14 Year Old Daughter Wants to Go to Concert

My very first concert I went to - my sister chaperoned. She ditched me and my friend the minute we got there and went off to the floor with her friends.

Mind you this was the late 70s.

Do you know the kids? I'd just go with my gut on this one.

Nope. If it were me, I'd offer to buy the 19 year old's ticket and take the kids myself, otherwise, no.

When my boys were in highschool they wanted to go to concerts. We allowed it. With the provisions that my husband or myself or the parents of the other kids drive. Not other teenage siblings. We dropped off at the door and picked up at the door. We did the same for movies, water parks, skating rink etc.

Your husband is nuts. Tell him we said so. Stick to your guns, smart mama!

Assuming this is a large venue (sports arena, massive concert hall) vs. the high school auditorium to hear the high school a cappella group (!), I'd say no as well. I wouldn't let my 14 year old go on a date to the movies unless they were in a large group (and even then, I would make sure at least one parent bought a ticket and showed up in the theater unexpectedly).

I think your husband is not thinking straight at all. Ask him what he was thinking about when he was 14, 16, 19. Ask him how he feels about a bored 19 year old trying to take the edge off a young teen concert "assignment" by drinking a few beers, or a 14 year old girl being with 2 hormonal guys. She's not a little girl anymore - she's hormonal too.

It's funny, my daughter (22) that is still in a leg brace and managed to get in the car yesterday with me and was in charge of Sirius. We heard songs from concerts we had gone to when she was 9 -16 that we went to together. After she was the driver to small club venues (where she saw artists who blew up into stars) or very large venues including several multi day rap/hip-hop festivals. She didn't camp there or anything. No issues ever that she saw that didn't make interesting stories later.

This is the same girl that would fly from Los Angeles to Boston with layovers typically in Chicago, often in the winter at 13.. She was not booked as an unaccompanied minor and was more savvy flying than half of the people on her flights.

She had opportunities at a fairly young age to have experiences and I'm sure some parents would think I'm crazy. She has great sense from experiences and from many circumstances and discussions we have all had. I'm certain this has impacted her life and how she views her surroundings without being afraid of her shadow.

I'm new to this so I'm not sure if I am adding this correctly. The post is my post. I am perfectly fine with her going to the concert, my concern is her going with two teenage boys, one whom she likes. Someone responded "what am I afraid of, of her having sex in the concert in front of thousands of people, or in the bathroom in front of thousands of people. No, I'm not worried about that. I am worried that it could happen on the hour drive up or back. I kind of feel like a 19 year old brother would be cheering his younger brother on to score! I'm also worried that the 19 year old could potentially be drinking/getting high. I greatly appreciate all the responses and personally still feel like the answer is absolutely not! If there was a parent going I would be fine. If it was an older sister driving, I would even feel more comfortable. Two boys- naw, I'm not comfortable with that.

Too many unanswered questions for me to give my opinion.

Elena had great advice.

Now, my daughter when 16 wanted to go to a Back Stteet Boys concert and we found front row assigned seating tickets. We work closely with a limo company here and the driver ( not limo but town car) picked her and her friend up at our home, drove them to the special drop off section of the AA Centrr (Dallas), waited, telling them exactly where to go when it was over and then drove them home.

I personally do not like the idea of teen drivers. Even now with her 21, we pay for drivers to concerts, etc. by way of town cars or Uber.

My hesitation is the teen driver in crowded traffic, assigned seating, venue, type of concert.

Until I had all that info, I'd say no.
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Margie G. has a great point. I'd say no. Too many variables.

I would take my daughter to the concert. Boy can come along but I would not let her got with a 14 and 19 year old male with raging hormones.

I went to several concerts for New Kids on the Block with my daughter and her friends in Germany with earplugs and enjoyed the shows. Oh dad went to the first concert and handed me the earplugs. Time to get in the know of the groups on tour mom. You need to have a talk to dad about being a teen again and their actions.

the other S.

If the boy's parents were driving or a 19 year old sister, then maybe but probably not. No way though would I let my 14 yo daughter go with 14 and 19 yo boys.

This question sure brought back memories. I saw my first concert when I was 11 (Beach Boys). My older sister and her pals "chaperoned". I probably went to another 20-30 concerts between then and the end of high school, always driven by teenagers, never parents. Mind you, this was the late '70s to early '80s, so a very different time. And yes, definitely some risks. Looking back, I'm sure a couple of the drivers were easily DUI, though I don't think DUI or DWI testing even existed back then. That said, alcohol was really easy to get in those days. The drinking age was 18.

