Would You Allow Your Child's Friend to Move into Your Home?

When i was18 i lived in the house with my best friends and their mom and step dad. I lived there for like 7 months before i moved in with my (now) husband. I was forced out of the apartment i was living in because of an awful room mate and her offer to help me get back on my feet was the nicest thing. I stayed there rent free and saved and got back on my feet quickly.I didnt have my own parents to live with , my mom passed a way 10 years before and my dad was paralyzed.

To this day that mother is like a second mom to me.

If given the same situation when my girls are older i might do the same for another girl, but no one would be taking advantage of me.

I moved out of my parents' house at the age of 18, but was still in my senior year of high school. My good friend's mom took me in and it all worked out well. I think I probably lived there for 6 months. I had a job, stayed out of trouble and tried to be as good of a house guest as possible. Given that, I would certainly entertain the thought of helping someone else out in need. Good karma.

It all depends upon the situation and the child/teenager...

when i was a senior in HS, my parents let my best friend move in with us as she was having serious problems at home..she paid rent and had her own car...she lived with us for almost 2 years.

There are two boys that are in my home right now that if they needed me - I would take them into my home and love and care for them...

Why was she wrong for opening her home to the boy? Was he in need? I can tell you that my stepdad called me a slut and slapped me across the face when I was 16. I was a virgin, honor student working 30 hrs a week. I was not a slut. I packed a bag and went to my friends house. They took me in and let me live there. I paid my own way - food, car, gas, etc. But they gave me a roof and an understanding ear. There has been one friend of my daughter that I considered letting stay with us. Ultimately decided not to because the mother was a violent idiot and I didn't want to put my kids in danger. But I did let her come 'crash' when things got heated at her house. I would always make sure she called her mother and let her know where she was. I just don't see anything wrong with being a safe haven for kids in trouble.

Well, if your SIL let a thief and a liar come into her house, that is something completely different.

My parents let me sister's best friend live with us when we were in high school. She stayed maybe 5 months, maybe a little longer. Her father was a crazy alcoholic and her parents were going through a nasty divorce. She did not want to be there with him so she stayed with us. I think it is extremely honorable of parents to help another child that has something bad going on at home. I would most definitely do it if my child was older and one of his best friends had something tragic happening at home and they wanted to leave.

I would and did. My daughter has a friend whose step-dad was a perv (walking into her bedroom and bathroom without knocking, trying to cop feels, masturbating in the kitchen) and her mom wouldn't do anything about it, because the Bible said she was supposed to be submissive.
He never crossed the line into doing anything that was actually illegal, so the police couldn't do anything about the situation.
My daughter asked me if her friend could come stay with us. She was 17 at the time.
I called the police, explained the situation, and asked if it was legal for me to let her stay with me, and what kind of documentation I might need from her mother. They told me that at 17, she could legally live anywhere she damn well pleased, with or without her mother's permission.
So she lived with us her senior year of high school, worked after school and on weekends, bought her own groceries, and got her own apartment after she graduated.

When I was 17 my aunt allowed a 15 year old boy I knew to move in with us. He was gay and his family (including his two older brothers) was abusive and cruel. He stayed with us for about 5 months and then went to live his grandmother who finally came to terms with his sexuality and was the only family member willing to take him in.
He was grateful and respectful the whole time he lived with us.
I also had a boyfriend stay with us for a few months when we were both 18 and out of high school. His parents had gotten a divorce and decided that at 18 he was old enough to be on his own.
He was also grateful and respectful. Those few months allowed him to work and save enough money to get an apartment with a friend.
My aunt set a wonderful example and helped out two great kids with really f'd up families.
I would do the same in a heartbeat.
Some times it DOES take a village.

It would definitely depend on the situation from which the child came to need a place to live.

My parents took in a friend of my brother's when they were about 15. Mike's mom had recently died and his father was absorbed by his new girlfriend. Mike was always alone, spending lots of time with our big family, and when the dad decided to move away with his girlfriend and Mike was invited my parents offered our home. They received money only once, (and we were poor) but would never have turned Mike out because of what his father did or didn't do. He stayed until he was almost 18 and graduated from high school (his dad showed up at the ceremony drunk and embarrassed him horribly.) Mike died a few years later in a building fire, and I still miss him, he was like a brother.

