Would You Be Angry / Upset?

If I saw a toddler racing toward a parking lot and no one chasing after him, I'd intercept him as well. You did the right thing.

Nah, I wouldn't be upset if I came upon you saving my child's life. However, had I saved a child's life and child's mom seemed angry, upset, judgmental, I'd likely cut HER some slack, too. Knee jerk immediate reactions to a sudden terrifying situation do not necessarily define a person's character.

:)

Her voice may have sounded angry, but it is possible she was exhausted from a day at the zoo and trusted her son to walk a few steps ahead.

You did the right thing. He is short and harder to see.

Whether she was angry/tired or not, you did the right thing. Pat yourself on the back.

I want to add a personal story....many years ago while I was living in Irvine, CA I took my 2 small children and niece to the beach. She was probably 3 years old and had never been to the beach, even though she lived in SoCalif. So we are all sitting, standing, playing in the sand and waves, only up to our toes, when my niece darts out onto the sand as the waves receded. And she went so fast so far that I started to run after her, holding my baby on my hip, but my 3 yo son started to follow me and it put me in this huge pickle...I couldn't possibly drag 3 children back to safety with the waves returning. I'd surely drown all of us. I stopped in knee deep water as my niece was starting to float away out of reach, when out of nowhere a jogger jumps in, grabs her, puts her on the sand behind me, and I mumble a stupid OMG, thank you so much and off she ran.....well, fast forward, about 2 years later, I'm at a hospital function and meet this lady who is vaguely familiar and we figure out she jogs the same beach that I take the kids to, and I ask her if she ever saw an outnumbered mom in duress and picked up a kid in the ocean in the knick of time, and she respond with, OMG, is that you???? I have never done that before and I thought you were so mad at me. And I'm telling her For Heavens Sake Woman- NO, you saved someone's life that day, I was just in too much shock to figure out a solution, and bam, you were like an Angel who swept in, helped, and then ran off and for a moment I thought it didn't happen but my heart was too pumped to calm down....The point of this story is that we don't always respond appropriately in the moment, my moment of thanks was totally misinterpreted by her as though I was upset. Well, I was upset, but not at her, at the situation. I'd be toast without her timely and intuitive help. And for 2 years she thought I was mad at her. And she had to throw away the running shoes.

HTH!

I am pretty sure the angry tone was your perception because of what had just happened. I am about as free range as they come but even if I had it under control I would not have used an angry tone to say, I got this.

So I wouldn't be angry and I doubt she was either. Now if you had grabbed his hand and started lecturing there may be tone in my voice.

Even I grab kids running out into traffic. Better to error on the side of caution. Can't undo serious injury or death, much easier to say oh sorry, didn't see you.

i dunno. i don't think it's a right/wrong thing. i can understand her being perturbed, but you certainly didn't do anything wrong.
sometimes doing what we think best isn't well-received. that doesn't mean we should stop doing it.
it may be that she's a twit, or a right-on-top-of-it gal whose parental style is different, or simply that she told her well-behaved toddler to go ahead and run for an agreed-upon distance and knows perfectly well that you were well-meaning but just had a spat with her husband/BFF/mom/boss and was having a touchy moment and it was just your bad timing.
i wouldn't over-think it.
khairete
S.

welcome to mamapedia, D.!!

Nope, I wouldn't be mad, angry or upset. I would be thankful that someone was paying attention and stopped him.

She sounds like a "free range" parent - although to be honest - the free range parents I know don't allow their 2 year olds to go off by themselves in a crowded place...they may not hold their hand - but they are close by.

If I were you? I wouldn't have apologized either. You might have saved her son. Nothing to be sorry about there.

