2Nd Grade Boys in Showers...

I agree with AKmom - you should have asked a man to go in. You need to be careful with things like this. It's not just about what you did or didn't do, it's about the appearance of inpropriety.

As for babysitters, I would not expect a babysitter to see my 7 year old son naked. By that age, he should be able to shower and dress himself. No reason for the babysitter to see him naked.

I don't get uptight about naked bodies - we all have them.

However, in this situation, I would have either stood in the doorway and raised my voice so my son could hear me, or found someone male that I know to go in and say something. Because regardless of what I think about the normalcy of naked bodies, society says that a woman shouldn't step into a men or boys' locker room.

While it is perfectly normal for caregivers and doctors to see children naked, there is a reason why many locker rooms stop allowing opposite gender kids after kindergarten. The issue here is not whether or not we consider it normal, it is whether or not SHE feels it is, because clearly by having her son go into the mens locker room she assumed he would not be seen by woman, which is a fair assumption for her to make. When I fear my kids are acting up in the locker room I usually ask one of the male lifeguards or gym workers to check on them and hurry them up. Also, what if there had been older boys or men in there changing? Think about it this way, if it had been a group of 7 year old girls, with possible naked woman, and a grown man had gone in to check on his daughter, would you have been comfortable with that? If not then you should already understand why this mom was uncomfortable with what you did.

I myself don't care about naked bodies, whether it be who I see naked or who sees me naked, or who sees my kid naked. Of course I am not seven. Age six and up should be in gender specific change areas, and they should feel confident that no one of the opposite sex will see them. Next time yell in after them, or ask a dad or a male employee of the pool to go in and talk to them. How would you have felt at the age of seven if your friends dad walked in on you in the shower? I know I would have been horrified!

You were wrong and WAAAAAY out of line. I really can't believe you found it acceptable to do that. Boundaries, privacy, respect, etc.

I get why you did what you did.
I probably would have yelled in the door for MY kid to get a move on, get dressed and get OUT here or there will be consequences.
Having no Dads around to provide any supervision in the locker room was unfortunate.
This is one reason why I like family changing rooms.
Adults of either gender go in with their kids of either gender and everyone changes in private changing rooms and no one runs around naked - it works well.

I'm going to agree with the majority here - I completely understand your thought process, but I think it would have been more respectful and equally (if not more) effective to stand outside, even opening the door a crack, and calling "Don't make me come in there, boys. Settle down before someone get hurt." That would have straightened them right up without the embarrassment. We teach our kids from a young age that no one is to see their private parts except their own parents and their doctor - so we can't violate that by saying, "Except when you act up and then any parent can come on in." I think there is an expectation of privacy in a locker room or a rest room. I don't have a problem with mothers bringing boys that age into a ladies room (especially when traveling, and using a rest stop) but there are stalls for complete privacy so I don't think it's the same issue at all, because there is only hand washing going on in the public area. I'm also happy that the other mother told you about it to your face rather than complaining behind your back. I give her credit.

I would have been upset too. You should have cracked the door and yelled in - there was no need to go all the way in. It would have scared any of my kids if that happened to them...not okay.

My son, after the age of about 3, would have been horrified if you did that, let alone whatever my opinion would be. Of course, he's pretty modest and wouldn't have run around with other nude boys either. But he would have been mortified if you walked in. Why do you not once consider what the children thought, besides the adults?

No, that wouldn't have been appreciated in our family

ETA: The more I think about your post, the more grossed out I become. You really think it's okay for baby sitters and mom's friends and friends' moms to see your child naked? And he doesn't have a problem with it? What the hell? Maybe this is why I decided no one would ever take care of my kids but me, but that's disgusting that you just think your child's body is open for all to view. I feel sorry for your kid.

Welcome to mamapedia!

So you are from Reston - tell me where did this happen? It's been in the 30's here and all of our pools are closed with the exception of 2.

I too would NOT be happy with you walking into the boys locker room. You could have opened the door or "yelled" from the outside. Or you could have asked one of the lifeguards to help.

I TOTALLY disagree with you on nakedness and who sees my child naked. There's NO reason for a BABYSITTER to see my child naked if he's 7 years old. He can take a shower by himself. As to my friends seeing him naked? I don't think so. It's a PERSONAL boundary.

Sorry - you were in the wrong. There were several other ways to handle it. What you did was wrong, in my opinion.

