Here's the deal. My neighbor has a little boy who just turned 4, they've lived there for about a year and a half. They also have a girl who is, i think, is 9 and now have a baby. Since I'm the only other mom on my street with small kids I'm ALWAYS outside and seem to be the community sitter. There's usually alot of kids and I'm the only adult. Which doesn't bother me to much since all of the other kids, with the exception of my youngest and the other little boy, are older and don't need supervision. But not to long after they moved in they would let their little boy play outside with no adult supervision. Sometimes he would be out side with his sister but most he was by himself. There would even be times that he would go down to the other circle, about 10 houses down, and then come back by himself. Of course living in a nieghborhood I heard all the conserns from my other neighbors. And some would even joke about all the kids I had to watch. He would play with my kids in the street, in my yard and would sometime even just walk into my house. Of course I would immediatly escort him out because I had developed NO friendship with them at all, mainly because they were never outside. When we would go inside I would tell him to go home. His parents don't seem to have much concern. Now just to let you know we live on a double cald-e-sac so our street it's self is pretty safe and both our houses are on the same circle. However, the street that is parallel to mine is very dangerous and is even an access road for police and to get to it is just 4 houses down from mine. About a year ago one of the neighbors did call DHS because he was of course outside by himself, all the way up to the main road and it was raining. The mother said that the lady from DHS wanted to talk to me because both herself and her daughter talked about me. She said that she told DHS that I'm always outside and that she knows that I'll watch out for him. I tried to explain to her that even though I am outside that my mine concern is my own children. That yes, I wouldn't just stand there and let a child get ran over by a car. But that if a different child was walking down the street I'm not going to leave my own children to follow them. And that if we decide to walk down the street I wasn't going to stay there just to watch someone else child. Which almost did happen one day, My little girl and I walked down the street and he followed us. When we where half way down his dad came out looking for him and I pointed down to him. When he got to us he made a comment that if I hadn't been there he would have been gone. Not in a scared way, but almost joking. I also told her that just because I'm out side don't think that I'm just going to watch her child. It's not like she comes out and asks me to watch him, she just knows that I will. So I talked to DHS and DHS told me that the mother told them that WE TAKE TURNS watching each other's children! I told her NO, But DHS didn't seem to concerned, only asked a couple of questions. Since then it seemed to quiet down, and almost weekly I see a car there. But for a little while now it's getting bad again. I was outside just a week ago and watched him, while it was sprinkling and he had no jacket, no shoes just an umbrella, walk around on the street, talk to our elderly neighbor, and walk all the way down to where the other road is by himself. When he got about half way back his mom came out and just told him to stay in the yard. When he got close she went back inside. It's been almost every day he's outside by him self agian. My other neighbor works for the PD and has told me that when I do see him to call and they'll send a potrol car. I've wanted to, but I don't want to be the one to break up a family, What should I do?
Would you feel worse if the kid was taken by DHS for a night, or if he were hit and killed by a car or abducted? I'm thinking it's a no brainer.
WOW!!! I would make a phone call. It's for the little boys safety - unfortunately they are not being responsible enough to know where their son is when he's wandering around the streets. I'm sorry - that's tough...poor thing.
If something terrible happens to the little boy, are you going to spend the rest of your life thinking, "oh, if I had only called DHS before it was too late"?
Follow your gut. I am not familiar with Arkansas's processes, but I believe that in most places, the goal is to keep families together and start with parenting classes and on-site visits unless the child is in immediate danger.
Do you think his safety is at risk? I would call the police department for a well check up on the house and go from there if you are not willing to speak to his mother and voice your concerns directly.
call let them send a patrol car and let them decide what needs to be done. you are an angel for watching over them but sounds like some serious neglect going on here. what if the kid got taken off with would you feel better for not breaking up the family? what if he got hit by a car would you feel better for not breaking up the family? do what you feel is right but if you dont call think of what the consenquences could be for him.
What happens when you are gone? Have the other neighbors noticed him out there?
What happens if you were to not be outside for days at a time? Do you notice him out there alone?
Do they still allow him out there during those times?
I know how you feel.. the same thing was happening with our neighbors at one point and Yes, I did call it in.. and these kids were in elementary school and one was in middle school.. They were spending 8 hours alone at night.. From the time they came home from school, till their mom came home at midnight.. many times, with "guests.". These kids would be outside, they would argue, they sometimes would get locked out. I knew they were not doing well in school.
So yes, I think you need to follow your mommy heart and brain. You do not want to have any regrets.
Wow.
Is the neighbor who works for the PD blind??? Are you serious. This kid is out as often as you mention and she doesn't notice to call herself. She has a duty to call.
While some will call it medalling, in my opinion, you have a moral obligation to watch over this little guy. That doesn't mean babysitting, but get him back home and make an attempt to talk to the parents. In the past, we have had different renters who allow their children to wanders the streets, under the age of four. When I see it, I have pulled over and told them to go home and followed them. Then I knock on the door and tell the parent, one must have got out and give them a look. I can't stand it! These kids are so small they can't be seen by cars or more so trucks & SUV's and aren't fully aware of ALL of the other dangers. As well, we would have a large family where the older children in numbers keep an eye on the little one. That I don't mind so much because they would get them in the yard if a car came, however their small child was walked back home once by me and once by another neighbor for being out alone.