Maybe see if you can find out an approximate time that the concert will end and set a very firm curfew for her return? And grill the 19 year old on no drugs/no alcohol. I look back fondly on those old concerts - never once a negative experience. And a lot of great shows!

(BTW, just wanted to add that I don't want to come off sounding cavalier about drinking and driving - it was so common back then that I'm amazed so many of us came out of those times alive. My parents actually founded one of the first chapters of MADD in our area because the problem was so prevalent.)

I would let her go on the condition that I or her father drove, not the brother.

It all depends on the maturity and trustworthiness of the specific kids in question. I allowed my kid to do things like that at 14, but only because I knew her friends and their families well.

I went to my first concert when I was 14 and it was fine. Huge, crowded and an absolute blast. I absolutely had to go because it was the Rolling Stones, they were old and might never tour again. That was 1980. I was also 14 when I started dating. Not too young. If the 19 year old has been driving since he was 16, I think that part is fine as well.

I would let her go if I knew the brother and the family well enough to trust them. If not, I would consider driving them to and from the concert myself. I've found that providing transportation is a good way to get to know my child's friends.

If you don't know them, talk with parents and boys. Do they have values similar to yours? What are their rules for going to concert? When is the concert? Do you have time to do this before giving an answer? If you still decide to say no, this is a start towards making future decisions easier.

I would also consider how well my daughter knows both boys. Does she feel comfortable with them? Talk with her about your reasons for hesitating in giving your approval. Do you trust her. Has she made good decisions in the past? Is she trustworthy?

When my daughter was 14, I focused routinely on getting to know the parents of her friends so that I could feel more secure in knowing she was safe everyday. My daughter was already having sleep overs. She spent time with friend's families, but only if I knew them.

I went to lots of concerts at 14 with my 16 year old brother driving. He had this old ratty station wagon and we'd pack the thing with people. Some of my best memories! I even got to see The Smiths!

I think Marda gives good advise (as always).

without knowing your daughter, the boy or the brother, who knows?
my kids went to concerts and movies and outings with friends when they were teenagers, all the time, in all sorts of configurations. for something like this i'd want a parent present but there are older siblings i knew and trusted completely.
i made the rules for my own family, based on my kids' behavior and our family philosophies and comfort levels. i can't really speak for yours.
with two sentences of information, i doubt you'll get anyone with much insight into your situation.
ETA i see you actually added some more pertinent information below, and not in your question where it would be more helpful.
based on what you say there, of course not. if you actually suspect the older brother would be urging the young one to 'score', why is this even a question?
khairete
S.

I think it depends on the 19 year old and if he is considered a trusting baby sitter or and adult who contributes to the deliquesces of minors.

It would also depend on the venue. A small fairground type place or a huge football stadium.

I would go with no as well.

I'd go with absolutely not! Better safe than sorry. How well do you know the boys or their family? These days, there are just too many risks and it doesn't sound like you have all the information, nor the confidence to allow it. Hold your ground. Good luck.

We don't allow dating in our house until 16 yrs old.
Now that our son is 17, he can if he wants to but so far he doesn't want to - and we're happy with that.
14 is too young.
She can do concerts when she's old enough to have a job so she can buy her own tickets.
Until then, she's got some growing up to do.

Ummm, no.

I wouldn't let this happen, not even in a group date thing, not without at least one responsible adult in 1 vehicle driving.

I have a friend who was a novice at dating and went on one and was pregnant by the end of that date. He raped her. He said he got carried away and didn't realize she didn't want to. She said she said no over and over and over.

Two boys/young men alone in a car with a 14 year old girl? They might be perfectly fine and they might not.

I'd rather err on the side of let's wait until you're older or you can go with a parent supervising the date.

And it is a date. 14 year old kids don't need to be going on dates. Even with a big brother tagging along. It's just....not in the books for my kiddos. They're going to be lucky to go on alone dates at 16. They can go on group activities, and sit with that boy or girl they "like" and even hold hands but as for going off alone no, I don't want them to do that at 14.

No way. If you or your husband were taking your daughter and her friend then that would be fine. Why don't you see if there are any tickets left.