I personally would not have walked in there if there were lots of other boys. My son is seven and I can picture the scenario completely. Even though I run a hippie household where people can be as naked as they want, my kids at 9, 7 and 6 have all started getting shy and wanting privacy when they're in the bathroom (well, my 6 year old still moons people). My son would be MORTIFIED if someone's mom saw him naked even though I wouldn't really care if I knew the lady was an innocent fellow mom. I would have stood outside the door and yelled in sharply.

I also would not have pulled anyone aside for walking in there because meh, no harm done and they shouldn't have been misbehaving in the dangerous showers..it was a bit much for her to preach to you about her opinion on who should see naked boys as though it was fact, especially since it was in an effort to stop a volatile situation immediately..

So. Clash of the parenting styles. She overreacted imo but lesson learned, stay away from other people's naked kids just in case.

I understand the issue of boys and locker rooms. My kids, ages 5 and 7 and a bit older, were on swim team and after practice, all the kids went to the showers, boys in one and girls the other. There were always shenanigans going on - popping kids' butts with towels, etc. I got tired of standing outside of the door calling to them and them not coming until THEY were ready. I decided that they needed to just go home with me wet and shower and change at home. Then I didn't have to deal with all of this.

That being said, at a different place, after school swimming AT the school, I did go in there because NO parents were managing all those kids. And they were misbehaving plenty. The truth is, if no one takes responsibility for their kids' misbehavior, then someone could get hurt. This woman isn't taking responsibility for her own child's behavior. That doesn't mean that her son is part of the problem, but SHE isn't allowing for a way to manage the kids when she tells you not to go in.

If I were you, I would not let your kids go into the shower anymore after pool parties. That way, your kids can't be in the middle of problems, and then the other mothers will have to deal with the aftermath of issues.

Your question of whether or not she was right? Well, she can feel how she wants to feel. I haven't had a mom say that to me. But quite frankly, I wouldn't give a darn what she thought if I needed to get my kids. MY kids are more important to me than hers. If I need to manage my children, pull them out of a situation, I'm going in there. If she didn't like it, too bad. However, I can keep from having to deal with ANY of this by not letting my kids in the shower room.

"I have no problem...."
But you are not the only person on earth.
You did not consider the feelings of the other people involved, both parents and kids. While I understand your safety concerns, the thing to do would have been to crack the door, call your son over to you, give him the directions "you kids need to stop, or else we'll need to send an adult (male adult, dad or staff) in" (warning).

You understand *why* there is a separate locker room for boys, right? So, why violate the privacy that is meant to both imply and provide? I can also tell you from years upon years of working with children that guidelines (every guideline from insurance to Boy Scouts to volunteering at a school) insist that adults never be left alone with a young person who is not their own son. I can *never* go out of sight of another adult while dealing with bathroom shenanigans. So, while it was your son you spoke to, you embarrassed and violated the privacy of his friends and likely, their parents, and put yourself in a potentially compromising position. As a mom, if you'd had a problem with MY kid, I would have expected you to come to me to deal with, most esp in that situation. And you totally missed the boat--- SHE had a problem with YOU seeing *her* kid naked. So don't make it about her being hung up. She wasn't wrong, you were. We often have reasons to see much younger children naked if we are caring for them, (toileting, accidents) but even then, appropriate practice means we minimize that contact whenever possible and ask children to do the majority of that care (undressing/dressing oneself, etc.) Seven year olds do not have that sort of level of need for care unless there is some other impact (read: disability) involved.

You are not the family doctor, you are not the parent of the other children, and most of us teach our kids that these are the only people (besides peers) who should be seeing them naked at this time in their lives. For those of us who do our due diligence in teaching our children boundaries, what you did was confusing and overstepped those boundaries in a big way.

I want to add, like Suz, I don't see a big deal about the human body, but you have to remember those are other people's children's bodies, and that's where what we feel is 'okay' has to, in practice, line up with what most of our society teaches our children. It wasn't just at home, where the kids were streaking to be funny. It was in a public place with other people's children. *That* is where I draw the line.

It's just a naked body, but it's probably not the wisest move to walk in on other people's naked 7 year old sons. Just apologize to the mom and learn from this incident.

At 7, I would not have done it. I would've pounded on the door and yelled at him to cut it out. I understand why she's not happy, but also that you had no ill intent.

