How Old Is Too Old to Uproot Your Childrens' Lives?

Well usually when they own their own home they get pretty cranky if you make them move. Otherwise you own the house, they have to deal.

Look at military kids, they are some of the most well adjusted kids I know and they move a lot.

When I was about to become a Senior in High School, my family moved.
I was fine.

It is not per the age of the child.
It is about, how the parents handle it themselves. And how they prep the kids for it. And how they prep and handle the kids after the move. And how the parents preface it all and how the parents all cooperate about it, too. And about how emotional it is or not. And about how pleasant the parents make it or not. And how involved the parents are in it or not, WITH their children.

Kids adapt.
And also, the parents have to be cognizant, of the child's ability to adapt and help them when needed per the child's own emotions. And timelines on how long they take to adapt.

3 years. Seriously, any child who uprooted and removed from their daily rountine will be upset and go thru an adjustment period.

However, families move all the time. Kids are resilliant they adjust. Kids at any age will be OK.

We are moving in 3 weeks (az to ia) for no other reason then getting out of az. My oldest is 13 and can't wait to move. We got them excited by showing them all the new things we get to do....how we can be outside more....how the schools offer more. I would never think that I am negatively impacting their lives. Change happens and they can adjust.

They of course will miss their friends....but it's not like I'm going to make their life miserable by moving. Uprooting them can be a positive thing!!

Never?
As long as they are living with you, if you have to move, you move.
It's NICE if they can have a steady set of friends for high school, but if a job forces a move - you move.
They are going to be upset, but a job is what feeds them, clothes them and puts a roof over their heads.
Upset just doesn't enter into it.
I moved twice as a child - it was no big deal for me but it was way stressful for our Mom.
My husband never moved growing up but then he could not wait to leave for college and get away from home.
We've moved once with our son and if we should win a lottery and jobs no longer determine where we should live, we'd move again - and he says he'd be ok with it (he's 13).
It's nice to prepare a nice safe place to raise our families, but the kids don't really have a say or control about circumstances and how things turn out.

I think all children will cope with a move. The world is not just about kids - parents can and should have lives too. I moved (a good 10 minutes away) when I was 6 (first grade). I was heartbroken - for maybe 2 weeks. Then, I moved on and made new friends. If we had moved when I was in high school, I would have done the same. If the move is important for your career or DH's career (or for a better school system, better house, better climate, closer to family) and it is important to you and DH - then move. They will adapt.

Do what you need to do. They'll be fine, and maybe even pick up new friends along the way. :)

I started 2nd grade, 3rd grade and 9th grade as the new kid after my family moved. I survived, your kids will too.

I'm a military brat and moved often and at every age. It is always hard but you always end up loving the new place. It doesn't matter how old they are they will miss the old place. It will be hardest the first 6 mos. By then you are settled in a new routine with new friends. Your kids will learn a lot by moving even though they may revolt against the idea. You gain a new perspective in each new place. You learn to make new friends. You find new things in the world to enjoy and appreciate. I might have been angry at the time about some moves but as an adult I would never go back and change my nomadic childhood. In fact my husband and I are moving our kids overseas to Singapore in the fall and we couldn't be more excited! I'm in my thirties and I have seen every continent, save Antarctica, and I've been to every state in the US. I'm not afraid to go anywhere and that is because my parents drug my sorry ungrateful butt to a new place and taught me to suck it up and appreciate each place for what it had to offer.

We moved from Iowa to Texas (job transfer) when our kids were almost 10, 8, and almost 6.... my son was just 6 months old.

They did just fine. We made friends here, and got into the swing of things quickly.

People move all the time...... I don't see why this is "uprooting" your children. They have you.

Sometimes we worry too much about how our children will "feel" about things..... frankly, as parents, you should be the ones making the decisions that will be best in the long run. They really shouldn't have any say about what they want at that age.

Will they be happy about moving and leaving their friends? Of course not... that is all they have known. If the family as a whole treats it as a positive thing, then that is how it will turn out.

If their friends are important, they will be upset at any age..... 5 or 15 or 50. Moving is hard. It's hard to leave the people you love.

However - I don't know that the current friendships of your kids at ANY age should dictate what is best for the family.

I just moved from Chicago to the middle of Missouri. My daughter is 11. Talk about drama.

But, we talked. Here is what the goals are for the family. here is what I want for you. Here is what will be really hard for you. Here is what will be really good for you. Here is why I am making this decision. Because overall, it is what is best for our FAMILY.

It's the age of technology. She will still face-time with a few of her friends from Chicago. When we went there to visit my sister, she had a sleepover with some of her old friends. But she has made new friends here.

And, overall. THIS is what was best for OUR FAMILY. Not Jenny and Mia.

