, I would be informing the family of the biter what has been happening and her plan to deal with future issues (also in writing). I would also document when and what has happened in writing with your child. Part of my plan would be if this happens again, the parents receive a call to pick up their child immediately from daycare and that the child will be isolated until they arrive. Then if it happens again, the child is out. The biter is likely not a "bad kid" but needing help to understand what is and is not ok. Other option is that provider be MUCH more vigilant in watching the biter.

i would definatly be talking with your provider because she may need to kick the child out. yes kids will bite and hit, etc at some point, but there has to be a limit to. i know that daycare centers do not tolerate biting at all so i dont feel inhome daycares should also. i have woked for a center where a little girl got kicked out after only biting a couple of times. my friend has a 2 year old son that is a biter and he has been kicked out of 2 daycares because of it. if the child is doing it a lot it is the daycare providers responsiblity to make sure the others in her care are safe. if it was my son who was biting all the time i wouldnt blame the provider for kicking him out and if he was the one getting bit i would expect it to stop. you should not have to be the one to leave but if she does not make the other child leave then i would pull your son out. its not fair to him to have to keep getting bit everyday. good luck thats a tough situation.

Hi Shane,

As a childcare provider, I have to take issue with the posters who said your provider is not doing a very good job of protecting your child. I will tell you what I tell every parent who walks through my door - "Almost every child will bite and almost every child will get bitten." It is IMPOSSIBLE for a provider to have her eye on each and every child EVERY minute of the time that they are in our care. If we did, we would have to huddle the children together in one room and the stress level would be immense.

I have had many biters in my care and if you understand WHY they bite, then you can begin to understand how to stop the behavior. When a child feels they can't communicate (or simply choose not to) and biting provides the immediate result (biter bites, other child drops toy, biter picks it up) then as a provider, I can begin to work with the biter to set firm boundries and consequences. No method works overnight and as providers WE ARE UNABLE TO BITE BACK which leaves us with methods that don't provide immediate results. Personally, I use the Boy's Town method of pre-teaching. When I have a biter, I stop them mid-track, in the midst of playing and preteach. For severe cases, I will stop the child every five minutes.

For example: "Hey Sam, come here for a moment." When the child comes, I get down to eye level and say in a very low, firm voice "We do NOT bite! Biting hurts! There is no biting. We do not bite our friends or mommy or daddy or brother or sister. Do you understand, Sam?" When the child acknowledges, I say "Okay, give me a squeeze! Now, go play!"

With big offenders, I may do this 25-30 times a day. It only takes 30 seconds of pre-teaching but saves a lot of time and tears when someone gets bit. If Sam would happen to bite or even thinks about biting, he would immediately go to the time-out corner and the whole way there, we would be having this same conversation. When time-out is over, the same conversation again.

If we, as providers got rid of every child who ever hit another child, bit another child, pulled hair, spit, pushed, threw toys or kicked another child, I guarantee that EACH child in our care would be looking for another daycare on a monthly basis. It is just irresponsible of providers/parents to "throw away" a child, simply because he commits a NATURAL, NORMAL, AGE APPROPRIATE act that will soon pass. If you can, be patient with this child AND your provider. I am certain that she is doing everything she can to make sure EVERY child in her care is safe, happy and well-loved. I know that the bite marks look terrible and the fact that it is YOUR child is totally disturbing. I am not discounting your feelings about that. I am also being realistic that you should expect biting to happen at daycare, along with an entire host of other offenses that are natural and normal in the progression of growing up.

In my opinion, if you are otherwise happy with your childcare provider and you feel that she truly loves your child and that your child is otherwise safe in her care, I would suggest that you not pull your child from care and not expect her to terminate the care of the other child either.

Off my soapbox now...please take my thoughts in the spirit in which they were given.

C.