Changing in Front of Son

Great question. I also have a son and while he is only 11 months, I too wonder how long I should change or be naked in front of him.

I don't really remember exactly when I stopped dressing in front of my boys (now 14 and 10), but I don't really have a problem with my daughter (9) being with me. I've tried to use the times she asks questions about the differences in our bodies as opportunities to teach her about how girls grow and what to expect during puberty, etc. Hopefully she'll grow up comfortable with her body, knowing what is coming.

I haven't read all the responses yet, but I thought I'd add a cross-cultural perspective that I couldn't help but think of with your question. I suggest you see the Japanese movie "my neighbor Totoro". It is family friendly anime, very cute, very sweet movie, and there is a scene where the father and his two daughters - roughly aged 3 and 7 - all take a bath together. If that scene passed in a children's movie, I figure that it is normal practice there.

My point is, there is nothing INHERENTLY wrong or potentially harmful for your child to see you naked. I think it only becomes "wrong" when we approach nakedness as something to cover up and that is secretive or shameful, or perhaps when maybe when we consider our own cultural norms.

As an extenstion, I think it would make for an interesting discussion on culture and psychology, and seeing that you are studying for your masters in Clinical Psych, you may be game! I certainly am always up for a good intellectual discussion, in particular when it is about psychology - especially now when I'm working full time, chasing after my 15 month old son, and only using my best problem solving skills trying to figure out if he's hungry, tired, frustrated or playful instead of toward intelectual pursuits! :)

- D.

I've always heard that when they start to develop modesty themselves. I dunno, my ds is almost 4, and I don't worry about it. We've never made a big deal about it. I imagine it'll be in the next year or so, but I'm not sure, since I have younger daughters, he might wonder why he's not allowed in but the girls are...

My son was about 4 or 5 yrs old when we started telling him Mommy needs a few minutes of privacy when I'm getting dressed. He was about 7 when he started wanting some privacy of his own when dressing. If your bathroom is right off your bedroom, you can lock your bedroom door when showering. Our old house had 1 bathroom, and I'd either take my change of clothes with me to the bathroom, or would wear a bathrobe between bathroom and my bedroom for modesty's sake.
Additional Comments:
At first I thought about this at home, then I realized this could be about anywhere. If you're changing in a public locker room (mens one side, womens on the other), a 5 yr old should not be by himself. Dad can help him on the mens side, but a lot of places let boys up to the age of 7 or 8 accompany their Mom in the ladies locker room if there are no male relatives around to help out(there are often curtained alcoves where people can change with some privacy). More places are offering family changing rooms which are great. When my son was younger than 8, if we were in a restaurant and he needed the rest room, I would stand near the mens room door and wait for him. In any public place, you can't be sure what perverts might be there. If my son yells for help, I'd have no problem with running into a mens room to get him out while yelling and raising as much fuss as possible to get attention. Modesty has it's place as long as it doesn't get in the way of safety.

I think it is a comfort thing. My son is 3 1/2 and he still sees me naked.

Hi, R.,
I think at this age it's still fine. Soon he is going to get a little more curious and I think eventually you will know when the time comes to change in privacy.
I don't think it will scar him for life to see his Mommy or Daddy undressed. The more relaxed and uncomplicated this issue is handled the better, I think.
My parents were pretty relaxed when I was little. I remember the time when I got to the age when I wanted more privacy. My parents respected that and that was it.
Good luck!

i really dont see what is supposed to be the big deal about changing clothes in front of a child, as long as it is not done in a perverse fashion ( i will show you mine, if you show me yours), then it shouldnt be that big a deal. a family bathing together is common in japan, but then again japan has coin operated machines that sell already worn little girls panties as well. a pedophiles paradise. if the child starts acting uncomfortable or embarrassed about seeing you naked, then shuffle them out the door and tell them you will talk to them once you get dressed. problem solved.
K. h.
on the other hand, if you notice that someone is/has
suddenly taken an intrest in being naked around your child
then that should be addressed promptly.

Hi R.! I'd ask one of your Clinical Psych profs--anyone specialize in child psychology? I've read before that at about 4-5 years old is when it might begin to get weird, unless you're a very nude-friendly household, in which case, I guess the sky's the limit!! My son is 3-1/2, and I've found myself trying to cover up a bit more, though it doesn't always work out that way. He's just so curious now and notices more, so it makes me a little uncomfortable. Nothing weird has happened, but we're definitely starting to talk more about privacy, and I would imagine I'll get more and more modest in front of him in the coming year. Good luck!