Another situation I was aware of was a friend of my sister's. He went away for the weekend with a church group to work on an orphanage in Tijuana, and when he returned home the house was empty, his parents had moved. They had left a letter (no money) with a neighbor saying that they had moved with his sister to a more affordable area (no address or invitation to come live with them.) He was in his senior year of high school and a family took him in. He got a job to help out, but the family wouldn't take money from him. His mother did eventually feel guilty and sent him some money (not much) which he gave to the family, and even asked if he would like to come live with them, he declined. He finished out the year of high school, and because of living on his own a year didn't have to count his parent's income when he applied for financial aid and went to college.

Like I said it depends on the situation, there would be some I would never consider it, and I think there's a special place in heaven for people who do it without expecting anything in return, if they truly do it out of the kindness of their hearts..

I've offered my home to one of my daughter's friends. Her mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer. Her mother is dying. Sometimes she just needs a place to go and decompress...some place that is happy where she can have fun and not be made to feel guilty for it.

I can understand why someone would take in another person's child.

I have a big heart for strays, and well a child is so much more that I could see myself opening my home if I saw they had a need. I moved out for a short time when I was a teenager, my dad was/is an alcoholic and got violent with me...he crossed a line and my own mother witnessed it and continued to make excuses for him...I could not see staying there, I ended up moving in with my boyfriends father and step mother ( the boyfriend lived with his mother and step father) I was fortunate enough that they let me stay there. What would the alternative been? Staying and being abused?
Time and time again I see my sons peers and so many of the parents of those children are self involved and neglect the kids...I realize that there are supposed to be practices in place to help these children, but how often do they fail and worse things happen to those kids? I think if someone has a big enough heart and wants to do good and help a child out then it is not wrong.

Would you rather that the boy have ended up on the street as a true runaway?

I agree and disagree. It would all depend on why the child was wanting to move in. If family was moving and child wanted to finish the school year out then ok. If child and family got into an argument then stay a day or two until things cool off, but needs to go home once things have cooled off. This would all depend on the circumstances with the family and child and my finances and whether or not I could provide for another child.

I would without a doubt. Of course if a child is in need of living somewhere because his/her parents dont take care of them, of course its going to come with its own problems. But if a kid is in need to be out of a horrible home life, if I could, I would love to help.

I think the very fact that you could ask a question like this says you have lived a very sheltered life.

I have done foster care, so yes I would take in another person's child because I have done it. Kids need love with boundaries.
I have also taken in my son's and daughter's friends, so that I knew they were not being abused on those particular days, I knew in those dark days that the kids were eating right and getting a bath.
I put away valuables, my jewelry is in a ocked case, we do not have guns, I do not even have prescription meds except for Flonase and Synthroid in the house. Nobody takes you serious if you want to sell Tylenol, so those pills were pretty safe. We keep no real alcohol in the house, just some Guiness.
What these kids need are love and parameters that you and they can live by. They do need rules that they must follow or they can't stay. It has been my experience that kids actually thrive well with structure. We have chores, all kids have to do them. We eat as a family, all kids eat with us.

I do think a year is a long time. I encourage the kids ot try to work things out with the family, if things are not good they are welcome back. None of my kids friends have come back to live with us and my son's friend has joined the Air Force and has done very well.

I just read some of the other responses and I am in tears reading how generous the moms on this board are and have been or how their families have been.
Kids need love, respect, limits, structure. THey need to know that what they say and do is being heard. It is our job as adults to help them through the very stressful teen years, if you are not cut out for it then I hope you can point them to a youth pastor or someone who is willing to help.
God Bless your SIL for trying.

That's such a tough subject. If I knew my son or daughters best friend was getting abused, neglected, molested or hurt on a regular basis I would take that kid in but there would be terms for sure. I would just let them stay over when ever they wanted but if its a really bad home life then they will probably end up there more permanant than not. Not only is the child going through this my kids would also be part of it not voluntarily. If my sister was a druggy yes i would take her kids in but that would be more court involved. Sometimes people dont make the best parents and its not fair for a child to have to be stuck with them.

sometimes it takes a village to raise a child

It would really depend on the situation, both my own/hubby's, the child that I would think about taking in and their parents.

