21 Year Daughter with 2Year Old

How disturbing. She is 21, and anyone can make a child.
BUT you don't have to support it or her.
Kick her to the curb.
If she is neglecting the child, call CPS.
Who supports this child?
Does she work?
Do you babysit?
Has she been home at all sine Dec 19th?
How did she meet this new guy?
He could be a predator, a child molester, a nut job.
Not sure, really, what you "can" or should do, but I'm pretty sure I'd be hearing ll about it from my mom if I was in her shoes.
I'm sorry. This has got to be killing you. Good luck.

It does seem that you have legit reason to worry. Since she is old enough to make these decisions for herself if you try to force her to think or behave a certain way it will only make you into the bad guy (and in the end she doesn't have to listen to you). However that doesn't mean open your arms and you should tell her he is so great. Make sure you are calm and factual about what your concerns are and take your emotion or threats out of the conversation. Say it once and let her be. Have an action plan as to how you are going to react and stick to it.

Since she is so young she does need mom's support way more than what a typical mother and/or a typical 21 year old would. If she fails it isn't just her it is that baby too so you have to protect the baby. So the best thing you can do is equip her to parent. Although it sounds like maybe the guy isn't an upstanding man my red flags are about her partying and the length of time "out". IF and when you are concerned it is up to you when, how and if you want to intervene. If her actions indicate she doesn't want to be a parent then speak with a lawyer or DFS because you have an obligation to make sure someone is looking out for that baby first.

You can't chose who she falls in love with but you can equip her with the full knowledge as to what she needs to support her lifestyle. If you overstep your boundaries and take on her responsibilities you will be setting her up to fail, when and if she tries to take them on by herself later. Meaning if you are enabling her to not feel the full consequences of the effect of not being home for days at at time then you are sabotaging her *(so if you are doing anything to make it possible for her to go out like laundry then she wont realize that laundry builds up, or dishes, or the cost of eating out or the hardship that is for babies who need consistency or if she is drinking don't take the baby so she doesn't have to be hung over while taking care of baby, let her hurt and if you are really worried about the baby please react).

I am going to go out on a limb her and say because you know she wasn't in her bed; that she either lives with you or you were going over to her place for one reason or another. If she is at home make sure she understand there is a cost of living somewhere. In many cases living with your parents means that boyfriend can't stay the night and either you are in school full time or you are working and paying rent. So if she is living at home and wants to be with this man it means one of them will need a job and money. If she is out on her own then feel safe that eventually she will get tiered of taking care of this man. You can't chose who she falls in love with but you can equip her with the full knowledge as to what she needs to support her lifestyle. Don't shelter her from the natural consequences of dating a man who has no job, or car and brings another expensive child with him. And don’t support her into thinking that you will help her take care of another man just because you are willing to help with her and your grandbaby.

What are you prepared to do for the CHILD? he is obviously not in a good situation. i know a girl who was doing a similar thing, and her mom and sister finally called DHS on her.....ended her partying days FAST because she almost lost the child to DHS custody FOR GOOD.

you're daughter is 21 and you really CAN'T tell HER what to do, but you CAN intervene for precious grand baby, and you SHOULD. just be careful what you say to her because it could result in her just staying away from you and taking the baby with her.

hard spot

I think the bigger question is what are you prepared to do for said child? Sounds like you're already raising your grandson now. He is the big priority here. What are you willing to do?

If you've already had the talk with her about her being irresponsible let her k now you're ready to call CPS and fight for custody of the boy. If that doesn't bring her back to reality nothing will.

As far as bozo boy she got herself engaged to let her make the mistake without taking her son along for the ride.

I would give her a sutle warning but if she chooses to fall let her. remind her divorce is nasty and hard and you think they need at least a 6 month engagement. my 21 yr old told me straight up I need to make my own mistakes but will listen to advice if given in the right manner. this is how I would handle it and volunteer to keep the baby a couple of nights a week so she has some stability. part of being divorced or seperated is the need to play and find yourself.

She is an adult so she can make whatever decision she wants. If it was my daughter, I would pay to have a Private investigator check him out. Peace of mind doesn't have a price to it. My daughter is 9 and 3. I have already warned my 9 year old that we will check out whomever she decides to marry first because it is better to know before you tie the knot. Just my opinion.

My question to you is, is she asking for your help? Does she ask for your advice?? If not, don't give her unsolicited advice. It will only drive a wedge between you two. I would if anything, ask if she would drop the baby off with you a few nights a week so she can go out and explore. She needs to have some fun in a controlled setting but shouldn't be dragging her little one to the b'fs house constantly etc. He needs to have his routine uninterrupted. Help her with him but stay out of her relationship unless she asks you for your opinion.

M

Wow this is a tough, tough question. I agree that I see red flags flying all over the place but I am not sure there is anything you can do about it. She is an adult and no matter what you say there is a very good chance she will just do what she wants anyway. Would it be possible for you to get her to let you keep your grandson with you for a while so she can get this new guy out of her system? Are you 100% sure this guy isn't actually genuine? I have to ask that question because I have a friend who married her husband after knowing each other for a week. They have been happily married for for 6 years and just had their first child. It can happen. Try to be as supportive as you can of your daughter and your grandson. This will help ensure that she keeps you in her life and she doesn't push you away. You can't protect that little boy if she kicks you our of her life. Good luck.