I moved a LOT as a kid. The elementary years weren't so bad. I kind of liked and got used to being the "new kid" and at that age children still tend to make new friends relatively quickly.
Middle school was a whole other story. VERY hard time starting over at a new school, kids are in well established groups and newcomers are not generally taken in easily. Add the fact that you're insecure, dealing with puberty, etc. It was a nightmare for me.
I was lucky that I was at one high school for all four years. I can't imagine what it would be like to move then, but I'm sure it would have been even more devastating and depressing than moving in middle school. The new kids that transferred into our high school tended to be loners or outsiders, for the most part.

It's nice if kids' lives don't have to be uprooted, but the job sometimes has to come first. You have to weigh all the options, the pros and the cons. You would be amazed at how resilient children can be, if you don't let them treat you as if they are victims of you making family decisions.

Your kids are important. But so is career and being able to pay for important things in life, like college and retirement. That comes BEFORE considering only your children's feelings on the subject.

Good luck,
Dawn

I think that any age will be upsetting, with an emphasis on older ages. That being said, I also think that any age will adjust, INCLUDING older ages. I had a friend that moved from the Midwest in the US to Japan...her senior year of High School. Can you imagine? Starting over as a senior on the other side of the world? After being with the same friends since kinder? She adjusted just fine, made many awesome friends (including me) and we still keep in touch decades later.

I uprooted my own kids when we moved from Denver CO to PA three years ago. They were 11, 8 and 6 at the time. Did they miss their friends? You bet, like crazy. But do they LOVE their new friends, school and life? Absolutely. Kids adjust at all ages. Sure, they'll be upset (again, I think the older they are, the more they realize they'll miss), but they also seem to welcome change and new environments. At least that's what MY experience has shown.

There is no age.

Some kids love and adore moving, some don't, some hate it.

A LOT depends on how the adults handle it (with the words "uproot" in your post, I suspect the adults are looking at it as a big/bad/scary/traumatic event... which will make it big/bad/scary/traumatic).

It's typically "better" to move during a school break, and even "better" to move between school systems (preschool - elementary, elementary-middle, middle-highschool)... but far from always! Especially if there are problems with a prexisting school or peer group, moving is often a clean slate where struggling children get the chance to blossom & thrive.

As far as will they REMEMBER? Oh... LONG before age 3. Most military kids have memories of their first move. Military families (in general) rock moving (making it an adventure on the one hand and just drop dead normal on the other). It's not the "trauma" that makes moving memorable... it's the difference. Different houses/weather/smells/light/sounds/etc. Most people's memories start when things start changing. AKA Kindergarten or Preschool. Before that it tends to be one big glowy one day blending into the next.

A lot (but less than the example shown) depends on personality of the kids themselves.

Will they be upset? Sometimes yes, sometimes no... even for the SAME kid.

How upset willl they be? Ranges from mild regret to severe depression/rage. Typically the HARDEST move is during puberty. That's more hormonal than anything else. Pick something to be dramatic about, anything to be dramatic about. Everything is hard during puberty. Moving is a convenient target. But, again, not true for all. Hormones can swing the other way and everything about moving is wonderful and glorious. So again, it depends on the kid.

How long will they be upset? Hours/not at all to Years

They'll be upset no matter what age. The issue is at what age can they adapt easily and at what age will it affect them deeply. And those things vary from kid to kid and family to family and circumstance to circumstance.

Kids in military families often move around a lot, and some of them enjoy the experience. Some don't.
Some kids are part of a tight knit group that is like a 2nd family, and they know nothing else. Some kids have varied friends in various places and make new friends easily.
Some kids are slower to make friends. Some kids are fast friend makers.

It really depends.
My kids have changed schools several times, and are quite resilient. But they had some major constants in their lives at the exact same time. Same church. Intact nuclear family. Continuing in their martial arts school. etc.

On the other hand, I lived in the exact same community growing up from kindergarten on... until mid-10th grade. When my dad took a transfer/promotion 2 hours away to another state. It was very difficult on me. BUT, in retrospect, it was absolutely the best thing that could have happened to me at the time.

Once your kids hit middle school, the stakes are definitely higher for them. Elementary school? Mehh.. probably a lot less of an issue.

My dad was in the military. We typically moved every 3-4 years. We survived. Frankly, we all did/do pretty well.

And, yes, they will probably be upset to move away from friends. But they will meet new ones (and maybe keep the old ones too!).

I would do it sooner than later if you are considering it. I stupidly waited-knowing that I wanted to move. And now my boys are 8 & 10 and it would be really tough to uproot them. Esp the 10yo. But you also have to take into account personality of the kids-some are easily able to adjust and meet new people and others are not as much.

There is no good answer for this. If you have to move you have to move - it's an adult decision that depends on what is best for your family. Most people do not just move for the heck of it, they move because they have to get a new job, get into a better neighborhood, loose their home, get divorced etc...
Some families move regularly because that is what their job demands (military, foreign service).
It is not a "what's best for the kids" decision, it's a "what needs to be done to keep a roof over our head/improve our lives" decision.
Good luck.