My parents have taken in another teen. Her mother had passed away when she was little, her dad was a truck driver so hardly around, her aunts were not the best role models... she was having sex, with child, then lost the child. My parents took her in, I treated her like my sister, we all tried to make her feel loved, welcomed and apart of the family. We only wanted the best for her. She loved that BUT also hated all the rules my parents had (like strict bedtime during the school time of 9pm, no dating during the school week, no sleep at the guys house and so on). She could have stolen from us, we are not sure and really do not care. In the end she decided to move to AZ to live with her dad and his new wife, well 6 months she came back and was with child again. This time she gave birth to a health baby girl, was hoomeless and my parents opened up ther home once again BUT of course with rules, she decided to live with a friend. We babysat the baby once for a weekend, and hear myabe once a month from her now. All we hope is that she has learned that people will love her just for who she is not for sex or whatever else. It is all about being there for each other.

While my parents lived overseas I spent many holidays alone, I could not afford to always go home (or they could not afford to fly me home). I was so thankfully that my friend's family would open their houses to me, some had EIGHT kids and barely could afford to feed/cloth own family. When I turned 18 and got a job I helped them out as much as I could for all the time I stayed with them. My parents did not leave me but I did have to learn to find places to go during the time school was closed down. My parents would send some money, but a pastor makes very little so it was not a lot.

If I was in the position to help I would do so. In fact it has come up but the grandparents decided to take the boy in. I personally would do all I can to be a positive role model in that child's life, if I was able to take them in (for whatever length of time) I would do so. If I could only watch the child after school or during the summer I would do so. We are always so worried about yourselves or just our family that we forget about others, I strive to reach out and help maybe it is only $1 or mayb it is $10 or maybe it is taking them in for a few days or months... I do what I can.

i agree with Tedsmommy. i also think i would step in if the child was being abused.

the honest answer here is - Yes If he sincerely needed somewhere to say depending on circumstances- if the kid just didn't like his parents no- The truth My DH would absolutely say no and wouldn't want to "get in the middle" , I had to do some serious talking to get him to let my sons friend stay for a few days this summer when he comes home from Wales to visit his mom.

I guess it depends on the situation...who the kid is and the circumstances involved. My son's ex-girlfriend was kicked out of her parent's home when she turned 18. She was still in school and moved in with a friend. My son was away at college. I would have allowed her to move in if she had asked (she moved in with a classmate instead). There are a few other kids that if they needed a place (temporarily) I would at least seriously consider it.

My parents let my best friend live with us for about 6 months. She turned 18 after a month of staying in my house. Her step dad was physically abusive towards her. Her stepdad and mom threw an awful fit and tried to get my dad in trouble. He was in the military. Her dad flew across the country to thank my parents and offer financial support, but my parents didnt take it.
She graduated from highschool 4 months after she moved in. My mom (a social worker) also had cancer at the time and passed away while she lived there. My friend also had a job while she lived with us.
She had to follow the same rules as we did and was fine.
It was a stressful time, but i think it was nice of my parents to let her stay.

Honestly, I don't know what I would do. My husband would probably stop me from taking on another kid, but I guess it really depends on the circumstances... My daughter dated a boy for a very short time that came from a really dysfunctional family, his parents where alcoholics and would spend their last dime to get drunk, I guess this kid lived in a car, or in a house with no utilities most of his up bringing... His uncle took him in and gave him, they were good to him according to my daughter, he worked and then his parents ended up talking him to giving his money to them to get a place for the three of them and the kid left his uncles for a dream... I'm sure it wasn't a happy ending, but I really don't know.. my daughter broke up with the boy (which I was happy and I hate to say this, but he was going to be messed up for a long time by his parents...)
So did the Uncle really do bad, I don't think so, the kids had a dream of a happy family I bet and thought he could have it... Your SIL probably thought she help change this boys life... her son like this kid so she probably thought he'd be good and she was giving him the chance his parents couldn't or wouldn't...
I think it really depends on the circumstances, if it was just a rebellious kid then no, but if the kid was really in need of some type of stability and love, I would...
My daughter once got a text or a call, while we were shopping that her friend said she was with my daughter and she was really going out with her boyfriend. I told my daughter, don't ever lie for your friend, let her know straight out that if her mom asked, you wouldn't lie to her. I told her if she ever wanted to hang out with a boy or something don't lie to me either... don't assume I wouldn't understand, I'd like to know where she is at... we have a pretty open relationship. I told her once she starts lying for someone then people won't believe she's an honest person and her words would loose their value... don't let that happen to you...
Point being, depending on the circumstance would depend on what I would really do...

