Would This Upset You or Am I Being a Brat?

Open ended invitations tend to result in (very) open ended plans.
Pick a day and invite them for that day.
They are probably waiting for you to set up a little party, right?

I'm sorry, I don't see what difference the "where" of the celebration makes. A birthday is a birthday!

My first thoughts were way too long. So I cut it way down and back.

Emmy is happy and you should not impose your disappointments on her. If someone wants to celebrate her birthday on month after the fact. No problem. If you need to drive her down to see your family then do so if it is not going to tear up your schedule too much.

Manage your expectations by understanding not everyone is going to celebrate your kid the way or when you would prefer them to. Emmy is blessed to have family flexible enough to celebrate with her at another time. Be flexible and not quite so sensative. Develop a thicker skin and you will be J. fine. Your 5 year old doesn't know what is normal and each family has their own idea of normal. Personally I celebrate my birthday for at least a month. My kids do too. This way no one can feel like they have been left out of my celebration.

All of these people are her family too and it is important to know where you came from and who you belong to.

I see this happen all the time. A parent of adult children will spend much more time, money, and energy with one of their children - 90% of the time it's the child that is not doing well as the others.

Example - Coworker - ** son is educated, married has good job, nice house, kids, she does very little for him and his family ** daughter, got prego young age, is now going to school, lives in apt, she's always babysitting, and buying her granddaughter little this and that

Example - Friend, has 3 kids - ** middle child, had a child, got married, had another, live with her - she always babysits, cancels her plans to help out her daughter, buys the grandkids stuff, pays for food ** oldest, divorced, no kids, had ok job, takes a class now and then - she rarely sees her

Maybe it's because the parents feel guilty or that they've let their child down in some way and want to make it up to them. The co-worker actually said "she needs more help".

I know you're hurt and your feelings are justified. However, in your own way your going to need to learn how to deal with this situation, because chances are things aren't going to change.

Because I don't live close to my parents, there have been many birthdays they haven't celebrated on my kids birthdays. It's J. the way it is. I don't get upset about it.
I plan the day for their party or whatever it is we're going to do and if they can make it great, if they can't....they can't.
Sometimes we meet in the middle, but that's not always convenient M. and the kids. It is what it is.
It sounds like your daughter had a very nice birthday. It was a month ago. I would try to stop focusing on the "celebrating her birthday" aspect of things.
And, I would certainly keep your feelings and your frustrations about this to yourself. Don't let it spill over onto your daughter.
Let your mom know the days you will have your daughter, let her pick one that works for her, tell her to mark it on the calendar and save the date.
Don't even say anything to your daughter about it in case your mom cancels or gets called in to work. Tell your mom she doesn't have to worry about a present. She can pick up a pretty cake at any grocery store before she gets to your house. You can have some cake, a nice visit, she can see the new house.
Surely you don't intend to throw a full-on party with balloons and streamers. The birthday is done and gone. Hopefully your daughter isn't hanging onto it nearly as much as you are.
I understand if your feelings are hurt, but it sounds like making plans in your family isn't the easiest of things to do and you J. have to roll with it.
My kid was with his father every other birthday so there were years I didn't see my own son on his birthday, let alone anyone else in my family. I couldn't upset my son by falling apart over it.
Sometimes it J. is what it is.

Best wishes.

Seems like you need to pay her a visit. I can understand you feeling hurt but obviously she can do more for your brother because she lives with him. Be an adult and express your hurt and get a date set in stone or take the drive there so your daughter can see her grandparents. You don't want to stew about this indefinitely and will only lead to resentment.

i wouldn't be upset because its hard to plan parties and visits around everyones schedules especially if their not close by. I would pick a date and set it in stone. It sounds like you need to drive down and visit. Maybe she does more for your brother because she lives there and feels like she needs to contribute.

Well were the plans for them to come up to see your new place set in stone, i.e. everyone knew about them before her family made their plans? Would it be possible for you to host whatever gathering her family is having? I mean they are your family too right? Can you and Emmy not be part of the family gathering?

I can understand wanting to show off a new place and such, but if you want Emmy to celebrate her birthday with Grandma anytime before Christmas, then you'll probably need to go to her.

I would be careful when comparing your mom's attention for your kid vs. your daughter's cousin. That J. brings about more separation within a family.

I live 1000 miles from my parents and nearly 1500 from my in-laws - it stinks, but we have had to J. get over the fact that they get to celebrate birthdays with nieces and nephews and rarely, if ever, are here to celebrate with our kids. On top of that most of the relatives forget my kids' birthdays because we don't have a family party. I used to get really upset and realized the person it was hurting most was M. and my kids and our relationship with my family.

I am also the oldest of eight kids ... if I spent all my time comparing how much time/energy was spent on my nieces and nephews vs. my kids I could be very bitter, but it also doesn't allow M. to J. enjoy my nieces and nephews. We get time with my parents and other relatives in more concentrated spurts and so it's J. different types of time.

Please think about dropping it before making such a big deal about it. The birthday has come and gone and you said she did spend the day with you down the shore to celebrate so I would J. drop it. Plus, don't you think if it is so far for you to come up and visit with her to celebrate, it's the same distance for her and she may be thinking the same thing.

J. my thoughts. I personally don't think it's worth ruining family relationships .... good luck!

The fact is that you don't live close by your family. So if it were M., I would plan a bday party for my child, invite the family with enough notice (like 4-6 weeks) and if they show up, great, if not, they can come another time when its convenient to both of our schedules... AND I would not take it personally nor would I let it bother M.. Its J. a fact that peoples weekends end up getting booked with family and friends and if your party is not their priority, it is hurtful but you can't let it ruin your life. I hope it works out for you. Good luck!

I would stand firm and NOT bring her... and I'd personally be so pissed off I wouldn't call or communicate with them for a long time. If you and your child mean so little compared to your brother's family - then I'd leave them to each other.

do you know if she bought the kitten or got it for free? it can be easier to do stuff for a person if ya live with them. Also since she does live an hour away could it be she can't make it over? Or could ya'll meet half way?

I never expected my father or extended family to celebrate my daughter's birthdays. We J. have small parties with her little friends, and that's all. Maybe other family's operate differently, but I J. don't expect it. My daughter was the eleventh grandchild and was born 23 years after the first arrived. My father would have attended a lot of birthday parties...