Sorry, but no, it is not OK for you to walk into a boys' shower room in a public place. Even if you were reasonably sure that there were no other boys/young men/men in the group who were not in your son's group (perhaps it was a private event), it's not OK for little boys to be seen by a friend's mom. My boys would have been horrified if this had happened at that age, and frankly have not wanted to be naked in front of me past the age of 4 or 5. If you were concerned, you should have either sent a dad in of one were present, or just cracked the door open a bit and yelled in a warning to your own child.

This is actually a bit of a problem in hockey. A lot of moms have no respect for the locker room and don't understand that they are not welcome in there. The boys should be able to dress in private and then come out to have skates tied in the lobby if they're young enough to need help but no, there's always "that mom" who is in there making everyone uncomfortable. Don't be that mom.

I also find it really weird that you think it's OK for females to see naked children. Do you afford men the same grace? Why not? Why a double standard?

We have a pool, and we have young kids here using it sometimes without their parents. Same age range. I can honestly say, even with the girls, I've never walked in on them. There's one I have to help getting her rash guard off as it's too tight around her neck. She holds a towel up to cover herself while I yank it off, and just because I know she's modest, I even say "I'm not looking!" and avert my eyes.
So if it were my boys and their friends - no. Can't say I'd ever just walk in.

Even in my son's locker rooms, only the male coaches are allowed in. No moms allowed. And that's not naked. They keep their underwear on.

Update: To be fair, no one here is at risk for hurting themselves so I haven't been in this position. Not sure what I would do. Probably yell in to the kids. I get why you felt the need to do something though.

I just got on my MIL for walking into the boys locker room at the gym where my kids do gymnastics. Probably didn't matter if she saw my son, but there are boys she doesn't know. Some of them middle school age. Not ok for her to walk in on them. If you have a concern about something happening in the locker room, ask a pool staff member to check it out. If you wouldn't be ok with a dad walking in to the girls' then it isn't ok for you to do either.

What if there would have been some older boys in there, too? You need to respect their privacy. And, no, I would not want everyone and their mother seeing my boy naked. You should have just yelled in the door or knocked loudly to get someone's attention.

I think you probably should have opened the door a bit and yelled in there without coming in. Or else you could have gotten one of the fathers to go into the boy's locker room. I get that you may be thinking in the moment that somebody might be injured though.

By adding that you have no problem with almost any other adult female seeing your son naked, you opened a can of worms here. As Diane B. rightly points out, if you teach kids -- most of us do -- that your private parts are for your parents and your doctor to see, then saying it's normal for the baby sitter, mom's friends, friend's mom to see them too really sends a mixed message you don't want to send. I'm betting here that you don't necessarily TELL your son in some big announcement, "Here's the list of women who can see you naked and it's OK," of course. But the thinking is contradictory, if you've ever done the "parents and doctor only" talk.

Imagine being one of those other boys in the locker room when you walked in. Maybe they've had it taught to them that other than a situation like that, the only adult who should be there would be a parent or doctor, and you're neither.

I do get that in the heat of the moment at that pool, you heard a lot of noise, your mom brain said "wet tile floors + horseplay = hurt kids" and without thinking you strode into the locker room. You should have (and next time I hope you will) just cracked the door enough to say very loudly, "HEY! ALL the moms can hear you out here and you're messing around so stop NOW before someone falls! One minute to get out here dry and dressed!" or whatever. A good, loud verbal intervention like that would have embarrassed them enough to stop at least momentarily.

I hope you apologized to the other mom because she has a right to say she's not happy with adults, even other women, walking into a boys' locker room, even if you don't feel the same way. But do consider that your feelings about what's OK might contradict the basic, good guidelines that many, many parents now use with their kids about privacy and private parts. Those may not be your own family's guidelines but they're pretty common in our culture right now as we try to teach kids early to understand privacy and boundaries.

It's been 15 years since my daughter was seven but I can guarantee even she would not have felt comfortable with some random mom seeing her naked....EVEN IF the mom felt comfortable. Do seven year olds need to shower in a group naked after a party? We just went home or rinsed off in the outside shower in swim suits.

Sorry, the boy's locker room is for ages up to 18, definitely not the place for an adult of the opposite sex. If a dad had walked into the girl's locker room and there was a bunch of teen girls in there you can absolutely bet dad would need to be bailed out. Little boys horseplay in the locker room. If you need to you can crack the door open, without looking in, and bellow for them or get a male employee to go in- it won't be the first time. Both my kids were swimmers, my son is now a coach and instructor, fooling around in the locker room is just a fact of life.