How Old Is Too Old for Son in Women's Restroom and Locker Rooms?

I would say the best answer to this is what YOU are comfortable with! I am a mom so a little boy in the restroom or locker room is nothing to worry about (and most women are mothers), even if it is not mine. If you let him go in by himself and something happened, could you live with it? Personally my 4 year old is too young to have a choice!

Some very interesting reads that address that big question of safety. http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/

I can see the locker rooms being the problem. I like one mom's comment about a large robe and have him change at home. I did a lot of my son's changing when he was a bit older in the van. I just didn't trust the locker rooms. I would hold up blankets and such.

I have to tell you that when I would take a van load of neighborhood kids to the movies, I made them all come into the women's restroom with me. Even the 8 year old. He didn't like it at first but I told him there are stalls and I was responsible for too many kids at once for us to split up. I had to go with my comfort level with all the kids I had in my care.

Once in England, my friend and I were standing in a long line outside a women's restroom and we were talking about our kids when we were approached by a man with his daughter. He asked up to take her in with us because he didn't want to take her into the men's room. We asked why he picked us, he said he had watched the line and heard our conversation. It is hard for parents of both sexes.

I so agree with most posts, go with your instincts, I must have taken my son in with me for a long time. After the story broke in Texas, where I was living at the time, of the 8 year old that went into the mens room at the rest area and had his throat slashed. I will always err on my comfort level before anyone else's. Even my poor son's. He has survived and is a wonderful, mature 17 year old.

I'd consider the safety of your son first and foremost. Only you will know when you are comfortable with him being on his own in the men's locker room. Some women might have issues with a four year old boy---I personally would have more issues about the possibility of something untoward happening to a child because I was getting all hung up about my body. Women's locker rooms generally have toilet stalls in the vicinity, so I figure if I'm uncomfortable, I can go change in there. Bottom line, the safety of the children comes first!

I agree with your decision. I have a 6 year old boy. We use the family changing area at the pool. He comes in to the bathroom with me sometimes and sometimes he uses the men's room. I always stand right outside. I decide by my comfort level with the place.
It is a fine line. You are his best mom! Trust yourself, and don't worry about all of the prudes out there. Worry about your kids comfort and safety.

Wow, this is such a debate. I also cannot believe people would be upset at a 4 yr old in the bathroom or locker room. I can understand at 6 starting to be concerned about it. But 4 is way too young to trust with knowing that a situation is not appropriate. I guess my expectation of privacy does not include babies seeing me in a bathroom or locker room. And honestly, if I am comfortable with other women seeing me naked I don't see how a small child is worse. I guarantee the other women are more likely to check things out than a 4 yr old.

This question is definitely more interesting because of the locker room aspect, I had never considered it before. I am of the mindset even that a dad can bring his girl in the womens restroom up to a certain point, but there were lots of women against that one too. I think there is a pretty simple solution to both- announce your arrival. "Little boy coming in, heads up." If you are a daddy, ask one of the women coming out to check if it is empty. Then only a newcomer is caught off guard, and I would hope they aren't already half undressed before they get through the door. Depending on the situation, you can even just cover the boys eyes as you walk them through, or go change with them in a private stall. It's not as if you are taking a kid in to let him run around and stare at everyone or crawl under stall doors. I can totally understand the discomfort in the situation Sabrina described, and I think that if your child is still not able to handle being alone at 8, covering his eyes would be very appropriate. 8 year olds ARE old enough to know all about men vs women and be curious, I would not bring my 8 yr old into a locker room and let him look around. But there is a world of difference between 4 and 8.

Our discomfort as adults is something we can get over pretty quickly. Even if I walked out of a stall in a woman's restroom and saw a dad standing there and felt that he was just a perv using it as an excuse, is it REALLY going to scar me for life to know a stranger heard me pee, or a 4 yr old saw my butt? No. But a scary pervert exposing themselves to a very small child, that can do lasting damage. And I would never forgive myself for putting my baby in that situation too soon. Anyone who is upset by that can pretty much take thier discomfort and go change in a private stall.

