2Yo Says "Can't Do It" Pretty Often?

I hate this stage.....I 've always told my daughter "you try first, then I will help you." Or with her putting on her socks, for instance, I started out with "you get this one started, and I'll get the other one started," Then I'd make her finish the one I started, visa verse.

I also find being honest about mistakes and things to be helpful. When I don't know something, I tell her. When I make a mistake, I admit to it. When I've wronged her in some way (lost my temper, for instance), I apologize. Modeling good responses to frustrating situations helps also, I think.

Come up with things you know she can do and make a fun game out of it saying "You did it!". It can be simple at first, like "will you bring mama that dish towel?" ...the towel sitting right next to her for example. She will at some point bring it to you and you can say "You did it!" and do a little dance with her or something silly that makes her giggle.

Help her experience the greatness of accomplishing something and this will help her to crave the experience frequently. Of course, eventually make the challenge more of an earned "you did it!" experience...but ya gotta start somewhere:)

If she is tired, this game might not work.

Just a thought, maybe some other mama's have other ideas, maybe more creative.

I think you are doing just fine, and it is just a phase that kids go through sometimes. Just keep up with the encouraging and it will work out.

I would try making a chart and getting colorful star stickers and ask her to do things then she will get a sticker and a good job. This will make her feel good when she does do things and will make it easier and more fun for her to want to do things. Also find words for her to say instead of I cant do it.

Remind her to just try.. Not to be afraid. That everyone has to try their best. Also watch what you and your husband say about when you all "cannot do it.." Do not make a big deal out of it..

Teach her that even grown ups, cannot always do it, but they try..
They may have to try different ways.

Also model the behavior when things do not go well.. "Uh , oh" I dropped that."
"Oh dear, I forgot my list. Hmm, let me take a minute and try to remember."
"I wonder how this goes together?"
"I think I need help."
"Well that did not work? what should I try next?"
"This is frustrating, I cannot figure out how this is supposed to work."
"I think I need to rest a minute and think about this. "

This is one of the things that makes me the most proud of the work we do at HiArt! with kids, both our private kids and the kids we have from at-risk public schools in Harlem and the Bronx. We never hear, "I can't do this."

The most important thing is to keep building experiences into your child's life in which they feel like they can succeed. Too often, as teachers and parents, we become overly result oriented. We're looking for all those benchmarks that we are told to expect. That's how we're supposed to know how precocious our children are. But the truth is that precocity can be just as internal as it is external. So creating experiences in which the process is favored over the product gives children a chance to develop their confidence AND their skills.

Hey Mama,

It is a completely normal toddler stage. Toddlers are troubled, because one minute they want to be the big kid doing it all, and the next they want to be the baby they were just a few weeks ago, because they were safe there.

The best way to handle this situation is to gently encourage & support without pushing. "I know you can do it!" "Can you give it one try?" "Maybe you can try again tomorrow, it's ok for today."

Postive words will be the best for you to see the behavior change.

Rembember, when you here this, it's just your toddler wanting the security of her babyhood back.

R. Magby

my vote is normal too. Even the verbal ones don't always understand exactly what they are saying. Sometimes it's like this phrase goes out in this situation. Words are new. Go back to physical actions which are concrete.

This is a great time to learn to be playful. There's a book called Playful Parenting, but the concept is that simple. The book gives you ideas, however, having just a few "tricks" to change a situation to an inviting one goes a looong way. Have whatever she doesn't want to do talk to her. NOT like in a poor me, feel sorry for me and do this kind of way, but a Hey! this is FUN. I'm doing it wrong - how is that again? Or singing. Or funny noises. Change the tone and magic happens.

Another thing is for YOU to take possession of it. "I" am going to put on this boot. Then you hear "No! It's my boot!" Also watch to see if her dexterity is developed enough, or if you can break it down into smaller steps. Maybe it's just an excuse for more of mommy's love and attention. After all, who doesn't love being spoiled now and then? In that case, I'd just rephrase her comment to "would you do it mommy?" so that she learns to say something else that explains herself better.

It's normal.
Keep encouraging her to try and try again and when she succeeds, praise her a lot!
When she says she 'can't do it', say 'Really? I think you can! It looks pretty easy for a smart girl like you!', etc.
You should keep in mind that sometimes when they say "I can't" sometimes they are trying to say "I don't want to try it right now": It's ok every so often to tell her that's fine, maybe she can try it later (after nap, after lunch, etc).
My son went from timid to fearless fairly quickly and before I knew it I was missing those timid days just a little bit.

Its totally normal, like others said. When my DD was that age, we did sort of "outlaw" the word Can't , tho. We just repeated over and over, that we didn't like the word Can't..how about the word CAN...I can do this, I can do that.....boosted her confidence when we played this verbal game and got her to try.

Good luck!

Totally normal!

When my son was in this phase we assumed that we were "babying" him and that's why he would immediately defer to us. We talked to his daycare provider who let us know that they started giving him different phrases to access help... "can't" was the only one he really had.

She would ask him... "Do you want me to show you?" or "Do you need help?" or "Did you already try/ look for it?" He would answer honestly and then she would model the phrase for him. "Can you show me"... "I need help"... "I can't find"...

We did the same at home and we're back on track- with a whole new vocabulary set!

I had one who did this, then I had one who could DO IT MYSELF!! even if she couldn't. That's just as frustrating when trying to leave the house.
I used to let my I can't do it child finish things I started, like I would start putting things away, stuffed animals and ask her to get the rest of them, or dressing I would do one button, sock, shoe and she another. I start zippers she pulls then up.
One day she'll get over this stage and another will come along. Then there will be that teenager stage, enjoy this one. :o)