I think it is less about how old they are when they move, and more about how the adults involved handle the move.

I read this last week and loved it for so many reasons:
http://mamasoncall.com/2012/05/if-youre-moving-soon/

It depends on why the move. If it is for career advancement, better housing or school then you do it. If it is part of a move because of military you do no questions asked it is what you signed up for when you married your spouse.

Each move is like a chapter in a book. You get to start over and change what you didn't like in the last place.

It takes a few months minimum of 6 to get adjusted and have things feel normal. But you get to make some really great friends that are life long.
There will always be those who protest and don't want/like change but that is the only constant in life change.

Enjoy your move and explore and expand your horizons.

The other S.

The age doesn't matter. It depends on the child, the old location, the new location. You can't predict how well a child will adjust but you can help them in many ways. I moved at the age of 2-- don't even remember it; at the age of 5 within the same town-- I lost some friends and gained others; at the age of 6 to another state-- hated the new location, had a hard time making friends, it was a miserable year and a half; at the age of 7-- I was shy but several families welcomed and included me so it turned out well; at 11-- I had a hard time leaving my old friends but I made a lot of new friends and ended up inviting 18 for my birthday slumber party (my poor mom!); age 12 within the same town-- by then all my friends were at school so it was fine, I liked that my walk to school was shorter. My brother's experiences were completely different than mine. Some moves he hated and I loved and vice versa. Age 14 my mom remarried a man from another state. They decided to stay in our town until my brother and I finished high school. My brother wanted to move away. He hated the town and had few ties at the school. It didn't matter at all to him that he would be spending his senior year at a strange school if we moved. I couldn't stand the thought of leaving my best friends and moving to a larger city, so I was glad we stayed. Now that you know my life story (ha ha), my point is, there is no way of knowing and no way of keeping everyone happy.

i would say once the child hits 8th grade is the max.
The child has been used to the same people and you dont want the child to start high school as a new kid.

I don't think there's one correct answer. It totally depends on the kids and the family. We moved 3 miles across town when my youngest two were 10 and 8 (our oldest 2 were already grown & gone). You'd think we kidnapped them & dragged them across the country! Really -- they were in the same class at school, same friends, same everything. Oh -- except they did need to take a different bus home.

On the other hand, we moved about 25 miles when our oldest 2 were about the same age. They were excited and did just fine.

Crazy - - -

I think it depends on the situation and where you are moving to. If you are moving to a better community with better schools and more opportunities for the kids, then probably any time is good. I know that when I went to middle school, my circle of friends completely changed from elementary because I went to a regional school with all new faces. High school brought new friends as well. If they're involved in activities, like sports, it's all the easier.

I'm a foreign service officer and we move every two to four years. I prefer four or longer to two, but it isn't always up to me. It's not quite military, but the moving part is similar. My kids are 3 and 5, and they've been ok, but yes, it depends on the kids and how the family views the move. Yes, they remember their friends and miss them terribly. It would be easier if we had put them in a day care (we couldn't afford it) and they could have made new friends. Once we're overseas it will be easier for us, but look, timing and environment matter. Try not to move in the middle of a school year or right before senior year in high school, for example. Get to know the new schools and pick a place to live based on that. Talk to the new school's guidance counselor early. You can Google search third culture kids for kids growing up overseas, and some of the alienation parts might be relevant. You can also Google search "military kids coping strategies moving" and I'm sure you'll find lots of advice on adjusting to frequent moves. Once you arrive, maintain or establish some rituals for continuity (we have pizza on Fridays and cold plate on Sundays, for example), and if you can, plant a tree for each kid to let them know you're home. Have a box labeled FIRST BOX that has some "this is home" stuff in it for their rooms. Check out those sites; you'll find more suggestions.

We moved here from Australia when I was 8. It was really hard then, and now it's even harder because I miss my family that is there. I could go back but then would miss my family here, and now my daughter has a life here and I wouldn't want to uproot her life. Anyway, my siblings were younger, 2 and 4 and it was fine for them.

Best to keep them in the same high school, if possible. Before that a move is fine.

They will be upset at first at almost any age they are and depending on how far you are talking will determin how hard it is. But the younger they are the easier they will adjust. Take for instance when my family moved to TX I was 11 my brother was 14 and the other was 17. The 17 year old stayed a year after graduation and then moved back to OR to be with family up there. He will never move back here because he resents it here. My other brother moved off at 22 for work but moved back. I have never left. I even moved back to the town I origanaly lived in when we moved here or my oldest to start school. I adjusted much better than they did.

Hope that helps good luck and God bless!!!!

They will be upset no matter what age. I remember (military brat here) living in California for 5 years only to be moved to Arkansas halfway through my SENIOR year!!! I had a friend to stay with until graduation and everything but my parents refused so off I went.

Moving is always hard but they really will adjust.