I think I quit taking my son is ladie's rooms when he was 6 if my husband was there to take him into the men's room. If hubs wasn't there, then the ladies would just have to suck it up. I did instruct him to be respectful and about body privacy issues. He was good and kept his eyes down because he didn't want to make anyone mad. I think the locker room is a much bigger deal than the restroom. Restrooms all have stalls, so he's not going to see anything anyways. Just take him into the stall with you. If you keep him with you in there, it shouldn't be a problem. My 8yo still goes into the bathroom with me and my 2yo, especially if we're somewhere unfamiliar.The locker room is a little different, but most places these days that have locker rooms also have family changing rooms available, so check it out and see if you can find one of those.

BTW, when my son goes into the bathroom with me, he turns his back while I use it.

Dear Heather,
You have tons of responses, all I have to say is that my boys are almost 12 and 10 and my girl will be 9 in September. If we were in a public place and my husband was not with me my sons were coming with me no matter what! Now my sons are taller than average because my husband is tall, so even when they were young I had some faces while bringing them in the bathroom with me, but none of the faces ever said anything! Thank God!!! because I would not be quiet if anyone would say something. If I'm not mistaken they would come with me up to two years ago, now I send them both together and make sure they both have their cell phones on! I'm sure to be standing there at the door waiting for them, I have no problem even openning the door and calling out their names, actually I would not even have a problem (if I had to) going in there and getting them out !
You know your child and what he is capable of doing, he is young and needs someone with him! you are talking about his safety, so please don't let other people intimidate you with their opinion by thinking he is too old! he is not! and you know what, let the adults get over it !!!
I sure don't have a problem with a mother bringing her son in the bathroom!
Blessings

My son is 7 and groans when I take him into the ladies room with me. It's about his safety....PERIOD! The stories you hear everyday would make some people never leave the house. The only time he goes into a men's room is with his dad, or if he is with 2 friends or more and I am outside giving them a time limit and I will be loud if they take longer than I deem necassary. We all read that horror story of a mom letting her 8 year old go to the men's room in a mall and she was actually standing outside of the BR and her son was being molested in the BR. Horrifying. At our park where the kids practice baseball my son came up to me and told me he had to go to the bathroom. Before I could say anything a dad told him, "go ahead the men's room is open". I said "ummm, yea I'll be taking you to the BR and the boys BR the door was wide open I let him go in as I was standing at the door and told him to talk loudly so I knew he was ok". Another time I was in the park with my GF's hubby and their two pretty little girls. I asked the dad where the girls were he said they were in the BR. I went to check on the girls and they were ankle deep in water as one of the toilets were backed up and playing with water in the sink. I told them to come with me and told the dad a) you can't let little girls go into a public BR by themselves and b) that now he had to take them home and bathe them before his wife found out they were standing in filthy water for 10 minutes. Men!!! ok tangent and we weren't talking about men. Bottom line anything can happen and it's not worth the minute of is he too old to sit in a locker room or a ladies BR? This day and age the kids have to be older, saavy and incredibly aware of their surroundings.

My son is four and I'm coming up on this as well. He is extremely tall and talkative, so I think we get more stares than is warranted for 4yo because people assume he's older than he is.

At our gym, they actually have a rule about children in opposite gender locker-rooms... I think it's 5 (but not sure if it's 5 and under allowed or 5 and up not allowed... guess I'll read more carefully when he's closer to 5 yo!)

For now, If I'm also using the restroom he comes in with me 100% of the time. If I don't have to go, depending on the place, I let him use the mens room and stand at the door talking to him the whole time.

Since women do their business behind closed stall doors, I'd say it's not that big an issue as long as he follows normal bathroom etiquette. The locker room will probably become an issue before the restroom (if not for his comfort than for that of the women in there changing).