Well, this exact question (or similar) was posted last year but from the other mom's perspective. She was hacked off that someone helped her kid down from a jungle gym when it looked like he was going to fall. She called those moms who want to help kids who seem unattended or to need help "helicopter parents." It caused a huge brouhaha here with camps being formed and more guilt inducement of mom against mom. Personally, I'd be considered a helicopter parent - I help kids when they seem to need it. It would make me tremendously uncomfortable to watch a kid run toward the street and do nothing. And I had lunch with a friend yesterday who was reminiscing about how her children would run up the slide at the park or knock down blocks in the children's center and other parents would get mad at her (and I was thinking, yes, I was probably one of those moms, back before we met). Some parents think letting their kids run amuck is the best for their child, not considering how it impacts other adults or other kids. And some, like you and I, would prefer to have healthy limits on kids to protect them and to keep others from worry or upset. I hate the term "helicopter parent" because it misses the point and unfairly labels. But get ready...

It's impossible to know what someone else's child is capable of. I know that people often underestimate what my son can do because he is small for his age. I try not to be upset with them, because I do realize he looks younger.

You can't take it personally. Those situation are never 100% clear. Maybe his dad was close by, maybe their car was close by and his wouldn't have had to cross moving cars, maybe they've practiced this scenario hundreds of times, maybe the mom is clueless, maybe ...

The thing is, you just don't know. You couldn't know. You do the best you can with what you have in the moment, and then you put it behind you (or sometimes learn from it) and move on.

No worries!

I've seen this sort of thing happen every once in awhile.
Generally a kid (or kids) are running wild and the Mom is relaxing on a bench on a phone.
What really pisses these Mom's off is having their attention diverted from their phone call.
Like 'how DARE they have to pay attention to their own kids and interrupt their conversation'.
See, YOU paying attention to the situation indirectly accuses them of not paying attention - and they feel defensive.
I spend a lot of time thinking 'get off your bleeping phone and take care of what's going on around you'.
So far I've been successful in not saying it out loud.

No I would not be mad.

I would only be annoyed if you were giving me condescending looks or made a comment.

But if you truly just grabbed my kids hand on an instinct to stop him, I would probably say, "I'm right here- thanks for that though" and give a exasperated smile and move on.

But even now that I read that, I can see how THAT could possibly be interpreted as being "irked"... I bet she wasn't angry, it just seemed like she was.

You did the right thing. Your intention was to protect this child from harm. Imagine if you did nothing and the child ran into the parking lot and got hit by a car. You would have felt terrible for not intervening.

I wouldn't let the mother's reaction bother me. Your intention and the child's safety are what matters.

T. Y

No, I wouldn't be angry, but I would probably be really embarassed and I would feel like I was being judged a bad mom. My rational brain would know otherwise, but I would still probably come off as cranky, even though my rational self would be very grateful for your concern.

I got in trouble like this once, but even worse on my part. I was at the swings with my then-toddler. Another child of about three was playing nearby and came over to the swings. He walked over to the baby swing, looked around, and held his arms up to me to put him in the swing. I didn't think about it, I just bent down, picked him up, and plopped him in the swing, giving him a little push to get him swinging. His mom kind of went off on me about not touching other people's kids. Which I totally get- I just didn't think about it...kid reaches up to you, you pick him up, it's reflex. But you would have thought I had him strapped in my car by her reaction :)

I wouldn't have been upset. In fact, I would've been grateful because you wouldn't have done it unless you cared. I would've done the same if I were in your shoes.

D., people are not willing to let the village help.

I would have been fine with it; I suppose that is because I trust that, for the most part, someone intervening would have the best intentions at heart. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt that they see a problem (what if you HAD seen a hazard the mom hadn't?) and are only trying to help. Most people have better things to do with their time than shepherd my kid along.
I'd likely have thanked you. It really does take a village-- just wish people would let go and be okay that others DO want to help.

What you did was fine. A lot of times we moms act on instinct because stopping to think things through would take too long. 2 yr olds think and act on the thought so fast that anything could have happened. You did what you thought was best and when the adult in charge of the boy appeared to take over you backed away. Good job.

Oh who knows, maybe she was just in a bad mood, it happens. I wouldn't worry about it.

She was probably embarrassed...
I took hold of a little boy who ran through a parking lot toward a busy street. Apparently he ran out of a store without the parents noticing and kept running. I took the boy back into the store and the parents thought it was very amusing. I was furious that they didn't seem to care that he could have gotten killed.

Let it go...It's the kid's safety that's important.