Hmm, I went to my first concert at 15. Took public transportation with my BFF!
What exactly are you worried about, that they're going to have sex in their seats, in front of thousands of people? or in a public bathroom, in front of dozens of people?
If you share more details you'll get more helpful responses.

It depends on a lot of factors...first, what is the concert? If it's some band that is known for a lot of drinking and drugs, I'd probably say no. If it's a classical concert, well, maybe. Do you know if the brother is responsible? Can you be sure the driver won't be drinking? Can you call the parents?

After reading your concerns below, I would say no way.
You obviously don't know either boy very well. And it's an hour drive, so if something were to happen you couldn't get there right away.
It would be one thing g if you knew these boys and their parents.

I don't think this is an "absolutely not" situation at all. It depends on the other kids and how well you know them and their family. If the older brother is a total hoodlum, then yeah, the answer would be no to going with him but perhaps you could bring them and pick them up or carpool with the other parent. If the older brother is responsible, mature and kind, has a clean driving record and a history of making good decisions, then I would give this the green light. My oldest kids have many friends with older siblings - some I know, like and trust and wouldn't think twice about having them drive. Others, not so much.

I went to a TON of concerts when I was a kid. My mom was the brave soul who took us to most of them when we were in 6th - 9th grade but once we were in high school and had friends with older siblings who could drive, we went with them until we were old enough to drive. My parents were pretty strict but I was glad that concerts were the one thing they had no problem with, even having no issue with us driving 3+ hours each way for some of them.

I'd want answers to these questions:

1. Is this a type of concert where seating is assigned? My son is an audio engineer and he has been the sound tech at concerts where tickets are sold and seats are assigned, like at a professional baseball game. He's also done concerts where there are no assigned seats, and the crowd fills in the venue on a first-come-first-served type of thing, and those often can get very out-of-control, since the crowd often surges to get closer to the stage. If your daughter's concert-in-question is at a major arena with assigned seats, that might be a point in favor of her going. No assigned seats? Standing room? A point against her going.

2. What type of concert? Are the performers the type who frequently incite the crowd and jump into the crowd, or is this a more toned down fun concert?

3. What is the older brother like? What are his rules for driving? Might he stop and pick up a few more pals on the way? Is it legal in your area for drivers under 21 to have riders in the car? How long has the brother been driving?

4. Who's paying for this concert? Is she chipping in or paying it all out of her own money? Or begging you to buy her ticket?

If this concert is a fun group of performers or singers, I might consider allowing a 14 year old girl to go, but only: with the rules made crystal clear (no leaving the venue, having a cell phone and not using the cell phone to take pictures but stashing it securely in case of emergency), and I'd drop her off and pick her up at a carefully pre-arranged spot. I'd tell her that this will set the stage for future concerts and events. If she loses her phone, doesn't come out to the arranged spot afterwards ON TIME, smells like booze, then it will be a very very long time until the next concert. And of course this is all dependent on the type of girl she is. Is she reliable? polite? responsible? trust-worthy? getting good grades? helpful at home? If you're always wondering where she is, and if that little trip to the mall last month turned out to be a cover-up for the fact that she and her BFF actually were at a boy's house without your knowledge or permission, well, no concert then.

Hi K.,
No way - especially when I read your concern. My first thought was where is the concert. We live in Ft. Lauderdale but I was with my husband in Key West over the weekend so I just did the drive up from the keys. If the concert is local and parents are chaperoning maybe but no way would I let my daughter go with two boys and drive up to Miami!! My opinion - your husband is nuts and you are right on!
C.

I would let her go only if I could drive them. Some 19 yr olds are very responsible and some are not and parents are usually the last to know how their children drive when they aren't around.

No way. I highly doubt the 19 year old is going along to take care of the two 14 year olds. He is likely meeting friends and at 19, they will likely at least be drinking. No way would I want my 14 year old daughter along for that. It would probably end up being them and a group of 18-21 year olds. That is a big age difference between your daughter and them. I'd rather two 14 year old girls go alone than putting a 14 year old with 19 year olds. What could be offered to them is much different than what they might seek or find on their own.

No. Go with your gut instinct.

That would be a big no from me.

No, no and a hell no! Dad or mom should take the two 14 year olds or no go.

This situation would but your daughter in a very vulnerable position in so many ways.

Updated

No, no and a hell no! Dad or mom should take the two 14 year olds or no go.

This situation would but your daughter in a very vulnerable position in so many ways.