HTH.
T.

My oldest is 8 and I still take him into the women's restroom with me if my husband is not with us, there are no family restrooms, and the men's room is so busy that I cannot insure that it is empty and stand outside the door.
Because the nudity in the restroom should be behind closed doors in the stall I don't worry about bringing him in with me.

The locker room is different. We don't go anywhere that requires the use of a locker room so this is not a challenge I've had to deal with, but I can understand some women having a lower threshold for tolerance when they are actually undressing out in the open in a locker room. I think if there was no other way, I would go in first and see how many people were changing and if possible wait for those already changing to finish and ask other's to possibly wait while I bring my son in and take him to a secluded corner with me. I think just giving the women in the locker room the "head's up" that he is coming in so that they have a chance to finish up or wait until he leaves if it does concern them would go along way to eliminating some looks that you might get as he gets older.

Good luck,
K.

I dont know about locker rooms, but a lot of places have family restrooms now, which is nice. My husband sometimes feels weird about taking our daughter to the bathroom (she's 3) but sometimes it's unavoidable and usually he's the only one in there.

I would think, myself, I would be more uncomfortable with a boy in the locker room than a restroom, but I dont like to change in front of strangers at all, let alone a stranger's child.

I am okay with boys being in bathrooms with their moms until they are old enough to understand the dangers of going into the men's room alone. My son just started doing the men's room about a year ago at huge venues (ie. Dodger Stadium, Disneyland, etc.) It was probably about age 9 he was comfortable in less crowded places.

The locker room question is a good one. I would be uncomfortable undressing in front someone else's little boy (or girl) probably by age 2 or 3. At my gym the moms dress the kids in the bathroom and instead of parading them through the locker room to the pool entrance they go right out of the "bathroom" portion and through a different door.
S.

I also have a 4 year old...I don't think that the bathroom is such a big deal - there are stalls, women only are washing their hands in public view - not that big of a deal in my opinion! Locker rooms may be a little trickier - I would say around 5...the safety factor is a big deal...can you change him at home? Most places have family locker room/changing rooms these days...

Our rule of thumb(in our safety workshops) is once they hit grade school (or usually around age 5) they are able to use the restroom solo - with a parent standing outside. Safety is rarely convenient. Safety can mean following certain rules, such as "Only children -of the opposite sex- under age 5 allowed in the womens locker room". If you are not comfortable sending your son into the mens locker room alone, then modify your routine. Buy him a great towel or robe and take him home to shower/change. Explain to him that you are respecting the safety rules of the locker room and until he is just a bit older, you will have him change at home. Modeling safety behavior and following safety rules (even when they are a "pain") leave a positive, lasting impression on your children. As for public restrooms, you can wait outside, you can send him in with a "potty whistle" if he needs your help. Peek in and see if the restroom is empty or holler in to check in on him. You can send him in with a time limit "you have 5 minutes to get in, do your business and wash your hands". Practice this routine beforehand, at places that you feel safe (maybe preschool, church or a store you feel comfortable in). Eventually he will be embarassed to go in with you.... so practice ahead of time so you are both prepared when that time comes.

Our swim place says age 6. That seems about right to me. The question I would consider more is when is he safe to go in the men's room alone? If you're concerned now, just try to use the family restrooms instead of the mens or the womens.

Our 'y' has a sign that says if you are five or older, you are supposed to use the family locker rooms. Fortunately, they are always open and easy to use. Basically, if they are old enough to stare, they are old enough to use the family locker room.

My hubby still takes our 6 year old to the rest room with him if there are no family restrooms available.

I say he's too old for the locker room. I would complain to the management if he saw me dressing...Sorry.

If it's a place like the Y then have a male staff take him through, I assume you're talking about going through to the pool or something because none of our Y's or gyms have anything for kids on the other side of the dressing room except the pool. The child care is outside the locker room so we don't have any need for the kiddo's to go through. Have him put his swimsuit on at home or in the bathroom outside in the waiting area or the child care area.