I'm sure she wasn't angry. I found that when my kids were little they were pretty independent. They didn't need assistance doing things many kids their age couldn't do on their own, and they could be trusted to stop before running into the street or parking lot. There were many times I had to tell well meaning strangers it was OK, they didn't need any help. I was never angry about it (unless of course they said something in a judgemental way). I knew what my kids were and were not capable of, and understood that strangers may not.

I do remember my mom telling me a story about when I was little...I was three and at the playground with my mother. My neighbour was there with her three year old daughter. I climbed up to the top of the monkey bars and the neighbour stated telling me I had to get down. My mother asked why, and the neighbour said I was too little to be up there. My mother said, "obviously she's not too little to be up there since she got there all by herself." I mean, it wasn't my first time on the monkey bars. The neighbour grunted that she would never let her daughter climb that high and walked away and her kid wasn't allowed to play with me anymore. Anyway, my mother know my limitations, but the other mother got judgy...

nope. I would be glad that someone grabbed my kid. I hate it when I am leaving a store like target or walmart that has the big automatic doors. and a small child comes shooting through the door. no parent in site.

Not at all. Like you said, it was just instinct. I would have been more upset if my kiddo got away and was running near a parking lot and nobody cared enough to stop him. It takes a village...

I agree with Canuck. She probably wasn't angry. My kids are also extremely independent and are often seen darting off without me, but they know to wait before streets or until I catch up. But that initial dart off often gives strangers anxiety. And although the kids don't generally need to be held up, I appreciate the concern - it shows a general compassion for other humans.

You did what you did because it's what YOU felt was right. You can look yourself in the mirror and feel no regret. Who cares what the mother thought? You did the right thing; move on.

I, and most people, would have done the same thing. She was probably feeling defensive, who knows. I did catch a little girl running out of a store and into the mall. As I brought her to a store employee the parents came up frantically looking for her and were appreciative that we stopped her. Another instance, we were at a park and a little girl was crawling on these bar thingys and my husband said "be careful" and the mom got all mad.

You were entirely right. She likely was embarrassed. No matter what she said, no child of two is "fine" heading into any parking lot without an adult. The fact she didn't own up in chagrin and at least mumble "Sorry" -- well, I hope she didn't sincerely mean he was fine and expect he can be around cars when he's not even as tall as a bumper. I'm sure she could SEE him. That has nothing to do with whether she could jerk him out of harm's way if she was 10 paces away.

Either she just had a really bad moment and was covering out of embarrassment that he got away from her -- and she knew she was in the wrong -- or she's one of these parents (both moms and dads) whom I see in our area, blithely letting their very young kids trundle along behind or ahead of them in parking lots. Disaster waiting to happen, but I see it all the time, and it's clear that these are not kids who just broke away for a moment - I see the parent attending .the shopping cart but letting junior go on ahead or trail behind, apparently relying on mom or dad's verbal commands to avoid cars and huge SUVs that will never even see the child coming.

Let's hope the mom in your scenario yesterday is just mad at herself that her son got away from her, and isn't mad at you because she actually believes a two-year-old is "fine" anywhere near cars without an adult's hand on him.

Even parents leaving our preschool with their kids, a few years back, would let preschool age kids get five or 10 feet or more ahead of or behind them on the way to the car. With mom or dad's back to the child as they walked. Insane. The preschool had to say something to the parents as a whole reminding them to hold their children's hands in the parking lot, even if the parent had another child (usually an infant in a carrier or in the parent's arms) to attend. How sad is it when a preschool has to remind parents to do that?

You did the right thing. If she was really angry at you, shame on her. Maybe her voice betrayed her worry. She should have thanked you, but that isn't what she's made of, obviously.

I agree that your instincts were good. You didn't know the mom was there, or that the child was okay on his own. The "trend" toward always keeping your hands off an unknown child seems mostly unfortunate to me. I assume that a general public attitude of fear and distrust has taken over, rather than an assumption that most strangers are happy to help, especially when they see a child in need or danger. This strikes me as a real tragedy, because kids are being taught those fearful responses by their parents' reactions, and fear feeds fear.

I'm glad some responders shared stories where the help was needed and appreciated.