Sometimes CPS has to take numerous calls before they take the risk serious, otherwise it could be harassment if it were a one time occurrence. Since you don't seem to have the relationship to walk the child back home and let the parents know you are not happy, I would say you should call and let the authorities decide if it is a danger.
In any event, kudos to you for quietly watching him while you are out.
I think you should just call the police when you see him alone far from his house. They will report to DHS if needed. They have a civic responsibility to do so.
I am more overprotective... I sit by the window when I let my kids outside in our fenced in BACKyard. Hah. But, I had a neighbor that used to let her 5 year old ride bikes around the neighborhood and another neighbor behind us that has four kids that I always see walking the sidewalks. I don't know if they just think nothing will ever happen to their kid - or the feel like because the kids are usually together its ok to let them run the neighborhood... but it always blows my mind that kids this young are several streets away from home.
I guess I am torn. I *couldn't* do that... I wouldn't do that.. but is she really putting her child at risk by letting him play outside unsupervised in the frontyard and on the block street? I don't know. I wouldn't do it, but I am uncertain if that really makes it wrong. Wrong to me might not be legally wrong. That's why I would call the police and let them handle it. Maybe even call the non-emergency line and ask? Better safe then sorry. You should do what you feel is right for the child.
You should call CPS. Why do you think your call would break up a family? And, keeping the family intact is not your responsibility while doing what you can to keep a child safe is. I suggest that if reporting neglect breaks up a family the family was weak to begin with.
I suggest that instead of breaking up a family, you'll be protecting a little boy. It is not right that you have to keep an eye on him. It's good that you do but that's also not your responsibility. Calling CPS is,
I might talk with the mother first, but then I've had experience with this sort of thing. If you want to be sure to remain anonymous do not talk with the mother first.
If your goal is to protect the boy, I'd recommend talking with the mother in hopes that she'll understand and not become defensive. Then you wouldn't need to call CPS.
CPS would not remove a child from their home in this situation. They would work at educating the parents. Reality is that neighbors all too often end up providing the supervision. In order for CPS to take immediate action, the child has to be in immediate danger. IF you were able to call the police emergency line when he's walking along the busy street then CPS would be better able to intervene. Not to remove the child but to threaten to remove him if he's found on the busy street again. Sometimes it takes a threat to make a parent realize how serious a situation is.
Where was the boy when CPS came out the first time? Have the police ever responded. Unfortunately, if the parents don't appreciate the danger they are putting their son in, it takes several calls to prove a pattern before official serious action can be taken.
Again, I suggest you talk directly with the mother, mother to mother, expressing your serious concerns. I would be less concerned about the mother knowing I'd reported than I was about the safety of the child. I would tell the mother directly, after starting out low key, if she didn't understand the seriousness, that I believed the situation so serious that I would be calling anytime he was approaching the busy street. I would also tell her that because he's outside alone, you feel a sense of responsibility that you're not prepared to have every day. Talk with her, letting her know your concerns and your feelings about her leaving you to supervise.
If other mothers feel in similar ways perhaps a couple or more of you could talk with her, either together, or separately. This would give what you say more credence and hopefully more reason for this mother to change. It sounds like she's making assumptions that are not true about the neighborhood supervising her son.
You could explain about play dates and how you'd feel better watching her son if she'd call you and arrange a play date.
Communication is so very important for good neighborhood relationships.
One of my friends lets her kids go outside and play and will go take a nap or sew or do all kinds of stuff. She was raised where kids could come and go and play at will. She thinks I am nuts for being outside when they are outside and always getting on to my kids about staying in the yard. She always says that she played all over the neighborhood when she was their age and her kids can too. I don't know. A 4yr old can have some leeway as far as playing is concerned. They are old enough to know to NOT go in the street, they should know not to talk to strangers, etc...if DHS wasn't concerned about it enough to take the kids before then they probably won't this time either.
I often sit inside on my loveseat in the window and watch the kids outside and have knowledge of where they are and what they are doing and am okay with what they are doing. Maybe she thinks she is keeping an eye on him from inside.
Something is wrong. There's a new baby in the house and now the 4 yr old is on his own? Does the 9 yr old fend for herself? That he wants to be everywhere but home bothers me. He sounds like a very lonely little boy. Call DHS. This kid needs some help.
I understand it can get annoying to have others assume you'll watch their kid(s). If I saw him wandering to another street, I would call the PD. They will get him, return him home and if they feel CPS needs to be involved, they will call them.
BUT what abut if YOU get him, march him to his door and talk to the mom? Say, "he was all the way down by the other street, so I brought him home" See what she says. Tell her you are not going to be responsible for her 4 yo.