I have twin boys and I thought about that as well. I ended up waiting until they started to notice that I was nude. It ended up being around age 5 when one of my sons looked at me kinda funny and said "Mommy, you don't have any clothes on" and that was the end of taht. I made no big deal about it and he hasn't brought it up or anything. The boys have walked in on me in the act of getting dressed but I simply (casually) grab a robe/shirt and hold it in front of me and they don't seem to even think about nudity or partial nudity. I just don't want to make an issue of it. I remember when I was about 6 or 7 I guess and I walked into my moms room and she was totally nude, getting dressed. She kinda freaked and yelled at me to get out. So of course, since she made an issue of it, I remember it to this day (lucky me!!). So I'm no longer nude in front of the boys (age 6 1/2) and if it happens, I just remain calm and cover up.
So far, so good.

I have 3 kids, 6 (this weekend) girl, 4 boy, and 27month boy. I change in front of my 27 month old, but not the other two. My baby will come into the bathroom when I am taking a shower and just likes to wait until I am done. If the other two are in the room when I am changing, they just turn around and close their eyes. As long as I have pants and a bra on, they aren't seeing anything special. I will stop changing in front of my youngest in the near future, but I think sometime when they are two is when it's a good idea to start backing off of that. But you are completely fine for another 6 months at least! They still don't know any different :).

As L. as you aren't uncomfortable with it, its not a problem. Its a good way to teach children that the human body is a beautiful thing (even covered in stretch marks like mine is thanks to my son, lol).

I can distinctly remember showering with my mom as a child and questioning why her body looked different from mine. Granted, we were both girls. My son is 13 mos and I occasionally take him in the shower with me or my husband takes him in with him. I've asked a couple people when we need to stop that and they've all said that as L. as everyone (my, my husband and our son) are comfortable with it, there is no need to stop.

I know I'm a day late here, but here's what I think: I have two boys and they are very different, including on this issue. My almost 5 year old never really seemed to notice anything different when he saw me get out of the shower... his younger brother, however, started staring at my breasts before he turned two. I began covering up at that point. I always figured if they aren't noticing, I don't have to scramble for a towel when they walk in. When they obviously noticed, I changed my habits. I never did walk around naked for long, just from the shower to the closet, but now I wear a robe or towel.

Each child and family is different, so you need to watch for cues and adjust accordingly. :)

I think it's generally accepted that by the age of 5, kids start forming real permanent memories. Anything I've ever read about this says 5 is the age at which children shouldn't be seeing the parent of the opposite sex naked. Parent of the same sex isn't an issue and in fact little girls should see their mommies and little boys their daddies in order to form a natural and healthy comfort with their own bodies. That being said, I have two sons (ages 7 and 20mo) and while full nudity is a no-go, I don't have any problem with my older son seeing me nurse his little brother. I want him to understand as he grows older that breasts are about function as well as form and I don't see anything wrong with this. It's no worse than the National Geographic Channel.

Hmmm...always wondered about that myself, will be interesting to see more responses.

I have daughters and the oldest is 5. I have felt it is abour 3 when we wanted to have privacy for her father and now at 5 I have begun asking for privacy too.

However, I think you also need to be very sensitive to your kids' security. I would change in front of my 2 year old rather than let him roam the house. And I wouldn't let a little boy stand alone in a restroom becuase of privacy. I think you have a year or two at least, but I would work on asking him to turn his back and give you privacy, without making too big a deal out of it.

My son is 2.5 and I still change in front of him. He notices that I don't look the same, but hasn't really asked too much and doesn't really seem to care that I'm naked in front of him. I just try to change quick and in the bathroom, but as you probably know, bathrooms aren't off limits yet at this age!

I have a son who's almost 7 and daughter who's 5. We've never made an issue about being naked in front of them and they don't much care. I do not walk around naked but if they come in the room when I'm changing or showering I just proceed with my business. They've had no problem understanding that no one else should see them naked (they're not streakers or anything) but they're quite comfortable with their own bodies. I answer questions about body parts as they come up but it isn't often. I do sometimes ask for privacy when I'm using the toilet and they're good about that. I'm sure at some point they'll demand more privacy for themselves and we'll adjust boundaries as needed. The only issue we have is that they often forget to close the bathroom door when they're using the toilet and we have guests but I think that's pretty universal to this age group.