My sons are 4 and 6. In most public rest rooms I have them both come in with me and stand outside the door where I can see their feet. If it is a more dangerous place I will have them come in the stall. If my sons need to go and I do not I will let them go in to the mens and I wait outside the door, unless just my 4 year old needs to go, then I take him to the ladies room.

Locker rooms usually have a age limit set. At my gym it says kindergarten age, but I am still not fully comfortable sending my 6 year old into it by himself, so for this summer I will continue to take him with me, but I know that next year he will just be way too old for that.

My son is now 8.5 and he has been going to the bathroom by himself in stores for awhile. But if I feel that he was going to be unsafe I would drag him in behind me. You can always cover his eyes or take him to a secluded corner. If someone complains, then ask the management of the locker rooms what the rules are. As far as bathrooms go, most aren't an issue because everyone has their own stalls. Especially if you are there with no male to help him in the changing room, it makes it more difficult. But if they do require you to send him by himself they should be prepared for a mama bear to go in their after him if he's been in their way too long or provide someone who will go in to find him.

My son accompanied me till he was about 6 or 7 yrs old. If Daddy was with us, then he'd go with him to the men's room. My son's 11 now, and can go by himself, but I'll still wait outside the door for him and (loudly) let him and everyone else know I'm waiting for him. A lot of times I'm not the only mother waiting. In some places they have family restrooms. It's usually a large bathroom with room for a Mom (or a Dad) and several kids to all fit in at once.
Additional Comment:
A few times I've had trouble with some other peoples kids trying to crawl in under the door of the stall while I'm using it. It's one thing to take them with you for safety. It's another thing to keep them under control. I use to try to get the handicapped stall so we could both fit in at the same time (we'd take turns looking at the wall for modesty s sake).

Great question! What we hear from parents is that too many people don't ask. First off, can we agree that women of all ages have an expectation of privacy when they use a women's locker room/bathroom? That being said, as Moms I believe it's our duty to be mindful of this when we are deciding how and when to bring our boys (or vice versa for that matter) into a locker room or restroom. I had a parent tell me recently that she and her daughter were changing into swimming suits for lessons in the women's locker room. The little girl was 8. In walked another mother with her 8 year old son in tow. The two young people were classmates, and what makes this scenerio terrible is that both the 1st mom and daughter I mentioned were nude at the time! As you can imagine, it was unneccesarily embarassing for both of those 8 year olds.

I can appreciate the temptation to protect your child at all costs by taking them into an opposite sex bathroom/lockerroom, but there are some other tactics that are worth considering when it comes to respecting the privacy of those using these facilities. For restrooms, I recommend the "potty whistle" which is just simply a whistle on a lanyard reserved for the potty only. Its helpful if your child has a good sense of his personal boundaries (aka: his bubble). How is works is simple: if someone touches him, get's in his "bubble" or says something that gives him/her an icky feeling, he/she blows the whistle and you are coming in. Simple and empowering. A child with a whistle around their neck also sends a message of: "I'm not an easy target, don't mess with me." out into the world. Skip the handwashing and pack the sanitizer. Less time in the bathroom. Besides, half the bathrooms are stocking coldwater anyway-yeck!

For locker rooms, if there isn't a family changing room available, I would recommend bringing your child in their bathing suit, and skipping the shower. I realize this isn't always ideal, but then again neither is bringing a child (past a certain age) into an opposite sex locker room either. I'd love to see the shower-nazi argue with you on this one.

I hope this helps. You can learn more about our organization at www.pomwa.org
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In the women's toilet until 7 or 8. Once he wanted to go on his own into the men's room I stood menacing outside worried the whole time. Sometimes I called his name into the room just to let the men inside know he was not an unguarded child.
In the women's locker room or the department store dressing rooms I told him to stay with me in my cabin.