Pray about it. I understand your issue and everyone has a different opinions about your situation. I actually have a similar situation myself but have never thought of it the way you have. My neighbor (3 houses down) has been my neighbor for years but we have never reaqlly just met besides when I return her kids or she comes and gets them. But she has 2 kid one 8 girl and one 5 boy and my daughter is 6. Her kids just started hanging around one day and I kinda took them in. Kids are truly miracles from God and I could see how happy playing at my house made them and i would never make them leave sometimes they are there for supper...LOL The mother has even made the comment thaT THEY beg her to let them come on days she thinks i just have had enough so she finally gives in...I'm just tickled that thay are happy and safe and I play a role in that...Though the mother tends to sleep alot, etc when kids are home i would never call DHS because regardless I can tell she loves her kids and could I really allow myself to hurt a family thaty way...Not just the mother but the kids! What happens to them...Foster care.... My advice is to build a relationship with this kid...Be the role model he looks up to and appreciates. Don't push him away* Remember the Lord comes in disquise. God Bless You and I hope Your able to make the decision thats best for you!
I had the same problem in my neighborhood and I didn't hesitate to call DHR. You and your neighbors would feel terrible if something were to happen to this little boy and you hadn't gotten involved. Next time you see him out alone, call the police. It's obvious the mother needs a wake-up call. (For the record, in my particular case, I tried to make friends with the neighbor in question. My children are grown. She had her hands full and was not interested in making friends with anyone.)
If you think that this child is being neglected, you are obligated to report it. When you see a child that young outside alone again, call the police. You are not obligated to watch him, and it is rediculous that a DHS rep would hear you deny that you had agreed to watch this child when the parent had claimed so. This parent has no idea who you are! That, in and of itself, is neglectful. This Mom obviously has no idea if you are outside or not. They know that this child will not stay in the yard. Start calling each and every time you see this boy alone and let the autorities handle it, you can bet that this is not the only issue at this home.
M.
I know it is hard, but do you feel that the boy is in danger. The only way you can help the boy is to call. If they really love him it might be the wake up call they need. Do you know if the baby is hers or her mothers? How does the yard look? Is it well kept or is there a lot of junk around? Does the children looked to be well taken cared of or do they always look to need a bath? If your neighbor has said to call who is on the PD than do. You would feel worse if he gets hit by a car.
I kow how you feel, but for the child get him help. How DHS works now it isn't a permitted break up unless they don't change.
Prayers,
T.
I would call DHS again, and I would call the police to report a "lost child." The more you contact DHS, often the more suspicious they become that something is really amiss...and besides, no one likes to see a cop at their door, so that may get this mom to shape up.
I would not hesitate -- this mother is placing not only her son, but YOU and YOUR kids at risk. What if this child did run out into the street? You would have no choice but to run after the boy and leave your own kids behind, placing themselves at risk at being alone. You would be risking your life and your childrens' lives to save this child. Not worth it.
I was told in our area that so many people do it they can't even and won't even respond to the calls. This gets to me. If it was proven that no one was home, then she'd get in a lot of trouble. BUT, it's really not against the law to let kids rome. I personally don't believe any child should have that kind of freedom, even as pre-teens or teens. In fact, I think they need direct supervision by an adult even MORE in many ways. I don't think kids should walk to school alone. Anything can happen anytime. BUT, you are fighting a losing battle.
To me it sounds like this other mom doesn't have good parenting skills and has her hands full with the new baby. Unless the little guy is not well behaved, I would let him come over whenever he wanted and make sure he was safe and fed. We had a little boy in our neighborhood like him when we were kids and if it hadn't been for us, no telling. He would play outside all the time alone and go within 2-3 blocks with no parent supervision. He turned out just fine and that mom too was loving, just didn't have the same ideas about safety that our moms had. If you ever feel he's in danger, call the police and let them check it out. Otherwise, he might just need another loving mom to be his guardian angel and help watch over him for the next few years.
Four years old is too young to be unsupervised. Good grief our son is 8 years old and I won't even allow him to walk to school by himself and the school is 2 blocks away! :)
I drop him off every morning. I also take the little girl next door to school and she's in the 3rd grade. In the mornings its dark and even though the school is just a couple blocks away, I just can't let them walk by themselves. It gives me an uneasy feeling.
I know I can be a bit overprotective. To me ....better safe than sorry.
Listen to your mommie instinct. When something dosen't feel right, it usually isn't.
In our last house, there were twins that were young that would come over to play with my son when he was 2. I thought that they were probably too young to be roaming around alone (6), especially when they would stay at my house until well after dark, sometimes even 9 p.m. at night, long after my son had gone to bed, but I never even thought about calling CPS. I would feed them dinner and, eventually, either someone would come looking for them or I would get tired of them being at my house and take them home.
Also, I do allow my 4-year-old to go in our fenced back yard alone to play, but I keep an eye on him from the window. I am not sure that I think that what your neighbor does warrants CPS taking the child away and, clearly, CPS doesn't. I probably would mind my own business. If you think that he is unsafe, maybe just continue to keep an eye on him. It takes a village, right?