When my son was 15/16, we took in a friend of his. He had already been close to the kid for years and the boy looked up to my husband (no father figure around). His mom just wasn't there for him - literally and figuratively. He needed a home and a family so we took him in. That was about 5 years ago and we are still close with him. My younger kids think of him as a brother. Now had he just been fighting with his mom, no we wouldn't have gotten involved. But this situation was different and we couldn't leave him to fend for himself at that age. And no, we didn't receive any kind of financial help from anyone in his family.

Agreed. I would take in another child if I felt that he/she was neglected or abused in their own home. Other then that, they need to learn to deal with consequences and issues with their parents. Running away from a problem is a terrible lesson to teach a child.

I don't think I would because every time I have seen it done it was just plain stupid.

An example, you see this troubled kid who is a friend of your child. Their parents don't know what else they can do so you think you are super mom and you can fix this broken kid.

It may make sense if the parents are abusive or neglectful but every time I have seen it the parents are good parents and the kid just fell into the wrong
group. This also ignores the fact that your own child is running with the same group! :(

I guess what I am saying is sometimes we have to accept that good parents produce bad kids and taking them in only gives them a chance to rip you off as well. Which is what happened every time. What is really bad is one kid went from family to family because no one would believe it was the child. The parents and each and every family that took her in were lying about her, she really was a good kid who just needed love. I can get one family but after that shouldn't you wonder???

Okay just want to add if there was a reason that the kid just needed a roof over their head, like the parents moved and they want to finish the school year sure. I am just not cocky enough to think I can fix a kid when the parents cannot.

I think it depends on the situation.... If a friend of my child was being abused and not being taken care of then I can see taking the child in. On the other hand teens are great at manipulating and if they want to move in because there grounded or their parents are "mean" then of course not. I guess it depends on the situation, how well u know the child, the parents and their home environment. Obviously if the kid isn't going to school, has gotten into trouble then I would never allow a kid like that to move in.

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I think it depends on the situation.... If a friend of my child was being abused and not being taken care of then I can see taking the child in. On the other hand teens are great at manipulating and if they want to move in because there grounded or their parents are "mean" then of course not. I guess it depends on the situation, how well u know the child, the parents and their home environment. Obviously if the kid isn't going to school, has gotten into trouble then I would never allow a kid like that to move in.

Well, I'm on your side with this one because I watched my niece manipulate so many people for so long when she was a teen. She would get mad at her parents and then give this sob story about how terrible her life was to her friends' parents. Then the parents would think horribly of my brother and SIL and allow my niece to move in. She was always welcome until they would catch her in lies, she would steal from them and be very disrespectful. Then she would be kicked out and come running back to her parents again until the next big fight and then the cycle would start again. She would find other friends' parents and give them a sob story. She is now almost 30 years old and still manipulates people all of the time.

Fostering is a whole different story so I don't know how it can be compared to what you are commenting on. People need to remember that there are two sides to each story.

Ok, you ar going to find me for lack of a better word stupid too. I have taken in a couple of my sons friends and would do it again. Yes it is hard and there were times when I had to ask them to leave. But unless you know the whole situation you can't judge. My son best friend to this day had parent that moved away when he was 17 years old and didn't even tell him they had divorced and moved while he was at school are you suggesting that it would have been better for me to let him sleep on the streets. His parents were useless and didn't care about him at all they only cared about themselves and the drugs they were using on that given day. I can appreciate that your opinion is yours but please don't judge others that believe their place is to help. Not everything is about money or financial help. It is about kids that maybe need some understanding and love that they don't get a home. By the way, the young man is now living in CA, with a decent job and still calls me Mom and call or checks in a couple days a week.

I live up north....a few weeks ago there was a situation just like this in the news. A 16 year old girl went missing. They found her murdered 2 weeks later. The person who killed her was a boy that her family took in.